Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review [2]

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 06.28.2009

You might not think you could be bored by the sight of giant robots battling each other, but this is the movie that dares to prove you wrong!

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Directed By: Michael Bay
Written By: Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci
Runtime: 150 minutes
Starring: Shia Lebeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Tuturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Isabel Lucas, and the voices of Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving, Tony Todd, Charles Adler, Frank Welker, Jess Harnell, and Tom Kenny.
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material.



Ugh, OK…let’s just get this part over with. When I decided to write a review of Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the part I dreaded the most was summarizing the plot – primarily because doing so requires that it have one. Oh sure, various events do occur in a particular order that move the movie along from point A to point B, but to call it anything resembling a “plot” is being awfully generous. This is one of those movies that is both mind-numbingly stupid and yet somehow overly-complicated. There’s constantly something going on, but it never feels like anything is happening. Does that make sense? No? Good, neither does the movie. But here goes nothing…

Two years after the events of the last film, the remaining Autobots (the good Transformers) are now secretly working with the U.S. government to root out and destroy the last remaining Decepticons (the bad Transformers). This involves extremely destructive battles between giant robots in the middle of crowded cities, so you have to be impressed with the whole “secret” part of it.

Meanwhile, young Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) is on his way to college, leaving behind both his uber-hot girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) and his Autobot protector, Bumblebee (who can’t talk again, despite the end of the last film). Unfortunately, Sam’s hopes of finally having a normal life are dashed after he discovers an until-now lost small piece of the All-Spark and is suddenly plagued with uncontrollable visions of an alien language.

At the same time, Starscream and the remaining Decepticons are able to resurrect their former leader, Megatron, who himself – it turns out – is following the orders of an even bigger Decepticon baddie, The Fallen. One of the original Primes, The Fallen actually visited Earth ages ago and tried to destroy our planet then, but was stopped by his fellow Primes. Now he’s back and looking for his titular revenge…although I’m not really sure who he’s seeking revenge against, since all of the robots who betrayed him are already long dead.

Now, to be clear, I loved Michael Bay’s first Transformers movie. Loved it. Many thought it was too long – I disagreed. There were those who thought there was too much focus on the human characters and not enough on the robots – I thought the mix was just right. A vocal minority thought the sophomoric humor was out of place – I found it genuinely funny. I went into it apprehensive, but it ended up being my favorite movie of that summer.

So this is not a knee-jerk bad review written by yet another hater of Michael Bay and/or the first film. I didn’t go into Revenge of the Fallen expecting to dislike it. If anything, I assumed it would only be as entertaining as the last one, but I was fine with that. Two and half long hours later, I walked out of the theater completely under-whelmed, and I had to wonder…have my tastes really changed that much in just two years? Had I suddenly turned into an old man, bothered by all the loud noises and flashy images that the kids seem to like? Or, even worse, was it that I was completely wrong last time around?

I don’t think so. I think Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is just not a very good sequel (understatement alert). Now that’s probably no surprise to those who already considered the first movie some sort of cinematic atrocity. But that’s just it – what does it say about how crappy this new movie is if even someone who liked the brainless excess of the first film was bored to tears this time?

So let’s get to it…what went wrong this time? Well, this probably goes without saying, but it’s pretty easy to pick this movie apart if you so choose. I’m fairly certain the film moves along at its accelerated pace simply so that you are never given enough time to stop and think about how little sense it all makes. For example, how is it that the piece of All-Spark only now fell out of Sam’s old sweater…and why does it suddenly burn through everything it touches? An even better question is,why do the Decepticons kidnap Sam’s parents? I assumed it would be to use them in a hostage situation and force Sam to give himself up…but later they simply let the parents loose in the middle of a giant battle. What did that accomplish?

I know, it’s not like the first movie didn’t have its fair share of questionable logic, either. And to be fair, pure stupidity isn’t always a detriment to these kinds of movies. It’s possible to deliver over-the-top nonsense but still do so in an entertaining way. Neveldine/Taylor did it with the Crank films. McG did it with his Charlie’s Angels movies. Heck, Michael Bay did it with the first Transformers. But this time, it’s aggressive stupidity. It doesn’t so much ask you to turn your brain off as it does pulverize it with a meat tenderizer.

In the first Transformers, Bay wisely mixed the nonsense with a real sense of charm, and even a little bit of subtlety (don’t freak out…I said “a little bit”). Amidst all the chaos and giant robot hooey, there were some actual character moments, not to mention a genuine sense of awe. We shared in the character’s amazement at seeing the Transformers for the first time ever. Obviously, you can’t pull that off again, and Bay and his writers clearly have no clue as to how to make up for it. So instead we’re left with two and half hours of pure grating excess.

In many ways, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is exactly the movie that most fans were worried Bay was going to make last time around. The success of the first film has given the director free reign to fully indulge in his passions, now un-encumbered by anyone telling him it’s a bad idea. The result is an all-out assault on our senses…a movie that never once lets up for even a second. Every single element – the action, the humor, the story, the sexy shots of Megan Fox – is pushed too far (well, alright, maybe I can live with the shots of Megan Fox).

And unlike last time, we just don’t give a damn about anyone involved in all these events. That’s the real downfall of the movie…Bay is clearly too busy jam-packing the film with action and stupid jokes to remember that what made the first movie was the characters. This time around, both Transformers and humans alike are short-changed. That’s not to say they’re not present...they’re just not given anything of interest to do.

Remember in the last movie, how we were emotionally tied into the fate of Josh Duhamel’s soldier because we knew he had that new baby waiting at home for him? Maybe that’s simplistic and trite, but it works…and its worlds above anything here. This time, we are given absolutely no reason to care about Duhamel, or any other character for that matter. We learn nothing interesting about anybody. Everything everyone says or does is simply to move the film from one scene to the next. The only other kind of character moments are long, drawn-out and unnecessary scenes of supposed comic relief, such as when Sam’s mom accidentally gets high and begins menacing the college campus. Even if you like the characters of Sam’s parents (and I do), ask yourself – what is the point of this? What does it add to the movie, and why does it go on for as long as it does?

It’s not the actors’ fault. Some of them are talented (LeBeouf, Turturro), some of them are simply adequate (Fox, Duhamel), but they are all on the same level here in that they are not playing actual characters, but rather one-dimensional stereotypes - glorified props, if you will. There’s not much any of them can do with the material – even though they gamely give it their all, there’s no disguising that they’re here just to run away from explosions and deliver exposition when necessary. You could have made this movie with cardboard cutouts of the actors being pulled along on strings, and it wouldn’t be all that different.

“Yeah, but at least the action is awesome, right?” Well…about that. As I’ve already alluded to, this movie comes with a pretty big hurdle to clear – that being that the first film pretty much scratched the whole “I want to see live-action Transformers” itch that many of us had. Now we’ve seen it, and there’s very little a sequel can do to push it any further. Bay’s answer is, not surprisingly, to simply make the action scenes bigger. Well, whoopity-doo. Sure, the action is louder and longer, but that doesn’t make it better. Nothing here feels any different than what we already got in the last movie…with the possible exception of being even more incomprehensible (seriously, would it have killed them to include some sort of visual way to make the Autobots and Decepticons easier to tell apart – there were certain moments where I didn’t even know which fighting robot I was supposed to be rooting for).

Look, I could go on and on about the further problems, but there are simply too many to get into without risking this just becoming a long, rambling diatribe. So instead, I’m gonna do something a little different for one of my reviews, and pay homage to my regular weekly column with a look at:

THE TOP 5 THINGS THAT PISSED ME OFF ABOUT THIS MOVIE

*Spoilers ahead*

5. Optimus Prime

Whoa, take it easy – I’m not saying anything negative about the character of Optimus Prime…I’m just mad that this movie doesn’t seem to give a damn about him. One of the best things about the first film is that it got Optimus Prime right. The stoic leadership and his empathy for humans were on full display, all perfectly delivered by Peter Cullen. Well, Cullen is back, but the character itself has been severely botched. The only effort the film makes to present Prime as special is the whole “only a Prime can destroy the Fallen” thing. And even that doesn’t make any sense – when it comes down to it, Prime simply uses his fists to fight the Fallen. Why couldn’t any of the other Transformers have done that? Ignoring that, there are moments where he’s made to look like a complete idiot, such as when he first sees Megatron and – despite having killed him in the last movie – doesn’t even react (and don’t even bother remembering that line from the first movie that insinuated they were brothers – it’s completely ignored here). There’s another moment later where Prime comes to and immediately accepts assistance from an elderly Decepticon that we assume he has never met. I guess it all works out in the end, but isn’t that kind of a shady call from someone who is supposed to be such a great tactical leader?

4. Alice

What is the deal with Alice, the one Decepticon that can pose as a human being? Why is it the only Transformer that has learned this trick? And even if you accept that there only is one robot that can pull that off…why does it do it? At no other point do the Decepticons seems interested in subterfuge in order to keep their existence hidden from the humans (why would they?). So why would they bother sending an undercover agent to college classes and parties rather than just bust in and grab Sam? And if Alice’s mission is to get Sam, why does she easily give up and go home after getting sprayed with motor oil? How important could her mission be if a little thing like that is enough to deter her for awhile?

3. Too crude

Hey, I’m no prude, but even I think this movie went a little too far. Sure, it’s PG-13, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a kids movie at the end of the day, and so the filmmakers could have shown a little more restraint towards the language and humor of the film. And even if I’m not personally offended by the sophomoric stuff, I still feel like the movie doesn’t need it. It didn’t need two scenes of dog sex, it didn’t need Transformer testicles, it didn’t need an elderly robot farting a parachute, it didn’t need a little robot humping Megan Fox’s leg (we get it, Michael – you think seeing things hump is hilarious). All of this makes the infamous “Transformer peeing” scene from the first movie look downright classy in comparison.

2. Not enough Transformers

Like I said, I never agreed with the criticism that the first Transformers movie spent too little time with the robots and too much time with the humans…but that’s clearly the case this time. Sure, we finally get a little more screen-time devoted to the Megatron-Starscream relationship (the only improvement over the first movie), but that’s pretty much the only Transformers relationship that is given any sort of time. There are never any moments where we see the Autobots alone, discussing what is going on amongst themselves. Of the first film’s group, at least Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are given things to do. Most of the other bots, on the other hand, are essentially useless, showing up every now and then to say a line and remind the audience they exist. This is made all the more annoying by the aforementioned fact that none of the human characters are interesting enough to justify all the screen-time they are essentially stealing from the Transformers...you know, those robots that the movie is named after!

1. Mudflap and Skids

Ahhh, yes, the two new “star” Autobots - Mudflap and Skids. By now, you’ve already read or heard about how offensively racist these characters seem, and I’m not gonna dispute it. But even ignoring that, they are just completely unbearable. Nothing they say is funny, and yet they just won’t go away. It’s a testament to how worthless they are that whenever they are around, the other characters don’t even acknowledge them. I’m serious…I’m convinced you could make a fan-edit of the movie removing any footage of Mudflap and Skids, and it would result in only the most minor of story-holes. So then why the hell are they given so much screen-time??

Look, maybe you’ll say I was barking up the wrong tree expecting anything of substance or value from a Michael Bay Transformers movie, but I stand by the first film. I’m sure given more time, a better script, and a tighter leash on Bay, Revenge of the Fallen could have overcome the fact that, by design, it’s essentially more of the same. But not like this. Bay has tried to top the previous film not by improving the story or expanding the mythology, but rather by taking everything the first film had and just making it bigger. I understand that’s how Bay thinks sequels work (also see: Bad Boys II), and given the box office, maybe he’s right. But in this case, at least, the end result is a disappointing mess of epic proportions – a film so big, so arrogant, and so excessive that it eventually just collapses in on itself. I walked out of the first film thinking “man, I can’t wait for the sequel.” Now I’ve seen that sequel, and I’m thinking we can probably do without a third movie. Oh well…it was nice while it lasted.

The 411: After surprising many with a genuinely entertaining first movie, Michael Bay has finally delivered the film that many fans always feared. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is an overly-long and astoundingly stupid film - a testament to what happens when a director obsessed with excess is left alone and allowed to fully indulge in all his fetishes and passions. There is simply no excuse for a movie about giant robots to be this unbearably boring.

Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]