The Doctor in the Hallway News Report 11.22.06
Posted by Ben Moser on 11.22.2006
Getting Smarter, remembering Robert Altman, talking about sex with Scarlett Johansson, and much more. You know you're not going to get any work done today. You're too busy thinking about what your mom is making tomorrow for dinner. May as well read this column, am I right?
Well well welcome once again, my loyal followers, to the Doctor in the Hallway News Report. It's cold, it's rainy, and I'm currently fighting off what appears to be the world's worst cold. I used to never, ever get sick. I was invincible. Untouchable. Suddenly, I became old, fat, and prone to any coughing, hacking, wheezing, sore throat, or sinus-flavored nastiness that people carry into my office on a daily basis. I'm almost certain that everyone in my building is just passing some variation of the same disease that's been going around since the office opened 12 years ago.
At least it's not the bird flu.
I'm sure you all were wondering about my relative health. Just like I'm sure you're all interested in some news:
Get Smart the Hathaway(see what I did there?)
Warner Bros. is close to setting Anne Hathaway to star alongside Steve Carell in "Get Smart," the feature adaptation of the classic 60's spy-themed sitcom.
I have never seen anything with Anne Hathaway in it, but she looks the part. Normally liking a bit of casting because someone "looks the part" falls into what I'd call "the kind of idiocy that leads to cinematic disaster." Hathaway has an ace up her sleeve, though. She's working with Carell, who at this point in his career is so flawless that he could carry Jennifer Tilly and any three Saved by the Bell guest stars(including Tori Spelling) to a great flick.
I know how to get people's attention to my cause
Altman.
Robert Altman, the legendary director behind such modern classics as MASH, Nashville, The Player, and Gosford Park, died Monday night in Los Angeles; he was 81. The cause of death was not immediately disclosed, and a statement with further details was expected to be released later today. When he was presented with an honorary Academy Award just last year, Altman revealed that he had been the recipient of a heart transplant within the past ten years, a fact he hadn't made public because he feared it would hinder his ability to get work. One of the most influential and well-respected directors of modern cinema, Altman's work was marked by a naturalistic approach that favored long, unbroken tracking shots and overlapping dialogue (as well as storylines), as well as improvisation, usually among a large ensemble cast. Though now regarded as one of the premier American filmmakers, Altman had a career that reached both popular and critical highs as well as lows, as he burst onto the scene in the early '70s with very acclaimed films, but had a string of commercial and critical failures as well. All told, he received five Oscar nominations for directing MASH, Nashville, The Player, Short Cuts and most recently Gosford Park.
No jokes here. Not yet, anyway. Just acknowledgement of the passing of a great talent. Big applause for this man come Oscar night.
Alchemysts are overrated...I prefer to be Sargent-at-arms
New Line Cinema has made a deal for Michael Scott-penned fantasy series The Immortal Nicholas Flamel. The story follows two teenage twins who find themselves in the adventure of a lifetime when legendary alchemist Nicholas Flamel loses a book holding secrets that could spell the doom of humanity if the tome falls into the wrong hands. Reality show producer Mark Burnett will produce what he and the studio hope will be a six-picture franchise. Burnett will set a writer to adapt The Alchemyst, the first title in the series which is released next May.
He's really banking on six pictures in this franchise? Wow. The only movies I think have the kind of legs to go that distance have "Narnia" and "Potter" in the titles of the books upon which they're based. Otherwise, I once again will point out that Superman Returns wasn't a shoe-in for a sequel until just recently. Not only that, but we're talking about 6 movies centered on teenagers hanging out with an alchemist. These reality show types live in reality less and less as time goes on.
A zombie Bruce Lee would have been better
Last month came news that director Rob Cohen was to create another Bruce Lee film, his second after biopic Dragon, entitled Rage and Fury. Says Cohen, "I am NOT using clips from the film; I am creating an entirely photo-realistic Bruce Lee with new, advanced digital technology. Digital Domain who did XXX and Stealth with me are on it big time." He added "We are in the vfx development stage". This will be the first digital actor and I am very excited about the challenge. We do have the rights to Bruce's films but the lines are all I am going to use."
I cannot even begin to express what a bad idea bringing dead actors back via computer generated action stars is. It starts with a seemingly harmless Bruce Lee movie, but it ends with River Phoenix, skinny Orson Welles, and fat Orson Welles in a remake directed by an A.I.-generated Robert Altman.
Scarlett Johansson wants to talk about sex
Scarlett Johansson has slammed President George W. Bush for his staunch conservative views on sex, criticizing the Republican for being too unrealistic in his opinions on the topic. The Lost In Translation star last month boasted about being so "socially aware" she gets tested for HIV twice a year. A staunch Christian, Bush is vehemently anti-abortion and is seeking to have the operation made illegal in all US states. During his time as Governor of Texas, Bush overhauled the state's sex education system and high school students were taught abstinence was the only way to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases. Johansson says, "We are supposed to be liberated in America but if our President had his way, we wouldn't be educated about sex at all. Every woman would have six children and we wouldn't be able to have abortions."
If anyone wants to explore new and liberal views of sex with Scarlett Johansson, line forms behind me. We're going to write a book. There will be pictures. Oh yes, there will be pictures. There's this one thing that we're going to try called...
Come on now, your fantasies about deviant sexual relations with me are beginning to become tiresome
Nevermind. I was losing touch with reality for a few moments there. I hereby give my sincere apologies to Scarlett and the lucky boy who the line actually forms behind.
And the 90's are vindicated!
Lost star Josh Holloway is being tipped to star in the next X-Men movie as fan favorite Gambit. Holloway, who plays Sawyer on the hit TV show, was set to star as Gambit in X-Men: The Last Stand but pulled out because of TV commitments. But it's reported the model/actor will star in the next installment, which will not feature many of the film's original stars, including Hugh Jackman, Sir Ian McKellen and Halle Berry. The film's producer Lauren Shuler Donner tells Moviehole, "Remember in Lost? There was a guy in there that was the perfect Gambit, the guy with the straight hair, good-looking, the bad boy… Sawyer. The reason we didn't use Gambit was because in a sense his persona is a bit like Wolverine in that he's got attitude and his power is not quite as exciting as the others. That's why we went to Nightcrawler on 2 because he looked different than everybody else and he had a great power. So yes, I think we would weave Gambit within our story, (but) it wouldn't be The Gambit Movie." Gambit possesses the ability to charge objects with energy, causing them to explode.
I wonder if Holloway is upset that he couldn't be involved in the Logan-Jean-Scott love triangle, or if he's okay with not being type-cast. By the way, remember what I said about casting based on who "looks the part?" Not looking forward to the accent that goes with this character. Not a bit.
This week's installment of CHEER UP BEN AFFLECK!
Ben Affleck was recently at the premiere of Ithuteng, an HBO flick with some serious buzz about it. Some people may see it as you riding a 20-year-old's coattails, but CHEER UP, BEN AFFLECK, that 20-year-old is totally stoked about it! From The LA Daily News:
Producer Charlie Ebersol and first-time director Willie Ebersol, the sons of NBC sports chief Dick Ebersol and actress Susan St. James, are delighted that their $30,000 film has become so hot. "I didn't know Ben Affleck was going to have anything to do with the premiere until I got the invitation in the mail," said Willie Ebersol, now 20 and a student at USC. "He deserves credit for raising awareness about a documentary about hope."
Oh Ben Affleck, you inspire us all...
That'll do it for this week...
I'll be checking out Casino Royale with my dad this weekend in between servings of leftover turkey and pie. But if you've seen that already and want something to watch, nothing beats a Thursday evening filled with tryptophan like an NFL game. Of course, the NFL has put the Thanksgiving day game worth watching on its own network that a total of two people actually have. That's not a huge problem, though, because this way you can fall asleep during the 3rd quarter without thinking you're missing anything. Or, if football isn't your thing, Bobby might be interesting.
So happy Thanksgiving, kids. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(This week's sources: Variety, Dark Horizons, IMDB, LA Daily News)
