Bob Dylan – Christmas In the Heart Review

Posted by Michael James on 10.14.2009

Time to knock two holy grails off their respective pedestals...

Odds are that I’m going to get torched in our good old 411 comments section for this review. Not for my subpar writing skills or shoddy fact checking (hopefully), but rather because I’ve been put in a position where I have to bash not only Bob Dylan, but a CD where all of the revenues go to charity. Well that’s unfortunately a cross I have no choice but to bear, because ladies and gentlemen, Bob Dylan has released a Christmas album…


1- Here Comes Santa Claus
2- Do You Hear What I Hear?
3- Winter Wonderland
4- Hark the Herald Angels Sing
5- I’ll Be Home for Christmas
6- Little Drummer Boy
7- Christmas Blues
8- O’ Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles)
9- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
10- Must Be Santa
11- Silver Bells
12- First Noel
13- Christmas Island
14- Christmas Song
15- O’ Little Town of Bethlehem

And it is the worst Christmas album I have heard in my entire life (to be honest, I’m being a bit generous by including the Christmas qualifier). Now understand I am coming at this review from a somewhat different perspective than 98% of other reviewers would be. I like Dylan. But I LOVE Christmas in general, and Christmas music specifically. Like I start listening to it right after Labor Day. But I’m not a Christmas music snob, and I don’t limit my Christmas listening to songs made decades ago. In the past few years, Dustin Kensrue, Phantom Planet and Death Cab for Cutie, among others, have released stand out Christmas songs.

Before I dive into the review, I must acknowledge that it is very noble and magnanimous of Dylan to give all of the revenue from this album to a variety of charities aiming to feed the hungry both here and abroad. But do charity onto your eardrums as well, and just cut the charities a check. As an album, rather than a charitable act, Christmas In the Heart is completely and utterly pointless. Dylan’s versions of standards like “Here Comes Santa Claus” and “Winter Wonderland” sound like little more than karaoke versions of 1950’s holiday recordings, complete with hokey background singers.

Dylan fares even worse on Christmas In the Heart’s more religious holiday offerings for a simple reason. I know its sacrilege in some circles to complain about Dylan’s singing voice. But religious hymns like “O’ Come All Ye Faithful” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” demand a strong vocal. Written as soaring anthems of praise, the Dylan’s trademark croak completely destroys Christmas’ standard spirituals. I doubt even Dylan’s most faithful acolytes could listen to the last note of “Do You Hear What I Hear?” without cringing. It’s not surprising that the best Dylan’s voice sounds on the entire album is on his rendition of “Lil’ Drummer Boy”, as the song’s dynamics allow for a more subdued vocal, rather than requiring Dylan to strain for notes he can’t possibly hit.

Predictably, the album’s relative bright spots are the more melancholy songs. His version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” captures some of the sadness of a holiday alone. That is until it is ruined by the choice to have a chorus of atonal ‘50s voices accompany Dylan. “Christmas Blues” is Dylan’s best song choice, and sure enough, he puts his rasp to good use to produce a track which would be perfectly suited for a Bad Santa sequel.

Where Dylan tries to experiment with the instrumentation, he achieves mixed results at best. The country twang added to the instrumental for “Silver Bells” gives the song a different feel from the countless other versions we’ve all heard. But when Dylan turns “Must Be Santa” into a frenetic polka, the result is ghastly, horrid, awful and unlistenable. And yes, it deserves the use of 4 negative adjectives.

So now that I’ve shat upon an American icon—Merry Christmas!



If you’re like me, most of your music ends up in an endless .mp3 “shuffle.” In order to preserve your valuable disk space, here’s what’s Ipod-worthy off Christmas In the Heart:

Nothing. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, “Little Drummer Boy”, “Christmas Blues” and “Silver Bells” are less awful than the rest.

The 411: Good intentions alone do not make for a worthwhile result. This album is only for true Dylan completists or those who know they won't donate to the less fortunate in any other way. I can't imagine any situation in which someone would sit down and listen to this album. I'll give this album a ratings point just for Dylan's charitable intentions, which means it gets....

Final Score:  1.5   [ Extremely Horrendous ]