Rambo Review [3]

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 02.02.2008

John Rambo is back! Oh yeah!

"Rambo" Review

Sylvester Stallone- John Rambo
Julie Benz- Sarah
Paul Schulze- Michael Burnett
Graham McTavish- Lewis
Ken Howard- Arthur Marsh
Directed by Sylvester Stallone
Screenplay Sylverster Stallone, based on characters created by David Morrell
Distributed by Lionsgate
Rated R for strong graphic bloody violence, sexual assaults, grisly images and language
Runtime- 93 minutes
Website: http://movies.break.com/rambo


It's been twenty years since we last saw Sylvester Stallone's dark, moody, morose, and ultimately misunderstood Vietnam War vet John Rambo in "Rambo III," killing evil commie pinko Russian scumbags by the helicopter gunship load, helping the Afghani freedom fighters establish the basis for the Taliban and the future home of Al Qaeda (although, in Rambo's defense, how the hell was he supposed to know that would happen?), and rescuing his captured mentor and friend Colonel Sam Trautman. What the heck has Rambo been doing with himself these last two decades? According to the new Rambo movie, aptly titled "Rambo," Rambo has been living in Thailand, capturing snakes for a local snake show thing, riding up and down the river in a rickety boat shooting fish with a bow and arrow, and banging on huge chunks of hot metal with a hammer, making knives and replacement boat engine propellers.

He doesn't bother anyone, and no one bothers him. It's a serene life to say the least.

But then things change, as a bunch of do gooder Christian missionaries from Colorado show up, looking for someone to take them into nearby Burma. Led by a guy named Michael Burnett (Paul Schulze), the Christian group wants to help out the Christian Karen religious minority in the area, people who are being persecuted by the Burma military in absolutely savage ways. Rambo tells Michael and his band of peace loving doctors and evangelists to piss off, that if they're not going into Burma with guns and weapons and a supreme resolve to kick some Burmese army butt, don't bother. Sarah (Julie Benz), the female in the Christian group, decides to talk to Rambo herself, to convince him that he shouldn't be so cynical and help, even if he doesn't necessarily agree with the missionaries' motives. And she does. So off the non-violent Christian friends of Jesus go to Burma.

Big mistake. As soon as Rambo, who repeatedly tells them to go home and stay out of Burma because they can't change anything, leaves the Christians and goes back to his own solitary life, the supremely evil army of Burma shows up in a Karen village, wiping out dang near everyone in sight. Shacks explode, body parts explode, people are set on fire, the whole awful, bloody shebang. so then Arthur Marsh (Ken Howard), the head of the Colorado church that sent the missionaries in, shows up in Thailand and asks Rambo if he will lead a band of crack, kick butt mercenaries into Burma to rescue the missionaries. Rambo really doesn't want to, but he's had a bunch of black-and-white flashbacks telling him that he should accept the fact that he's a supreme super soldier, a trained killer who loves the thrill of battle and the feeling one must get when he gouges a man's eyes out with a knife and then slits that scumbag's throat. So what does Rambo do?

Come on. I think we all know exactly what Rambo's going to do.

This is probably the darkest of the four "Rambo" movies, not so much because of its stupendously graphic violence or its gritty cinematography or its overall lack of bright sunlight (although a good portion of the movie happens during the day), but because of its "violence is good when it's needed" message. In this world of seemingly unrelenting brutality and total lack of sympathy for anyone, you as a person basically have two choices, pick up a gun or a knife or a rock and get ready to destroy whatever comes at you because it's going to kill you if you don't, or you can sit there with your lovely morality and turning the other cheek philosophy and think about how great all of that is while grimy psychopaths with mustaches rape your children, set your wife on fire, and cut your arms off. So, really, you don't have a choice. You can't hide from it, you can't bargain your way out of it, and you can't figure it out on some other higher level. It's kill or be killed, so get ready to kill. Even when there's a seeming moment of triumph, there's nothing great or happy about that triumph, because there's always more to be done. There are always more bad guys to kill. The soldier's job never ends.

As much of a left wing, peace loving hippie liberal progressive that I am (vote for Kucinich), I can't say I totally disagree with the "Rambo" mindset. When it's obvious that you can't negotiate or bargain your way out of a nasty situation, you're going to have to break out the electric hammer and start cracking heads. But I don't know if the world in general is as nasty as all that all of the time, which is what I think the flick's final few shots are all about. This is where the dark movie gains a heart and a soul, something good. Even when new things are potentially difficult, potentially volatile, there's always going to be a darkness hanging over everything, you're just going to have to accept that it happens and try not to think about it all of the time. There are some good things to look forward to. Just keep walking, and just keep that knife handy. Remember how John Rambo walked into Portland in "First Blood"? What did he have with him in his sack as he was just passing through?

Now, this flick is dealing with some real world issues, such as the plight of the religious minorities in Burma and the several decades long civil war that's been going on there and the lack of world action on the atrocities, and while there's certainly a level of advocacy going on here to make more people aware of what's going on, this is not really an "issue" movie. If you go out of the movie not giving a flip about Karen villages being ravaged by the Burmese (or as they call it now "Myanmar") government you're not going to feel guilty. It's like "Primeval" and its African warlord thing. I think that's a great way to both do something relevent and entertaining at the same time (George A. Romero said you can't let what the movie is about get in the way of making the movie), but I suspect that it's probably going to annoy human rights activists in that it doesn't come down hard enough on the Myanmar/Burma government. It'll be interesting to see how all of that plays out in the coming weeks.

Stallone is once again outstanding as Rambo. He sadly doesn't have the Trautman character to interact with, as Richard Crenna died in 2003, so the flick rests completely on his shoulders. The other characters, both the Christian missionaries and the absolutely evil as all hooha Burmese army, are fairly one dimensional. Even the band of mercenaries that show up in the last half are cliches with very little "oomph" to them (Graham McTavish's Lewis is hilarious, yes, but his only real defining characteristic besides being bald and British is his liberal profanity. All of the others are kind of, you know, there). So Stallone has to do all of the acting here. It's a good thing the man can act, because otherwise we'd just have a butt kicking hulk blowing the crap out of everything in sight for an ninety plus minutes. There's certainly nothing wrong with doing that, but you're probably not going to remember much about the movie or the character if everyone is a terrible actor. Thanks to Stallone and his skills, you will remember this movie.

And you will remember this flick's violence. The last third of the movie is like the opening D-Day invasion scene in "Saving Private Ryan" without all of the somber "these people sacrificied so much" thing. Heck, you may even want to cheer on the escalating gore as bodies pile up and appendages explode, if you're into that kind of thing. There are times when the camera work is a tad too modern and fast moving, but that's really just a sign of the times, I guess. You can tell what's going on, even if things are hazy at points. War is hell. Although I do wonder if Lionsgate is going to try to release an "unrated" DVD of this movie. I can't imagine what the heck Stallone could have been told to cut out by the MPAA. It seems like everything that could be there is there.

I'd suspect that if the crowds come out for "Rambo" and the international box office take is good enough, there will be another Rambo flick eventually. I believe that Stallone has said that he'd like to do another one after this, and judging from the flick's ending you can see something happening again. I know I'd like to see the fourth flick's ending go right into a fifth movie. Heck, if Stallone wanted to do even more Rambo movies, like one every three years until he's like eighty, I'd be cool with that. There's always more room for Rambo in the woods. Or the desert. Or the mountains. Or wherever.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous radio voice overs, gratuitous stock news footage of Burma, a sick land mine swamp game, exploding hostages, multiple machine gun massacres, gratuitous old "Rambo" music, gratuitous Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo, snake wrangling, fishing with a bow and arrow, gratuitous "Cobra" reference, gratuitous do gooder Christian missionaries, face washing, knife making, village burning, unwilling child conscription, boat propeller fixing, gratuitous river pirates, hand gun massacre with wicked head shot, choking, walking through the jungle, disposing of the evidence, chucking a gas canister, multiple exploding boats, gratuitous dental check up, Christian evangelism, kids missing limbs, exploding village, multiple Kim Richards, rifle beatings, exploding legs, arm cutting, gratuitous flame throwers, infant Kim Richards fire pit, punch to the face, boot to the gut, gratuitous .50 caliber machine gun, gratuitous smoking Burmese army bad guy, gratuitous slow motion massacre, gratuitous black-and-white flashbacks to the other two "Rambo" sequels, gratuitous Ken Howard, scumbag mercenaries, gratuitous blad British merc, a singing merc, pig torture, gratuitous bamboo jails, gratuitous religious discussion, gratuitous child soldier guide, gratuitous British World War II unexploded bomb, dead and rotting bodies, hanging dead bodies, dead dogs, head on a pole, arrow through the head, arrow through the chest, gratuitous synchronizing watches, knife to the chest, gratuitous dancing female hostages with eventual gang rape, ass slapping, pedophilia, knife to the liver, knife through the chin, gratuitous sniper with night vision scope, a red smoke grenade, throat ripping, slow motion dive onto a body, gratuitous blood hounds, mud on the camera, makeshift stretcher, wrapping woman's clothing on end of boot, world's fastest booby trap, jumping over a log, exploding dogs, gratuitous claymore mini nuke, bamboo pole beating, spitting, decapitation, neck snapping, soldier massacre, rock to the head, gratuitous rocket launchers, gut ripping with entrail spilling, and dead body scavenging.

Best lines: "We need another python. See what you can do," "Fuck off, okay," "Looks like dangerous work," "Are you bringing in any weapons? Of course not. Then you're not changing anything," "Fuck your world," "I wasn't talking to anybody," "Go home," "Please, not my son," "These boys are now our soldiers," "Hear me! Believe me! Fear me!," "It's complicated," "Don't talk!," "Where are you white fools going?," "Get up! Get up whore!," "Who are you? Who are any of you?," "You're not going to change anything," "I know what you think you did was right, but taking a life is never right," "Do you know where you are? What you're made of? You didn't kill for your country. You killed for yourself," "When you're pushed, killing is as easy as breathing," "Look at this fucking place! Only a fucking ape would live here!," "Try reading the paper, redneck, instead of sleeping under it," "Is it me, or does the air here smell like a wet dog?," "Oh, dear, you really are an uptight bastard, aren't you?," "What do you want from us?," "You're in a fucking jungle, pus nuts, there's nothing to like," "Hey, he's the boat man, he stays with the fucking boat," "Man, I've seen some shit, but, brother, I ain't never seen shit like this," "Who are you, boat man?," "God didn't save your life, we did!," "Take the point!," and "You gutless fuck!"

"Rambo" is a very fine action flick, the kind of movie that they don't really make anymore and the kind of action movie we've needed for a long time. Go freaking see it.

Welcome back, John.

The 411: I love "Rambo." It's got everything you could ask for in a butt kicking action movie. Stallone is back doing what he does best. Hopefully this isn't the last time we get to see John Rambo on the big screen. As I said above, welcome back, John. I'm glad that you've still got that big butt knife. And you sure do know how to use a .50 caliber machine gun. Boo freaking yeah. Doobage city.

Final Score:  9.0   [  Amazing ]