The Good, Bad, And Sad 10.05.02: All Filler, No Killer.
Posted by Cody Webster on 10.05.2002
Finally, a column just like Timberlake in the sack, quick and hard hitting.
Hello, I'm Cody Webster. I'm a new columnist/reviewer here at 411 Music, and you've stumbled across my column. So get into the music news car and crash into the wreck below that is: The Good, Bad, and Sad (Bower has nothing on me).
Good:
-Kelly Clarkson, the American Idol, sold more copies of her first single, "Before Your Love/ A Moment Like This," than anyone else last week. Good for her.
-Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, along with Tom Petty, Elvis Costello, Lenny Kravitz, and Brian Setzer will guest voice on an episode of the Simpsons. The episode airs November 10 on Fox. In "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation," Homer attends a rock and roll fantasy camp. I can't wait.
-Justin Timberlake says he deflowered Britney Spears. On a radio show in a sly voice Justin said "Okay, I did it." Why is this in the good section you ask? Because Spears standards have been lowered, so much so that even a man of the stature of Rufus could please her. It was so bad that Spears still thinks she's a virgin.
Note: 411 Music and others say it was oral sex, while the news and Conan O'brian said it was regular genital to genital sex. I'll go with the latter since I already wrote the joke.
-Kenny Rogers bought the head of his fan club (Mrs. Davis) flowers after her mother died. Isn't he a nice guy ... no joke here due to the fact I got this one myself through contacts. Score.
Bad:
-Barry White had kidney failure recently, he's looking for a replacement. The doc says this comes from years of high blood pressure. Best wishes for the big guy who helped young couples spawn at an unheard of rate. Even the loneliest of men could get action with Barry in the stereo.
-Scott Weiland is getting divorced by his wife. Which is quite sad, because with the bumps she was taking by the hands of Mr. Weiland she could have become the next Mick Foley.
-Eminem dodging Triumph the Insult dog at this years VMAs. Eminem had D12 huddle around him self like some kind of old school Cleopatra orgy, causing Triumph to hurt his neck. It is clear that Eminem would rather pick on Moby than even face Triumph, which is quite sad.
Sad:
-Lance Bass still doesn't have enough money to go to space. He was going to setup a paypal account online, but everything fell through when he couldn't get his first choice for a screen name on AOL. When commented all he had to say was: "Dat gurl who gotta SweetAngel0609 is one lucky biatch, peace out." He'll keep training like a child left at day care until someone pays for him to go.
-The Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) is launching a new campaign against internet file sharing. I would imagine they'll have a commercial that shows a girl downloading music online, then it goes to the guy who recorded it online for the little girl, then we go to a shot of Nelly being a few million short for that island he wanted. See? It was the little girl's fault, yep. Drugs it ain't. The RIAA should first get to the bottom of why tapes cost more to make than CDs, yet I'm busting out 14 bucks for a disc when the same album is 8 bucks on tape. Fuzzy math it is.
-Sweet Home Alabama (the song) being used in the movie of the same name: I'm pretty sure Lynyrd Skynyrd didn't mean for their swamp rock classic to be used as a tampon for a piece of shit movie like this. The previews for this movie have made me shudder in pain, and since I have nothing better to do, I'll list the part of the preview that makes me want to stab my head with a fork below.
