10,000 B.C. Review

Posted by James McGee on 03.11.2008

A big, dumb, fun movie

Steven Strait—D’Leh
Camilla Belle—Evolet
Cliff Curtis—Tic’Tic
Joel Virgel—Nakudu
Affif Ben Badra—Warlord
Mo Zinal—Ka-Ren
Mona Hammond—Old Mother
Marco Khan—One-Eye
Omar Sharif—Narrator

Directed by Roland Emmerich
Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser
Runtime: 109 minutes
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence

The best part about going to movies is when you sit in a theater and have your expectations completely blown away. We’ve all suffered the disappointment of high hopes crushed by a mediocre film, and felt the satisfaction of getting exactly what we wanted when we plunked down our hard-earned money for a movie ticket. But sometimes, a movie comes along that totally breaks the mold and defies all convention. These genre-defining masterpieces are few and far between, and it’s always a treat to stumble across one of these pleasant surprises while they are still fresh and undiscovered.

Incidentally, 10,000 B.C. is not one of those movies. It is exactly what you would expect from director Roland Emmerich’s computer-generated, schlock-filled pedigree. It is corny, cliche, and even laughably bad at (rare) times. However, it’s also very entertaining and a worthy diversion from life’s more mentally challenging activities (like brushing one’s teeth). It’s total trash, but a very satisfying variety of trash.

When his village is raided and his true-love, Evolet, kidnapped, young hunter-in-training D’Leh must set out on an epic rescue mission. Along his journey, he must try to reclaim his family’s honor and shoulder the burden of his ultimate destiny—to become history’s first great hero.

Roland Emmerich has never been apologetic about his penchant for “popcorn” entertainment. He isn’t out there trying to make the next Citizen Kane, so there’s no need to over-analyze his movies, and 10,000 B.C. is no different. Its grip on historical facts is tenuous at best (who knew cavemen spoke perfect English with a slight British accent?). It is full of cinematic clichés, playing out like some poor-man’s Beastmaster, with a Chosen One, animal-whispering, and epic battles. The acting is suspect, the dialogue corny, and the ending downright hokey. The whole thing is a major bit of expensive fluff, valuing spectacle over substance.

That being said, 10,000 B.C. may be crap, but it’s entertaining crap. If you’ve seen your share of movies, you’ll have the entire plot mapped out about fifteen minutes in. But the predictability doesn’t stop the story from being a solid tale of love, destiny, and ancient people poking holes in one another. The characters are cardboard stereotypes, but the themes are simple and timeless enough that you can invest yourself in these people without shame. The action doesn’t have the flair and polish of other, more recent historical epics, but the battles and other set-pieces are satisfying affairs, nonetheless. In short, this movie simply is what it is: a big, dumb, expensive, would-be blockbuster. It accomplishes its goals, if only because it aims realistically low. If you’re willing to lower your expectations and shut off your brain, 10,000 B.C. is a fun way to kill a couple of hours.

The 411: At times, it seems like Emmerich would like you to believe you’re watching the birth of the classic hero myth—predating even the Greek legends—but 10,000 B.C. never seriously tries to live up to those pretentions. It is simply good, clean, corny fun—ultimately forgettable, but thoroughly entertaining in the moment.

Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]