The Singles Guy 04.01.09: Don't Be A Fool...Read This Column
Posted by Jacob Crogie on 04.01.2009
Happy April Fool's Day everyone! This year we can't even make jokes about "Chinese Democracy"! Come in and check the latest from Pearl Jam, Lil' Wayne, Nickelbitches and more!
It's almost time for finals here at the University of Western Ontario, which means I have so much to do over the next few weeks...and yet...so little to do. This was a hell of a slow week for releases, lacking a stand out hit so the song of the week is more of a sentimental choice than anything else. I give the Seal of Approval to a song off of the Twilight soundtrack...its too bad that the source is so shitty. What is up with Twilight mania anyways? Or all the love for the Jonas Brothers? What is wrong with the youth of today? Well...when they have shit like this crammed down their throats, I am not surprised they are so misinformed.
Nickelback- "If Today Was Your Last Day"
Oh shit. Words fail me, I cannot describe the sheer shittiness of this track. There are no balls on this track, it seems very muted with no real stand out moments. For a rock song, the guitar is basically an afterthought and there is no power anywhere. Typical Nickelback schlock, they have two gears...shitty inspirational ballads or shitty over the top sexual innuendos. I'll give you three guesses as to what this one is. This is getting pathetic, the message is almost nauseating. I am generally intolerant of fake music, and this is no different. I don't want to sound cold, but will these guys just die already? There is nothing redeeming about this track whatsoever.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Never Again"- Nickelback, "So Happy"- Theory of a Deadman
Hinder- "The Best Is Yet To Come"
Wow. More of the same. Another shitty song, from rock's biggest douchebags with a horrendously cheesy message. This is basically the same song as above yet slightly better. It has a little more power in the chorus, making Nickelback's look like pansies. The lyrical theme is essentially the same except with a more reflective tone. I really don't care. At all. This is pathetic, these songs are essentially carbon copies of each other...sounds like they are competing for graduation theme song, it is that time of the year after all.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Bad Girlfriend"- Theory of a Deadman
Hedley- "Old School"
These guys are Canada's Daughtry...a band fronted by an Idol reject. Jacob Hoggard came third and is easily the most succesful product of that season, if not ever. This track will be their American debut, and speaking of graduation themes...well...here is another one. This is either intended or some kind of sick coincidence that all three of these tracks provide mostly the same message. This is the best one however, but not that much better and is nowhere near their best track. Total pop-rock musicality, never deviating too far from the successful formula that many have tread prior to them. Essentially the same theme, although, it is a tad more listenable than the previous two tracks combined. In fact...both this and the Hinder song start the same way, with a small acoustic intro. This is disgusting.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Never Too Late"- Hedley
Pink- "Please Don't Leave Me"
Finally, something that doesn't have a message of self improvement...that was getting idiotic. That is not to say that this track is any good. Actually, quite the opposite. This song annoys the living hell out of me. It is just a standard pop song with little in the way of revolutionary instrumentation instead dwelling in the familiar yet not entirely adequate. More sadness from Pink, as she laments over a lover about to leave and how she regrets her behaviour etc. Same as lot of the shit we have heard...every once in a while she churns out a quality track, but this is not one of those times. The chorus especially annoys me, there is a lack of build up or any kind of quality hook. This track is just a fail, can't see this one performing very well on the charts.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Sober"- Pink
Lil' Wayne- "Hot Revolver"
More Lil' Wayne "rock". Great. This fucking blows. His rap is a series of highs and lows, meanwhile his "rock" is all shit. Lyrics that are slightly better than Hinder...slightly...without any musical talent. The tracks sound hollow and empty, apparently "Rebirth" got shelved (delayed release by a month) and I can tell why. There is just something missing from these tracks, I think it is either talent or feeling...or possibly both. The first time the chorus comes in though, I was pretty impressed. The hook sung by Dre from production team Cool & Dre, is pretty tight but is still not enough to save this waste of almost five minutes. There is something that doesn't fit here...and its Weezy. Also...fuck the Green Day reference, Weezy has probably never heard a Green Day song in his life.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0.5/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Fireman"- Lil' Wayne
Shinedown- "Sound of Madness"
These guys continue to impress me with the title track off of their last album. This track embodies everything that is both good and bad about Shinedown. It is not incredibly revolutionary or memorable, yet it provides some ass-kicking hard rock to the mainstream. Strong riffs are evident in this head-banger, which at times leans towards the generic. Lyrically, this is a straight up kick in the ass with anger radiating from every word while lead singer Brent Smith attempts to find his inner Hetfield. The one problem I have with this track is that it dwells and plays to every post-grunge cliche possible. Songwriting by the numbers, but still a good enough track that one can overlook its faults.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 3.5/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Second Chance"- Shinedown
Pearl Jam- "Brother"
It's Pearl Jam. And its new. EPIC WIN. This song is good, with some amazing work from the band and as always Eddie brings the heat on vocals. It sounds just like every other Pearl Jam song, which isn't a bad thing, but its not like they are breaking new ground. It is off of a reissue after all. Just wait until you reach the epic guitar solo, it is a win and a half. This is what music is missing...guitar solos. The lyrics are all about "Big Brother"...and other political bullshit that really doesn't matter to me. This is nowhere near the quality of some of their masterpieces though, but mediocre Pearl Jam is still awesome enough for me. I don't have too much to say about this track other than Pearl Jam still kicks ass...party like it's 1993.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 3.5/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Jeremy"- Pearl Jam
Brad Paisley- "Then"
This one is the latest from the reigning king of country, off of his forthcoming album "American Saturday Night". This one is clearly going to rule the charts like his last nine singles, but to me, it's just another overly emotional country ballad. Filled with cliches, I am not impressed with him here, for his songwriting ability isn't used to full potential. There is a nice little guitar solo, which should have been extended by about thirty seconds in my opinion. It's a simple ballad, a safe choice for a lead single that will surely drive sales. It is more for the female crowd in my opinion, but instrumentally he shines every once in a while throughout. The guy has talent, just sometimes he gets caught up in cliches.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 3.5/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "I'm Still A Guy"- Brad Paisley
SONG OF THE WEEK!
Silversun Pickups- "Panic Switch"
Apparently this track is representitive of a nervous breakdown, I can see that as the frantic energy throughout is enough to give me one. The bass work on this track is utterly phenomenal, and she sings while playing bass, big ups for that one. The guitarist shines as well while the drummer does his thing exceptionally well. Lyrically, you can sense the hopelessness and insanity. Although this is not my type of music, I see the validity and strength of this track. The chorus to me is a let down and is almost too mainstream to have any kind of effect. You can never accuse this track of being generic however, and its a solid song regardless of your musical tastes. The guitar solo is phenomenal and deserves recognition. Winner on a week filled with shit...congratulations...I guess.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4/5
What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "1979"- The Smashing Pumpkins
The Jacob Crogie Seal of Awesomeness
Blue Foundation- "Eyes On Fire"
This one comes off of the Twilight soundtrack but don't let that deter you from giving it a chance. It is easily one of the trippiest songs I have heard in a long time with amazing lyrics. The track is just wonderfully written in general, as the music shines through as well. The guitar work throughout contributes to an ominous forward moving feel while the vocals provide a layer of eeriness. You have to listen to this track to understand the darkness it projects. Great track...from a shitty movie.
So that's it for another week, be sure to tune in same time next week when we get all the latest and the greatest plus all the crap that everyone else likes...
