Tim Allen: Jack Shephard/Captain Zoom
Courtney Cox: Marsha Holloway
Chevy Chase: Dr. Grant
Spencer Breslin: Tucker Williams/ Mega Boy
Kevin Zegers: Connor Shephard/ Concussion
Kate Mara: Summer Jones/Wonder
Michael Cassidy: Dylan West/Houdini
Ryan Newman: Cindy Collins/Princess
Rip Torn: General Larraby
Directed By: Peter Hewitt
Release Date: August 11, 2006
Running Time: 83 minutes
Rated PG for brief rude humor, language, and mild action.
Zoom is a complete and total waste of time. Because of this, my review will be brief and to the point. After all, I shouldn’t take up my readers’ time with lengthy discussion on a deplorable film that was given the power of stealing. This is one of the worst types of offerings in cinema. It lacks any imagination or originality whatsoever. The body of Zoom was built with bones from countless other superior films such as Sky High, The Incredibles, X-Men, and on and on. Sludge such as this causes me to wonder who in their right mind at Sony would have given this a final seal of approval to begin production?
Jack Shephard (Tim Allen) is a former super hero named Zoom, who was a member of the Zenith team. Following the teams’ exposure to Gamma 13 radiation, one member named Concussion, Jack’s brother Connor (Kevin Zegers), became evil, and was the team’s arch nemesis from that point forward. Concussion destroyed every member of the team during one monumental battle, except his brother Jack. When Concussion was believed to have disappeared, Jack went into hiding as an Auto repairman, and elimated any thoughts of his powers. Years later, Concussion is suddenly spotted returning to Earth. Without haste, General Larraby (Rip Torn), Dr. Grant (Chevy Chase), and Marsha Holloway (Courtney Cox) of Area 52 ask Jack to assume the position of teacher for a new Zenith team with four new kids. He is reluctant at first, but accepts the task because of a hefty paycheck. Lessons do not start smoothly, but Jack and the group must all find a way to work together before Concussion arrives and wreaks havoc.
Not one of the special youngsters holds any super powers that are remotely interesting or intriguing. Tucker Williams can expand any body part he wants, Summer Jones is telekinetic, Cindy Collins was given the ability to lift up to 5 tons, and Dylan West can make himself invisible. Would it have been a huge hassle to request that one of screenwriters takes a couple minutes to think of some powers that haven’t been consistently used in movies for millenniums? Prior to choosing these particular children, tryouts are held. Some of the super heroes that don’t make the cut are Mucus Boy, Spitball Boy, and some girl that can blink fast. I can hardly contain myself. The super hero names that are awarded to these kids are perhaps the most uncreative and foolish ideas ever put to screen. Tucker is “Mega Boy”, Summer is “Wonder”, Dylan is “Houdini”, and Cindy is “Princess”. In case you haven’t realized it, the script by Adam Rifkin and David Berenbaum is undoubtedly a challenger for worst of the year.
Zoom stars Tim Allen, who has participated in such four star classics like For Richer or Poorer, Joe Somebody, The Shaggy Dog, and of course Galaxy Quest. I am a fan of Tim Allen’s comedic stylings, but besides The Santa Clause franchise, he is best remembered in the sitcom Home Improvement. His performance is fine, but he packs about as much passion as one would when they were called into work on a day off. Viewers will see the dollar signs in his eyes if they look closely. As a matter of fact, the acting in general is up to standard, but the efforts of the cast and crew must be graded as one group, and the crew functions so horribly that any decent exertion by the cast is forgotten. My only complaints by the cast are delivered by the pathetic displays of Chevy Chase and Courtney Cox, who look about as comfortable in the roles as any human would be trapped inside a lion’s den.
Director Peter Hewitt has not had the flourishing and critically acclaimed career he would probably prefer. Zoom continues his streak of bad luck following flops like 1995’s Tom and Huck and 2004’s Garfield. Unfortunately, all the blame for this disastrous mess rests on his shoulders. Lawrence Jordan’s editing is so sloppy and lazy that numerous sequences stand out as useless. The lazy soundtrack and score are slapped together by Christopher Beck, and comprised of horrendous pop songs by Gavin Degraw and Smash Mouth. Everything about this picture looks shoddy and underdeveloped from the set design to the special effects.
Each joke is contemptible, brainless, and obtuse. It is obvious that a screenplay needs some fine-tuning whenever a bodily function gag is inserted such as farts, burps, and boogers. Zoom currently has a 2.1 rating on IMDB.com, and that has to be some sort of record. It has yet to be placed into the bottom 100 of all time, but don’t worry, it won’t be long. This is yet another addition to the extensive list in the failing genre of super hero comedies, and I keep thinking that this would be a superb candidate for Direct-to-DVD releases. When I sit down to compile my list of worst films of the year, rest assured that Zoom will most definitely be on it. The Razzies are calling Zoom’s name.
The 411: This ranks up there with Annapolis, another horrible film that rips off of so many other movies. Zoom doesn’t deserve a long summary, just avoid this at all costs.
