Prom Night Review [2]

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 04.15.2008

Total garbage...

"Prom Night" Review

Brittany Snow- Donna Keppel
Johnathon Schaech- Richard Fenton
Idris Elba- Detective Winn
Dana Davis- Lisa Hines
Scott Porter- Bobby
Jessica Stroup- Claire
Collins Pennie- Ronnie Heflin
Brianne Davis- Crissy Lynne
Kelly Blatz- Michael
James Ransone- Detective Nash
Ming-Na- Dr. Elisha Crowe
Jessalyn Gilsig- Aunt Karen Turner
Linden Ashby- Uncle Jack Turner
Directed by Nelson McCormick
Screenplay by J.S. Cardone
Distributed by Screen Gems
Rated PG-13 for violence and terror, some sexual material, underage drinking, and language
Runtime- 88 minutes
Website: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/promnight/

"Prom Night" is yet another major studio hip and edgy teenish slasher flick that has all of the essential elements to be, at least, moderately successful, yet completely fails on practically every level. Directed by TV veteran Nelson McCormick, the "remake in name only" of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis slasher movie, the "new" "Prom Night" has neither atmosphere or suspense, ultimately creating a general sense of boredom throughout its eighty-eight minute running time. The cast is pretty good, but since they all have very little to do, their effort doesn't amount to much.

The flick stars the always cute Brittany Snow as Donna Keppel, a young woman deeply traumatized after watching the murder of her mother at the hands of her long haired, psycho teacher Richard Fenton (Johnathon Schaech), who for some reason developed an unhealthy obsession with Donna, went wacko, stalked her, and eventually killed her family (Fenton does away with Donna's father and kid brother as well). Eventually apprehended, tried, convicted (well, declared insane) and locked away in an alleged maximum security mental hospital three thousand miles away, Fenton would no longer be a physical threat to Donna. But, as Donna's psychiatrist (Dr. Elisha Crowe, played by Ming Wen, better known as Ming Na) explains three years later, Fenton will always be a psychic threat to her, residing in her subconcious, reappearing in her thoughts and dreams every now and then, especially when she's anxious. All Donna has to do is keep taking her anti-anxiety medication and try to remain focussed about the future, about college and her career, and she should be relatively okay for the rest of her life. And, in the immediate future, she has the prom to look forward to. There's no reason to be scared or fearful or anxious about that.

So Donna takes the doctor's advice and prepares for the prom. She gets her dress, gets her hair done at the salon with her friends, and gets caught up in the usual high school teen movie crapola of boyfriends and girlfriends and school clique rivalries and whatnot. Little does she know that Fenton has escaped from the mental hospital and has travelled back to Bridgeport (is this supposed to take place in Connecticut or in California? I'm going to assume that it's California because, hey, it's a movie, but I really don't know) to continue stalking her, or finish his work, or whatever the heck it is he's supposed to be doing. The local Bridgeport cops, led by Detective Winn (Idris Elba), have no idea that Fenton has escaped until the mental hospital calls saying "Yeah, Fenton escaped three days ago," and try to come up with a plan to protect Donna and, once again, bring Fenton in.

Now, at this point in the story, once the cops know that Fenton is on the loose you'd think that there'd be a real sense of urgency with finding him. But there isn't. You'd think that Winn, who caught Fenton, would be chomping at the bit to bring the psycho back in, pissed off to the extreme that the killer is out again and running wild. But he really doesn't. You'd think that Winn would, on some level, have some kind of personal connection to Donna and not want to see her harmed again by Fenton. But he really doesn't (he claims that he doesn't want to tell her about Fenton's escape at the prom because he's concerned about her mental well being and doesn't want to ruin all of the "progress" she's made since then, but he doesn't really bring in any kind of heavy police presence until it's too late to matter). So what the hell is really going on here? If the characters in the movie don't seem to care all that much about what's going on, why should I? Why isn't anyone scared? Where the hell is the fear?

And where the hell is the body count? So few characters of consequence bite the dust in this movie, and the ones that do die die in such lame ways it makes you wonder what exactly McCormick was going for here. Does he even understand how and why these kinds of movies work? It's obvious to me that he doesn't. There are only two scenes in the entire movie that are interesting and elicit some sense of emotion: the opening sequence, and the scene where Fenton chases Donna's best friend Lisa (played by the incredibly hot Dana Davis) through a hotel floor under construction. They're both poorly constructed and happen way too fast, but compared to everything else in the movie, they're scenes directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

And where's the pay off with the drugs Donna is taking? Why doesn't that story wrinkle end up mattering at the end?

Brittany Snow is pretty good in her opening scenes with her psychiatrist, and she's pretty good when she's interacting with her friends at the prom. But since the sequences really don't mesh well together her overall performance comes off as uneven. She gets through it, though, because she's cute and a good actor (although what's the deal with that dig in her forehead? Is that supposed to be a scar from Fenton's attack?). Johnathon Schaech, once again taking a break from fronting the Oneders (not to mention Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters), can strike a pretty decent psycho killer pose, but since his killer character is undeveloped he comes off as just some guy in a baseball cap with a cool knife (and it's not even that cool). Everyone else (Davis, Scott Porter as Donna's boyfriend Bobby, Jessica Stroup as Claire, Brianne Davis as Crissy Lynn, etc) does what they can but, again, because there's so little urgency to anything they end up just floundering. Collins Pennie, who plays Lisa's boyfriend Ronnie, has absolutely nothing to do at all throughout the entire movie, which makes you wonder he's even in it. They all try very hard to make something of their parts, but McCormick lets them down.

And poor Idris Elba. Detective Winn should be an interesting, motivated hero. He isn't. He should sue McCormick for bad direction. As should the rest of the cast. And probably the movie going public, as well.

Because "Prom Night" sucks.

So what do we have here? An SVU driving over a bridge, gratuitous Brittany Snow, putting coat away in the closet, gratuitous college football play-by-play on in the background, a bloodied hand, tripping on a baseball bat, Kim Richards, gratuitous hiding under a bed, gut stabbing, bad dreams, gratuitous Ming Na, chicks getting their hair done, gratuitous old shawl, walking down the stairs in prom dress, gratuitous corsage, gratuitous limo ride montage with people hanging out of the sun roof, gratuitous prom night red carpet montage with douchebag in a top hat, pulling up a keg, gratuitous video evidence, smelling Jack Daniels, gratuitous Johnathon Schaech wearing a baseball cap, gratuitous prom queen competition bullshit, ceiling glitter, gratuitous multiple prom dance montages, gratuitous teenage girls getting checked out by older guys, gratuitous cleaning lady, gratuitous master key, cramps, metal shirt hangers, erasing digital camera photos, closet attack, gratuitous AV student club video montage, taking phone off the hook, gratuitous drawn out prom king and queen ceremony, dead man in a car trunk, breaking a high heel shoe heel, falling down the stairs, bird attack, hiding under a table, throat slitting, knife washing, illegally pulling the fire alarm, walking into a lamp, breaking down a door with a fire extinguisher, multiple self hand gagging, shawl smelling, gratuitous SWAT team search of the hotel, watching the news, blood dripping from the ceiling, a switcheroo, gratuitous "Can't Hardly Wait" clip, phone line cutting, more throat slashing, finger biting, and gunplay.

Best lines: "I'm home," "Joey, I almost killed myself on this," "She belongs to me. Where is she?," "I did it for us," "The only place he can hurt you is in your dreams," "So, tell me, what color is your dress?," "It's prom night! That boy is planning on getting laid," "Have you stopped taking your pills?," "You're the most beautiful girl in the world," "Richbitch, one word," "Hey, that's Detective Winn to you, kid," "Crissy, wow, your dress, it's so simple, it's so you," "Which one of you beautiful young ladies is my date tonight?," "One more thing, can I have some extra towels?," "You got exits here, how many exits you got?," "I'm thinking about going to State with you next year," "This is getting silly. Enough already," "Yeah, Crissy, you could do a lot worse," "If he were any dumber I'd have to water him," "If that bitch wins I'll hurl," "She's pretty. And alive. I want it to stay that way," "Excuse me, sir, did you happen to see the housekeeper up here?," "Why the rush?," "They were just about to crown King and Queen!," "Shit!," "Hey, Rick, what's going on? I don't know but we have to go outside," "My girlfriend is missing and I need to know what the hell's going on," "Hey, is everybody out?," "They're dead! They're dead, Bobby, they're dead!," and "Are you ready to go with me?"

The 411: You know, I like slasher movies. I don't see anything wrong with them. I just wish so many bad ones would stop getting made. Why is it so hard to make a good one? "Prom Night" is not a good one at all. It's just awful. Awful, awful, awful.

Final Score:  1.5   [ Extremely Horrendous ]