Roy Eberhardt: Logan Lerman
Beatrice: Brie Larson
Mullet Fingers: Cody Linley
Clark Gregg: Muckle
Officer Delinko: Luke Wilson
Dana Matherson: Eric Phillips
Garrett: Dean Collins
Mr. Ryan: Jimmy Buffett
Curly: Tim Blake Nelson
Directed By: Wil Shriner
Release Date: May 5th, 2006
Running Time: 90 minutes
Rated PG for mild bullying and brief language.
Hoot teaches everyone a respectable and thoughtful lesson, but the 90 minute running time feels more like a grueling detention than a learning experience. A healthy dose of family fun is an essential vitamin for the moviegoer every once in awhile. Breaking free from the exaggerated comedies and non-stop action flicks is only natural. This year, Eight Below has been the brightest and most enjoyable offering of this genre so far. That movie was about saving dogs. Hoot is about saving owls. The difference between the two is that the majority of Eight Below displayed the dogs, because well, that is what the plot revolves around. In Hoot, viewers will see the burrowing owls peek out of their holes a couple of times but that's it. I think I should care more about saving these creatures, but I don't.
Our story opens up with the main character, Roy Eberhardt (Logan Lerman), riding a horse through the mountains of Montana. Am I watching Hoot or Brokeback Mountain 2: The Prequel? Anyway, Roy has moved about 6 times in the last 7 years due to his father's job at the Justice Department. Obviously, this upsets Roy greatly. This time he is whisked away to Coconut Cove, Florida. On the first day he gets picked on by the nasty school bully Dana (Eric Phillips) (I'm sure no one saw this coming). He ends up breaking the school bully's nose due to watching a barefoot kid running along the same path his school bus travels. His curiosity is noticed by the girl bully of the school, named Beatrice "The Bear" (Brie Larson), who wants him to mind his own business. Meanwhile, the inept Officer Delinko (Luke Wilson) is investigating numerous incidents involving a mysterious assailant, who is sabotaging the construction of a new pancake house.
In case you haven't realized it by now, the barefoot kid is responsible for the attacks on the construction site. His name is Mullet Fingers (Cody Linley) because he can catch fish with his bare hands. He frequently pulls the stakes out of the ground, but in addition to that, he releases a bunch of cottonmouth snakes, steals the seat off of the bulldozer, and hides alligators in the toilets in order to thwart the building. The problem is some burrowing owls live in the ground where the construction is taking place. Roy becomes friends with Mullet Fingers and Beatrice, and discovers that they're related. Mullet Fingers lives in an old boat that has apparently been abandoned. The man who runs the future location of Mother Paula's Pancake House is Curly (Tim Blake Nelson), and he answers to Mr. Muckle (Clark Gregg). Muckle is getting angry because he needs this pancake house to be built so he can realize his dream of being the first regional manager to open 100 pancake houses in his district. This character is so preposterously vindictive that he blows a fire extinguisher down the owl burrow to kill them. Roy and his friends agree that they must elude trouble at all costs, and find a way to save the owls before the digging starts.
Not one performance in this film is remotely believable except Jimmy Buffet (oddly enough) as a schoolteacher. The three main friends are such unlikable cardboard caricatures that the audience not once cares about their cause. Many critics have compared the acting here to that of an Afterschool Special. It is worse in my opinion. The fact that Roy gets fascinated with some kid he sees running on the bus route is beyond absurd. I might add that Roy magically decides to himself that Mullet Fingers must have something to do with the construction attacks. He figures this out only after he has seen him running. The acting is even inferior to a show or movie on the ABC family or Disney channels. The relationship between Mullet Fingers and Roy is peculiarly displayed. Some might be thankful for the absence of a love story here. I disagree. Roy and Mullet Fingers are too comfortably fruity with each other to be straight. On top of that, in one scene Roy and Beatrice sleep in the same room together, but of course, Roy does nothing.
This simple tale spawns one of the most atrociously acted police forces in history with Luke Wilson leading the charge. It is disconcerting to observe Luke returning to these poor roles after he was so wonderful in The Family Stone. In retrospect, Hoot could have increased its charm if it were a cartoon. Each brainless character has the same personality they would have possessed in an animated film. Jimmy Buffet also helped produce this film, and while he was tolerable as the Marine Science teacher Mr. Ryan, the annoying songs he provides for the soundtrack get stuck in your head, but in a "rip the hair out of your head" sort of way.
Quite clearly, these lighthearted and nauseating tunes were inserted to distract the viewers from the incredibly paper thin plot, which offer absolutely nothing exciting or surprising. Multiple throw away, yet average, family films are supplied every year. This sluggish, lethargic, and unbearable adaptation of the Carl Hiassen Newberry award winning novel does not even compare to them. Writer and director Wil Shriner is a contributor to many recent sitcoms including Everybody Loves Raymond and Frasier. His feature film debut proves two things: 1) A director of television shows can easily fail when transitioning to cinema, and 2) Sometimes books are much more enjoyable than the shoddy film adaptation. First off, if I were Shriner I would have changed the portion of the story in which the construction was taking place for a pancake house! Step aside Wal-Mart. Forget McDonalds. Mother Paula's Pancake House has the entire town of Coconut Cove elated with happiness. I do not have an IHOP in my area, and I have been living my life just fine.
The filmmaking here is not just lifeless, it is dead on arrival. On a side note, the owls are seen for a grand total of about 1 minute to conceal the fact that they're mechanical. Many reviews have been giving away the ending because of how predictable it is, but I won't do that. Just know that it is extremely preposterous and unbelievably ludicrous. With no momentum and non existent ambition, Hoot accomplishes not one thing a family film should. For those who think I am being too harsh, I urge them to e-mail me, and I will send you a list of family films worth spending time on. In the end, one thing is for sure. Kids who commit felonies to save some endangered species are not heroic.
The 411: This film is just plain bad. There is no other word for it. People may tell me “Be nice. It’s just a cute family movie.” I don’t care. I will show no mercy to sludge like this. Dull acting, aggravating songs, juvenile direction, and horrid dialogue are what result from this attempt at entertainment. I am sure Carl Hiassen is a decent writer, but if this is an introduction to him, we’ll never be courageous enough to find out.
