Vanilla Ice - WTF Review

Posted by Wyatt E. on 09.06.2011

Apparently, this came out a week or two ago, but if you think Wyatt E. is going to pass up a chance to review this one, no way, Jose. The world should know about this. (Mainly so I have someone to laugh with.)

I have to apologize for not having this one done sooner; it was only recently that Vanilla himself reminded me on his Twitter that this had been released over the past little while, mainly because there was an error in the credits and he had to briefly pull it from iTunes. Ouch.

Also, I'm on Twitter too!




1. Turn It Up - 3:24
2. Rock Star Party - 2:38
3. Good Times (featuring Cowboy Troy) - 4:05
4. Cadillac Ninjas - 3:13
5. Nightmare Disco - 3:03
6. Born on Halloween (featuring Insane Clown Posse) 4:05
7. Wit Dat - 4:05
8. Bought & Sold - 4:04
9. My Way - 3:37
10. 5446 - 3:08
11. Mommas & Strippers - 1:36
12. Mission - 2:23
13. Hooked (unplugged) - 1:55
14. King of the Daredevils - 2:09
15. Da Ha Da Ha (feat. Cowboy Troy) - 5:05
16. Bought & Sold (Brandon Bishop remix) - 3:15




All righty, show of hands...... no no, not yet, smart-asses. Okay. Who, in the 1990s, would've guessed that Vanilla Ice would have not only stayed somewhat visible for two decades, but would still be releasing new material in 2011? I mean, the guy has been made fun of by so many people so many times that it's probably not even worth it to do so nowadays (especially since most people have likely moved on to picking on teen pop stars). Hell, my guess is that most of you who grew up in the 1990s figured he'd be a gas station attendant somewhere in backwoods Florida by now. And yet, here he stands, on the cover of WTF (Wisdom, Tenacity, Focus) (yeah, I know) still making hip hop out of sheer defiance. Ice obviously really loves this music, and his dedication to it should be admired, even if you're not a fan.

Of course, you know why Ice is really still around: once the late 1990s rolled around and Ice started making his various comebacks (starting with rap-metal, and working his way to straight underground rap), who should have swooped in but the Juggalos, who have always operated in some weird bubble outside of the rest of pop culture (which is still putting it mildly) and who have continued to support Ice, a big Juggalo himself, for years and years. And of course, we all know how long they've supported Insane Clown Posse despite the ridiculous amount of heat they've gotten themselves.

That aside, it's interesting to think of what Vanilla Ice we're going to get on WTF. He's gone from one of rap music's great posers (the anti-classic To The Extreme, Mind Blowin') to a vengeful lunatic (Hard To Swallow, disc one of Bipolar) to an uncomfortably defensive underground presence (the unfortunate Platinum Underground). Stylistically, this time Ice has opted to go all over the map, touching on rap-rock, pop-rap, reggae, hints of country (Cowboy Troy shows up on this album) and, of course, house music.

House music.

House music.

The album begins with the generically titled "Turn It Up," a dance track full of bumping, blaring synths that sounds like it showed up here looking for someone else's record. Ice probably assumes that he can take any style of music and give it his own personal stamp thanks to his lyrical talents. And boy, does he ever. For those who still get laughs out of Ice's overcompensating vocal style, his non sequitur pop culture references, his shameless use of buzz words and transparent posturing, he delivers all of that and more in the first track alone. I suppose I can't really rip on the guy that much, as he's so content in this dorky persona and admittedly has a way better flow than he did in the 90s. Besides, there just aren't that many rappers nowadays that are so stupid that they're this hilarious.


Who the hell directed this, Jan Terri?

Of course, this depends on whether or not he's got good beats behind him. "Turn It Up" for a dance song isn't that bad, if a little opportunistic, which is typical Ice. The other side of the coin is the spectacular failure "Nightmare Disco," which is an even bouncier club track that's produced to within an inch of its life with cacophonous string sounds, and this attempt at... singing? I don't know what the though process behind this one was, but as sheer music it's one of the most unpleasant things ever released under his name. Damn. Let's never speak of that again.

Of course, since Ice is a NINJA~! it's no surprise to see ICP show up, although in the case of "Born On Halloween" - Ice's take on horrorcore - it's just Violent J with no Shaggy 2 Dope to be found. Despite Violent J's knack for botching his flow just out of sheer excitement for spewing out his nutty serial killer fantasies, at least Ice is working with the more listenable half of ICP, although for many of you that might not be saying much. (And before I get emails, no, I don't think ICP are really that terrible. I'm just saying, they do have undeniable shortcomings as MCs, which become much more apparent when taken out of the context of their Dark Carnival settings.)

So remember when I mentioned the part about how he tackles different genres? I refer to you the "unplugged" version of "Hooked" (originally one of the worst tracks from To The Extreme). It's unfathomable as to why he would want to revisit that horrible song, but interestingly, he turns it into an acoustic, light rock song, with sung vocals, and it's... actually not bad? Even his singing voice is passable. The Iceman even has the audacity to reuse lyrics from his last record on "Bought & Sold," which is an eye-roller by design. On top of that, the song is another in a seemingly endless series of "I survived fame" songs he does, which he's been busting out since.... well, since To The Extreme fell off the charts. Then he devotes one track to sound samples of Evel Knievel promoting an anti-drug message. If all of this sounds really disjointed, you're right, even if "Hooked" is one of the album's more surprising moments of weirdness.

WTF is a mess. Neither Ice nor his producers seem to have any concept of making a fully cohesive record. They might have used the diverse range of styles of the album as a benefit, but instead it comes across as clutter, as though Ice had a bunch of unrelated ideas he just had to fit on the record. It only makes Ice seem all the more desperate to appeal to everyone, and that should surprise nobody who's heard Platinum Underground. Few of the pieces here really fit together, with the one defining sound of the album being his rhymes, which are as ridiculous as they've always been. Repeatedly on the album he asks his listeners to "release the juice" which coming from anyone, much less Ice, is vaguely disturbing. When he gets back to basics, i.e. rapping about his own abilities and status, he either adopts a dumb gimmick (why is he emphasizing his Rs so much in "Rock Star Party"?) or just spouts out bewildering lines like "Get your drinks! Drinks at the bar! / now lemme know who you are!" It's all borderline embarrassing. But it's also funny. There's just something downright lovable about his posturing that transcends whatever music backs him.

The 411: Yes, this is bad, but it's also perversely entertaining. Ice loves making music and it's hard to front on that, but he comes off like such a gigantic dweeb, because he overcompensates for his perceived reputation and falls all over himself trying to be silly, or a thug, or a celebrity. So, like the best Vanilla Ice albums, WTF is indeed entertaining, in a dumb sort of way. I've always said that if Kevin Federline was Uwe Boll, then Vanilla Ice would be Ed Wood.

Final Score:  3.5   [ Bad ]