Date Movie Review
Posted by Jacob Ziegler on 02.20.2006
Not even the drunken frat guys were laughing...
DATE MOVIE
February 17, 2006
Julia Jones: Alyson Hannigan
Grant Funkyerdoder: Adam Campbell
Roz Funkyerdoder: Jennifer Coolidge
Hitch: Tony Cox
Bernie Funkyerdoder: Fred Willard
Frank Jones: Eddie Griffin
Andy: Sophie Monk
Twentieth Century Fox presents a film directed by Aaron Seltzer. It was written by Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. The running time is too long. It is rated PG-13 for continuous crude and sexual humor including language.
BY JACOB ZIEGLER, 411Movies
"Date Movie" was not screened for critics here in the United States (though it was in Europe for some odd reason), but I was lucky enough to get to attend a private screening. This special event was set up by some sorority (I live in Kalamazoo, a definite college town), so the entire audience was made up of sorority girls and fraternity guys.
Now, I've been working at a video store for over a year, and I like to think that I've been able to get a handle on what kind of films appeal to certain demographics. I thought that "Date Movie" would be insanely entertaining to these people.
But that's not what happened. During scenes that were intended to be uproarious, I heard crickets. At other points, I heard phrases like "this is horrible" and "are you kidding?" This is not the reaction I expected, but it is exactly what the film deserved, because it was quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen. I was longing for the hilarity of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" compared to this. It was absolutely excruciating to sit through.
The film opens with our main character, Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan in a fat suit) doing an obnoxious dance to Kelis's "Milkshake," a song that was released nearly three years ago. This sets the tone for an extraordinarily irritating film that seems to be stuck in the late ‘90s or early ‘00s. Julia longs for a lover, but the fact that she's fat and ugly is a big deterrent. It also doesn't help that her father (Eddie Griffin) is black, her mother is Indian, her sister is Asian, and they're all somehow Jewish, and her father wants her to marry someone who shares these characteristics. This limits her options to the thoroughly disgusting Nicky (Judah Friedlander, taking a huge step down from "American Splendor").
Then she meets Grant Funkyerdoder (Adam Campbell), the not so cleverly named would-be suitor, who even finds her attractive when she's ugly. They go through a series of alleged comedic mishaps, all under the guise of being satirical.
What these two (amongst six) writers of "Scary Movie" don't understand is that simply to repeat lines from a movie is not a parody. To have a "Napoleon Dynamite" character come out and say "gosh" is not anything that wasn't already done by this one movie called "Napoleon Dynamite." Having Grant fake an orgasm at a diner the way Meg Ryan did in "When Harry Met Sally" is not clever, it's simply stealing. Oh, and let's not forget the cutting edge jokes about Michael Jackson's predilection for little boys, or the fact that Jennifer Lopez has an ample posterior, because that is NEW stuff. There's not a fresh or original thought to be found anywhere.
Just a few short months ago, I proclaimed "Dirty Love" to be the new worst film I have ever seen. "Date Movie" may have just knocked it off its perch. And believe me, "Dirty Love" was really, really bad. The people behind "Date Movie" and other such "comedies" just don't seem to understand the concept of satire. Even worse, they also don't seem to have a grip on the concept of "comedy."
The 411: “Date Movie” is without question one of the single worst movies I have ever seen in my life. If there’s another movie in 2006 that’s worse than this I would be shocked. Allyson Hannigan may never recover, and may shame be brought upon talented people like Fred Willard and Jennifer Coolidge who agreed to participate in this sham.
