Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen Review

Posted by Jeffrey Harris on 06.24.2009

Michael Bay delivers a spectacle like never before that goes completely off the rails.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Directed By: Michael Bay
Written By: Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci
Runtime: 150 minutes
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material.

Sam Witwicky - Shia LeBeouf
Mikaela Banes - Megan Fox
Optimus Prime - Peter Cullen (voice)
Megatron - Hugo Weaving (voice)
Lennox - Josh Duhamel
Epps - Tyrese Gibson
Simmons - John Tuturro
Leo - Ramon Rodriguez
Ron Witwicky - Kevin Dunn
Judy Witwicky - Julie White
General Morshower - Glenn Morshower
Ironhide - Jess Harnell
Skids/Mudflaps/Wheelie - Tom Kenny
Starscream - Charles Adler
Soundwave - Frank Welker
The Fallen - Tony Todd
Alice - Isabel Lucas
Galloway - John Benjamin Hickey



Let me preface this review by saying, I highly enjoy spectacles. I enjoy good summer blockbusters. I like guns, boobs, and monsters. All I ask is that the effort is made to execute it coherently. I mean, I admit I'm hypocritical when I absolutely loathe Hollywood constantly churning out an endless stream of garbage remakes, reboots, sequels, rehashes, and adaptations . . . but then my favorite movie so far this year was the new Star Trek. The one and only paragon/pariah, Michael Bay, in his new sequel, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, delivers a gigantic summer spectacle that completely goes off the rails and crashes and burns horribly. And I get that I sound like a hater. I get the whole "check your brain at the door" mentality and just enjoy all the pretty FX and 'splosions. Whenever it comes on, I'll watch The Rock, and I enjoy The Rock. The new Transformers movie just goes out of its way to make you not want to like it and enjoy it and all those things that you didn't like about the first movie are back 100 fold and glaringly worse.

Following the events of Transformers, two years have passed and the Autobots have formed an alliance with the American military in a group called Nest in order to take out the remaining Decepticon forces that are still on Earth. After dispatching the Decepticon Demolisher in a visible, damaging battle in Shanghai, Demolisher speaks of the Fallen returning to have revenge. The government assigns the government douchebag every one of these movie needs in Galloway (Hickey) to be a douchebag to the Autobots and kick them off the Earth since the government thinks that the remaining Decepticons are just after the Autobots, while Optimus Prime (Cullen once again reprising the vocal role) feels differently. Optimus believe the Decepticons are after something. And the Decepticon Soundwave (Welker) having merged with a military satellite is able to get the bearings of one of the last remaining shards of the destroyed All Spark cube. Soundwave sends Ravage to retrieve the shard which the Decepticons are able to use to revive Megatron (Weaving) who isn't happy with Starscream sort of assuming command in the interim. Megatron however apparently has a boss called the Fallen who is aware that the information of the All Spark has transformed and been absorbed by the one and only Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) who is now preparing to leave home for college.

Sam's off to college while being henpecked by his still gloriously annoying parents Ron (Dunn) and Judy (White). Sam's determined to keep his relationship strong with hottie mechanic Mikaela (Fox) even though he's moving out of town. However, off to college, Sam absorbed all the remaining knowledge of the All Spark cube from a small fragment that was left in his hoodie from the first movie. When Sam goes to college this causes Sam's head to explode with Cybertronian knowledge and history and Sam starts disrupting Rainn Wilson's astronomy class by drawing weird symbols. The Decepticons figure out Sam's location and hunt Sam down determined to retrieve the knowledge from his brain and first try using a Decepticon disguised as a comely college lass (Lucas) which Mikaela stumbles on after heading to Sam's school when Decepticon stool pigeon Wheelie (Kenny) tries to steel the tiny All Spark fragment. So Mikaela, Sam, and Sam's conspiracy theorist/blogger roommate Leo (Rodriguez) high tail it out of dodge, but the Decepticons are in hot pursuit. Optimus Prime intervenes to save Sam, but Optimus is mortally wounded in the process. Sam and co. hide from the Decepticons, but Megatron reveals their existence to the world demanding Sam Witwicky or they start destroying cities. Sam and his friends figure out that Sam's symbols are some sort of map to an Energon source, the key to transformer life, and must figure out exactly what the Decepticons are after which includes the Matrix of Leadership. A powwow with an old seeker transformer Jetfire reveals that the matrix might have the power to revive Optimus, but the same power also activates an ancient machine the oldest transformers left on planet Earth. A machine that will destroy the sun in order to harvest Energon.

Got all that?

The problem with this movie, is that anything you were willing to put up with in the first Transformers is back and its even worse. And I'm not a snob. I get it. I know this all started with a bunch of toys and the cartoon was made to sell toys. The original Transformers cartoon itself was actually quite ridiculous and silly at times with lots of continuity and animation errors throughout. But I think what the cartoon and what later cartoons did have was some good Transformers characters and a decent plot. This became even more apparent with Beast Wars which remains the creative peak of Transformers mythology that really delivered on every level.

But yes, this is Bay and people don't want stories and character development. So the Transformers, Autobots and Decepticons alike, are more or less plot devices much like the first movie. They have no characters or really any significance to the plot to speak of besides looking cool with their rough, vomited metal looking designs to paraphrase Roger Ebert. Autobots and Decepticons show up and say a couple cliche one-liners, do something that people might think looks cool or pretty, and then disappear into the plot void much like Barricade in the first movie who said he was on his way to the final battle but never showed up. I get this is a spectacle. I get Bay really likes fast cars, big explosions, slow motion, animal sodomy, robot on human sodomy, depicting robot genitalia and bodily functions like farting and urination for no apparent reason, homophobia/homo-eroticism, oversexed hot babes and all of that. But is a tad bit of coherence a little too much to ask?

Take Mudflap and Skids. I'm not going to get into the the racism argument. But here was my main problem with Mudflap and Skids. They do not do anything. The human characters rarely speak with them or acknowledge their presence. Nothing Mudflap or Skids do is important or relevant to the story (besides one stupid, painfully forced action that reveals something). Mudflap and Skids basically could have been cut from the whole movie and the movie would be less horrible. hey aren't characters but just cookie-cutter characterizations, caricatures, call them what you like. Virtually none of the robots in this movie are actually characters. In old school Transformers you would get to know the bots and like them. Most of the stories revolved around the robots interacting. With Revenge of The Fallen you are still forced to watch the painfully unfunny adventures of Sam badly improvising through sub-par comedy bits that aren't fit to be on a sitcom. There's a scene that goes on forever where Sam's mom goes on a pot brownie bender through Sam's campus and tackles somebody. WHY? And that's what we have to deal with besides endless slow motion and explosions.

Action is action. I get that action movie fans will say this movie rocks and that it looks awesome, but I want to be invested in these characters and these battles. All the battles are so prolonged to a ridiculous level that you lose interest. Bay and his crew in their quest to perhaps raise bar simply go off the deep end. I think action and spectacle is fine, but it becomes a mess here. This goes beyond checking your brain at the door, eating your popcorn, and having fun. When you actually sit and take the movie in, the British reviewer that used the analogy of "like watching paint dry while getting hit in the head with a frying pan" makes perfect sense.

So at the end of the day, if you want the spectacle of Michael Bay, this movie definitely has it. But much like Shymalan, the spectacle and gimmick of Bay has worn thin and died.

The 411: There's a ton of action. There's lots of eye candy and Megan Fox. But that's it really. I mean Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is cool and all, but you have the original series for that. If you want a really good storyline that involves Transformers you will seek out the Beast Wars saga because that is the best you will ever get out of storytelling for the Transformers brand. Also, why can Bumblebee not talk again? Seriously? I know these movies are stupid and contrived, but the throwaway explanation doesn't even make any sense nor is there any payoff.

Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]