The Raw Addict, 05.03.09: Monotone Turnt Monotune...

Posted by Phil Watts, Jr on 05.03.2009

After months of going down memory lane, it’s time to talk NEW SINGLES…including probably the most frightening song I’ve ever heard…

I have just heard what was probably the worst fucking song I've ever heard in all my years of being a Hip-Hop fan. In fact, I haven't felt this way after hearing a song since witnessing MC Hammer go from Preacherman to THUG. I'm beside myself wondering whether I should a) roll on the floor and laugh, or b) cry, because of how embarrassing this is.

A few weeks ago, I was talking about some of Guru's bad career moves, from being hellbent on sticking with SUPERPRODUCER Solar, to beefing with soundboard engineers, to the ‘I AM GANGSTARR' flub. But NOTHING could prepare me for the song he just released from his upcoming album.

Listen for yourself---

WARNING: 411MANIA IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MENTAL ANGUISH THAT WILL RESULT UPON CLICKING THIS LINK. LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

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It's official: THE GURU IS OUT OF HIS GODDAMN MIND.


The fact that someone of Guru's stature is using fuckin' AUTOTUNE is hard to get past. It sounds absolutely TERRIBLE. Even worse, once you do get past the shitty autotune, you are still left with a warmed-over thug attempted that could've come from any number of run-of-the-mill thug rappers that have flooded the industry. The one that that makes me even more nauseous is that there are people out there who are actually DEFENDING this horseshit---most of them using the same ol' tiresome HATE-HATER-McHATE-HATE shit. You know, the usual shit like, 'HE TRYING TO GROW!! CAIN'T A NIGGA GROW?!' (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!), or 'HE'S TRYING SOMETHING NEW!!' (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!), or my favorite, 'HE TRYIN' TO GET THAT MONEY!! HE AIN'T NEVER SOLD NOTHIN' WITH THAT GANGSTARR SHIT!' (FUN FACT: Moment Of Truth=GOLD!)

Let me tell you wet-behind-the-ears children something. When Guru & Premier were together, they set standards. They influenced a whole generation of MC's and producers. They were LEADERS.

This new single doesn't feature a LEADER. He's become a FOLLOWER, doing what everybody else is doing…and doing it horribly at that.

Oh yeah…that's right--'BUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH OUT OF EVERYBODY!!' You know what? YOU'RE MUTHAFUCKIN' RIGHT! In an age where everybody is trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents, you think people are going to blow hard earned cash on some WACK SHIT? Especially from someone that we expect BETTER from? I DON'T THINK SO.

So PLEASE spare me the HATE-HATE-HATE shit. No one is trying to hear it anymore.

The album is called GURU 8.0: LOST & FOUND. Avoid at all costs.


Now I need something to wash away the aftertaste…


Bumpy Knuckles, "The Mack"


Did you know that Bumpy's KONEXION (the follow-up to INDUSTRY SHAKEDOWN) was supposed to be fully produced by Pete Rock? Yet, for some reason or another, he wound up producing most of it himself. In an Unkut.com interview Bumps said that he still has those recordings he did with Pete. Hopefully he'll put it out someday. In the meantime, here's Bumpy on some "I fucked your bitch" shit, with Pete on production.


Pete Rock, "In A Word Or Two"


"2Pac's a great man---but don't make him an ELVIS." Word.

Anyway, just like one of the fools commenting said, some group called the HardKnocks used this shit around 1992 (I forgot what the song was called and I can't find it anywhere). Regardless, Pete sounds nice over it. It's some nice laid-back driving music. However, what I want to know is whether this was an outtake from NY's FINEST or a new joint.


The Alchemist, featuring Juvie & The Oscar Winners, "That'll Work"


With CHEMICAL WARFARE about to be released any minute now, ALC puts out s joint for all the Down South fans out there. This is one of ALC's attempts at a bounce track. While it teeters toward the pandering shit that made me rip Guru's latest single, there is enough of that ALC flair to keep me from shitting on it. Remember when the industry was pushing Juvie like he was the next big thing ("HA!"), yet, it was that little scrub in the background doing the WOBBELDY-WOBBELDY's that wound up blowing up? Strange how that worked out.

If anyone can point me to the INSTRUMENTAL VERSION, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.


Blaq Poet & Noreaga, "HATE"


It's the man that shitted on KRS-One 20 years ago and the guy who gave us that WHAT-WHAT-WHAT shit 10 years ago, produced by the guy who got pushed aside by his former MC partner in favor of a scrub 5 years ago. Even though Premier's track is a little to 'okay', it was enough to light a fire under Nore's ass. Buy the way, Blaq Poet's BLAQPRINT is about to drop any minute now, and everything that I heard from it is nice.


Kurious, featuring MC Serch & MF Doom, "Benneton"


A reunion of old friends. You had Serch rappin' and dancing his ass off, rolling with Pete Nice and DJ Daddy Rich as 3rd Bass. You had Kurious Jorge rolling with Kadi (a.k.a., the Man With The Yellow Hat), trying to get that damn album to come out. And you had Zev Love X, who was real deep into the Quran. Now, Serch put on some weight and doesn't dance as much (but can still rhyme), Zev dumped the Quran for some comic books, and Kurious is pissed because it's taken even LONGER to release a follow-up! While I could do without the Chipmunk track, it's good to hear them together. Now if only they could've gotten Pete Nice, and producer Skeff Anslem out of retirement, it would've been perfect.


Raekwon, "Staten Go Hard"


Uh…you need to go a little harder than this, Rae. I could picture this type of song on a Jigga album. I don't mean that in a condescending way, it's just that this song would've made a decent Jigga track…but for Rae, NO. Like I said months ago, you need to bring RUFF ‘N' RUGGED back. ONLY BUILT 4 CUBAN LINKS 2 is your make or break moment. When people see that title, they are going to expect nothing less than your best. Don't fuck this up.

And please AXE THE CHORUS CHICK.

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MUSICAL OUTRO:


Company Flow, "Corners"


El-P bought up all his old shit that he did on Rawkus, and is about to release a deluxe edition of FUNCRUSHER PLUS. Only this time, it will include one of Co-Flow's old singles from back before they went to Rawkus. This came out in 1994, so it makes you wonder what happened that caused them to go from THIS to the futuristic boom-bap that they would serve us from 1997 on.


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Next: I shift gears and talk about a group that I grew up on….HINT: this group includes 2 SOUL TRAIN DANCERS!