Piranha 3D Review

Posted by Tony Farinella on 08.21.2010

If you blink, you might miss Richard Dreyfus in this one.


If you are walking into a movie called Piranha 3D, you probably know what to expect. Much like my review of The Expendables, I tried to review this film based on two factors: the action, or in this case, the blood, and the fun factor. It’s a simple formula for a simple film. If both of those factors are in full force, you really can’t be too disappointed. You have to be aware of what you are walking into and set your expectations accordingly. With those expectations cemented in my brain, I put on my 3D glasses and prepared myself for this movie going experience. I also put a big smile on my face and braced myself for the cheese factor to reach epic proportions.

Piranha 3D takes place in Lake Victoria, a normally quiet place that turns wild when Spring Break hits. It becomes a hotbed of boobs, booze, and good times. The festivities are hosted by writer/director/actor Eli Roth, who tells the ladies that their bodies are weapons of masturbation. He also drowns the ladies in a wet t-shirt contest and tells the audience, "Let's get ready for some tittayys!” We also have a young director named Derrick Jones, played by the always cheesy Jerry O’ Connell. The day before seeing this film, I was talking to a good friend of mine on the phone about it, and he summed it up perfectly: “If you want the cheese, you bring Jerry O’ Connell.” He does not disappoint here, as not only is he over the top, he’s looking down at the top. His character is almost an exact replica of Joe Francis from Girls Gone Wild.

We also have Hamlet 2’s Elisabeth Shue in another entertaining turn as the local town sheriff, along with Ving Rhames, who plays Deputy Fallon. They end up finding a decaying body and call in the experts to find out what is going on in this water. Adam Scott shows up as one of the so-called experts and ends up biting off more than he can chew, pun intended. They end up catching one of these nasty little guys and they bring it to Christopher Lloyd, for more expert analysis. They discover that an underwater earthquake has allowed these piranhas, who were previously dormant for thousands of years, to return. These little guys are angry, ferocious, and feed on human blood. As Christopher Lloyd explains, “The piranha hunt in packs. The first bite draws blood, blood draws the pack.”

There is also a storyline involving the sheriff’s children and Derrick Jones. Her oldest song, played by Steven R. McQueen, ends up getting a job with Derrick as a talent scout and location manager. He also has a crush on the lovely Kelly, played by Jessica Szohr. Derrick is trying to capture her innocence on film for his Wild, Wild Girls production. Did I mention that Kelly Brook is also in this film? Oh, she’s in the film, and you see exactly what you want to see out of her, if you catch my drift. We also get porn star Riley Steele in case you needed more boobs. And hey, who doesn’t these days?

You have to admire a cheesy b-movie that is well-made, well-acted, and well-shot. Director Alexandre Aja, who has previously directed the remake of The Hills of Have Eyes and High Tension, knows how to create genuine tension. He also films the underwater scenes beautifully, including one scene involving the lovely ladies of this film. It’s comically gorgeous, if that makes sense. He is guilty of maybe taking a little too long to get to the good stuff. The first half hour or so drags on a little bit too long, with extended party scenes. It’s forgiven, though, because when the shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan and it’s mass destruction before our very eyes. He also uses the 3D when needed, without overdoing it. He doesn’t just use it for the kills, though. He uses it for beer, puke, and other random acts of grossness. Hey, it’s a horror film, what did you expect?

Out of all the actors in the film, Jerry O’ Connell looks to be having the most fun. He just completely goes for it and lets loose with this character. I think it would have been a lot of fun to have some scenes with Roth and O’ Connell together because they are both complete dirt bags in this film and they could have been a solid team. Elisabeth Shue is really making some interesting career choices lately, and I mean that in a good way. She’s a badass in this one and a believable one at that. Adam Scott has some funny deadpan moments as well. You have to admire the casting of a film like this. They didn’t just fill it out with a bunch of nobodies. They wanted it to be a cheesy flick, yes, but at least you aren’t laughing at how bad the acting is. The actors know it’s cheesy and play off of that premise.

As far as the piranhas themselves, they are nasty little creatures. They don’t waste any time in killing these moronic spring breakers. They seem to enjoy it, as a matter of fact. There are a ton of them, and they seem nearly impossible to contain. Throughout the course of the film, they eat boobs, asses, fingers, penises, and anything else they can sink their teeth into. If you face just one of them, it might not seem that scary, but when you face the pack, it’s overwhelming. It’s also interesting because they are underwater, and you never know if you will be able to escape the water before they get to you. You also might be unaware of them completely. It makes for some good scares during the course of the movie.

In the end, Piranha 3D, much like The Expendables, is an event movie. It needs to be seen on the big screen with a big audience. It’s also not going to hold up on multiple viewings or in regular 2D. It needs to be seen in 3D. With all that being said, it’s an insanely good time at the movies and I have to give it props for being well-made and well-acted. They actually tried here. I have to admit that when the piranhas attacked, I laughed as hard as I’ve ever laughed at the movies in a long, long time. If you need a good laugh and a good scream, this is the movie for you. It won’t disappoint, if this is what you are looking for this weekend at the movies.

The 411: Piranha 3D knows what it is and not shy about that fact. This is the kind of movie that ends the Summer of 2010 on a high note. Actor Adam Scott went on to say this on his Twitter page, “Seriously. If you feel ripped off, I will come to your house and act out my scenes for you and your friends. You provide shotgun and fish.” Don’t worry, Adam, no one is going to be disappointed by Piranha 3D. It’s the best time you’re going to have the movies this summer. It’s scary, bloody, and sexy.

Final Score:  7.0   [ Good ]