Skillet - Awake Review

Posted by Paul Schofield on 10.10.2009

Read on as a 411 reviewer slowly writes his way into the fiery depths of Hell.

So it’s come to this. A Roman Catholic primary school educated, occasionally God-fearing charismatic enigma, reviewing a Christian rock band. For the atheists out there, this album will feature no Almighty-praising-Hallelujahs, no feeding of 5000 people with a single Pop Tart and carton of milk, and almost definitely no Bible quotes. Although in the words of the true Messiah, “Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass.” I wonder if he said that to Debra as well. Damn, and I was one Hail Mary away from graduating Sunday school. If I ever see the word begat again, I will set fire to someone’s moustache.

Really though, Christian Rock gets a bad rap. It’s still Rock, which is the main thing, as Rock is good. Rock is also the preferred music of the Kanenites.



Any excuse to get that in there. Back to the point, I am of the opinion that good rock should be appreciated on its strengths, whether it is preceded by Christian, folk, or Fraggle. I’m particularly fond of the latter, especially the slightly rude modified theme tune that we used to sing in the aforementioned primary school. Google it, it’s there. So how does Skillet’s new album shape up? Is it funky New Testament, or does it belong in the begatten era of the Old Testament? Whoops, begat. Where’s Chuck Norris when you need him?

Skillet have been around since 1996, which made me realise that we are in the space year 2009, and not 2007 as I thought we were this morning for some reason. Hmm. Have I really wasted the last two years on Facebook Wrestler and classic Playstation 2 games? I have? Awesome. For any band to be around 13 years is something of an achievement. For this album to sell 68,000 in its first week is also an achievement, as well as charting at #2 on the Billboard Top 200. Their songs have also appeared on Christian video games, an existence which has somehow evaded me until today. Sadly there is no Jesus RPG. A game based on Revelations would be interesting though.

Anyway, enough already. Let’s do the album.

Awake



1. "Hero"
3:08
2. "Monster"
2:58
3. "Don't Wake Me" 3:56
4. "Awake and Alive" 3:31
5. "One Day Too Late" 3:40
6. "It's Not Me, It's You" 3:25
7. "Should've When You Could've" 3:32
8. "Believe" 3:50
9. "Forgiven" 3:39
10. "Sometimes" 3:29
11. "Never Surrender" 3:31
12. "Lucy" 3:38


Yeah, some of the song titles are a bit, shall we say, obvious for a Christian Rock band, but I’m intrigued to hear “It’s Not Me, It’s You,” just in case it’s how religious people break up with God. “I do love you, and the sex is amazing, but I’m just not in a relationship kind of place right now, we can still be friends… wait, put down those lightning bolts, you PROMISED you wouldn’t smite me!” Also, the album cover looks like a poster for the worst mummy movie ever made.

Jesus Christ (sorry God), am I listening to the right album? This is Linkin Park, isn’t it? Oh wait, there’s a girl singing too. Awesome. To make matters worse, my irony meter just combusted. This isn’t going as planned. “Hero” is about ten years too late for the nu metal party. It is however crying out to be Hurricane Helms’ entrance music, and probably used as ad music for a TV series, possibly even one about heroes. If only one such existed. Veronica Mars is close enough. The lyrics are a bit cheesy (sorry God) but its intentions are good. It reminds me of my friend, whose lungs are in his arms, and his kidneys are in his feet, but his heart’s in the right place.



“Monster” was apparently used for Hell In A Cell. This would have been perfect for the Mankind/Taker Hell In A Cell, but this is now and that was groovy. This song is not groovy. Christian or not, it’s just poor rock, and lyrics are actually cringeworthy. The riffs aren’t bad, but they can’t save the song. “Don’t Wake Me” is a more acoustic effort, and it’s infinitely better. John Cooper’s voice sounds fine at times, but fucked at others. This song would be perfect for a TV show where someone is in a coma, so probably a medical-based show, but there just aren’t enough of them around. Wait, my irony meter just gave birth to a baby irony meter, and that one just blew up too. Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K. Name the film that quote is from to receive a bonus prize, but I will know if you have Googled it. The walls have eyes, but fortunately they don’t suffer from astigmatism.

“Awake And Alive” is unfortunately back to ripping off Linkin Park and Evanescence, only with less skill than either. The strings give it a nice kick, but the lyrics are again Godawful (sorry!). There’s a tasty riff towards the end, and how you wish it would last longer, but alas they think it’s a good idea if the band sing. I hate to disagree, but I actually love to disagree in this case. “One Day Too Late” is again more acoustic, and again eleventy billion stars(!) better. A whole album of these types of songs may not have been terrible you know. It probably wouldn’t have been outstanding, but it would have been less offensive to my ears. The nu metal parts are the equivalent of calling a sex line for dirty talk, paying for half an hour up front, and then getting Janice from Friends as the one doing the dirty talking. Instant flaccidity and wishing for a vagina so that your balls could crawl back up inside and have somewhere warm to recover. Back to the song (that was one hell of a tangent), the lyrics are still overly preachy, but then that’s to be expected from this genre of music. I should have researched if there is such a thing as Christian Rap, Christian RnB, and even Christian Death Metal. That would be interesting actually. Christ did die, after all. There was always that hit Christian pop song, “Begat Me Baby One More Time.”

“It’s Not Me It’s You” isn’t what I was hoping it to be, and is a lot more like I was expecting it to be. Piss poor rock. I’m suddenly aching for something to wash the taste away. Something, anything. Maroon 5 would do. Well maybe not, that’s the equivalent of using xenomorph blood for mouthwash. “Should’ve When You Could’ve” is a rock anthem that rocks as much as falling off a cliff and landing on… rocks. Hmm, I could have thought that analogy through more, and I’m too stubborn to go back, delete it, and think of a whole new analogy. But this song is not good. I should’ve picked another album to review when I could’ve. Shit, still five songs to go. Suicide can’t get you into heaven (which makes the end of Last Days somewhat questionable to me) but this can’t be any worse than Hell right now. “Believe” is the greatest song I’ve ever heard. The remains of the aforementioned irony meters have just joined together in the style of a T-1000’s gloop, and have exploded again. Those things just can’t catch a break. For an album where the aim is to inspire faith and belief in the Almighty, it’s sure making me swear a lot.

“Forgiven.” Make it stop now, please. I’ll say my prayers, I’ll eat my vitamins, I’ll molest my daughter BROTHER… wait, that’s not right. Whatcha gonna do when my 2.4 inch steroid python comes crashing down on YOU?! Apart from laugh. Whatever happened to Shaun Mooney. I loved that guy, for nothing else than getting licked by consecutive Bushwhackers. Which reminds me of this.



Brilliant. “Sometimes” is back to this faux rock bullshit that blights this album like one of the seven plagues of Revelation. Wow, where did these sores come from? Oh right, those hookers. I’m getting bored now, as well as hungry. An album this bad should never be 12 songs long. It shouldn’t even be 1 song long. “Never Surrender” sounds like the Christian Rock version of “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.” But, you guessed it, it’s nowhere near as good. Finally, the last song, “Lucy.” She’d better be hot. Oh wait, she’s dead. It’s actually the best song on the album, if it had a decent chorus that wasn’t Rhyme By Numbers, it would get a nod of the head. But, as with the rest of the songs, the problems outweigh any positives. But I always try and end a review on a good note, so here are some amusing pictures of our Lord. I’m going to hell for this.

The 411: Cue the religious backlash. Yes, I know that Christian Rock is a very select genre, where the messages of the songs come first and everything else is secondary, but any song should never come at the expense of good songwriting. This album lacks songwriting skills, and any album, Christian or not, would suffer from this. There isn’t an overbearing God-like stench, but there’s a definite whiff in the air, which isn’t helped by the lyrics that, for want of a better word, suck. Some of the choruses are headshakingly bad. WWJD? Throw this album in the trash, roll up a fatty and stick on a Led Zeppelin album. I recommend you all do the same. See you down there.

Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]