All Mixed Up 05.11.09: Songs about Your Mom

Posted by Tom Santoro on 05.11.2009

This week I look at some women who are rock stars and grade their parenting skills in the public eye. Plus, my Top 10 songs about mothers.

Ask my wife how hard it is to be a working mother of very young twins. She works her job 45 hours a week and then watches our daughters until they finally pass out from exhaustion. If she clocked the hours she worked she would probably say she is always "on the clock", overnights and weekends included. A mom is a full time job, something neither my largely male readership nor I will ever understand.

In addition, she has to put up with me acting like a teenager stuck in a 30 year old body. As I type this minutes before my friends pick me up for my third straight day of concert viewing and she understandingly will stay home and baby sit with only the slightest bit of passive aggression. So kids, be good to your wives, daughters, mothers, baby mamas or what have you. They give up more than you know.

Now imagine if you are a mother and a famous musician. Because you are famous the general population believe they need to know everything about you. Nothing is off limits. Since musicians are creative types, they usually get a lot of heat for naming their children with unique names such as Apple. Then the paparazzi lie in wait for you to make a mistake when handling your children in public. As a father of twins, I swear I would be on every tabloid show in the country in my battle to get my kids to leave the playground. I probably would never leave the house with them. Nevertheless, alas celebrities like the attention, so here is a look at how some of pop and rock's moms grade as parents.

Gwen Stefani (mother to Kingston and Zuma )
Grade A

Most of No Doubt's music comes from Gwen's diary. On the single "Simple Kind of Life back in 2000, Gwen admitted that she often struggled being in a band with her yearning to start a family and settle down. She got married to Gavin Rossdale of Bush in 2002 and started her family n 2006 after 2 years of a solo career that took off. From all accounts, she has been a good mom and hides away from the public eye. She is even bringing the boys with her on tour this summer. Her only bad choice is naming her second son Zuma (and releasing "Holla Back Girl").

Madonna (Lourdes and Rocco)
Grade B

After Michael Jackson commissioned some ugly nurse to be the surrogate mother to his children, Madonna's biological clock started clicking. She started a relationship with her personal trainer Carlos Leon and got pregnant with Lourdes. She was 38 and she used motherhood to soften her image. After Lourdes was born, Madonna stopped shocking people and even wrote a few children's books. Madonna's only problem will be explaining her past as a provocateur.



Cher (Chastity)
Grade C

At the end of every show, Sonny and Cher would drag poor little Chastity out and sing "I Got You Babe" before signing off. The audience that this was adorable and ate up that the family would spend time together on stage. When she turned 18 years, Chastity came out of the closet. According to her book, Family Outing, Cher did not take the news well. After a cool down period, Cher came around and now is an icon to the gay community.

Courtney Love (Frances Bean Cobain)
Grade D

When the King of Grunge impregnated his wife Courtney, rumors persisted that she was still taking heroin. The paparazzi stalked them incessantly trying to catch her using. After Kurt committed suicide, Love stayed clean during most of Frances' formative years. She cleaned up her image by making a decent album (Celebrity Skin) and two critically acclaimed performances in two films The People vs. Larry Flynt and The Man and the Moon. She also started wearing high fashion and glammed up her rough edges.

Recently, Love appears to be back doing drugs. She appeared emaciated and recently claimed that Ryan Adam took money from Frances' trust fund. She also claims millions of dollars had been swindled by unscrupulous people in bad business deals. Amazingly, Frances seems to have turned out all right even though her parents are/were a wreck.



Britney Spears (Sean and Jayden James)
Grade F

Britney had it all, she was a top selling pop star, she had an A-list boyfriend and was regarded as one of the hottest women on the planet. In walked back up dancer, Kevin Federline and Britney somehow entered a downward spiral never seen in celebrity before. After a series of WTF moments, she gave birth to two children in 2 years. Then she left K-Fed and became the worst mother in the world. Late night partying, rumors of her asking her kids to get her cigarettes and recklessly endangering her kids evading the paparazzi.

After months and months of terrible white trash behavior, Britney lost custody of her boys to K-Fed. She barley showed up to court and seemed disconnected to losing her kids. Only after her father put her in an extended time out did she express remorse.

Here are the Top 10 Mother Songs:

1. Pink Floyd – "Mother"



2. Danzig – "Mother"



3. Tracey Bonham – "Mother Mother"



4. Tupac Shakur – "Dear Mama"



5. Boyz II Men – "A Song For Mama"

Not available on youtube.

6. Lynard Skynard – "Simple Man"



7. Fountains of Wayne – "Stacy's Mom"



8. Ozzy Osbourne – "Mama, I'm Coming Home"



9. Loggins and Messina – "Your Mama Don't Dance"



10. Martina McBride – "In My Daughter's Eyes"