The Benchwarmers Review
Posted by Chad Webb on 04.10.2006
I’d rather stay on the bench during this game.
Rob Schneider: Gus
David Spade: Richie
Jon Heder: Clark
Jon Lovitz: Mel
Craig Kilborn: Jerry
Molly Sims: Liz
Tim Meadows: Wayne
Nick Swardson: Howie
Reggie Jackson: As Himself
Directed by: Dennis Dugan
Release Date: April 7, 2006
Running Time: 80 minutes
Rated PG-13 for crude and suggestive humor, and for language.
Adam Sandler's Happy Madison production company is obviously gearing all of its new releases towards the type of humor that gave the Big Daddy star his initial following. The comparisons to Billy Madison are plain as day. These gags are not just recycled, they are reused to the point that it seems like some sort of tortuous routine. The Benchwarmers is the latest scheme brought forth by Sandler's partners in crime, screenwriters Nick Swardson, Allen Covert, and director Dennis Dugan. This effort is not a total loss, but asking the crew to try some new jokes would be equivalent to asking a small child to eat all his vegetables. If The Bad News Bears and The Three Stooges got together and produced an offspring, it would be The Benchwarmers, with Adam Sandler as the child's Godfather.
Gus Matthews (Rob Schneider) runs his own landscaping company, and his stunning wife Liz (Molly Sims) wants nothing more than get him in bed. Clark (Jon Heder) rides his bike through the neighborhood each day on his paper route. Richie (David Spade) works as a clerk at the local Video Spot. They were not the most popular kids in school, and they were never very good at sports either. The unit have been scared by the bullies that pushed them around, and when a Little League baseball team refuses to let Nelson (Max Prado) and his friends play on the field, Gus, Richie, and Clark are forced to intervene and defend them. The three of them challenge this team to a game, and surprisingly enough, they kick the Little League team's butts. Well, Gus appears to be the only one with any talent. Richie chops with the bat like he has a sword, and Clark swings so wildly hard that the bat flies out of his hand. The coach of the opposing team, Jerry (Craig Kilborn), is very angry at the loss and vows revenge.
This win brightens their spirits, and soon after the victory they are approached by Mel Schmegmer (Jon Lovitz). Mel is the father of little Nelson, and he is also a gazillionaire. He wants to take these newfound geeky heroes, and make them into a team that faces all the great Little League teams in the state. He names the team, "The Benchwarmers", and the prize for the winner of Mel's tournament is a brand spanking new stadium that replicates all the great Major League Baseball parks. Soon "The Benchwarmers" run with a great winning streak that supplies a huge legion of nerd fans. With the aid of some training by Reggie Jackson, the group must stand up to every Jerry, and every other bully by winning the tournament and the stadium, so all children can engage in America's favorite pastime without being intimidated.
Rob Schneider is not high on most critics' lists as of late. The Deuce Bigalow films have marked him for life, not to mention the fact that he is having a difficult time removing himself from Adam Sandler's shadow. Schneider portrays Gus Matthews, and he is the least annoying of the three stars. His normal bits of pleasantry take a back seat here, and it is left up to Jon Heder and David Spade to pick up the slack. Gus just loves the game of baseball, and as the team leader, he only wants the best for every youngster out there who has been tormented. None of these men have a speck of athletic talent in their bodies, but I suppose that's the point.
Imagine the character of Napoleon Dynamite as a lovably goofy but happy person, and that is Clark, performed by Jon Heder. What is so funny about Jon Heder? My guess would be that the absurdity of his actions is funny because he is tall, gangly, and has an unusual voice. Clark is much funnier that Napoleon Dynamite, but just like Napoleon, Clark's frivolity gets tiresome quickly. As Richie, David Spade is monumentally hard to laugh at. It is a shame that those days of teaming with Chris Farley are over. Richie has a ridiculous mustache, a stupid hair style, and a bothersome speech. These two are only comical in moderation, and unfortunately most of their antics fall as flat as a pancake. Jon Lovitz steals the show as the wealthy Mel Schmegmer. Even the worst movies are improved by Lovitz and his wonderful sense of humor. He sports a leather jacket like David Hasslehoff, and his car K.I.T.T. from Night Rider. He also has the original Batmobile, a robotic waiter named "#7", and a collection of Star Wars memorabilia that sci-fi nerds could only dream about.
It is not so much the dialogue, but the slapstick, the gadgets that Mel owns, and the website that has dorks of all kinds signing on and downloading the podcasts of the Benchwarmers games that generates the most laughter hilarity. The many horrible jests of farts, boogers, peeing, and other bodily functions can cause giggles and chuckles once in awhile, but when they are forced down the viewers throats in overload, it is an enormous turn off. Here is an example:
Gus: Could you not pick your nose in front of me? Clark: I'm not picking, I'm scratching. Gus: What are you scratching, your brain? Clark: Yeah, 'cause it's so huge.
Laughter did not ensue when that was seen in the trailer, and it got worse during the actual film.
This brand of rude and crude banter is no stranger to director Dennis Dugan. He is well-known primarily for being the brains behind Happy Gilmore and Problem Child. One of his strengths include exposing a vivid and colorful atmosphere to complement the script, but his overuse of clichés makes finding any other positives similar to locating a needle in a haystack. Allen Covert and Nick Swardson reunite as co-screenwriters for the second time after Grandma's Boy from earlier this year. I appreciated that film for its utilization of randomness and a unique storyline, but the uniqueness and distinctiveness is none existent in The Benchwarmers.
A few surprises are inserted that might grab the audience's attention for a second, but nothing more. Immature films such as this cannot be taken too seriously, but what separates The Benchwarmers from gems like Happy Gilmore is the comedic timing that Dugan and company failed to study this time around. The moral of the tale is admirable, and the lessons are important, but this formulaic sports comedy is too big of a mess to be anything special.
The 411: It’s not as bad as you might expect, but it isn’t that great either. If you love naughty jokes about boogers, farts, and big eating that are given in excess, then look no further. If this were not about baseball, it might be a bit more interesting, but it’s not. Spade, Schneider, and Heder are good for an occasional laugh or two, but that’s it. The Benchwarmers could be worthy of a rental if nothing else is available, but only if your desperate.
