Pink - I’m Not Dead Review
Posted by Mitch Michaels on 04.05.2006
You make me sick...
My Story
Well, like most folks, I first heard of Pink on the 2001 all-diva cover of "Lady Marmalade" for the Moulin Rouge movie. And like most folks, I thought, "Who the hell is Pink?" Not long later, Pink showed me just who the hell she was when her huge single "Get This Party Started" hit the airwaves and seemingly never quit playing. I have to admit, I kind of liked "Get This Party Started". It was different. It was kind of funky and edgy. All these years and 4 or 5 "Pink attitude" driven super hits later, I can say with all certainty: Pink kind of annoys me. Will three years off and a new album change my mind?
Her Story
Pink's story isn't much different than any other ambitious youngster who figured out early how to break into the music business. Born and raised in the Philadelphia area, by the age of 13 Pink was already a well known face on the local club scene working both as a dancer and a background singer for the neighborhood hip-hop acts. By 14, she was writing and performing her own songs.
Pink's talents got a notice from an MCA music executive, and it wasn't long before Pink was signed as part of the R&B group Basic Instinct. Unfortunately, Basic Instinct didn't last very long before the group imploded. The same thing happened to Pink's short-lived second group, the R&B trio Choice. Something tells me Pink doesn't play very well with others.
Fortunately for Pink, her songwriting work had impressed L.A. Reid, co-head of the R&B label La Face, and in the aftermath of Choice, Pink found herself finally signed to a solo record deal. Her first album, 2000's Can't Take Me Home, was a respectable exercise in dance-pop, and scored Pink no less than 3 Billboard Top Ten singles ("Some Girls", "You Make Me Sick" & "There You Go"). The success earned her a spot opening for mega-hot boy band *N'Sync, but Pink could smell the changes coming in the musical landscape and began to think of a way to get herself distanced from the "Teen Pop" crowd. That opportunity came in 2001 with "Lady Marmalade".
2001's hit whorehouse musical Moulin Rouge needed a nasty lead single for its soundtrack, so producer Baz Luhrman sought out the best flesh the music biz could offer, the team of the ever-skanky Christina Aguilera and Lil' Kim and newcomers Mya and Pink. The racy number became a huge hit, and the accompanying video turned Pink's top hat-wearing ass into a genuine star.
Pink followed up her collaboration success with an even more successful album. Riding the wave of the ultra-catchy "Get This Party Started", Pink's sophomore album M!ssundaztood (helmed by ex-4 Non Blondes member Linda Perry) quickly sold over 2 million copies, making Pink one of 2001's biggest breakout stars. With songs like "Don't Let Me Get Me" and "Just Like A Pill", along with their edgy videos and Pink's "take no shit" persona, critics and fans hailed Pink as a refreshing break from the mindless pop music that was permeating the airwaves at the time.
Pink followed it up with more of the same in 2003's Try This, this album headed up by none other than Rancid's Tim Armstrong, and people loved it, though the singles didn't fare quite as well on the radio. The album sales didn't lie, however, and the platinum success of Try This proved that Pink was going to be around for a while.
That said, following the tour for the album, Pink dropped off the map for a few years, taking time to presumably rest and write. 2006 finds her back after a three year absence with the appropriately titled I'm Not Dead, lead off by the hit single "Stupid Girls", which takes pot shots at the young female celebrities of the day in a "hilarious" video. In other words, she's still following her formula.
The Album
On April 4, 2006, La Face Records will release I'm Not Dead, the fourth studio album by Pink and her follow-up to the 2003 platinum album Try This. The record is available in clean and explicit CD and DualDisc versions, which all contain two bonus tracks: "Centerfold" and "Fingers", along with a hidden track called "I Have Seen The Rain", a duet with her father. The album is produced by Pink and several collaborators, including pop producers Billy Mann (Jessica Simpson) and Max Martin (bunch of boy bands, Britney Spears).
The Band: 6.0
Pink: vocals
During the late 90's, a lot of female pop acts emerged. Most of their music was all processed, stylistic trash, but damn could they sing. Christina Aguilera is a good example. Pink is not. Pink's vocals have little range, and in the wrong environment (see the album's acoustic tracks like "The One That Got Away") can sound downright annoying. Pink never sings any different on one track than she doesn't on another, whether she's belting out a ballad or giving the finger to club scene guys. Sure, Janis Joplin could get away with a questionable singing voice, but she's Janis Joplin and this is fucking Pink.
The hype machine wants you to believe that Pink's records hold a lot of musical variety, so I was looking forward to see what a full disc would bring. The truth is not much. The bulk of this album sounds like Kelly Clarkson reject pop, with a few signature Pink "OMG listen to her rock, she's so punk" songs thrown in to keep you off balance. Oh, and one R&B track to prove that Pink is all things to all people. The pop songs aren't terrible, but only suffer from Pink's limited vocal work. The only thing that sets the "funky" R&B tracks apart are the backbeat and Pink's delivery, which from anybody else would sound laughable, but from Pink only sounds irritating.
The instrumentation on the album is OK throughout, and it's well produced. Pink does a good job of choosing people to work with to keep her sound a little fresh, even when her formula doesn't change from album to album. The inclusion of the two all acoustic numbers keep you guessing on this album, while giving the illusion that this is somehow more than a pop record, when it's curiously somehow less.
All in all, there's nothing new under the sun, as I'm Not Dead doesn't sound different from any other Pink record, and is only sonically distinguishable from other modern pop albums by Pink's limited vocal work and a couple of oddities thrown in for flavor.
The Songs: 3.0
1. Stupid Girls
2. Who Knew
3. Long Way To Happy
4. Nobody Knows
5. Dear Mr. President (feat. Indigo Girls)
6. I'm Not Dead
7. Cuz I Can
8. Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)
9. U + Ur Hand
10. Runaway
11. The One That Got Away
12. I Got Money Now
13. Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self
14. Fingers
15. Centerfold
16. I Have Seen The Rain (feat. James T. Monroe)
OK, let's get this out of the way: without the video, "Stupid Girls" fucking sucks. The song has no melody and the words are dumb. Don't buy this album for "Stupid Girls". Go download the video from somewhere. Trust me, even if you pay $1.99 for it on iTunes, you'll be saving yourself a huge headache. Literally.
I have listened to a lot of trash in my time, kids, but I have rarely said this: This album fucking offended me. It absolutely insulted me. It made me squirm with annoyance and tremble in anger. In short, this is a piece of shit. And it's not that it's bad (it is, but it's not that). Most of this stuff is just your run-of-the-mill manufactured pop, no different from Jessica Simpson or anybody else. It's Pink's formula that bothers me.
Let me tell you something: Pink thinks she's better than you. Pink thinks she's smarter than you. She thinks because she writes her own songs that somehow she's the hottest shit on the market. She thinks she's above pop music. She's not. Like I said earlier, Pink writes Kelly Clarkson-style pop songs. Songs that make teenage girls feel good. Then she sprinkles in a few swear words and says, oh, this is for the outcasts, and, hey, we're all outcasts cause we realize all the bullshit that's going on. Pink is the bullshit, folks. And people are buying it.
"Stupid Girls" is a catchy video. But doesn't EVERYBODY realize how dumbass Paris Hilton acts? Is Pink somehow leading the way? Has she figured out something that people haven't known for years?
Anyway, like I said, most of the songs on this album are just mindless pop with a "Pink moment" inserted, usually as an f-bomb or a threat of violence (like the "I'd stand up and punch them out" bridge on the otherwise sappy "Who Knew"). Songs that try to come off as something more fail miserably. "U + Ur Hand" is so bad it's embarrassing, and would definitely only appeal to high school students with its ridiculous title. Pink goes political on "Dear Mr. President", an acoustic number that she no doubt lifted out of the Dixie Chicks' trash can (and hell, they suck now too). "Cuz I Can" is an even more puzzling break from the album, as Pink goes from blaming the President for not caring about homeless people to claiming that my whole house could fit into her pool. And this shit just goes on and on.
In the end, this album wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for its immediate declaration to be more than it is. At its best, I'm Not Dead is a middling pop album from an average singer/songwriter. At its worst, Pink insults the intelligence of both her detractors and her fans, and if you don't get that, you truly are a stupid girl.
The 411: On “U + Ur Hand” (such a poignant title), Pink claims “I’m not here to entertain you”. Truer words have never been spoken. I’m Not Dead is a grade C pop album with enough “attitude” (re: swear words) strewn in to make those not listening think Pink is legitimately rebelling against something. And when Pink actually strays from her formula on non-pop numbers, she does little more than embarrass herself. This is the sort of CD that high school girl basketball players crank up in their bedrooms, only to look back a few months later and think, damn, that was lame. Ultimately, I’m Not Dead is not Pink’s middle finger to pop divas, George W. Bush or the music biz, but to anybody who wastes $15 on this trash thinking they’re getting something different. Don’t be a stupid consumer.
