Star Wars: The Clone Wars Review

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.17.2008

A boring waste of time

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars" Review

Matt Lanter- Anakin Skywalker (voice)
James Arnold Taylor- Obi-Wan Kenobi (voice)
Ashley Eckstein- Ahsoka Tamo (voice)
Tom Kane- Yoda (voice)
Samuel L. Jackson- Mace Windu (voice)
Christopher Lee- Count Dooku (voice)
Nike Futterman- Asajj Ventress (voice)
Mathew Wood- Battle droids (voice)
Directed by Dave Filoni
Screenplay by Henry Gilroy, Steven Melching, and Scott Murphy, based on a story and a world created by George Lucas
Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures
Rated PG sci-fi action violence throughout, brief language and momentary smoking
Runtime- 98 minutes
Website: http://www.starwars.com/theclonewars/

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars," a theatrically released pseudo pilot for the upcoming Cartoon Network television series of the same name, isn't very good. In fact, it's quite boring. Featuring a story that takes place between "Attack of the Clones" (Episode II) and "Revenge of the Sith" (Episode III), the animated flick is undermined by a basic lack of purpose, not to mention absolutely horrible direction and pacing from director Dave Filoni.

And that's just for starters.

The Clone Wars have been waging for some time when the flick starts, as General Jedis Obi-Wan Kenobi (voice of James Arnold Taylor) and Anakin Skywalker (voice of Matt Lanter) lead their Republic Clone troopers against the invading Banking Clan/Confederacy of Independent Systems droid troops on the planet of Christophsis. When that battle eventually ends (and for a while there it seems like the battle will never end), Skywalker is given his own Padawan, a spunky young female alien named Ahsoka Tano (voiced by Ashley Eckstein) and a mission from Yoda (voice of Tom Kane): to rescue the recently kidnapped nephew of Jabba the Hutt. If Jabba's nephew isn't rescued, the notorious criminal Hutt clan will not allow the Republic to use its territories to advance troops and supplies and whatnot, which will be bad for their ongoing conflict with Count Dooku (voiced by Christopher Lee) and his breakaway Confederacy. The Republic will be doomed.

Now, there's nothing essentially wrong with this story. Yeah, it sounds a bit hokey, but the flick is obviously aimed at children and is supposed to have a decidely lighter tone than the movies that preceed and proceed it. Again, there's nothing wrong with any of that. However, had the flick taken itself a tad more seriously (and I don't mean seriously in the sense that the flick should have been a dark and brooding psychological drama, I mean it should played itself more like an actual movie, with a beginning, middle, and end as opposed to an extended video game cut scene), perhaps it wouldn't have been so tedious to sit through. And, for the most part, it's a tedious experience. The story spends too much time on the various battles on Christophsis, never explaining why they're so important. By the time the actual "let's rescue Jabba's nephew" story kicks in, you're worn down by the seemingly endless series of explosions and Clone/droid attacks on the streets of Christophsis and you don't notice that an attempt at an actual story is taking place. I know I didn't, not for like twenty minutes afterwards. And when I finally did notice an actual story was taking place, I didn't care. I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

The flick's other major problem is it's basic lack of purpose. Because we know what happens to Anakin and Obi-Wan, Palpatine, Count Dooku, the Republic and all the rest, the whole endeavor seems pointless. Had this series been created to actually play between "Attack of the Clones" and "Revenge of the Sith" maybe it wouldn't seem like such a waste of time. Count Dooku isn't as menacing as he should be (we all know he goes down like a punk), seeing Mace Windu (voiced by Smauel L. Jackson) and Yoda actively working with murdering scumbag Palpatine, not to mention the Clone troopers working side by side with the Jedi, it's all just so bizarre, somewhat creepy, and tiresome. It's hard to take anything seriously or get into that sense of goofy fun Lucas, Filoni and company are trying very hard to create. It just doesn't work.

And then there's the voice work. Aside from the returning Jackson and Lee and an appearance by Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, none of the original movie cast comes back to voice their characters. That's a shame. Matt Lanter, Anakin's voice talent, and James Arnold Taylor, who is Kenobi's voice guy, try very hard to sound like Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor but they don't quite pull it off. What's sad is they're the best of the cast. Ashley Eckstein, who plays newcomer Ahsoka, does an okay job at first, but she gets slowly more annoying as the story progresses (and it's not really Eckstein's fault. The flick tries too hard to use Ahsoka to appeal to young girls instead of just having her as a female character in the story). Everyone is just sort of "blah," with the possible exception going to Corey Button's work on Ziro the Hutt.

Now, what works here? In general, the animation has a nice, clean look that's fun to look at. The characters have an interesting stylized look about them (although it probably would have been wise to also stylize their environments, because Coruscant and Tatooine look exactly like they do in episodes II and III. It's weird seeing somewhat herky jerky versions of Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker inhabiting those places). Asajj Ventress (voiced by Nika Futterman) is a cool looking villain, sort of like a more developed Darth Maul. And Ziro the Hutt, Jabba's uncle, is a fun new addition to the expanding Hutt clan of criminals (I'm sure Ziro will get more play in the TV show). I just wish we got more from them.

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars," despite its general badness, isn't going to destroy the franchise. What it will do, though, is probably make it harder for the TV series to get up and running. The hardcore "Star Wars" fans will show up and support the show, but, if this flick is a general template for what the show is going to offer every week, I don't know who else besides them will watch. If only the flick had made itself more of a movie. If only the flick had found a way to establish itself a bit better. If only the flick had a better reason to exist.

Only see it if you have to.

So what do we have here? No opening Twentieth Century Fox fanfare (granted, Warner Bros isn't going to use a rival movie company's opening, but, come on, that opening fanfare is a part of "Star Wars"), gratuitous "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...," gratuitous weird version of opening "Star Wars" theme, no opening crawl, gratuitous voice over attempting to explain what's going on, gratuitous Jabba the Hutt, gratuitous Samuel L. Jackson retruning as Mace Windu, gratuitous Clone troop/Confederacy droid army battle that goes on seemingly forever, butt kicking, jet packs, punching a droid in the face, gratuitous new female Padawan, gratuitous Yoda, a Clone soldier with blue armor, hiding under a metal box, gratuitous shield generator, collapsing a wal on droids, gratuitous fake negotiating with the enemy, gratuitous Jabba's palace, gratuitous bounty hunters, a pink R2 unit, gratuitous R2D2, gratuitous Jawas, a big ass wall climbing tank, cool scene where Anakin steals a droid speeder in the air, gratuitous cute little Hutt, gratuitous Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, gratuitous Sith villain using a double bladed lightsaber, gratuitous rolling death balls, decapitations, gratuitous lightsaber fights, gratuitous light speed, gratuitous Tatooine, gratuitous Padme, gratuitous C-3PO, gratuitous "Star Wars" jazz bar band, gratuitous dune sea, a potential execution, and a bland ending.

Best lines: "They're back," "I told you this victory was too easy," "Skywalker should have attacked by now," "Do you really think it's a good idea to bring a Padawan into this?," "Anakin, teasing is a privelage," "Good, good. Everything is going as planned," "Stop calling me that. I'm yours Sky guy," "In my book, experience outranks everything," "If we survive this, Snips, you and I are going to have a talk," "That shield is putting a crimp in my day," "Good. You take direction well," "You must be the infamous General Kenobi," "Don't try any of your tricks, Jedi," "You! Bring us something liquid!," "Ah. Something appears to have happend to your shield, General," "Your timing is perfect, Master Yoda," "Don't worry. I'm sure Jabba is in a good mood," "Welcome to apardiose, rock jumpers," "I hate Hutts," "Where is Skywalker? I don't talk to seperatist scum," "Great! Rolling death balls!," "I think now is a good time for retreat," "Looks like we're going to have to take this bucket of bolts all the way to Tatooine," "Did you get shot down again?," "Welcome home, Stinky," "A senator? In this neighborhood?," "The sand is merciless. It can take everything from you," "I thought you liked playing in the sand?," "What have you done with my Padawan?," "Being a Padawan is harder than I thought," and "You are to be executed immediately."

The 411: "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" isn't very good. It's a plodding, boring affair that never really goes anywhere, despite some nice looking animation and a few cool scenes here and there. It's depressing that a "Star Wars" property is this bad. Unless you're a diehard "Star Wars" nerd, you're not going to sit through it. The kids will probably like it, though, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact, add another point-and-a-half to the rating below if you're a kid. You have been warned.

Final Score:  5.5   [ Not So Good ]