The Damn Dirty DVD Review: Scott Baio is 45...and Single
Posted by Ron Martin on 10.16.2008
Scott Baio has a small penis! I'm not lying. He says so on his reality show where he constantly talks about all the hot chicks he has ever banged. And that's a lot. Scott Baio has banged so many chicks that his small penis will some day be enshrined at the Smithsonian. Did I mention that the dude is 45 -- and kind of single?
Women, get off the streets. Hide your daughters…and the good silver while you’re at it. If you’re blonde and have big boobs, you have no chance because…
SCOTT BAIO IS 45…AND SINGLE
That is if you’re definition of single is oversimplified as “not married.”
Scott Baio was one of the famed child stars of the 70s and 80s. He came into his own as the lovable Chachi on the classic Happy Days and spent his college years watching over the Pembroke family in Charles in Charge. At 45 years old, all the man has left in him is one of the many Celebreality shows on VH1.
Scott Baio is 45…and Single is Baio’s bid to stay relevant by looking into his past to see why he has a problem with commitment and hopefully save his relationship with girlfriend Renee Sloan, who is blonde and has big boobs. Actually the show reeks more of Jason Hervey (who co-created the show with wrestling personality Eric Bischoff) talking Baio into filming so that his production company would have something to do.
Other than Baio, the eight episode show revolves around his group of friends including Hervey, who has been married for quite some time. There’s a third guy who just got engaged and then the drudge of the show, Johnny Something or Other. Imaging the most annoying, over the hill Hollywood stereotypical Never Was hanger on and that is Johnny exactly. In fact, go ahead and imagine what you think a 45 year-old Scott Baio’s life would be like and that’s exactly what it is. It’s all there; using his fame to bed women who aren’t even old enough to remember the shows he was on, disdain for his fanbase and constantly bragging about himself. Yes, Scott Baio is a walking Hollywood stereotype.
In the beginning, Scott hires a “life coach.” Doc Ally (whom Scott uncleverly and even less humorously calls “Dark Alley” throughout the series) tells Scott he has to be abstinent for the 8 weeks and that he can’t see his girlfriends. Why? Because it makes for good TV, that’s why. Scott does whatever Doc Ally tells him to, even putting himself in embarrassing situations with former girlfriends in order find out what went wrong with him and why he can’t commit. In the end, he grows…and commits. That’s the short story.
The show could very easily be renamed Scott Baio is not likable…at all. From the first episode to the last, Baio is pretty much a douchebag. Every other line out of his mouth is about some hot chick he banged back in the day and how much “tail” he has scored. Amazingly, the only time he is remotely likable is when there is some teenage version of him who is just a little more on the douche side than him. We are constantly barraged with a list of all the hot chicks Scott has banged about ten times each episode. In case your wondering, they are Erin Moran, Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, Nicole Eggert, Julie McCullough, Denise Richards, blah, blah, blah.
In eight episodes the show also manages to cram as many celebrities in as possible. Some of the ex-girlfriends make appearance and Scott “runs into” other celebrities such as Clint Howard or calls buddies like “Henry Winkler” for advice. Amazingly enough, in their combined three minutes Winkler and Howard are the two most likable people on the show the entire season. It should be noted that the still relevant celebrity girlfriends did not appear.
It’s not like Hervey and Bischoff didn’t try to make Baio look good. Johnny Whatever was so God awful that it almost had the desired result. Johnny is the epitome of Hollywood sleeze and has absolutely no redeeming qualities. The world would be a better place without him because someone better than him could use the oxygen he breathes. By someone, I mean anyone. Johnny constantly tries to undermine Scott because he knows if Scott gets married then he’s never getting laid again. This point is brought across by the fact that the two bring several girls who are far too young to have watched anything Baio has ever been in to Palm Springs. Once Baio says no, the girls hit the door. The problem with Johnny Whatever is the fact that not only is he the biggest of all douches; he’s not a good actor. It’s entirely possible to tell which scenes are scripted just by watching him. In case you’re wondering, the correct answer is most of them.
Of course, throughout the 8 episodes, Baio has some “deep revelations.” However, their nothing you can’t get on any other TV show. Scott Baio is 45…and Single and I could care less. He is no longer relevant, he’s not likable and this does not change by the end of the 8 episodes.
The Video
The video is fine. Nothing here is going to catch your attention. Why is this section even here really? Have you ever not bought a DVD because of the video?
The Audio
Same as the video. The sound is fine. It’s Dolby Digital. What else do you need?
The Extras
There is but one extra, Scott Baio: Behind the Scene and the second disc. It’s what it sounds like. It has some deleted scenes but is mostly Scott and his buddies yapping. It has the feel of “we made this segment because we needed something extra on the DVD.” They couldn’t get 8 episodes and a 12 minute extra onto one disc?
The 411: This show is terrible. It makes very little attempt at actually trying to present itself as real. None of the people are likable and I am hoping for their sakes that they were all acting. Scott Baio is the stereotypical Hollywood actor that gives the others a bad name. Call me when we get Scott Baio is 50...and Incontinent. Now, that's a show I'd watch!
