Poseidon Review [3]
Posted by Chad Webb on 05.16.2006
A remake that drowns immediately, and it couldn’t even have been saved by a life preserver.
Dylan Johns: Josh Lucas
Robert Ramsey: Kurt Russell
Maggie James: Jacinda Barrett
Richard Nelson: Richard Dreyfuss
Conor James: Jimmy Bennett
Jennifer Ramsey: Emmy Rossum
Capt. Bradford: Andre Braugher
Christian: Mike Vogel
Lucky Larry: Kevin Dillon
Elena Gonzalez: Mia Maestro
Marco Valentin: Freddie Rodriguez
Directed By: Wolfgang Petersen
Release Date: May 12th, 2006
Running Time: 98 minutes
Rated PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of disaster and peril.
In 1972, The Poseidon Adventure sailed into theaters, making its disastrous mark felt on millions. 34 years later, director Wolfgang Petersen releases a second voyage for a new generation. There is one problem. Poseidon pulls away from the bay too quickly, and with no hesitation goes full speed ahead and never looks back. As a result, the film tips over almost as soon as the ship in the movie does, taking the audience and their wallets right along with it under the deep murky water. One thing is for sure, viewers won't be bored, and their eyes will be locked onto the screen in disbelief, not of the top notch special effects, but because of the asinine action and irritating characters.
Starting off, the camera pans around the immense looking ship so that moviegoers get a fabulous taste of its fantastic appearance. It is New Year's Eve, and the whole ship is partying. Various characters are introduced. Dylan Johns (Josh Lucas) and Robert Ramsey (Kurt Russell) play the two heroes. Robert Ramsey was a former Mayor of New York City, and he has brought his daughter Jennifer (Emmy Rossum) and her boyfriend Christian (Mike Vogel) along for the trip. Also among the passengers is the insufferable Lucky Larry (Kevin Dillon), Maggie James (Jacinda Barrett) and her son Conor (Jimmy Bennett), the depressed Richard Nelson (Richard Dreyfuss), and Mia Maestro (Elena Gonzalez), who snuck onto the ship. After the conclusion of that inevitable cliché where each person has been given adequate screen time to be established, the wave relentlessly hits, in the most intriguing sequence of the entire film. This time around, the reasoning behind the wave is quick and illogical. It is a "rogue wave" and they are unpredictable and rare. That's it.
The group that has been in the main ballroom has been turned upside down, but is dry for now because that room is basically a bubble. Captain Bradford advises everybody to stay put and not panic. However, Dylan Johns decides to form his own plan by traveling up. He prefers to be alone, but Robert Ramsey and the group of aforementioned characters want to join him. Mr. Ramsey's daughter and boyfriend are one level up and that is where they choose to go on their way to safety.
Putting the comparisons to the original aside, this movie has loads of its own faults that cause it to sink straight to the bottom of the summer movie pile. For starters, at one point Jennifer's boyfriend Christian has his legs pinned by some lighting equipment. The huge deep gash on his leg is shown clearly when he is set free. Magically, with no explanation, he is perfectly fine climbing through demolished debris. Let's talk more about this sequence. Various parts of the ship which have been knocked around are the only path to get to higher ground. It is at this point that the most annoying cinematic character of 2006 is killed. His name is Lucky Larry and he is played by Kevin Dillon. This man has not one iota of the acting talent that his brother Matt has. He is the first key death, but I assure you that he is in the film about 40 minutes too long. Sorry, I gave away one of the deaths. His death destroys the path they need. In order to solve this dilemma, Josh Lucas dives from an incredibly high story into the fire engulfed water below, thus causing the old swimming under the fire cliché. He must be a champion swimmer.
The crew gets trapped, threatened, and soaked in every crack and crevice the ship has. In another segment, the troop crawl through an air shaft, but a steel vent prevents them from breaking through. What is the solution? They use a thin metal cross from a necklace to turn the large metal screws. MacGyver would have been carrying his trusty Swiss Army knife.
My first sign of worry came when I noticed the running time. At 98 minutes, Poseidon is a good 20 minutes shorter than its predecessor. The original took its time and delivered the most realism it possibly could. The remake relies on entertainment only, style with no substance. Generally, director Wolfgang Petersen fashions an epic like no one else, but here he sacrifices short-lived suspense and brief thrills for characters with personality and a story with depth. His execution supplies the water, flames, and sparks for superior special effects, but the rest is careless, as if he thought the audience should be mesmerized solely by the trailer. When one stops to think about it, the bulk of this adventure is just loud explosions combined with a truncated and derivative script by Mark Protosevich.
Despite his reputation, I will not fault Josh Lucas' performance or Kurt Russell's for that matter. All the actors step up to the plate aggressively, with a few exceptions in Kevin Dillon and Jimmy Bennett as Conor. As they wiggle, slither, leap, and swim their way through an implausible storyline, one starts to wait eagerly for people to die. It might sound morbid, but it's true. The cataclysm and mayhem the wave unleashes on the luxury liner ends up being an overload of water that drowns the films excitement quicker than one can imagine. Petersen enjoys crafting pictures about the dangerous sea, and Das Boot was a near masterpiece, but this new perilous journey desperately needed to be delayed from sailing… indefinitely.
It is apparent that this chaotic and overturned trip suffers from a similar drawback that the horror genre does, which is, unless you're Caucasian, you're doomed right away. The Poseidon Adventure was not a perfect film, but it impossible not to respect what it produced. I should also add that unlike the original, all the people in this version seem to be able to hold their breath under water longer than anybody on the face of the earth (At least Shelley Winters explained her skill). Some people will say that I'm carping on small details, but trust me, it makes a difference here. All this does is remind us that the meticulously brilliant 3 hour long King Kong is a rarity among remakes. If Poseidon were a book, it could definitely be judged by its cover.
The 411: I can appreciate the elaborate set design and the special effects, but that is only a quarter of the necessary ingredients. People look down upon 1996’s Daylight, the disaster story involving the escape of a New York tunnel starring Sylvester Stallone, but I would watch that, Titanic, or the original Poseidon Adventure any day over this flop. The performances are sufficient here. It is the story, dialogue, and most notably the action that makes this shallow. I really was looking forward to this, but now I hope that it isn’t a sign of things to come this summer.
