The Independent Mid-Card 03.13.07: Kikutaro vs. Toland

Yes, that’s right, it’s another week of The Independent Mid-Card. This week’s IMC is dedicated to one of my personal favorite comedy wrestlers. I figured after a few weeks of technical bouts and bloody brawls, it might be nice to head back to the lighter side of wrestling for a week. For your reading pleasure, it’s a fun-filled week in The Independent Mid-Card.

Kikutaro vs. Tank Toland
Ring of Honor – The Chicago Spectacular, Night One – Chicago Ridge, IL – December 8, 2006

The Wrestlers:
Kikutaro – Having gone through a myriad of names in recent years, the former Ebessan, Ebitoh and Ebetaro is widely regarded as one of the top comedy wrestlers in the entire world. Bedecked in a comically cartoonish mask and having debuted over a decade ago, Kikutaro has spent time in both FMW and Osaka Pro, but now wrestles primarily for All Japan Pro Wrestling with occasional U.S. appearances for Ring of Honor. In 2005, he was a participant in one of the most talked about matches in ROH history, a Four Corner Survival featuring Kikutaro (then called Ebetaro), Jack Evans, Delirious and then-Pure Champion Samoa Joe.

Tank Tolland – A former Tag Team Champion in WWE developmental territory Ohio Valley Wrestling, Tank Tolland was called up to WWE SmackDown! as a part of a new tag team (the quaintly named ‘Dicks’) in October of 2005. After a relatively unsuccessful couple of months, Tolland (no longer using the ‘James Dick’ moniker) returned to OVW before being released (allegedly due to an altercation with partner Chad Wicks). In October of 2006, Tolland debuted for Ring of Honor, taking part in a Four Corner Survival also featuring Mark Briscoe, Roderick Strong and then-ROH World Tag Team Champion Chris Hero.

The Match:
Born to Be Wild starts to play, signaling the arrival of Kikutaro. He does a bit of posing in the ring (a combination of Muta and Hogan, if you’re curious), much to the crowd’s delight. Tank Tolland follows not long after, entering to Supernova Goes Pop. He jaws with the crowd on his way around ringside, and then does a pretty impressive standing jump to the apron before stealing Raven’s pose to draw heat. Kikutaro gets a pretty nice chant before the bell, and waves to the crowd approvingly. The ref checking his mask for illegal objects is pretty funny to me for whatever reason. Toland screws around with the ref while being checked, but not in a funny way, more so in a jerky way. Jason Harding (Chicago’s favorite ROH referee) is the ref here, for the record. He calls for the Code of Honor to be followed and Toland reluctantly pauses his argument with a fan to oblige Kikutaro in a handshake (for which Kikutaro is overly grateful). The bell sounds and we’re off.

Kikutaro continues to pose at every opportunity, drawing lots of cheers along the way. The two men lockup and Toland overpowers Kikutaro and tosses him to the mat. Kikutaro oversells the back, of course. Toland forces Kikutaro to the corner, but gives him a clean break. Kikutaro then calls for Toland and the ref to ‘fight’, only to beg off when the ref admonishes him. Toland is already noticeably frustrated. Kikutaro does high fives up-high and then down-low with the ref to make peace (complete with congratulatory handshake), and then turns to do the same with Toland, who is unfortunately ‘TOO SLOW!’ on the down-low. The crowd is eating this stuff up, popping huge for Kikutaro’s celebratory dance around the ring.

Toland is not pleased and comes charging with a clothesline, only to have Kikutaro duck and retaliate with a thumb to the eye (complete with cheers from the crowd). Kikutaro grabs a headlock. Toland sends him off the ropes, but neither man goes down on a shoulderblock and Kikutaro poses some MORE. Another shoulderblock attempt gets more posing, this time the full-on Hogan posing set. Worth noting here is Kikutaro literally jumping back half a foot every time he turns around from posing and sees Toland getting more frustrated. Kikutaro jokes with the crowd about Toland’s physique and then gets down on the mat and challenges Toland to an arm-wrestling match. Toland is just livid now, wanting to just wrestle a regular match, but Kikutaro gets the crowd to clap and then Chicago takes it upon itself to question Toland’s manhood in an effort to get him to comply. It works, of course, and he finally relents. Jimmy Bower calls it ‘the arm-wrestling match of the century’ on commentary, which probably takes things a little too far, but if you’re going to sell it, you might as well sell it all the way. Toland kneels down to arm-wrestle, but Kikutaro jumps up and stomps him in the back of the head, sending the crowd into a near-frenzy.

Kikutaro gets a snapmare and follows with a running elbow drop and the Muta pose. Kikutaro goes for the cover, but every time the ref gets to one, he leans back to break the count. This goes on a bunch of times before Kikutaro breaks for real to mock the ref (Kikutaro: “He’s JOKING!!!”). Kikutaro gets into a shoving match with Harding, and that proves to be his undoing as he turns around into a clothesline from Toland. Toland stomps away at the mask a couple of times and then gets a stiff kick to the back. More stomping and a jumping kneedrop get two for Tank. Toland whips Kikutaro to the ropes and puts him down with a back elbow. More stomping and a choke ensue before Toland grabs a rear chinlock. Kikutaro fights out, but Toland gets a running knee strike to the head and then a spear for two. Toland moves into a mounted position and punches away for a bit before breaking to steal Raven’s pose again (much to the crowd’s chagrin).

Toland kicks at Kikutaro in the corner and then just tosses him most of the way across the ring. Toland gets a snapmare and a running yakuza kick and then makes a very cocky cover for two. Tank grabs a modified headlock and Kikutaro tries to make his way to the ropes, but Toland keeps pulling him back. The ref checks Kikutaro’s arm, but it only falls twice and the masked man works his way to his feet. The two exchange strikes until Toland whips Kikutaro cross corner, but he gets caught with a back elbow on the blind charge. Kikutaro ducks a clothesline and then counters a kick into a dragon screw legwhip. He follows up with a shining wizard for two. Kikutaro lifts up Toland and grabs a front facelock (as if going for a suplex), but then stops to deliver a speech to the crowd (“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to ROH. [pounds Toland down] I’m so happy, because I love Ring of Honor. [pounds Toland down] Please come tomorrow, too, ok? See you tomorrow! Brainbuster!”). Toland, of course, reverses the brainbuster and gets a snap suplex. Toland then gets a fireman’s carry into a sitout powerbomb to pick up the win at 8:17. Toland poses and has his hand raised as we cut out.

The Analysis:
This is a textbook case of a match in two parts. The first part of the match, which was dominated by Kikutaro poking fun at everything, was tremendous fun, filled with top-shelf comedy like the arm-wrestling sequence. Kikutaro is clearly at the top of his game in terms of the comedy, and it was interesting to see him in there with someone other than, say, Colt Cabana, who is a jokester himself. The whole dynamic of Toland being ultra-serious and Kikutaro just trying to have fun was a good one for them to play off of, as Toland’s continuously increasing frustration was funny unto itself.

Once Toland hit the clothesline and they segued into a more standard contest, with Toland mostly dominating outside of Kikutaro hitting his shining wizard spot. As is not uncommon for Kikutaro matches, his comedic intent ended up being his fatal flaw, as the speech before the brainbuster attempt gave Toland enough time to recover and hit the big fireman’s carry powerbomb for the victory.

Honestly, the straight match was almost immeasurably less interesting than the comedy segment, but that fact that is not at all surprising to anyone who has seen a Kikutaro match before. Toland, though physically impressive and solid in the ring, is not yet at the level that most ROH fans expect in terms of being able to put on a technical classic. Overall, however, he was a pleasant enough foil for Kikutaro’s comedy act to have a solid outing to open the show.

The Aftermath:
The next night, Kikutaro would go on to take part in a Six Man Mayhem match, which was won by Jake Crist of Irish Airborne. Since then, he has not returned to ROH competition. However, Kikutaro has always been a special guest at Ring of Honor events, and so it seems to be only a matter of time until he makes another appearance for the company.

Toland also competed at the second night of The Chicago Spectacular, losing the opening contest to Chicago-native Ace Steel. Since then, he has only competed in ROH once (a win over ROH student Mitch Franklin), but was recently named Chris Hero’s personal trainer by Hero’s business manager “Sweet and Sour” Larry Sweeney. It is possible that Toland is just the first member of a Hero-led stable, a move that could help raise Toland’s stock with the company significantly, both in and out of the ring.

The Final Word
I was reading a thread on the ROH Message Board the other day dedicated to people’s favorite comedy matches. One poster simply wrote ‘I hate comedy matches’. I suppose that he or she is entitled to their opinion, but in my book comedy matches are an important part of the wrestling landscape. (As an aside, the poster’s name was ‘dudelove’, which makes his or her post that must more ironic and tragic, as Mick Foley was one of the true innovators of comedy wrestling in the modern era.)

As I have shown a variety of matches to non-fans to help explain what my love of pro wrestling is all about, I almost always show them a comedy match along the way. I think that performers like Kikutaro, Colt Cabana and Delirious (three members of the Independent comedy wrestling Mount Rushmore, at least as far as I’m concerned) help remind each of us that there is a lighter side to the wrestling world.

If you’d like to see this week’s match for yourself, The Chicago Spectacular, Night One is available at rohwrestling.com. Elsewhere on the card is a great Four Corner Survival featuring Christopher Daniels, BJ Whitmer, Davey Richards and Matt Cross, and a Steel Cage main event pitting ROH World Champion “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson against challenger Samoa Joe. If you look closely, you’ll be able to see me sitting ringside.

Now that you’re almost finished reading this column, you should make sure to check out some other stuff here on 411. There’s the stuff I always suggest (Ari’s Column of Honor and Stu’s Friendly Competition), the stuff I often suggest (JZ & Brad’s review of an ROH show, in this case The Bitter End), the stuff I should always suggest, but usually forget to (BD’s Truth B Told and Zac’s The Ripple Effect), and my own stuff, in a shameless attempt to boost my own readership (the newest edition of The Box in the Attic).

Oh, and please be sure to stop over in the Music Zone and check out the Music Zone Top 5 which this week looks at the staff’s picks for Top 5 Live Albums. I can’t lie that it took me like four days to figure out my list. I promise that this thing is well worth the read, especially for your wrestling fans who rarely venture to the other areas of 411.

With that said, thanks for stopping by, and I’ll see everyone again next week here in the IMC.

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