Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News 05.01.09

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 05.01.2009

“Idol” chatter, Creed and Bush getting back together, Britney Spears watch, Snoop Doggy Beatdown, Lil Wayne & Rick Ross having trouble, the Tila Tequila quandary and more, plus partying like it’s 1999, chart news and Lady GaGa is our Piece of the Week!

Happy May Day my little bitches! It's Mitch Michaels, back for another week of the Quick ‘n' Dirty News. Brittany Haskins isn't around this week. She didn't call in sick.

I like to use the intro to promote anything interactive going on around the zone, and there's really nothing more interactive than getting to know the different writers for the music zone on Twitter. I'm on there, Britt's on there and most of the other writers are too. In fact, best way to find people is to just follow 411Music or 411mania. Come and be our friends! You can see my new car, an old banana and all sorts of fascinating things.

Also, if you go to 411 every day like I do, why not just make the site your homepage?



Make 411Music Your Homepage


Anyway, enough of the commercials (though seriously – follow me on Twitter). Let's get to it. It's quick, it's dirty, it's news. Let's go.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Creed's getting back together. That's either going to incite you into a rage or make you happy. Since you're reading 411, I'm going to guess the former. I don't know – I don't hate Creed. But if I listen to more than two Creed songs in a row, I lose my mind and murder people. That's why people always get nervous when the radio DJ's do two-for-Tuesday. What if they get zany and add a third?

Anyway, the Creed thing has been rumored for a while, ever since it was rumored that Alter Bridge's Myles Kennedy was going to replace Robert Plant on a Led Zeppelin tour. I don't know if this news lends more credence to THAT rumor, but it certainly could spell the end of Alter Bridge much the way the Rage Against The Machine reunion killed Audioslave. Lead singers are a lot like women. You can't just start banging one in front of a big audience and not expect your other one to be jealous. Hmmm…does this analogy make Robert Plant a MILF?

In a weird coincidence, Gavin Rossdale has spoken out that he would be open to a Bush reunion. Interesting, seeing as how Bush are more or less the band that spawned Creed. The universal question is – can a time exist where Bush, Creed and Nickelback simultaneously exist on the same plane? Damn, of all the times for Stephen Hawking to be in the fucking hospital!

So that big Metallica/Megadeth tour rumor? It turned into four Canadian dates featuring Megadeth and Slayer. Color me unimpressed, if only because they're way the hell up there and I'm way the hell down here. Then again, if Dave Mustaine can make up with Kerry King (who has called Mustaine everything from a cocksucker to a dictator) and Tom Araya (who Mustaine once told onstage that he liked it when he sucked his dick, to which Araya responded by calling Mustaine a homo), then I guess reconciliations are possible all over the world.

Snoop Dogg is in court this week. He's accused, along with his entourage, of beating a guy onstage back in 2005. The guy is suing Snoop in civil court to the tune of $22 million. He claims Snoop used a microphone/brass knuckles to beat the shit out of him after he jumped onstage during a performance of "Gin & Juice". He says he was simply responding to a call from Snoop for the audience to join him onstage. Cause yeah, that happens all the time.

The guy says he woke up in a pool of his own blood backstage and he had been robbed. Snoop says he wasn't even around and that, on the video, most of the guys were associated with his touring partner The Game, not him. Pretty smart of Snoop, actually, since The Game was responsible for approximately 64% of all violent crimes in 2005.


Speaking of legal problems, Rihanna had some trouble with the LAPD recently, trying to get back $1.4 million in jewelry that was taken as evidence the night she was allegedly beaten by Chris Brown.

Strangely enough, Rihanna is also claiming to have woken up in a pool of her own blood to discover she was robbed.

The Flaming Lips had their song "Do You Realize?" named the official state rock song of Oklahoma thanks to winning an online poll. Of course, the decision was met with controversy because it came to light that a member of the band had once worn a T-shirt that had a sickle and hammer on it, a traditional symbol of the communist party that was also a big part of the Soviet Union's flag.

In a rare instance of politicians NOT acting like a bunch of fucking idiots over a ROCK song, Oklahoma's governor said that, since so many people voted, the voting would stand.

This is really a landmark decision in those rallying for Oklahoma's official state wrestler to be Nikita Koloff.


"American Idol" may be FUCKED, as both Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul have made it increasingly clear that they're contracts are up at the end of the season and re-signing isn't a sure thing. As "Idol" was pared down to its Top 4 this week (in another ridiculously lackluster season), it's telling that the talk of most of America is if the show can survive without Simon and not about the finalists themselves.

Let me speculate: Simon and Paula do not hate each other. There's some chemistry there. Have they banged? Maybe, maybe not. But they're definitely friends behind the scenes. And Simon isn't some loudmouth asshole, he's a smart, friendly guy. Paula's contract is up at the end of the season. Is it a coincidence that "Idol" brought in a new female judge this year? Could this have been a message to Paula that a new deal between her and the show wasn't really necessary?

Now, love her or hate her, Paula is part of the show's delicate chemistry. The quality in the singers isn't always there and the manufactured drama can't always be that interesting. So, from season to season, all you can depend on is the chemistry between the judges. And who has more chemistry in the judge's chairs than Simon and Paula? - Simon and Kara? Simon and Seacrest? Nope.

So, either as a way to help his friend or a way to preserve the one thing he's sure keeps the show going (and trust the guy, he's got these shows in every country but fucking Siberia), Simon is now proclaiming loudly his intentions to leave the show along with Paula when THEIR contracts are up. At this point, Paula becomes part of the package. You can't re-sign Simon for whatever ungodly sum he's asking and not sign Paula. The public wouldn't allow it.

So don't fret, Simon's not going anywhere. He's just making sure that Paula's not going anywhere either.

Britney Spears has apparently abandoned all forms of religion in favor of a new form of spiritual awakening: gardening. She's been seen all over the place with gardening books like "Chicken Soup for the Gardener's Soul". I'm going to go with my favorite line from our comments section, via Confucius: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

I love you guys.

In other Britney news, the restraining orders against her ex-boyfriend, manager and a lawyer she contacted have been extended to three years. If you ever want to see the definition of "tight leash", look no further than the relationship between Britney and her dad. The guy could teach a thing or two to Mitch Winehouse, who only shows up in Amy's life AFTER shit has fallen apart. Meanwhile, Joe Simpson is wondering how he's gonna get rid of that fag Pete Wentz as he hides in the closet watching Tony Romo give it to Jessica doggystyle.

Aerosmith are playing a show in Hawaii after a bunch of fans threatened to file a class action suit against them. Supposedly, the band were set to play a show there in 2007, but then canceled it after tickets went on sale because they were offered a higher-paying private gig. The band's official word on canceling the show was "logistical reasons". Is it true that they canceled for more cash? Well, it's true there was a show, it's true it was canceled and it's true they played a private gig around the same time. When you look at the facts, it just doesn't make you feel good if you're a Hawaiian member of Aero-Force One.

It's really nice for Aerosmith to come back and play for the fans, either way. A free show would be cooler, but the fact that they're paying for all the travel and set-up themselves should make the venue and promoters happy. Consider it a smart relations move for a band who's been around long enough to know how to make their fans happy and still make bank.

Mandy Moore was so nervous about performing material from her upcoming album that she had to be hypnotized before a show. To elaborate, I took off my pants and did the ol' snake charmer act.

The Lilith Fair may be back next year – to tour Europe. What the fuck? Is it the whole tanking of the American dollar thing that's causing bands to head over there now? I guess I'll be heading back to the women's prison to pick up chicks in 2010.

No news in the Pirate Bay thing this week. ARRR!

Lil Wayne is suing the producer of his track "I Feel Like Dying", after another publishing company is suing him for using illegal sampling on the track. The usual sampling legal crap except, get this – the company is wanting to sue Wayne over proceeds for Tha Carter III, even though the track doesn't appear on the album. It was actually offered on a free mixtape download before the album came out. The company's reasoning? The song was used in concert to promote Tha Carter III, so they deserve a slice of the pie.

Fucking ridiculous. This is why the legal system can suck my dick. Nobody bought Tha Carter III because of a track on a free mixtape. They bought it for fucking "Lollipop".

In other "cha-ching" news, a woman who got fucked and knocked up by Rick Ross is releasing a tell-all book about what a piece of shit he is. The title happens to share the title of Ross's current #1 album, Deeper Than Rap.

But wait, it gets better. Who's behind the book getting published? Rick Ross's arch-rival 50 Cent. I'm going to have to call this one of the coolest things ever. I've always personally considered one of the best aspects of being rich the broad number of ways to get revenge on your enemies.

And finally, everybody has gotten to weigh in on Tila Tequila's hotness with the rash of videos and pics of her that have hit the site this week, like the one below.


Being the first guy to put anything about Tila Tequila in the music section (I do believe she has also served as Piece of the Week or one of the short-lived Daily Hotness girls), I feel like I should give my thoughts on the subject.

My conclusion? I'd fuck her and then I'd probably smother her with a pillow. Then I'd wash my dick in bleach.

Seriously though, we seem to be all in agreement that she has a banging porn star body. It's just that damn face (and never mind the personality). I wouldn't know if I should kiss her or give here Reese's Pieces.

Just my two cents.

1999

Still combing the best songs and albums from the years since I was born. Check out the QnD archives at the bottom of the page if you're interested in my takes on 1979-1998.

Mitch's Top 10 Singles of 1999
1	Red Hot Chili Peppers	"Scar Tissue"
2	Kid Rock	"Bawitdaba"
3	New Radicals	"You Get What You Give"
4	Rage Against The Machine	"Guerilla Radio"
5	Lenny Kravitz	"American Woman"
6	Foo Fighters	"Learn To Fly"
7	Santana feat. Rob Thomas	"Smooth"
8	Goo Goo Dolls	"Black Balloon"
9	Buckcherry	"Lit Up"
10	Sixpence None The Richer	"Kiss Me"

Mitch's Top 10 Albums of 1999
1	Red Hot Chili Peppers	Californication
2	Foo Fighters	There Is Nothing Left To Lose
3	Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers	Echo
4	Beck	Midnite Vultures
5	Counting Crows	This Desert Life
6	Garth Brooks	In The Life Of Chris Gaines
7	Ben Folds Five	The Unauthorized Biography Of Reinhold Messner
8	Danzig	6:66 – Satan's Child
9	Insane Clown Posse	The Amazing Jeckel Brothers
10	Collective Soul	Dosage

QUICK ‘n' DIRTY CHART NEWS

NEW RELEASES FOR MAY 5, 2009

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY

Ciara - Fantasy Ride - This album has been delayed for what seems like forever, but I think the iron is finally hot for the R&B singer, who is opening for Britney in Europe next month and has a Top 10 single with Justin Timberlake ("Love Sex Magic") from the album. There's probably more critical hype around the new Ben Harper album, but you can't go wrong with the Britney/Justin one-two punch. Plus:


WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE

This week we saw, as expected, Rick Ross land at #1 for the third straight time, knocking the latest Hannah Montana soundtrack from the pedestal it fought for a month to reach. Unfortunately, Ross and Depeche Mode, who debuted at #3, had great chart placement but relatively soft sales. Both saw the lowest first week tallies of their career. Meanwhile, Asher Roth made his debut at #5, proving he's not the only person who likes college. I say fuck it.

Next week they're calling Dylan with a bullet – a sure bet since little else came out unless you're a Sabbath fan. Sadly, estimates have Heaven & Hell falling short of the Top 10. Sales just continue to plummet I guess. Hopefully the big Green Day/Eminem/Lil Wayne/Dave Matthews Band consecutive weeks add some new life to record sales. The Pirate Bay guys are in jail – how is this still happening?

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY

Ben Harper & Relentless7 – White Lies For Dark Time: Harper has always interested me and this new band seems to have revitalized him. You can check it out for free on MySpace right now, which I am currently doing. Definitely some gritty stuff – kind of Ben's take on Dylan's best years. Good timing there.

Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band - Outer South: Another album released under the real name of Bright Eyes principal Oberst, this one features not only his Conor Oberst band, but songs written by other members as well. Should be an interesting new path in a career that has refused to be defined by one direction.

Jewel - Jewel Lullaby: No kidding – this is a deal Jewel has with Fisher Price. How you go from "Who Will Save Your Soul" to "Intuition" to country music to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" kind of baffles me. Ah well, as long as she keeps looking good.



WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

BILLBOARD #1 SINGLES
CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	The Black Eyed Peas – "Boom Boom Pow"	7
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain - "Blame It"	14
POP 100	The Black Eyed Peas – "Boom Boom Pow"	9
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Lady GaGa - "Poker Face"	17
MAINSTREAM TOP 40	Lady GaGa - "Poker Face"	14
HOT SINGLES SALES	GS Boyz – "Stanky Legg"	4
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Charlie Wilson – "There Goes My Baby"	8
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	The Black Eyed Peas – "Boom Boom Pow"	4
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	The Black Eyed Peas – "Boom Boom Pow"	4
HOT RINGTONES	T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake - "Dead And Gone"	4
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain - "Blame It"	17
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain - "Blame It"	20
HOT RAP TRACKS	T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake - "Dead And Gone"	20
MAINSTREAM R&B/HIP-HOP	Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain - "Blame It"	15
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Jennifer Hudson – "If This Isn't Love"	22
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain - "Blame It"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	GS Boyz – "Stanky Legg"	4
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Rodney Atkins – "It's America"	24
ROCK
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	Papa Roach – "Lifeline"	15
TRIPLE A	Dave Matthews Band – "Funny The Way It Is"	2
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Green Day – "Know Your Enemy"	2
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	The Fray – "You Found Me"	22
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Jason Mraz – "I'm Yours"	38
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Matthew West – "The Motions"	22
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Matthew West – "The Motions"	23
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Anjulie – "Boom"	13
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Lady GaGa – "Poker Face"	17
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Beyonce – "Halo"	6
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Fanny Lu – "Tu No Eres Para Mi"	22
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Lady GaGa – "Poker Face"	17
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Tinchy Stryder feat. N-Dubz – "Number 1"	1
CANADIAN HOT 100	The Black Eyed Peas – "Boom Boom Pow"	5
JAPAN HOT 100	Yuzu – "Aitai"	0

Lady GaGa appeared as our Piece of the Week a few months ago before she broke out. If memory serves me correctly, I got an email from her press people about posting some news about a dance artist. I emailed back, no, but I have a place to put pictures of hot chicks, would that be OK with her image? Haha. That seems so funny now.

Anyway, people can't get enough of her and "Poker Face" and, despite being on the road to rock star excess, the chick still ain't bad lookin'. So let's get another round of Lady GaGa, our Quick ‘n' Dirty Piece of the Week.

THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop us a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.