The Bubblegum Complex 01.30.03
Posted by Claire Flynn Boyle on 01.30.2003
BAN THIS SICK FILTH NOW...or the Latvians don't get their money!
Welcome to the Bubblegum Complex, the column that goes about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, just like anybody else does…
I’m back from Europe! Yay! My own bed! I’m so happy to be back in the worlds best city! I’m perturbed though. You know the hardest thing about writing for this website is that I’m all on my own. How the hell did I get a job here? Let’s face it, while other people are passionate about file sharing and Pantera crumbling to dust, I’m banging on professional dancers suing Kylie Minogue. I’m not like the other writers, I love pop music, I don’t get any female support, and my musical tastes are just SO different! It’s all I can do some days just to not type a resignation letter and let some 15 year old kid in a Buckcherry T-shirt get his shot….I can’t go on…I can’t…
Luckily I don’t feel like this for very long. Whenever I feel down, I remember the reason I write. I remember the mission statement I typed out and stuck next to my Charmed poster. I wanted to show that with that inner strength and inner light, nothing is impossible. I'm trying to give an image of a young confident woman. I’m so thankful to my fans. They keep me going. They inspire me. I do all I can to keep in close touch with the fans who support my music--whether it be via my shows or on the Internet. The energy I get from them is extraordinary.
Oh no, hang on. That’s Jessica Simpson’s mission statement. Sorry.
My mantra is of course that pop is the only true path, but bizarrely (and I say this sincerely) I lit a small fire under people last week with the Dan Karaty update (don’t ask). Anyway, this was the general consensus…
Claire, I have it on some authority that you are blonde and cute. This may be a lie. I’m not sure. Anyway, on last week when you said that Dan Karaty was throwing pervy looks at that girl, I thought two things: male dance teachers are invariably gay and (I’m told) cute, so don’t let the little girl have her dream ruined! She was probably all tizzed up and he was looking at Dwayne who was bopping behind her. You know it, I know it…let her have her dream. You probably thought guys looked at you all the time.
Dave
Well Dave, I know where you are coming from. I often thought Hayden Lomaro was looking at me. He wasn’t gay though. Or a dancer.
So anyway, now that that nonsense is out of the way, I thought I’d spend a little time updating last weeks question, whatever happened to Britney and Justin’s special friend Wade Robson. Thanx to all who sent me this article, which has the answer…
Aussie rejects Britney affair
THE Queensland dancer accused of breaking up superstars Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake yesterday denied he had an affair with the pop princess.
Wade Robson, who was taking surfing lessons on Main Beach at Surfers Paradise yesterday, said there had been rumours linking him to Spears since they first worked together four years ago.
But the 20-year-old entertainer and music video director, who moved to the US after winning a Michael Jackson look-alike competition at the age of six, said: "We have never been romantically involved.
"People have always tried to say that we were together but it wasn't true. We had a very close, creative relationship but that's all.
"It is a lot different from a normal relationship. To be creative, you have to get inside of one another – but there was never an 'us'.
"I was shocked by the break-up but there were more complicated things involved than just me. I don't really know what they were but I think it was a slow path."
Rumours his role in the affair were fuelled by last month's release of Timberlake's video Cry Me a River, which takes a thinly veiled shot at his former girlfriend.
In the video, a woman who looks like Spears, 21, gets into a silver Porsche – just like the one Spears owns – with another man as Timberlake lurks in the shadows.
The 'N Sync heart-throb has hinted that the break-up of their three-year relationship was due to Spears's infidelity.
"She has a beautiful heart but if I've lost my trust in someone, I don't think it's right for me to be with them," he told Rolling Stone magazine.
Robson, who is holidaying with his family on the Gold Coast, said he was still close to both Timberlake and Spears.
But the Aussie with the poster pin-up looks and spiky blond hair admitted he hadn't seen Timberlake, 21, for a year.
"I have been busy with other stuff," he said.
Robson, once involved with Prince's ex-wife Mayte Garcia, said he was now in a relationship with a "non-celebrity" in Los Angeles.
He said he had come to the Gold Coast to brush up on his surfing. "When I tell people I'm from Australia, they ask me if I can surf – so I figured I had better learn."
I tell people I come from Melbourne and then immediately go “Oh my city is so much better!” Why the Melbourne animosity Aussies? We all know Melbourne is the best place!
This week the official band of the Bubblegum Complex (TATU) zoomed ever closer to mega stardom, blistering up the UK midweek singles charts with 21000 copies of the single “All The Things She Said” sold in one day. However, not everyone was happy. Not everyone was fully into the teenage lesbian part of TATU. Oh no. BAN THIS SICK FILTH NOW said the establishment. Paedo-Pop they called it on right wing radio stations. Firstly, it was daytime TV show Richard and Judy…
Hang on, Richard and Judy?
(UK Readers only section) Richard and Judy? Didn’t that get taken off? Are they back on now? Did John Leslie get sacked after those allegations? Is that one of the Nolan sisters who isn’t the fat embarrassing one still hosting? Is it a new show? I’m confused?
OK, so Richard and Judy (a sort of British Regis and Kathy Lee) held a phone poll in which 89% of unemployed people and old dears said the single should be boycotted. Sadly, this boycott began after 21000 copies of the single were sold, so it was a bit late. Also huffing and puffing about the Tats was the Evening Standard newspaper in Britain, which dug out the kind of BAN THIS SICK FILTH NOW, KICK THIS EVIL BASTARD OUT NOW rant last seen in the heyday of Snoop Doggy Dogg. Luckily, right at the bottom of the article on the Evening Standard website was a link to the papers single of the week…er…TATU with All The Things She Said. I’m personally appalled that this column once (and I’m ashamed to admit this) read the Evening Standard newspaper. I’m not proud of it, and I’m demanding a boycott of this sick paper now. Luckily standards were maintained when Hugh Grant appeared on the cover of their freebie Metro section, and he only shagged a hooker, so that’s alright then!
Incidentally, it’s worth burning…er…buying government spies…the album just for the fantastic indie baiting cover The Smiths “How Soon Is Now” which should be the next single.
THE CFBBC Countdown
It was tough, tight and tense right until the final few moments, but David Bowie has come from nowhere to pip Avril in the CFBBC worst of music interactive poll. For any newcomers, the aim is to vote for the worst musical thing ever. Last weeks results were
DAVID BOWIE – Tin Machine (7)
AVRIL LAVIGNE – Sk8er Boi (6)
MILLI VANILLI – General (4)
VANILLA ICE – Mind Blowin (2)
BILLY IDOL – Cyber Punk (0)
So this weeks choices are!
David Bowie – Tin Machine
David Bowie – Tin Machine II
Sir Mixxalot – Baby Got Back
Neil Young – Re-Ac-Tor
David Bowie – Labyrinth
Vote Now! Vote Often!
Of course, music and politics are often said to clash big time. You may remember that my own personal favourite politician is the president of Tanzania Benjamin William Mkapa, and I’m endeavouring to find out his musical tastes. However, you only need to read other articles on this website to know this website is down with politics and…er…football. So anyhoo, I don’t have any opinions on war…oh I didn’t, until I read Keith Richards (from the Rolling Stones young uns) opinions on the matter, in particular re Paul McCartney not performing in Melbourne.
"I say to Osama and the boys, 'Bring it on, evaporate me.' If it gets to the stage where these guys are dictating if we rock or not, then forget about it."
Rock and freaking roll Keith! Rock and freaking Roll!
Sad news this week saw the Eurovision song contest threatened with cancellation. The Eurovision song contest goes like this: each country in Europe sends someone to sing a really bad (and this means I like it) pop song and then they vote for the winner. It launched ABBA you know. Sadly the tiny (I think) country of Latvia doesn’t have enough money to hold the contest, so I’ve decided to send five Australian dollars to the government of Latvia with this letter.
Dear Latvian government
The Eurovision song contest means a lot to me. It launched the career of ABBA, and without it, we here in Australia would miss out on the happy quips of Terry Wogan, one of the funniest men alive. Who can forget his wonderful commentary on one of Denmark’s video’s? What will we do with the eedjit? Stick him on a sled with the puppy too! OK, you had to see it, but it was funny! Anyway, if you guys need cash, I write a column for 411mania.com, which is mildly amusing to three people, and I’m here to help with a small donation. I know it’s not much, but I hope that the spirit of Eurovision will pervade Latvia, and you guys can put together a wonderful Eurovision for all the fans of this event!
Signed
Claire Flynn Boyle
I’m here to help kids! Keep the dream alive!
Finally this week something has happened that makes me feel roughly 212 years old and not 24. You see there’s a documentary floating around about the 1995 Britpop years and the fact that it was 8 years since I was 17 have made me very nostalgic for that holiday in England when everyone was listening to Sleeper, Blur, Elastica, Oasis, Pulp, Republica, Supergrass and…er…Menswear. You see this column could be very different if it wasn’t for the intervention of young Robert at HMV records in London, who guided me through a confused time. You see I boycotted all music between 1992 and 1994, and it was only a strange encounter with Bush (don’t ask) that got me back in. Let’s see what happened to make me a pop lover…
(Scene: A dingy, dark HMV in London in 1995. There are three people in the store. A beardy teacher with a cardigan trying to buy a Babaa Maal CD, a young girl giggling and a very much shyer, odder version of me.)
Claire: Hi…I’d like to buy…an…um…Oasis CD?
Robert: Really?
Claire: Yeah…um…like…yeah…
Robert: You don’t seem the type….
Claire: Oh…hah….I’m not…er…cool enough?
Robert: No it’s not that…I thought you’d….well…it’s a bit gloomy for you?
Claire: So…
Robert: Listen, we’ve got some Take That CDs?
Claire: Who are they?
Robert: You have much to learn about pop my child…
Claire: Oh…OK…pop…what’s that?
That’s my memory of 1995! Watching Celtic beat Falkirk 1-0 in a soccer game and being switched onto Take That. Robert, this column wouldn’t be the same without you and your pop guidance. I’d think All Saints was a TV show. I’d be more into Pantera’s demise. It just wouldn’t be the same sunshine. I owe you a gigantic debt!
To all my other sweet rabbits, adieu until next time!
