Watchmen Review [3]

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 03.09.2009

Flawed and not as profound as it seems to think it is, but still a good movie.

"Watchmen" Review

Malin Akerman- Silk Spectre II
Billy Crudup- Dr. Manhattan
Mathew Goode- Ozymandias
Jackie Earle Haley- Rorschach
Jeffrey Dean Morgan- The Comedian
Patrick Wilson- Nite Owl II
Carla Gugino- Sally Jupiter/The Original Silk Spectre
Matt Frewer- Moloch the Mystic
Stephen McHattie- Nite Owl
Directed by Zack Snyder
Screenplay by David Hayter and Alex Tse, based on the comic book by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
Distributed by Warner Bros and Paramount Pictures
Rated R for strong graphic violence, sexuality, nudity and language
Runtime- 163 minutes
Website: http://watchmenmovie.warnerbros.com/

Okay.

The following review of the much anticipated comic book adaptation "Watchmen" comes from the perspective not of a devotee of the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons comic book miniseries (in fact, I've never read it), but from the perspective of someone simply watching a movie and then commenting on it. So, obviously, I'm not going to comment on how faithful director Zack Snyder and screenwriters David Hayter and Alex Tse are to the comic. I'll leave that to the full on "Watchmen" nerds out there and the future me, when I finally get around to buying the comic and reading it. It will happen. One day.

Probably.

Now, onto my actual review of the movie "Watchmen."

"Watchmen" is a good movie. It's not great, although it sure does try to be. You can tell after about an hour that it's striving to be a profound and meaningful story concerning the "true" nature of superheroes and humanity. It clearly doesn't want to be thought of as "just" some superhero movie. However, the movie contains a fatal flaw that prevents it from being that great movie it oh so wants to be. What is that fatal flaw?

An overall lack of urgency.

The movie certainly isn't plotless. In fact, the flick contains two plots, plots that eventually collide towards the end. The first plot is the big mystery involving the apparent murder of former superhero the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). The second plot involves the potential destruction of the world as the United States and Soviet Union threaten one another with nuclear annhilation. Now, you'd think that with both of those plots working in tandem that there'd be a sense throughout that both situations have to be dealt with and dealt with now. The first one's inherently personal for those doing the investigating, mainly the Comedian's former superhero colleagues, Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), and eventually Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson) and Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman), all living underground after the U.S. government outlawed superheroes several years earlier. They're all supposed to be done and gone, so why did someone kill the Comedian? Was it deliberate? Could one of the other superheroes be next? The second plot is nothing short of world changing. It's 1985, Richard Nixon is still President after having won the Vietnam war and still feeling kind of frisky, the Soviets are being the Soviets (you know, for the lack of a better word, bad guys), and the world could essentially end at any moment via nuclear attack. Working to fix this problem is the super powered Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) and the world's smartest man Adrian Veidt (Mathew Goode), the former superhero named Ozymandias turned incredibly wealthy industrialist/rich humanitarian. Both Dr. Manhattan and Ozymandias worked with Rorschach, Nite Owl II, Silk Spectre II, and the Comedian as the Watchmen, back in the days when superheroes were allowed to run rampant fighting crime and whatnot. As I said, the two plots eventually collide towards the end of the movie, and as a result we get to see what this whole thing was about from the beginning (world peace) and we get to decide if we, as the audience, agree with how that goal was achieved. The problem is it just takes too long to get there, and by the time we get there none of it seems to matter all that much. Again, there's just no sense of urgency to either of these plots.

Why isn't there a sense of urgency? I don't know. Perhaps it has something to do with the flick's overall lack of scope. For a movie that concerns itself with potential worldwide destruction we never really get a sense of what's at stake in that world. What exactly is the world made of? What kind of people? Why should we, as the audience, care? What does nuclear annihilation actually mean? Why aren't there international superheroes? Why don't the Russians have them, too? Why aren't there European superheroes trying to save the world themselves? None of these questions are answered or really even dealt with.

Then there's the lack of even tacit togetherness and shared brotherhood amongst the Watchmen themselves. We only see them together twice, once at a group photo gathering and once at a meeting where they try to figure out what they should do as a group. They argue at that meeting. And then that's it. We never again see them as a group doing anything. I have no idea why they even got together in the first place. So why would any of them care if one of the others happened to die under suspicious circumstances? I kind of understand why Rorschach would care (he's all about destroying those that break the law, and since murder is against the law his motivation kind of makes sense) but I'm not sure why any of the others would care. What's at stake for any of them?

There's also the whole "1985" thing. The year has no real significance in the context of the story. It's never really explained why the story takes place in 1985. Why is that year significant? Even in an "alternate history" world, I still don't know why the year 1985 matters.

And why does it seem as though there's very little "life" in this movie? By life I mean any sense of connective energy from scene to scene. It exists in spurts and starts throughout, but there is no real through line from the beginning of the movie to the end. Or maybe I just missed it, I don't know, but to a certain extent I felt a lack of abundant life throughout. It's almost like director Zack Snyder deliberately took himself out of the movie and just directed it as coldly as possible. Again, it could just be me not getting it or not seeing it throughout. Am I the only one not seeing it?

The character performances, for the most part, are amazing. Jackie Earle Haley is phenomenal as the ultra right wing vigilante Rorschach. He's moody, he's dark and mysterious, and he doesn't take any crap from anyone, especially fat ass liberal wimps like Patrick Wilson's Nite Owl II. Every time Haley is on screen the movie's energy increases exponentially. After this performance, I wouldn't be surprised if the Rorschach character was given its own movie (the flick's ending could complicate things, but this is a comic book movie and anything could happen in the future). Jeffrey Dean Morgan is also quite awesome as the Comedian, a boorish right wing psychopath rapist who can wield a mean flamethrower and kill a pregnant Vietnamese woman without blinking an eye. To be both an absolute total scumbag and incredibly charismatic is a testament to the former Denny of "Grey's Anatomy" ability to, when the role is right, kick major cinematic butt. I don't think anyone would mind seeing a Comedian solo flick, either (again, this is a comic book movie, and anything can happen). Billy Crudup, as the computer generated blue skinned Dr. Manhattan, gives the super powered character that necessary hint of humanity that makes Manhattan something more than a weird special effect, because when you first see him that's what he appears to be. Just a special effect. I think his character's origin flashback goes on a bit too long (it seems like it takes about an hour to show what happened to him in that botched lab experiment), and as a result his relationship with Malin Akerman's Silk Spectre II isn't half as interesting as the movie seems to think it is (more on this in a second, as I think this problem is multifaceted). But, again, Crudup gives the monotone, blue skinned, butt naked super being just enough humanity to make him watchable.

And then there's Mathew Goode's Ozymandias. This character doesn't become interesting until the end of the movie, but even then he really isn't that interesting. His character's big revelation also isn't as profound as the movie seems to think it is, mostly because Goode is just so goddamn boring. Yeah, I get it that Ozymandias is supposed to be a bit aloof (he is the smartest man in the world, after all), but why should I care about him one way or the other? He just sort of exists in the movie because there needed to be six members on Watchmen team. Patrick Wilson tries mightily to make Nite Owl II (aka Dan Drieberg) interesting, especially with the whole sexual impotence thing. That's an interesting problem for a former super hero to overcome, especially when that hero's alter ego is a bit of a nerd. The nerd's ultimate hope is to one day be a man (a sexual dynamo), so in the case of Note Owl II, what made him a man? Was it really that suit?

And then there's Malin Akerman as Silk Spectre II. Spectre II does have an interesting back story to tell (she got into the hero business because of her mother, Sally Jupiter, the first Silk Spectre, as played by the great Carla Gugino), and she's involved in a bit of a love triangle thing with Manhattan and Nite Owl II, but for the love of Drake couldn't they have found someone slightly more charismatic than Akerman? She's so boring, so wooden at times it makes me wonder how anyone, outside of a physical attraction, would want anything to do with her. Of course, that could be the whole point of her character, but the audience has to be able to at least kind of like her (or at least find her interesting to follow) in order to watch her go through her personal problems with her mother, Manhattan, and eventually Nite Owl II. She just doesn't work well with the rest of the group. Even Mathew Goode is better than she is, and he's awful.

Even with its myriad flaws and issues (I sure do seem to be bitching quite a bit here, don't I?) I still think that, all in all, "Watchmen" is a good movie. Not a great one, but a good one. It's worth checking out. I have a feeling we'll all be talking about this movie for some time to come. It's that kind of movie.

See "Watchmen."

So what do we have here? A yellow screen with black company logos, gratuitous Jeffrey Dean Morgan, gratuitous Jeffrey Dean Morgan watching the McLaughlin Group, gratuitous Doomsday Clock, a Pat Buchannan parody, an Eleanor Clift parody, gratuitous MTV, door breaking, slow motion mug throwing, gratuitous major league ass kicking, wall breaking, coffee table breaking, kitchen knife throwing, gratuitous Jeffrey Dean Morgan thrown out a window, gratuitous freefalling yellow smiley face button, gratuitous pseudo slow motion opening montage with Bob Dylan song playing over the credits, a hot lesbian "Japan surrenders!" kiss, prostitutes, gratuitous JFK, we find out who really shot JFK, gratuitous Vietnam war burning monk protest, hippie killing, the moon landing, gratuitous Richard Nixon winning another term as President, exploding store, gratuitous Jackie Earle Haley voice over, a grappling hook, a secret weapons stash, gratuitous old superhero bullshit session, bean eating, gratuitous World Trade Center in the background, teleportation, multiple flashbacks, gratuitous superhero funeral set to the Simon and Garfunkel song "The Sound of Silence," barfing, gratuitous Carla Guigno, attempted flashback rape, another Comedian ass kicking, gratuitous Jeffrey Dean Morgan setting a guy on fire in the Nam, exploding Vietcong, gratuitous Jeffrey Dean Morgan killing a pregnant woman, map burning, gratuitous K.C. and the Sunshine Band, gratuitous flashback involving Watchmen breaking up a riot, gas cainster to the chest, gratuitous Matt Frewer, conscience growing, a hooker with banana titties, gratuitous massive superhero sex, gratuitous blue skinned penis, old Chinese food, wrist snapping, knife to the neck, a human bullet shield, gratuitous blue skinned guy going to Mars, gratuitous extended flashback concerning Dr. Manhattan's origin, tank destruction, exploding bad guys, Mars meditating, gratuitous Henry Kissinger, gratuitous Richard Nixon ecstatic about nuclear war killing people on the U.S. eastern seaboard, gratuitous Lee Iacocca, a deliveryman hitman, bullet to the head, metal thing to the body, a foamy cyanide death, a bug spray flame thrower, gratuitous Jackie Earle Haley without a mask, ball punching, cheek tearing, gratuitous dogs fighting over a human leg bone, dead dogs, meat cleaver to the top of the head, attempted prison beating, hot grease to the face, gratuitous night vision goggles, impotence fighting, a midget prison gang boss, superhero sex, kid rescuing, gratuitous superhero outrunning an explosion, a prison riot, double thumb breaking, arm slicing, toilet breaking, electrocution, midget killing, glass breaking, gratuitous going to Antarctica, a big character revelation, a floating glass machine, gratuitous Jimi Hendrix, killing millions to save billions, bullet catching, world peace, gratuitous "The Outer Limits," and an attack on Ronald Reagan.

Best lines: "Just a matter of time, I suppose," "It's a joke. It's all a joke," "Tonight a comedian died in New York. And someone knows why," "Nixon, oh, that prick. And to think I voted for that prick five times," "You want me to heat those up for ya?," "Is this bean juice? Human bean juice," "Those were great times Rorschach. What happened? You quit," "Ah, you look good, Adrian," "Even Dr. Manhattan can't be everywhere at once," "Mother, this is gross," "Fireworks? You gotta be kidding me," "Maybe we should all agree on no drinking at future meetings," "There is no need for violence," "I haven't had this much fun since Woodward and Bernstein!," "What happened to the American dream?," "What happened to the American dream? You're looking at it," "It's a joke. It's all a fucking joke," "I don't know what stimulates you anymore," "Damn you, Jon! Goddamn you!," "The superman exists, and he is American," "He's got a poison capsule!," "Prison's a prison," "I'm not in here with you! You're all in here with me!," "Men get arrested. Dogs get put down," "Dan, Jon sees a lot of things, but he doesn't see me," "I'm gonna tear this guy a new one!," "I'm sorry, Lawrence, but you're in the way of my revenge," "Now you find out what the score is," "Everybody stay calm. We'll try to keep this brief," "Why would I save a world I no longer have a stake in?," "My red world here means more to me than your blue one," "In my opinion, the existence of life is a highly overrated proposition," "Miracles by definition are meaningless," "Hitler was a vegetarian," "We were supposed to make the world a better place," "I'm not a comic book super villain," "You're an asshole," "I'm disappointed in you, Adrian. Very disappointed," "What's that? Another ultimate weapon?," "Suddenly you discover humanity?," and "I can change almost anything. I can't change the nature of humanity."

The 411: "Watchmen" is definitely a must see, even with its myriad flaws and issues. It's a good movie with some great performances. It makes me want to check out the comic book source material even more now. It makes me wonder how much the fans of the comic book like it/despise it. I do know, though, we'll all probably be talking about this movie for some time to come.

Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]