Machete Review [2]

Posted by Tony Farinella on 09.04.2010

How does Machete hold up compared to other self-aware movies this summer? Check out our full review!


Machete is Hollywood’s gift to Danny Trejo for all of his years of loyal service to the business. The present includes making out with Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan, or maybe that’s the desert? He also gets top billing in a film that includes Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, and Michelle Rodriguez. They also give him the chance to kill a bunch of bad guys in some very unique ways to make up for all the times that he was killed in past films. Hey, it might not be an Academy Award, but I don’t think Danny Trejo minds. It’s the next best thing for one of the hardest working actors in Hollywood. See? Hollywood does give back. They appreciate their guys.

Danny Trejo stars as Machete, a hardcore Federale who has a PHD in kicking ass and taking names. His most loyal weapon is his machete, which he uses to slice and dice anyone who is stupid enough to get in his way. He’s on a mission to save a young girl, which ends up being a double cross at the hands of none other than Steven Seagal. Believe it or not, this is Steven Seagal’s first theatrical film since Half Past Dead. Richard Roeper once joked that Half Past Dead sounds like a documentary about Steven Seagal’s career. He’s playing against type here and embraces this villainous turn with his usual Zen charm. Seagal ends up killing Machete’s wife and daughter and believes that he has also left Machete for dead as well.

Years later, Machete finds himself near the Texas border looking to start over and make some money. He finds himself involved in some street fighting and makes five hundred dollars without even hitting the other guy. Now that’s a good gig, if I do say so myself. When he’s not picking up a few extra bucks doing odd jobs, he finds time to stop and eat tacos at a taco stand run by Luz, played by Michelle Rodriguez. She’s not your usual taco maker, though. She runs “the network,” which allows illegal immigrants to get jobs and start a new life in America. Hot on her trail, though, is Sartana (Jessica Alba), a federal agent who is always going around asking people for their papers. She has a job to do and doesn’t like people standing in her way.

Machete, meanwhile, is offered $150,000 by Booth (Jeff Fahey) to kill the Senator (Robert De Niro), which ends up being another double cross. Machete has learned from his previous setup, though, and is properly prepared for this one. The problem, though, is now he’s on everyone’s radar. He’s no longer floundering around Texas, going unnoticed. Now he’s a hot target. You see, the Senator and his partner, played by Don Johnson of all people, like to go hunting for illegal immigrants escaping from Mexico. Booth was hoping that if the Senator was shot, it would raise his approval rating and get him reelected. He needs the Senator in office in order for him to be in control of the border. Booth is also taking orders from Torrez (Seagal). I hope I didn’t lose anyone here. Ninety-nine percent of this is revealed in the trailer, so I’m not giving anything away.

While Seagal might be playing against type, Lohan is perfectly cast as the out of control daughter of Booth. She talks about how she knows what her viewers on the Internet want to see and that she also knows how to crack a few nuts. While I don’t think this is the kind of performance or film that will revitalize her career, it is nice to at least see her in something like this. She seems to be embracing her bad girl image and not taking herself too seriously. As far as Alba is concerned, this is also one of her better performances, but that’s not saying much. We’re talking about a career that includes The Love Guru and Good Luck Chuck . Still, we do see signs that she can be a credible actress and not just a pretty face. Michelle Rodriguez, without question, is the best of the three and looks amazing in this film. She’s a real beauty.

There is also a priest played by Cheech Marin, who is unlike any other priest in the history of movies or in the history of priests. Tom Savini, special effects and make up guru, is also in this picture as well. I believe I have covered everyone that is included in the 105 minute running time. It’s clear that Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis did a lot of careful planning when it came to the cast. When you have a film like this, where it’s completely over the top and unbelievable, you need the right actors to pull it off. I really liked the mixture of stars. You have Seagal, who is known for his action films from the 80’s and early 90’s (I'm not going to speak of his work after that). With all of the dreadful direct to DVD movies that Seagal makes, the least he could do is show up in a good movie. I like Seagal, and I’m glad he’s finally not taking himself so seriously. For a while there, I thought he was humor-impaired. I mean, we were laughing at his films, but it was misplaced laughter. You also have De Niro, an Oscar-winning actor, who adds a whole different dimension to the film. We also can’t forget about your three babes, which we talked about earlier, and Miami Vice’s Don Johnson. Of course, you have Danny Trejo, a journeyman actor if there ever was one.

Machete, of course, was one of the fake trailers during Grindhouse, the Rodriguez-Quentin Tarantino love fest of exploitation movies. We’re still waiting on Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving. A lot has been made about the social issues presented in the movie, and while I don’t have a problem with using film as a forum for social commentary, I feel like this is probably the wrong movie for that sort of thing. In a summer that has included cheese fests like The Expendables and Piranha 3D, Machete is right at home. Sometimes the social commentary and over plotting affect the fun factor and bog down the pacing, though. That said, the action more than makes up for it, as the film finds all kinds of bizarre ways to kill its victims off. You have high heels to eyeballs, weed whackers, human intestines used as rope, and people chopping off hands with guns still attached to them and using that same gun with the severed hand. I couldn’t make this stuff up, if I tried.

While the violence comes hard and heavy, Rodriguez knows how to effortlessly change tones without making it feel forced. His actors also know all the right notes to hit. You can tell that they really enjoy working with Rodriguez, who is a real actor’s director. We also get the usual Grindhouse camera effects that also add to the experience. Unlike The Expendables, though, I do believe that this film will have good repeat viewing value. You’ll want to hear some of the lines again and relive some of the outrageous kills. There’s a reason that so many people love the old action movies. I know I use the word “fun” a lot when reviewing these movies, but it’s true. They are a lot of fun, and when you leave the theater, you are laughing and you have a big smile on your face. These films are made out of a place of love, and as hardcore movie fans, we share that love.

Machete is disgusting, gross, sexy, insane, crazy, out of this world, politically incorrect, socially conscious, violent, bloody, nasty, and in-your-face. If you are easily offended, it’s not for you, obviously. If you like your movies loud and proud, you’ll be right at home with Machete . Danny Trejo finally gets his shot and he does disappoint. He lives this character, inside and out, from the scars on his face to this weary voice. He has survived and thrived in Hollywood and in life. Machete is the same way. He has survived and thrived throughout all of the double crossings and hard times. Machete, I hope, will lead to other Grindhouse films that were once trailers. There’s a lot to work with, and this genre is never stale and rarely boring.

The 411: Over plotting and social issues aside, this is a great time at the movies. Like I said before, I don't mind social commentary in movies, I just don’t think this was the right kind of movie for this message. I know horror directors have being doing it for years, but it seems misplaced here. Machete also features a solid ending that plays on Seagal’s film history, notably Executive Decision. You get what you pay for with Machete. You have sexy babes, in-your-face action, and crazy action sequences. All you have to do is say to yourself: Steven Seagal as a drug lord. De Niro as a crazy, gun touting senator. Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Michelle Rodriguez all looking good. Robert Rodriguez directing. The film practically sells itself!

Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]