How to Lose Friends and Alienate People Review [2]

Posted by James McGee on 10.08.2008

I'll have one Romantic Comedy, hold the romance and the comedy.

Simon Pegg—Sidney Young
Megan Fox—Sophie Maes
Gillian Anderson—Eleanor Johnson
Jeff Bridges—Clayton Harding
Kirsten Dunst—Alison Olsen
Danny Huston—Lawrence Maddox

Directed by Robert B. Weide
Written by Peter Straughan; based on the book by Toby Young
Runtime: 110 minutes
Rated R for language, some graphic nudity and brief drug material

Romance. Comedy. Things you kind of need for a Romantic Comedy to work. In a bold experiment, the filmmakers behind How to Lose Friends and Alienate People left these key ingredients out of the recipe. It worked about as well as you’d expect. What’s left is a comedy with no laughs and a lead character so unlikable you might find yourself hoping he doesn’t get the girl in the end.

Sidney Young is a mean-spirited writer who fancies himself a celebrity satirist, when really all he wants is to steal a little of his subjects’ spotlight. When he is given the chance to play in the big leagues as part of the staff for prestigious Sharp’s magazine, he jumps at the opportunity. Sidney then goes on to screw up every opportunity in spectacular fashion with his innate ability to tick people off. Finally, he faces the choice between two women that each represent an alternate career path—the sell-out or the perpetual loser. Which does he choose? The answer may be something that you fail to care about even remotely.

The story at the heart of How to Lose Friends isn’t a bad one. It’s a sweet little tale (just like every time it gets told) about a jerk learning the error of his ways when that special someone inspires him to be more than the loathsome attitude he puts on display for everyone. The big difference here is that Sidney doesn’t really seem to learn from his mistakes. In his world, there are basically two choices: you can be a butt-kissing leach who’ll do whatever it takes to be successful; or you can be a snarky, pathetically bitter loser who spends his time inventing new ways to insult people. That latter option stands for “integrity” in Sidney’s worldview. The film tosses off his strained relationship with his parents as an explanation for his behavior, but the “why” of Sidney’s actions is never really explored. So, he just emerges looking like a total shmuck.

I got on my soap-box a few weeks ago about the lack of real villains in films, so I should be pleased that redeeming qualities are few and far between here, right? Well, this isn’t a story of good versus evil (though Sidney would likely see it that way). This is a romantic comedy. The characters are supposed to be likable. Sidney Young isn’t a lovable loser. He’s just a loser. He never stops alienating people—he just changes the groups he alienates. Alison is the only truly decent human being in the entire film, and even she manages to fall in love with Sidney, faults and all, so her judgment is suspect at best.

I’d be willing to accept a film populated by wretched characters if there was some point to it all, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. There’s some half-hearted commentary about the unusual, mutually-parasitic relationship between celebrities and the media. Who is worse, the sycophantic “journalists” that fawn over the flavor-of-the-week, the mean-spirited satirical rags that make a mission of taking celebs down a few notches (no matter how nasty they have to be doing it), or the celebrities themselves for basking in the glory of it all? That would be an interesting movie, but it’s not the movie How to Lose Friends is interested in being. Instead, it takes on the pretense of dealing with these meatier topics, but actually fills the time with one painfully unfunny cliché after another. Look at the silly Brit! See his goofy dance! Hear him say mean things! Hey, there’s a sexy-but-clueless starlet! She’s only famous because the magazine says she’s famous, get it? Oh, and there’s a pig, some vomit, and a dead dog! Isn’t it all just too hilarious? No, no it isn’t. I realize that all entertainment is subjective—perhaps comedy more so than anything else—but the lack of laughs in How to Lose Friends goes beyond personal taste. The filmmakers are trying too hard with too little—trying to make satire out of stupid slapstick—and the results are just embarrassing.

I feel most embarrassed for the actors involved. Bad movies happen to good performers all the time, but what makes this film especially bad is that the cast seems to be trying really hard to make something out of this mess. Pegg plays his role to a T (obviously, because I’ve already ranted about how unlikable he is). Megan Fox portrays Sophie Maes with just the slightest hint of Marilyn Monroe mentality, but with a more sinister, manipulative edge. She isn’t as clueless as everyone thinks when it comes to advancing her career. All of the Spider-Man fans who like to spit their venom (no pun intended) at Kirsten Dunst should check her out in a movie she actually seems to care about. She is engaging and reserved here, as always. Jeff Bridges and Gillian Anderson round things out with small roles, though their talented performances are wasted on the movie going on around them. Everyone gives it the ol’ college try, but this movie is a lost cause.

The 411: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is an unfunny mess filled with characters I could care less about. It isn’t actively offensive—I didn’t feel stupid coming out of the theater like I did with Nim’s Island, so at least there’s that. Nonetheless, it’s a painful, clock-watching affair that had me breathing a sigh of relief when it was finally over. A talented cast isn’t enough to make up for jokes that aren’t funny—which is a bit of a problem for a comedy.

Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]