The Cool Channel - The Transformers (Season One)
Posted by J.D. Dunn on 06.02.2005
Now broadcasting...classics!
"They should have a channel just for the stuff that's cool."
"Yeah, huh, huh, they should call it The Cool Channel"—Beavis and Butthead
Granted, I'm paraphrasing from memory, but the idea is right. What if you could take everything that you enjoy and put it on one single channel? You'd never have to click back and forth. Men wouldn't know what to do with themselves. But that's the idea here -- taking all the stuff that I loved through my life (even the crappy stuff) and finding a place for it on my network -- The Cool Channel. Think of it as my own personal "Essentials".
First up, I'll need some afternoon programming. Just something to completely fill my weekdays. You know, so latchkey kids like I was will have a babysitter. Chicks, you're on your own for a while because, as my first act as Chairman/CEO of The Cool Channel, I'm putting Sunbow's "The Transformers" on at 4:00-4:30.
The Transformers: Season One.
Ah yes, the Holy Grail of nostalgia. To this day Transformers, along with its Sunbow kissing cousin "G.I. Joe", is one of the most fondly-remembered pieces of popular culture from our youth. Thankfully, as with all pop kitsch, it has been preserved on DVD for the next several generations to say, "What in the hell were they thinking?"
But for us…we understand. You really had to be there.
Of course, it was all just a big advertisement for the toy line, but it must have worked because Transformers were the top-selling toys of all time up to that point.
Let's take a trip back.
This is the first season from Rhino DVD, which is struck from the 35mm broadcast masters with some of the animation errors corrected. Keep in mind that these ratings are somewhat relative, taking into account the target audience and the animation technology of the time.
Episode 0.01 - "More Than Meets the Eye, Part 1" W:George Arthur Bloom
Synopsis: We join the story in the middle of an epic war between the Autobots and Decepticons for control of their homeworld Cybertron. Optimus Prime and band of Autobots set out for more energy to fuel the battle. Unfortunately, the Decepticons board their ship in the middle of an asteroid belt and send it spiraling toward the desolate, savage planet known as Earth. After 4 million years, the volcano that the ship crashed into becomes active. This triggers the ship's computer which reanimates the Transformers and changes their hidden form to resemble earthbound objects. The Decepticons immediately form a plan to return to Cybertron using Earth's vast energy resources to fuel their war. The first step is an attack on an oil rig, which the Autobots race to stop.
Historic Moments/Trivia: This episode reunites three of the regulars from the old Scooby Doo cartoon. Frank Welker (Megatron) was the voice of Fred. Don Messick (Ratchet, Gears) was the voice of Scooby, and of course the great Casey Kasem (Bluestreak, Cliffjumper) was Shaggy.
Interesting Note: The late Chris Latta, who voiced Starscream, Sparkplugg, and Cobra Commander for the "G.I. Joe" series, was the original voice of Mr. Burns for "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire."
Analysis: Very action packed opener that doesn't delve too much into characterization. We do touch all the important bases, though. Optimus Prime is the stalwart John Wayne/WWII-inspired hero. Megatron is the cold and ruthless leader. Starscream is the impetuous thorn in his side, always trying to usurp power. Soundwave is Megatron's loyal lapdog. We even briefly meet 14 year-old Spike Witwicky and his father Sparkplug who will become major characters throughout the series. All things considered, a decent start to the series that suffers from the usual "first episode syndrome." B-
Episode 0.02 - "More Than Meets the Eye, Part 2" W:George Arthur Bloom
Synopsis: Picking up where the first episode left off, the Autobots have foiled the rig attack and rescued Spike and Sparkplug from the resulting explosion. Spike finds a neato tape recorder near the Autobot headquarters and figures it's "finder's keepers." Unfortunately, it turns out to be Soundwave, who downloads the contents of the ship's computer. The Autobots capture one of Soundwave's minions - the panther-shaped Ravage, but Soundwave himself gets away with the data. Using the ship's data, Megatron learns of Sherman Dam, the largest in the Western Hemisphere. Megatron theories that if he blows it up, there will be enough kinetic energy to fuel his ship back to Cybertron. The fact that it would destroy most of the surrounding area doesn't seem to be much concern to him. Prime and the Autobots quell the raging flood caused by Rumble, thwarting Megatron's plan once again. Megatron resorts to plan B, exploiting the ruby crystals of Burma to collect the energon he needs for the trip to Cybertron. Again, the Autobots arrive just in time. Bumblebee plants an explosive device in the cave where the crystals are located, collapsing the mountain around the energy source.
Analysis: More plot-heavy than the opener. We catch a glimpse of what some of the Autobots can do (Hound-holograms, Mirage-disappear, Trailbreaker-forceshield). This episode followed a similar formula to the rest of season one. Megatron comes up with an idea, Starscream pisses him off, the Autobots find out about it and stop them just in time for a cliffhanger. In this case, the ending sees Bumblebee, Sparkplug and Optimus Prime caught in the explosion that seals the cave. B
Episode 0.03 - "More Than Meets the Eye, Part 3" W:George Arthur Bloom
Synopsis: The Autobots dig Bumblebee and Sparkplug out of the mountain. Prime is okay after the fall, but they are unable to pursue the Decepticons who have salvaged much of their energon and escaped. Hound has the idea of creating a massive hologram to bait the Decepticons into attacking. They let Ravage (who was captured last ep) overhear talk about a secret supply of rocket fuel, then they let him escape. When Megatron learns about the supply, he thinks it's a perfect opportunity. The Decepticons apparently attack, but the Autobots are there waiting for them. The Autobots tear them apart -- literally. It turns out the Megatron is one step ahead of the Autobots and has created decoys to attack the fake supply while the real Decepticons attack a nearby Air Force base. With enough energy to return to Cybertron, the Decepticons blast off in their ship. Even Prime can't catch up with them. However, Mirage was able to sneak onto the ship and blast its navigation system during a lover's quarrel between Megatron and Starscream. The ship falters and crashes into the ocean. The Autobots have won, ending the opening story arc of the series.
Analysis: Another episode, another game of cat-and-mouse between Prime and Megatron. I liked how they had Megatron staying one step ahead of what was actually a pretty decent plan by Hound. You get the sense that Prime isn't much for fancy book learnin', but he is righteous so he will always win out in the end. B
Episode 1.01 - "Transport to Oblivion" W:Bryce Malek
Synopsis: It has been months since the Decepticon ship crash-landed into the drink. Shockwave, the leader of the Decepticons still left on Cybertron, desperately attempts to contact Megatron (after 4 million years? I guess 3 million makes you look desperate). He has completed a space bridge, but hasn't enough energy to power it. Megatron attacks a power station to acquire the necessary energy. The Autobots arrive, but the Decepticons overpower them and escape with the energon. The first attempt at using the space bridge is a failure. The ship veers off the energy bridge and gets obliterated. Bumblebee and Spike, who are spying on the Decepticon experiments get caught. Bumblebee escapes, but not before his memory is replaced to lead the Autobots into a trap. Megatron decides to use Spike to guide the ship along the bridge to Cybertron. The Autobots arrive just in time to save Spike from launch. During the firefight, Megatron is knocked into the space bridge chamber and sucked into space. Unfortunately for the Autobots (and Starscream), Megatron survived and arrives Cybertron unscathed.
Analysis: One of the more typical TF episodes. Here we see the bond formed between Bumblebee and Spike, one that would continue throughout the series and make Bumblebee more "human" than any of the other Autobots. Spike in peril would get old in a hurry, but here it makes sense and was still fresh. B-
Episode 1.02 - "Roll For It" W:Doug Booth
Synopsis: Assuming Megatron has been destroyed, Starscream assumes stewardship of the Decepticons. They decide to attack a power plant. Starscream isn't the sharp military man is, though, and the plan is a dismal failure once the Autobots arrive to thwart them. Fearing Starscream will run his crew into the ground, Megatron chances it and returns to Earth. Meanwhile, the super secret plans to the new anti-matter formula are sent to Chip Chase, Spike's wheelchair-bound friend for safe keeping. Chip, who is pretty clever, memorizes the formula and destroys the floppy diskette (the what?) containing the formula. Ravage hunts Chip down and captures him. Soundwave is able to read Chip's mind and learns the formula. Megatron creates his anti-matter device and creates a mountain of energon cubes. Using the energy for himself, Megatron becomes a super powered anti-matter gun. Wheeljack comes up with an invention to override the Decepticon's actions. Chip manages to attach it to Skywarp, who is then unable to fire the anti-matter gun. Megatron is forced to abort his plan and retreat.
Introduces: Chip Chase (Michael Horton), the wheelchair bound super genius.
Analysis: One of the lesser episodes so far. Far too preachy (the handicapped aren't useless!) and banal to be any fun. I'm not a big fan of the precocious Chip either. Just the idea of a 14-15 year-old with the intellect of Stephen Hawking doesn't ring true, ya know. Everyone realizing that Starscream wasn't fit to lead in the first 30-seconds was pretty funny though. C-
Episode 1.03 - "Divide and Conquer" W:Donald F. Glut
Synopsis: The Decepticons hit a munitions plant where Chip Chase just happens to be working. Optimus makes the save on his own, but is seriously injured in the battle. Prime gives his own diagnosis - "Mobility…limited. Part replacement…essential. Verbs…missing." While Prime is undergoing surgery, Laserbeak attacks and blows a hole in his chest. Wheeljack can fix him, but he needs a cosmotron from his shop back on Cybertron. So, Bumblebee, Trailbreaker, Bluestreak and Ironhide hitch a ride on the Decepticon's space bridge. Megatron decides that, with Prime down and a handful of Autobots stuck on Cybertron, he'll attack the Autobot headquarters. Fortunately, the Autobots arrive back on Earth with the cosmowhatsit and repair Optimus Prime just in time for him to save the rest of the Autobots from danger.
Analysis: Longtime "Captain America" fans might recognize Glut as a former comic book writer. He used that to move into cartoon fare like "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends." Lately, he's been doing soft core horror porn. Just thought you'd like that tidbit of info. The episode doesn't really measure up to Cappy, though. It's heavily formulaic (we need to find a cure for…in less than an hour!) and Huffer is just an extremely irritating whiny little bitch here. C-
Episode 1.10 - "Fire in the Sky" W:Unlisted
Synopsis: The energy from the Earth's core is being drained, causing a massive global cold snap. Of course, it's the work of those nasty Decepticons who accidentally unearth a giant Transformer in the ice. Starscream recognizes him as Jetfire Skyfire, his old explorer buddy on Cybertron. Starscream and Skyfire were exploring several million years ago when Skyfire crash-landed on Earth (somehow both were in the form of Earth jets. Oops). They revive him and invite him to join the Decepticons. He has no clue about the Autobot-Decepticon politics (he was frozen before the civil war erupted), so he accepts. Skyfire intercepts a group of Autobotss and, during the battle, saves Spike and Sparkplug from an icy death. He takes them to Megatron, thinking that Megatron will show benevolence. Of course, that's when Skyfire learns what's what. Starscream catches a handful of Autobots and demands that Skyfire execute them. When he refuses, Starscream blasts him in the chest. The Autobots repair him during a giant battle. He joins with the Autobots and vanquishes the Decepticons, sealing himself in the ice once more.
Introduces: Skyfire (Gregg Burger), the giant jet who helps even out the Autobot's battle for the skies.
Trivia: Jetfire's toy, which is far removed from his appearance on the show, was modeled after the Macross VF-1S Super Valkyrie. In fact, that same model was used for Macross, Robotech, and Battletech only with the colors changed a little. The name was changed for the cartoon for legal reasons. However, it remained "Jetfire" in the U.S. and U.K. comic books.
Analysis: The continuity is a little odd here, as this was actually the tenth episode in the production order, but it takes place before episodes 5-9. Also, there's no listing for a writer, but smart money is on Doug Both who penned "Fire on the Mountain." A step up from previous episodes. We get our first real glimpse into the way characters were before the war started, plus it has a great ending, with Skyfire sacrificing himself to save the earth. C+
Episode 1.04 - "S.O.S. Dinobots" W:Donald F. Glut
Synopsis: A series of localized tremors prompts the Autobots to excavate the nearby mountain to determine the cause. They find a cavern containing dozens of dinosaur bones. Wheeljack becomes inspired. He thinks he can create new Autobots in the mold of these creatures. Voila. The Dinobots - Grimlock, Slag, and Sludge are born. Unfortunately, they are wild and uncontrollable, so Prime orders them deactivated. Meanwhile, the Decepticons target Niagra Falls and its tremendous source of energy. When the Autobots fail to stop them, Wheeljack reawakens the Dinobots with neural enhancers that make them (relatively) smarter. The Dinobots make the save, and the Autobots are eternally grateful.
Analysis: The first real mark out episode from season one. The Dinobots are born! A better effort from Glut this time with the new guys getting to play heroes once more. Unlike some of the other Transformers, though, these guys have obvious weaknesses in that they're stupid and easily fooled. Not exactly a lot of depth, but more of an interesting wrinkle for Prime to deal with. B
Episode 1.12 - "Fire on the Mountain" W:Doug Booth
Synopsis: The Decepticons find the Crystal of Power - an ancient Incan artifact of immense power. Megatron uses it to power a cannon, but it's so strong that it melts the steel barrel. Meanwhile, Brawn and Windcharger dig up Skyfire and revive him. It's a fortunate thing, because he saves Brawn from certain death. Starscream captures Skyfire, intending to rewire him to be a Decepticon again. The other Decepticons gather a better quality steel to contain the crystal's power, allowing Megatron to get all triggerhappy. Bumblebee and Spike sneak into the ancient temple that Megatron is using as a base and repair Skyfire. Skyfire is able to rejoin the Autobots and strafe Megatron's new weapon to oblivion, forcing them to retreat.
Analysis: Meager thrills in this one. Generally, the early episode fun is directly proportional to the epic scale of Megatron's scheme. In this ep, he builds a big gun. Not exactly thrilling since he is a big gun. There was one shining moment that keeps this from falling into the dreck, though -- Thundercracker reveals that he hates Starscream so much that he's willing to let Skyfire sabotage the entire plan just so Starscream will get the blame. Quite the cohesive unit the Tronster's got working for him. C-
Episode 1.08 - "War of the Dinobots"
W:Donald F. Glut
Synopsis: Optimus Prime, so impressed with the Dinobots' last performance, decides to create two more -- Swoop (a pteranadon) and Snarl (a stegosaurus). Coincidentally, Megatron formulates a plan to discover and exploit the original Dinobots' weaknesses. Soundwave reads Dinobots' minds while they're guarding a giant energy-filled meteor that has landed on Earth. From this, Megatron learns that Grimlock thinks he is more powerful than Optimus Prime and that the other two just follow Grimlock. Megatron convinces Grimlock and company to turn on the Autobots and hand over the meteor. Meanwhile, the Autobots learn that the meteor is highly unstable and could blow at any minute. Wheeljack sends the new Dinobots to fight the old and destroy the meteor before it blows up. During the fracas, Optimus dives on top of Grimlock to protect him from the meteor's explosion. This proves to Grimlock that Optimus is, indeed, a great leader. He chases the Decepticons away and apologizes for his treason.
Analysis: You can always have fun by pitting Autobot against Autobot, or Decepticon against Deceticon. In this case, it's an interesting fantasy question; just who would between Optimus Prime and Grimlock? Plus we get the addition of two new characters to the fold and all sorts of stuff about responsibility and what it means to be a true leader and…well, you know. B
Episode 1.05 - "The Ultimate Doom, Part 1" W:Unlisted (probably Earl Kress)
Synopsis: Aided by the human mad scientist, Dr. Archeville, the Decepticons kidnap Sparkplug and plant a "hypnochip" on him. Megatron plans to hand control of Earth to Archeville after he conquers it. The Autobots attack the Decepticons underwater fortress and rescue Sparkplug. Of course, that was part of the plan. Sparkplug sabotages Teletran-1 and most of the Autobot's weapons. The Decepticons attack, but Spike repairs Teletran-1 in time for it to defend itself. The Decepticons retreat to continue the next part of their plan -- bringing Cybertron to Earth via the space bridge! Megatron theories that the resulting gravitational pull will create massive disasters and therefore kinetic energy. Dr. Archeville is understandably upset that he will inherit a ruined world. The Autobots race to stop them, but Megatron has placed hypnochips in dozens of humans, using them as a shield long enough to successfully bring Cybertron to Earth!
Analysis: The multi-episode arcs were always head-and-shoulders above everything else. This one is no exception. Megatron's plan here goes beyond general "I'm going to find a way to win" to "Fuck it. I'll just destroy the whole planet if I have to." The use of human's as shields isn't exactly groundbreaking, but it does show that the Autobots are classic "good guys", respecting the rule to "first do no harm" (a tenet handled with far more in the Marvel comic book). Not only that, but it also features Optimus Prime's first real selfish act as leader -- allowing Megatron to succeed in his plan to destroy Earth because he doesn't want Cybertron to be destroyed. B+
Episode 1.06 - "The Ultimate Doom, Part 2" W:Earl Kress
Synopsis: Cybertron has arrived in Earth's orbit, causing havoc with our ecology. The Autobots retreat, but Bumblebee falls into a crevice and has to be rescued. Archeville becomes increasingly wary of Megatron's plans, especially since it's destroying the Earth. Problems get worse for the Autobots as the volcano they've been living under becomes active, forcing Ironhide to plug the volcano's fissure. Skyfire takes Spike and the Autobots to Cybertron in pursuit of Sparkplug. The rescue team gets separated with Spike, Brawn and Bumblebee accidentally falling into Decepticon headquarters.
Analysis: Time to bust out the Matrix, because it's getting pretty damned dark. This was a little more episodic than part one and not really focused toward the end of the story. Like most second acts, it's just the character(s) reacting instead of acting. As such, it has some drama, but doesn't really inspire the sense of urgency that it could have. B-
Episode 1.07 - "The Ultimate Doom, Part 3" W:Unlisted (probably Earl Kress)
Synopsis: With Cybertron's gravitational pull destroying the Earth in the form of hurricanes and floods, and Bumblebee, Spike and Brawn stuck in the Decepticon Headquarters, things look pretty bleak. Skyfire, Wheeljack, and Trailbreaker rescue Spike and the others and they hightail it out of there. Before they left, Bumblebee managed to snag a copy of the mind control program. The Earthbound Autobots fail to stop Megatron from taking off, leaving Dr. Archeville behind. Starscream rescues the mad doctor and makes a pact with him to overthrow Megatron. On Cybertron, Spike goes back for Sparkplug and gets captured by Shockwave. Fortunately, Wheeljack makes the save with a hypno-disruptor that unscrambles Sparkplug's brain. Megatron learns of Starscream's plot to overthrow him and chases him off just as they're about to take off for Cybertron. During a huge battle between the Autobots and Decepticons, Megatron takes off and leaves the other Decepticons behind. However, the Autobots concentrate their firepower and destroy his ship, blasting Cybertron out of Earth's orbit.
Analysis: Basically a good show with a number of hokey moments (the Autobots surfing, Spike and Sparkplugs schmaltzy reunion, a single ship's explosion knocking a planet halfway across the galaxy). But it was a decent enough resolution for the story arc. B
Episode 1.09 "Countdown to Extinction" W:Unlisted
Synopsis: With the Earth in ruins, the Autobots begin the process of rebuilding. The Decepticons, meanwhile, are at each other's throats as they try to repair their fortress. Megatron returns unscathed and learns that Archeville and Starscream are scheming to take over the world themselves. Archeville turns over an exponential energy generator to Starscream, whose bright idea is to set it on an 8-hour timer to blow up the Earth, creating a massive amount of kinetic energy for him to collect on Cybertron. (Starscream is apparently very fast, as he arrives on Cybertron about a half hour later). Archeville tries to stop Starscream from collecting the energy and gets electrocuted for his trouble. Starscream has him repaired as a cyborg, much to Archeville's chagrin. On Earth, Megatron leads the Autobots into a quicksand trap and leaves Laserbeak behind to make sure they don't get out. Of course, they do get out and capture Laserbeak, who just happens to have Starscream's recorded conversation on his memory chip. The Autobots arrive at Archeville's Earth lab, and Prime convinces Megatron not to let the Earth blow up with both of them on it. Starscream returns to Earth to find out why there was no boom, much like Wile E. Coyote. The generator is still unstable, though. Prime and Megatron team up to fire the unstable device into space, sparing the Earth.
Analysis: Interesting dynamic as we get the first time Megatron and Prime actually have to team up to avoid mutual destruction. Mostly, this is Starscream's show, and he carries it well. The best moment is when he realizes that he has to go back to Earth and check the device and his lip starts quivering. Nice touch there. One of the better non-arc shows. B+
Episode 1.13 - "A Plague of Insecticons" W:Doug Booth
Synopsis: Somewhere in the swamps of Bali, a cadre of boatmen are attacked by three robotic insects that talk like Golum from "Lord of the Rings." It turns out that these insects are Decepticons that crashlanded separately on Earth millions of years ago and were adapted by their ship's computer to form insects. Megatron arrives in Bali and asks them to join his Decepticon army. The Insecticons (Bombshell, Shrapnel and Kickback) distract the Autobots while Megatron and crew steal energy from the Balinese refineries. When they leave to collect their cut of the take from Megatron, though, the Autobots are able to arrive on the scene. The Insecticons feel the tide turning, so they devour the energon and abandon the fight. Megatron, righteously pissed, takes off after them.
Analysis: It's kind of a love/hate thing with the Insecticons. They have some really cool powers (able to clone themselves, channeling and controlling lightning) but they are really irritating-tating when they talk-alk. I like that they introduced them as a legitimate threat, though, and not just "hey, here's three more guys that we didn't tell you about." B
Episode 1.11 - "Heavy Metal War" W:Donald F. Glut
Synopsis: The Constructicons, a newly-created* group of Decepticons, steal a series of components for a new weapon against of the Autobots. Megatron heads to the Autobot ship and lays out a challenge -- Prime vs. Megatron, with the loser's army being vanquished. Of course, Megatron has a plan: using his newfound technology to absorb the powers of every other Decepticon into his body. CHEATER! The battle begins. TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! Megatron, of course, wins using Skywarp's teleportation and Rumble's earthquake ability as well as a number of other Decepticon devices. As a result, the Autobots must banish themselves into space. The Constructicons burrow through the mountain to destroy Teletran-1 and make sure it doesn't detect Megatron's cheating. They didn't count on the Dinobots remaining behind. The Dinobots chase them out of the shuttle, apparently winning the fight. But the battle has just begun. The six Constructicons unite to form DEVASTATOR! Oh shit. This massive Transformer beats back the Dinobots as the other Autobots realize what has happened in the fight. Hound distracts Devastator with massive hologram while Prime blasts him. The Autobots open fire, driving the Decepticons into a crevice filled with molten lava, apparently destroying them forever.
* - Although this is a matter of some contention. Megatron clearly states that the Constructicons were built in the caves recently, but in season two's "The Secret of Omega Supreme" they figure heavily in the destruction of a Cyberton city millions of years ago.
Analysis: A fitting closer to the first season as we finally get a one-on-one battle between Prime and Megatron -- albeit an unfair one. The introduction of the Constructicons, the first of the Transformers to use the gestalt technology, is irkingly quick. However, once they form Devastator, it's a huge "whoa!" moment in the series. I also liked the idea of learning a little bit of Cybertronian custom, something of the backstory missing from other episodes. B+
The 411: It's a good news/bad news situation for fans. On the one hand, these episodes don't really hold up for adults. In fact, the writing is usually downright insulting to even the intelligence of a 10 year-old. The characters are mostly of the one-note variety and the one-liners are horrible puns that would make even me blush. On the other hand, that's the idea! There isn't a lot of depth because this is supposed to be about clear-cut good and clear-cut evil, not shades of gray. Optimus Prime is the good guy, Megatron is the bad guy. The end. That kind of moral clarity, while out of place in today's post-modern world, made sense in the context of the Cold War. As such, it not only serves as a nice little piece of empty nostalgia, but a pretty good indicator of 1980's America.
