The Singles Guy 04.15.09: Love Me Dead

Posted by Jacob Crogie on 04.15.2009

This week we get awesome tracks from Ludo & John Rich with a steaming pile of crap everywhere else. How sad is it that a week featuring Kelly Clarkson, AC/DC and Eminem fails so horribly?

Well...exams are almost here...FML. Let's get this over with so I can get back to studying (FUCK).

Eminem- "We Made You"

With the relatively ill-recieved "Crack A Bottle" out of the way, Em is back on the scene with the first single off of his first album since 2004. This one is straight up Slim Shady, critiquing everyone and everything. Name-dropping celebrities and spouting cliches like crazy, Em seems content to party like it is 1999. Fail. This seems hardly relevant and I miss the Eminem behind "Mosh" and "Stan"...real tracks with actual meaning. The music saves this track, and the woman who sings the hook puts all she has into it. The only good part of this song is that aforementioned hook and music, while this is a case of Eminem simply sticking with what he does most often, and seldom best.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Stan"- Eminem




Kelly Clarkson- "I Do Not Hook Up"

Kelly jacks this one from Katy Perry and it is pretty damn clear throughout that Katy's writing style lends itself well to her. Why give up this track though? It's pretty damn catchy and the lyrics have all the makings of a chick anthem. Furthermore, the shout along chorus just screams future number one to me, it has everything required to catapult Kelly to the top of the charts...again. What was Katy thinking? Her version of the song lacks the squeaky clean production behind Kelly but has more sheer emotion, and is clearly the better track. There are distinct similarities between the two of them and Kelly seems content to ride in on Katy's coattails. This track isn't my cup of tea in anyway...but every chick between here and Mexico will be blaring it all summer.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2.5/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Hook Up"- Katy Perry




AC/DC- "Anything Goes"

It's a good week when there is a new AC/DC track out...although, it is hard to tell, as they all sound relatively the same. This one keeps that trend going, but it is not necessarily a poor trend as with every track from them you know what you are getting. Balls to the wall rock and roll with stellar guitar work and usually a sexual innuendo or two thrown in the lyrics. This is not going to be a classic played at shows ten years from now though, and I find it pales in comparison to their past history. Just a track that is generally inoffensive with little to differentiate it from a collection of B-Sides from the 70s. In fact, those B-sides, may actually compare favorably.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2.5/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Touch Too Much"- AC/DC




Soulja Boy- "Turn My Swag On"

Really...what can I say about this guy that hasn't already been said. If I was born black, perhaps I could have also been a multi-millionaire with such awesome lines as "Hopped up out the bed / turned my swag on / took a look in the mirror said what's up / yeah I'm gettin' money, oh." HOLY FUCK. FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCK! The sheer idiocy of what I have listened to over 5 times now is absolutely killing me. This is quite possibly one of the worst songs I have ever heard. This guy cannot write lyrics and he cannot wirte music. He is simply a fail in general, why is he so popular?

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "New Jack Hustler"- Ice-T




311- "Hey You"

These guys were cool in the late 1990s basically being a bastard child of Sublime and The Offspring with half the fanbase and a quarter of the talent. These guys are pretty overrated all things considered, with stock reggae instrumentation while lacking in the rock department. Lyrically these guys are always overstated with very simplistic wording and messages. This track is no different then anything they have ever released before this. Simple and tired lyrics with instrumentation that sounds like it came straight out of the 90s, they can hardly hope to make a big impact on the charts, they lost all relevancy a long time ago. It may just be personal preference however...but how sad is it when you're favorite track of mine is a cover.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1.5/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Love Song"- 311 (Cure Cover)




Metric- "Gimme Sympathy"

Time for some Canadian content...although not from a band I am particularly fond of. This is not real music in reply to a commentator last week, Death Cab, Bright Eyes etc. are not real indie music. They are simply something for every snob teenage girl to listen to in an attempt to make themselves appear different (superior) from other teens. FAIL. Oh well, down to this track which simply bores the living hell out of me...as does most Metric tracks. Typical Metric musically and lyrically, if that is your thing then you are in luck. It's not mine however, and I am already tired of listening to this track.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1.5/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Rock & Roll"- Eric Hutchinson




Deric Ruttan- "California Plates"

Typical country song about losing love and all that crap by a drastically overrated Canadian songwriter. This song is one of the most incredibly boring tracks I have ever heard. There is nothing in it to criticize other than its committment to utter blandness. This song is so generic that Keith Urban is suing for gimmick infringement. Horrid song that is hardly worth half a listen, I will never play this track ever again.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Hold My Beer"- Aaron Pritchett





SONG OF THE WEEK!


John Rich- "Shuttin' Detroit Down"

It is not often that a country song impresses me enough to be awarded song of the week. It also doesn't hurt that it was a very light week in terms of quality musical output. That is not to take anything away from this incredibly personal track which clearly speaks to all those from a rural background. Politics and country music don't often mix well, but Rich sings this one from the heart and speaks to the state of affairs in America. He does a great job embodying rural politics with some solid lyrics and throughout you can feel the raw emotion. This is in the vein of some of the greatest political and protest songs such as "Ohio", "Eve of Destruction" etc. When historians look back upon this era, John Rich will help to represent the social opinion of the time. There is nothing generic about this country track, the sincerity is pervasive and makes this one a worthy recipient of Song of the Week honors!

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4/5

What I'd Rather Be Listening To: "Ohio"- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young





The Jacob Crogie Seal of Awesomeness

Ludo- "Love Me Dead"

Wow. I can't believe I have never heard this track before now! They have the lyrical capability of Weezer with the sound of the All-American Rejects. This kind of combination produces an amazingly sarcastic and darkly humourous track with amazing lyrics throughout. There is a nice little guitar solo in the middle with some solid instrumentation throughout most of the track. It is clear these guys are supremely talented and this single is catchy as hell with some of the most insane lyrics you will ever hear. It also helps that lead singer Andrew Volpe can sing with the best in the business. Give this track a listen, I did and now I can't stop!




So that's it for another week, be sure to tune in same time next week when we get all the latest and the greatest plus all the crap that everyone else likes...

SHAMELESS PLUG
The SuperHeroes In Training

Until next week, keep your pimphand strong and your rawkfist in the air!