Under the Scalpel 05.28.09: Halestorm, Cam'ron, Jay-Z, Marilyn Manson & more

Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 05.28.2009

Halestorm gets off over voyeurism in reverse, Cam'ron makes me toss my cookies, Jay-Z desecrates The Four Tops, Marilyn Manson attempts a comeback of sorts and much more. These biased reviews are proudly brought to you by the sometimes humorous, always heartless guitarist of the hard rock band that rocked the stage for over a thousand people last weekend – A Simple Complex.

"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. Download three free tracks that will rock your panties off at www.asimplecomplex.com

Halestorm – I Get Off
Voyeurism In Reverse

When my band scored its second opportunity to open for a national touring act in the summer of 2005, the headliner, Ra, was fresh out of the gate promoting their long-anticipated major label sophomore release Duality, and the other bands on the bill, Jacknife and Halestorm, were relatively unknown.

Halestorm's performance that night was not a memorable one, and they had no album to sell, but I nonetheless added them to the list of bands we've shared a stage with. Over the next few years, as I updated our band's bio, I would see the name Halestorm and wonder what ever happened to them.

Not having heard anything about the band for some time, I recently decided to remove Halestorm from the ever-growing list of bands we've performed with; simply assuming they must have gone off to the great rock club in the sky.

As a formality, I did a good old-fashioned Google search on the term "Halestorm," just in case VH1 happened to make a random "Where Are They Now?" about them. It was then that I discovered the band did in fact eventually release their debut album... last month.

Of course, my first thought upon finding this out was, "Why the hell did it take four years from being signed to a major label to release their first album?" However, after watching several interviews, and listening to the band shamelessly praise Atlantic Records over and over, my question remained unanswered. Apparently, the reason it took four years to record and release a debut album merits no mention?

The only reference to my query I could find was one small quote from Lead Vocalist, Lzzy Hale, to ABC News. "This album has been a long time coming," she told them. Well, thank you very much, Captain Obvious. Care to elaborate?

For the time being, it will have to remain a mystery as to why it took so long for them to release their debut album. But one thing is for sure… releasing it was not a waste of time. The album made it into the top 40 of Billboard's Top 200, and its lead single, "I Get Off," has been on Billboard's Hot Mainstream Rock Tracks for seven weeks.

"I Get Off" is a hard rockin' song that provides an interesting twist on voyeuristic pleasure. The song makes a bold statement, not about the thrill of watching someone disrobe, but the taboo of enjoying being watched while undressing.

You don't know that I know,
You watch me every night,
And I just can't resist the urge,
To stand here in the light,
Your greedy eyes upon me,
And then I come undone,
And I could close the curtains,
But this is too much fun,
I get off on you getting off on me.

And to think Hale's father used to play bass in this band. I dare him to sing backup with his little girl on this one!

Musically, the song is a fairly standard, heavy rocker that alternates between creepy, plucked melodies and booming power chords in the style of Within Temptation or Breaking Benjamin.

But it's Hale's vocals and lyrics that separate this band from the rest. She gives the song a wild eighties feel by combining the sexy style of Lita Ford with the brazen tone of Joan Jett. Throw in a dash of Heart's Wilson sisters and an occasional passionate outburst à la Janis Joplin and you can get the basic idea of what Hale's voice is capable of.

I'll be adding "I Get Off" into my playlist. It's a solid radio-metal song with catchy riffs that unabashedly confesses to risqué, guilty pleasures through powerful and enchanting vocals.

The singing lessons that Hale took from Steve Whiteman of Kix when she was 17-years-old have paid off. So get it while it's hot!

Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
If You Like: Breaking Benjamin, Crossfade, Joan Jett (1988), Lita Ford, Within Temptation

PS – If you know why recording and releasing their album took so long, please drop a comment below.

Cam'ron featuring Byrd Lady & Skitzo – "Cookies-N-Apple Juice"
Snack Time Never Looked So Unappealing

Being the red-blooded American male that I am, it's a very difficult task to make sex sound unattractive to me. Unfortunately, Cam'ron and Byrd Lady have joined forces to make a song so nauseating that I would sooner take a vow of celibacy than partake in any of the activities described by these two.

"Cookies-N-Apple Juice" is more than just another insipid tune about having dirty sex with a skanky tramp. What sets this song apart from the rest is how much it can affect a person's libido. And not in a good way.

I can't imagine who Cam expects to titillate with a line like, "I'll have you squirtin' for certain. Yeah, bring a diaper." What woman is going to get hot and bothered after being told to bring a diaper to a lovemaking session? The word "diaper" alone is a complete mood killer in more ways than I care to expound upon.

Cam repeats the phrase, "Milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made" a couple times in this song. Sure it used to make my friends on the playground giggle when I was 12. But I'd never want to use this line in a bedroom setting.

This cut also features rap newcomer Byrd Lady, whose looks could kill a boner from 50 yards away. And her lyrics are pure audio saltpeter. "Hit me when he hungry, lick my cookies, drink my apple juice," is just one of many unappealing activities that Byrd Lady's lovemaking sessions involve.

She goes on to say, "I'm sick, something like a flu flu. You stink, something like a zoo zoo," effectively killing all remaining hopes of getting anybody in his or her right mind the slightest bit aroused.

At one point in the song, Byrd Lady has the audacity to claim that she is "classy… never trashy." I'd say the reverse is far more accurate.

Musically, this song is a shoddy reproduction of Soulja Boy Tell Em's "Crank Dat (Superman)." Not only is the basic melody and feel of "Cookies" an obvious rip-off of Soulja's signature song, but Cam also says the word "juice" a number of times in the exact same way Soulja says, "youuuu," providing further evidence of how unoriginal and uninspired this track is.

Cam's last five albums all had at least one single land on Billboard's Hot 100. His latest effort, Crime Pays, which includes "Cookies," hasn't had any of its songs make an appearance on any of Billboard's charts.

The visuals this song's lyrics create are more likely to make me toss my cookies than lick any. If "Cookies" is a typical example of what Cam's album has to offer, I think I just lost my appetite.

If You Like: 2 Live Crew, Soulja Boy Tell Em
Rating: * (1 out of 5)

The Six Pack: A half-dozen quick song reviews in an easy-to-carry cooler!

Anouk – "If I Go"
There are a number of artists from around the world that I enjoy listening to that don't receive a lot of press here in the US, so I tend to lose track of them. I just learned a few weeks ago that the Dutch singer Anouk released an album back in November of 2007. The album's fourth single, "If I Go," is a great, upbeat rocker that's sure to get pop fans and hard rock fans alike tapping their feet and nodding their heads. Anouk has an incredible 4 Non Blondes-meets-Janis Joplin style of vocals that captivates and the music is instantly addictive. Although she has never landed on an Billboard chart in America, Anouk has had five albums reach #1 in her native country, the Netherlands. Be sure to give her a listen!

Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
If You Like: Concrete Blonde, Liz Phair (1994-1995), Veruca Salt

Jay Z featuring Foxy Brown – "Ain't No Nigga"
The latest trend in rap music seems to be girls singing about how their man sleeps around, and how these ladies don't have a problem with that. "Ain't No Nigga" goes into great detail about a guy, the woman who calls herself "his wife," and their relationship, which mainly consists of making big money purchases, wearing fashionable clothing and a having whole lot of sex – sometimes even with each other. In between Jay-Z's boasting sessions, Foxy Brown handles the bulk of the song's chorus, borrowing heavily from The Four Tops hit "Ain't No Woman (Like the One I've Got)." Brown eventually does step up for a verse of her own, proudly bragging about how her "pussy is all that" and how much she likes it when her man is "playin' inside (her) public hairs." Personally, I wasn't impressed with this song. But, I would be willing to give Jay-Z another shot at desecrating a different Four Tops song. How about "Sugar Pie Honey Beeyotch"? Just a thought.

Rating: * (1 out of 5)
If You Like: Canibus, Nas, Notorious BIG, Wu-Tang Clan

Kid Cudi featuring Common & Kanye West – "I Poke Her Face"
It's nice to see someone else take some potshots at Lady Gaga. Kid Cudi has teamed up with Common and Kanye West to deliver an entertaining parody of Gaga's unbearably bad song "Poker Face," converting it into a guys' anthem that praises her ability to perform oral sex. Each MC throws out some funny lines like, "Her head was gooder than her music" and "Do me while I sleep. Yeah, a little osmosis." The guys also throw random references to lyrics from Asher Roth's "I Love College" and TI's "Whatever You Like" just for kicks. "I Poke Her Face" is good for a few chuckles, but after a few listens, it gets old quick. So check it out, but know that in a few months, it will be largely forgotten.

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: 3OH3!, Weird Al

Marilyn Manson – "Armageddon"
With former Nine Inch Nails personnel Sean Beaven and Chris Vrenna behind him, Marilyn Manson is attempting to recapture the bigger-than-life Antichrist Superstar-era sound that he is most known for. Throw in some lyrics that feel like a trip back to Holy Wood and you've got the basic formula used to create "Armageddon," the lead single from Manson's latest album. This song is much better than his modern rock mistake "Heart Shaped Glasses," but it doesn't have the same impact of Manson's earlier anthems like "Disposable Teens" and "The Beautiful People." If dark electronic marching beats with simple rock chord progressions mixed with loads of naughty words makes you want to pump your fist, you'll probably dig this track. Oh, and the full, unedited name of this song for the album is "Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-Geddon," a title that's sure to get Manson the attention of the religious right that he tends to crave.

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: Dope, Rammstein, Rob Zombie, Scum Of The Earth, Static X

Mike Jones featuring Nae Nae – "Next To You"
The man who puts his personal cell phone number on his t-shirt has returned with a pop song that rivals LL Cool J's uptempo, eighties rap ballad "I Need Love." Unlike Mike Jones' previous hits "Back Then" and "Still Tippin," his latest song is very pretty and romantic. Jones woos his lady with lines like, "I love to cuddle up" and "I know she gon' make me smile when I frown" while simple guitar melodies and an upbeat drum loop float underneath. "Next To You" does have one odd twist in it though. As I said earlier, girls singing about how it's okay that their man sleeps with other women has become quite popular lately. In "Next To You," female vocalist Nae Nae throws in the line, "I know that he gon' always be around, so I'll let him hit his ex outta town." Aside from that, the song is sappy, catchy and fun to listen to. Crank it up next time you're cruising down by the beach.

Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
If You Like: Akon, LL Cool J (radio hits), Shaggy (2000)

Nipsy Hussle – "Hussle In The House"
Sometimes I get static from commenters for accusing a lot of artists ripping off old songs and calling them their own. But Nipsy Hussle's "Hussle In The House" is no second-rate rip-off of Kris Kross' song "Jump." It's outright plagiarism! Even Jermaine Dupri, the man behind the Kris Kross song, said on his blog, "Peep how they flipped the Kris Kross Jump record... I never thought I'd see the day somebody sample one of my songs." Even the first lyric of the song was purloined from NWA's "Straight Outta Compton" as Hussle announces, "I'm coming straight outta Slauson, a crazy motherfucker named Nipsey." When Hussle isn't stealing other people's music and lyrics, he's bragging and cursing up a storm with very predictable and unoriginal gangsta rap clichés that were beaten into the ground long before he regurgitated them. In an interview last January, Hussle told DJ Booth, "Hussle in the House is a perfect representation of what the album's gonna be." So if you pick up his album, expect a whole lot of stolen music and meaningless swearing.

Rating: * (1 out of 5)
If You Like: (plagiarism)