Colombiana Review

Posted by Jeremy Wilson on 08.28.2011

Zoe Saldana and company help usher in the end of summer with Colombiana. the story of a female assassin wearing as little as possible (for a PG-13 film) while seeking revenge for the death of her parents. Is it trashy or flashy? 411's Jeremy Wilson checks in with his full review.

Directed by: Olivier Megaton
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen

Cateleya Restrepo: Zoe Saldana
Danny Delaney: Michael Vartan
Emilio Restrepo: Cliff Curtis
Richard: Callum Blue
Marco: Jordi Molla
Special Agent Ross: Lennie James
Special Agent Williams: Max Martini
Head Marshall Warren: Graham McTavish
Young Cateleya: Amandla Stenberg

Rated PG-13 for violence, distrubing images, intense sequences of action, sexuality and brief strong language.
Running Time: 107 minutes



*Needless to say, spoilers are contained within this review. If you don't want to know, read it later. If you don't care, read on.*

You will learn early on (as in the first 10-15 minutes) whether Colombiana is your kind of movie or not. The film shows its protagonist, Cateleya, at a young age watching the murder of her parents as she sits at the kitchen table. As Marco, one of the men responsible, sits at the table to ask if she will provide him with the computer chip that he's looking for, the young girl suddenly pulls out a knife, stabs him through the hand and escapes (by way of parkour) through the streets of Bogota with the group of men chasing after her. Young Cateleya then provides the chip to the CIA who take her to America. However, the young girl escapes her custodian (more parkour!) through a bathroom window and heads to Chicago to find her remaining family, where she will go on to nurse her appetite for revenge and learn to be one of the most skilled killers in the world.

If you find the concept of 9-year-old girls using parkour to escape danger too ridiculous and over-the-top for you, then I'm sorry to say Colombiana may not be your movie. If you are wondering about what was on that chip and your enjoyment of movies rests solely on the intelligence and depth of a film's story and script, again, this isn't your movie. Everyone else? Colombiana's exagggerated over-the-top action and knowingly campy B-movie bravado may be just what you're looking for as the end of summer draws to a close. It's cheap and preposterous, but they (and quite possibly you) had a blast doing it – and it shows.

Overall, Colombiana is technically not a very good movie. Its script is full of holes and underdeveloped sub-plots, while most of its characters – in fact all of the characters except for Cateleya – are one-dimensional and cliché. But what Colombiana lacks in artistic quality, it more than makes up for in entertainment and fun, two qualities that can be harder to objectively critique but are just as important as a film's artistic quality. Zoe Saldana has a lot to do with this – she's gorgeous, a fine actress who has a blast with the role and is able to handle action sequences in a believable and entertaining way, which she has proven on runaway hits like Avatar and moderate successes such as The Losers. It's all over-the-top but none more than Cateleya herself: she sucks lollipops while cleaning her gun, stages elaborately ridiculous assassinations, leaves a drawing of a Cattleya orchid on her victims as a calling card, is in various states of undress throughout the film and is prominently shown with her nipples poking through various skimpy/tight-fit outfits throughout the first half of the movie. This character is like Lara Croft on steroids. Is it exploitative and meant to be titillating? Definitely. Is it degrading or sexist? I don't believe so. In fact, Colombiana and the character of Cateleya comes off 1000% more effective in promoting a sense of kick-ass female empowerment, rather then say, a movie such as Sucker Punch from earlier this year.

In addition to Saldana, Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3) deserves some credit as well. He is a director not totally unfamiliar with the style and subject of this type of B-level action movie and it shows in some of his compelling and entertaining set pieces. There is a sequence early on in the film in which Cateleya gets herself arrested and locked up for the night that is both absurd and entertaining as hell. Saldana wears some barely there cocktail dress, but – like Inspector Gadget – somehow manages to hide a full body suit (among other things) underneath and then crawl through ventilation shafts in the ceiling of the jail to get to her target. Another amusing set piece comes when the FBI finally finds Cateleya and she must escape her apartment complex by blowing through neighbors' walls and down an elevator shaft. The most preposterously entertaining of them all comes towards the end as the bad guys are planning security for the complex and describing her typical stealth tactics for killing and escaping unseen. As they are all huddled together planning their defenses, a missile comes from left to right heading straight at them, announcing she's there (screw stealth) and launching into the final chaotic fight.

Megaton and Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, Leon: The Professional, The Fifth Element) really nail the tone and pacing with Colombiana, something just as important as the action and Saldana's performance. The tone is self-knowing to its own preposterous nature and about as unsubtle as any film you are likely to see this year. Unlike some other bigger action films, it knows what kind of a film it is and wants to be, injecting a sense of campy fun and light touch, but leaving a simple, yet dramatic core plot that keeps you invested in Cateleya and provides enough context and conflict in the action.

The cast aside from Saldana is relatively strong, but their characters are written as more one-dimensional and cliché than was necessary. The bad guys all universally fit that bill and even some of the bigger supporting characters from the good guys are fairly non-descript. Cliff Curtis is good as Emilio, but the character has a lot of interesting attributes (including a murdered son which is mentioned) that are never truly explored and he simply acts as Cateleya's guardian and “agent” of sorts. Lennie James is also pretty solid as the FBI agent tracking who he thinks is a male serial killer, although again, the character as written is a bit cliché and not very interesting. Matthew Vartan is not very good as Cateleya's love interest, a painter who wants to tone down the sex and get to know her. He constantly looks uncomfortable and while Saldana jumps off the screen, he never truly rises to the occasion.

Obviously the script is not necessarily the strength of Colombiana. Lines such as “It can't be a woman” when Agent Ross dismisses the notion that they may be looking for someone other than a man are a little too frequent. There are also throwaway elements such as a stuffed alligator as a present (weird and random) and the previously mentioned computer chip that leave a few too many questions not only unanswered but barely explored. It is also a bit jarring to have so many Europeans acting American (some unconvincingly so) in the film, with some struggling to capture and maintain the right accent. Finally, I am torn on the PG-13 rating. There is no nudity, no real blood to speak of and only one use of the “F-word” that I could uncover. However, it is one of these films that steps right up to that line and there is a ton of violence. This is a film for adults, not necessarily one I would want most 13-year-olds to see. Yet again, I couldn't help but contemplate the hypocrisy inherent in the MPAA ratings board and the constantly and consistently arbitrary nature of their ratings. I find it bizarre and laughable that a film like The King's Speech was rated R, but Colombiana is PG-13.

In the end, Colombiana is elevated by Zoe Saldana. The script and cast around her may feel underdeveloped and flat, but Cateleya never does. One could easily see a franchise born out of this, a series of B-grade action films that continues to expand Saldana's growing reputation as one of Hollywood's premier female action stars. With a better, more developed script and more interesting, complex story, a sequel could really be something interesting. As it is, Colombiana continues in the tradition of Besson/Megaton films with dizzying and impressive action featuring strong, stereotype-defying kickass characters (many of them female) which happen to be a pretty fun affair.

The 411: Colombiana perfectly embodies the virtues in ridiculously over-the-top, campy action movies. There is nothing complex or subtle about it in the slightest, but Saldana, Megaton and Besson make it work. The film is much like its central protagonist; it gets in, does the job and then gets out, usually in a most entertaining fashion. Zoe Saldana is particularly engaging and entertaining as Cateleya, the devastatingly beautiful and dangerous assassin who spends the majority of the film in states of undress (of the PG-13 variety). Saldana is a very good actress who wrings every ounce of possibility (what little there may be) from her character and the script, providing us with one hell of a kick-ass “heroine.” I put that term in quotes because the most interesting story aspect of Colombiana is in how far it goes in blurring the line when it comes to Cateleya. Is Cateleya truly still the avenging good guy, seeking justice and revenge for the murder of her parents, or has she gone too far in her pursuit and become like who she is seeking? To be sure, I and others may wonder about that more than Colombiana itself does, but while the script and film are limited in their aim, there remain intriguing – and entertaining – possibilities bubbling underneath the film's tongue-in-cheek, wink-wink surface. It's not a great film by any stretch, but is entertaining and fun enough to justify seeing – the kind of movie Michael Bay only wishes he could make. Recommended.

Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]