The Happy Critic DVD Review: Tales From The Crypt – Season One
Posted by Ryan Latimer on 07.14.2005
Good evening, boils and ghouls! Haha, get it? It’s a PUN.
Anyone who knows me even in the vaguest sense is aware of three things concerning my beliefs in TV and film: Horror is my favorite genre in every aspect of media and it has lacked severely in creativity and originality for many years, Michael Moore is a complete tool and waste of talent, and “Tales from the Crypt” could kick any past, present or future television show’s sorry carcass from here to TV Land. And yes, this includes “Garfield & Friends,” something I know the fat orange cat and Jim Davis will never forgive me for.
But there’s a reason for it. As much as the green mutant turtles, tabby orange cats, mean-spirited cartoon critics and The Dark Knight meant to my childhood, “Tales from the Crypt” was something entirely different. Saturday morning was one thing (and believe me, the fun I had on that day will be remembered forever), Wednesday night was certainly another. Saturday Cartoon morning was a ritual. “Tales from the Crypt” Wednesday was a night I actually looked forward to.
It was a show that had every reason in the world to fail, yet it was handled so delicately and had such creative and talented backers that it ended up not only succeeding but becoming a part of TV pop culture. What made the show so memorable was more than just the legendary Cryptkeeper, a character that became a staple in horror history - not an easy task - or even for the killer introduction sequence to each episode that walked you through his pad by the classic tunes of Danny Elfman.
It was the fact that the show was challenging TV history by being a weekly horror series, a formula that was more of a silly gamble than a potential money maker, and on a premium channel no less. “Tales from the Darkside” was no more than a syndicated underground hit, “Monsters” is a show no one remembers or has even heard of, and the last successful suspense/thriller program that viewers gave half a hoot about was the 40-year-old “The Twilight Zone.” History, as it seemed, was most certainly not on TFTC’s side.
But history can change. And in 1989, it most certainly did.
I recapped the history of the “Tales from the Crypt” legacy and the transition from comic books to a TV program in my review of the documentary “Tales from the Crypt: From Comic Books to Television,” so head over there if you need to catch up because it would be pointless for me to do it again. That, and because it’s one of my favorite reviews for the site and I’m a cheap, self-shilling SOB.
The Episodes
The two-disc set includes all six, 25-minute season one episodes, uncut and in its original air date form. The first disc contains the episodes with a “new introduction by the Cryptkeeper” while the second contains two documentaries. I will get to these in the extras column. May I say the set is quite colorful and creative for a horror collection. It’s almost as if it’s a homage to, say, old horror comics! Where did they get that idea?
Seeing as how there are only six, I will do the honor of nailing them all…
-The Man Who Was Death(original air date 6/10/89): Niles Talbot (William Sadler) loves his job as an executioner in a state prison, but suddenly finds himself jobless after the state abolishes the death penalty. Talbot, distraught and troubled by being both unemployed and seeing the guilty buck the system and go free, decides to take the law into his own hands and dish out his own deadly justice, a practice that results in irony you certainly can’t buy at a store. Trademark Tales from the Crypt Comeuppance Moment #1, if you’re counting. The episode is structured in a way that Talbot acts as both a character and a narrator to the viewer, as director and co-creator Walter Hill correctly believed that this would give the viewers a better sense of understanding of Talbot by providing a gray area as to whether he was a sympathetic, moralistic but troubled man or in fact a villain. It would have been extremely difficult to pull off (with the character being a part of the show then suddenly addressing the viewing audience and thus breaking a long standing television rule), but Walter Hill is the man and this is the stone cold proof. Sadler was perfect for the role and the episode was a spectacular way to start the series -- it immediately let the public know that it wasn’t merely a mindless gorefest with zombies and werewolves but a program that had actual writers that wrote about actual characters and plot points. Who knew? After viewing this one for what seems like the zillionth time it’s *still* awesome, which is a statement I don’t believe I’ve ever made outside of a few old cartoon shows. Sadler would go on to play Braker in the 1995 TFTC spin-off film “Demon Knight,” a film I’ve seen more times than I’ve had birthdays and remains a guilty pleasure to this day. I swear, when that film was first released it was like Christmas; I couldn’t get to the theatre fast enough. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
-And All Through the House(original air date 6/10/89): Director and co-creator Robert Zemeckis (who?) decided to remake the comic book tale that first appeared as a tale in the original “Tales from the Crypt” film from 1972, and what resulted was one of the most memorable and terrifying episodes of the entire series. A wife (Mary Ellen Trainor) murders her husband on Christmas Eve in an insurance scam to collect some serious money and leave town with her lover. But wouldn’t you know it, an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus is roaming the town with his friend Mr. Axe and is looking to spread some Christmas cheer. Ten guesses on which house he pays a visit to. I won’t give anything away, but let’s just say it features Tales from the Crypt Comeuppance Moment #2, if you’re counting. This one *terrified* me as a kid and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to watch it until about a month after the actual air date, and this is coming from someone who had the unfortunate pleasure of watching “Faces of Death” before I was even a teenager. Needless to say, despite this episode becoming less frightening over time through an adult’s eyes, it’s my all-time personal favorite (but funny enough it’s unlike “The Man Who Was Death” where I can watch it endlessly throughout the years and not get bored) and is light years better than the original version in ’72. How many times can you say that? This one also taught us two very important life lessons: If your child believes in Kris Cringle, and some wacko is roaming your town dressed as the big jolly guy, be sure to make that night the night you explain you were the one putting all those presents under the tree all those years. That, and if Santa Claus ever comes to your door, especially at 1 o’ clock in the morning, don’t answer it.
-Dig That Cat…He’s Real Gone(original air date 6/10/89): “Superman” director Richard Donner wraps up the original episode trilogy with the story of Ulric (Joe Pantoliano), a homeless bum who undergoes an experimental procedure by curious doctor Dr. Manfred. The good doc successfully transplants the nine lives of a cat into Ulric and uses his unique talents as a sideshow performer who actually commits suicide on stage, resulting in massive profits for the struggling circus. Of course, this being “Tales from the Crypt,” Ulric gets a bit greedy and eliminates Manfred from the equation in order to pocket his portion of the money, and karma kicks in again when it’s realized that he and the doc, shall we say, may have miscounted the lives Ulric had -- while in the middle of a show. Tales from the Crypt Comeuppance Moment #3. Are you seeing a pattern here? Much of this episode was filmed in almost in a documentary-style manner to for two reasons: To give it the best sense of cheap, “carney” atmosphere the episode needed to work, and to distinguish it from the first two episodes in order to have a sense of creative variety. All in all, a great finish to the introduction of the new series, primarily because character actor Robert Wuhl plays the circus barker and is a complete nutjob.
Casual fan…
-Only Sin Deep(original air date 6/14/89): Lea Thompson plays Sylvia, a prostitute that comes across a pawnshop owner that offers her $10,000 “for her beauty.” She is a bit taken by the offer - all he wants is to make a plaster cast of her face and keep it in his shop - but despite her curiosity she gladly accepts. And curiously enough, a few weeks pass by and she realizes she is aging, quite quickly in fact, and sooner than later she more resembles a walking corpse than a high-class call girl. When she desperately tries to obtain her beauty back, committing a few acts you should never do in “Tales from the Crypt” world, she finds out the hard way that doing so would come with a great price. Nothing could touch the original three episodes and basically anything that followed it would pale in comparison, but it was a very enjoyable tale nonetheless. Lea Thompson was such a babe in the eighties, by the way, and it’s a pity we don’t see her around anymore.
-Lover Come Hack to Me(original air date 6/21/89): Charles is a playboy gold digger who marries a rich woman so he can kill her on their wedding night and reap the benefits. On the night of their honeymoon, the night he plans on doing the deed and covering it up as an accident, he finds himself in over his head as his wife Peggy has plans of her own in the name of a family tradition. It’s a bit of a weak episode and it feels a bit out of place for such a stellar season, chessy even, but by this time I was fully hooked on the series and they could have had the Cryptkeeper dance a jig in a chicken suit to The Village People for 30 minutes and I still would have watched. It was still a creepy episode because of one simple rule it followed: Big Scary House + Big Giant Axe + Freaky Deaky Crazy Woman = High Tension.
-Collection Completed(original air date 6/28/89): Jonas (M. Emmett Walsh) retires after 47 years of selling tools, and now has all the time in the world to sip lemonade, relax and spend quality time with his wife. One problem: He begins to realize that after all the time spent working the past five decades and with no children to the couple’s name, his wife has taken quite the liking to her many pets and she seems to pay a bit more attention and love to the animals than to him. The wife isn’t a bad person; she simply needed some kind of company while her husband worked all day. With him being home now, Jonas decides things to need to change and he takes drastic measures to prove the point. As well written this episode was, this particular one always depressed me as the verbal abuse the grumpy husband inflicts on his wife is quite the downer, not to mention that I love animals and the horrors this man does is particularly disturbing and sad. Perhaps I’m being too soft, but the story of a once happy elderly couple being ripped apart by hurt feelings is light years more effective than some monster tearing a bad guy’s head off (something that happens in a later season, I might add). But I suppose a spade is a spade and an effective episode is better than a mediocre one, so points for execution. Not a very good way to end the season, however.
8.0
The Video
Surprisingly, the 16-year-old TV show comes in very well. It has about as crisp a picture as you can get for being so aged, and the segments with the Cryptkeeper are exceptionally impressive – you can clearly see he has no nose. Presented full-screen, close-caption option, 168 minutes in color.
<8.0
The Audio
Awwww yea. Nothing like the classic TFTC intro through a booming speaking set. If they can make that sound good, they have nothing to worry about for the rest. Dolby Digital supported.
8.5
The Extras
Well, isn’t *this* nice. The first season set’s biggest extra comes in the form of the documentary “Tales from the Crypt: From Comic Books to Television.” Sound familiar? Of course it does, because I reviewed the friggin’ thing on the site two months ago, which, by the way, cost me 30 smackers online because it’s not available anywhere else. Man, is that convenient or what? Now granted the two-disc set of the documentary itself contains lots of exclusive interviews and extras, but I REALLY wish they wouldn’t do that. I suppose it’s great for fans that didn’t hear about it (it was online exclusive with virtually no marketing) but why not just hire the filmmaker to make the movie then release season one, full extras and all, in one package? I could have waited for crying out loud. Curse you HBO.
At last, together forever….but if you do that to me again I’ll rip your
boney little arms off.
Anyway, the “new intro” from the Cryptkeeper (the only extra on the first disc) is just a 2-minute gaga segment of the Keeper bandaged from head to toe in a hospital bed because he had “Botox injections.” Har har. Not much material here he speaks of to report, but things like this certainly don’t hurt an extras set. Back to the second disc, accompanying the comics-to-tv doc is a 5-miunute History of Season One, which is just the Keeper generally explaining how the series came to be as well as running down each season one episode. Pretty pointless considering the hour-long documentary being included that explains the creation in much more detail, but nevermind; it’s always fun to hear John Kassir’s voice again in any regard.
All in all, the final score on the extras is quite the mixed bag. On one hand, if you haven’t seen the comics-to-tv documentary, the set as a whole is well worth it. On the other hand, this set doesn’t include all the extras from the 2-disc documentary set being sold on it’s own at Amazon or Cryptdvd.com, which is equally well worth it. On yet another hand, said 2-disc documentary set costs $25-$30 bucks online and isn’t available in stores. Can you see the conflict here? Not really sure how to grade this one. Call it 5.5 for the whole fiasco.
5.5
The 411: The original trilogy makes the first season a memorable six-part genesis to what would become my favorite TV show ever, with “Oz” the closest thing to ever come close to it to this day. The season is only six episodes and they could have easily released the first set with the second season as well ala Seinfeld, but it’s certainly a start. Speaking of which, Season Two has already been announced for late October, and if it’s anything like this set, I’ll buy it. Ah, who am I kidding? I’ll buy it no matter what, kiddies…
