All The Things She Said 04.18.03
Posted by Claire Flynn Boyle on 04.18.2003
Sponsored by Mike Stevens, Napanee citizen of the year!
Welcome to All The Things She Said, the column that says thanks you’ve been fuel for thought, now I’m more lonely then before, but that’s OK, I’ve just really made another fucking Lovesong.
Amiel. You heard it hear first, now an Aussie top ten single. It’s almost poetry!
You’ll be pleased to know that I’m not alone in my pop loving. Tariq Aziz, the Iraqi foreign minister, had his palace raided and they found pictures of Britney Spears all over the wall. Good work son. When the comeback happens, we’ll both be on the frontline! And the Iraqi secret police headquarters featured lots of George Michael pictures! Pop will always find a way you know!
I’ve literally got nothing this week! I’ve been in Paris doing nothing but vegging out on sun loungers and annoying French people by hogging the karaoke machine, and there is NO NEWS! So let’s try and see what I can do about it! When the highlight of several news outlets is Kelly Osbourne’s blonde hairdo, and the fact that David and Victoria Beckham bought each other a horse (A horse walks into a bar and the barman says, why the long face…ha…I kill me) you are in SO much trouble….
More psychic Claire!
If you read last weeks column, you’d know that I said only one band could save movies…
And lo and behold!
Russian lesbian duo Tatu is in talks to have their rags-to-riches story recreated on the big screen.
Teenage lovers Yulia Volkova and Lena Katina and manager Ivan Shapovalov will oversee the project, and are all excited about its possibilities.
Lovely Lena lets slip, "I am very, very happy. This is crazy you know, really crazy. It is a dream come true for they’re to be a film all about us. Yulia is crazy also."
Despite the movie being in such early stages, the film charting the girls' rise from the slums of Moscow to being the best-selling Russian pop act, is pencilled in for a September release in Russia.
Yulia and Lena are unlikely to star as themselves, although they will make cameo appearances. A spy from the Tatu camp confesses, "Tatu are the biggest thing ever to happen in Russian pop music, they are our Beatles or Elvis Presley. Even if no-one else watches the film, everyone in Russia will see it and it will make money because they're a phenomenon."
Presumably starring Nicole Kidman or Alyson Hannigan, and obviously Anne Heche, you know now I’m REALLY angling for a part in this movie. Nothing too flash, you know, girl in coffee shop or girl on skateboard would do me fine. I can’t speak Russian obviously, but I can speak French, so I co do something where I’m a French DJ or something! The possibilities are endless! I’m deeply concerned though after reading that they are the Russian Elvis judging by some of the films Elvis made. I’m sincerely hoping TATU don’t end up making Roustabout, that REALLY obscure Elvis film where he’s a carnival person doing a wall of death, only to win over the clowns and midgets through the power of song. Actually, now you come to think of, Lena doing a wall of death…anyone got Ivan’s phone number? I think I so could be on to something…
The worst band in the world formed…
English readers of an older bent might remember supremo Mike Stock, 1/3 of the partnership that ruled pop in the late 80s, Stock Aitken and Waterman. He gave the world Kylie Minogue! Sort of. So anyway, what the hell is Mike Stock doing inflicting the worst band since Cartoons on us! It’s an out and out bloody disgrace that pop is being plunged back to the mid 90s low point by this bunch of chancers. Research indicates the Fast Food Rockers (guys and girls dressed like members of Cookie Monsters dream restaurant in Sesame Street Live) comprise Ria, Lucy and Martin (early indications are that he collects cartoon socks, though this may be false marketing information), and they inhabit a high-octane world of fast lickin living where life is good enough to eat. Now the thing is, this kind of thing is ALWAYS brought up against us pop lovers. Great pop music is great music, but this kind of crap is just depressing! They are a band that has nothing about them and no other agenda but wanting kids to shake their buns to the music and dance around stupidly like idiots. Pah. Except the only problem is, when I’m drunk and wandering down some Parisian boulevard after a few glasses of champagne, I’ll probably sing along…curses! Damn you! The only option for this band is to avoid like the plague and pray to god they absolutely totally disappear…
Fly White Dope Rappers
My knowledge of rap music basically begins and ends with MC Hammer. However, I know funky fly white beats when I hear them…and so, take it away, funky Aussie actor and cop from the mean streets of…er…E-Street…Bruce Samazan! This week’s lyric interlude…
Here we go now
Cruising down the coast without a care
Enjoying The Wind blowing through my hair
Enjoying The View checking out the surf
It felt really good to be back on home turf
I was watching the wind blowing back a set (?)
It made me feel like diving in and getting wet
So I pulled to the side to check it out
But what I saw there it nearly knocked me out
You see down at the beach there was this girl
The sexiest thing I've ever seen in this world
So I gave up on the surf and started heading away (?)
And I wasn't really sure of just what to say
Well I gathered up the courage and I made my move
Yeah moving down the beach thinking I was smooth
Now it didn't take us long and we began to chat
As we got a little closer I knew I was rapt
Yeah she's fine not to mention devine
And she wouldn't have a problem keeping me in line
She really blew my mind
She was a one of a kind
And I took a little time to comprehend she was mine
Dope beats or what? It’s real dawg! I’m SO not street…
When you fall in this world…
NEW YORK, NY (March 31, 2003) –QVC, the world’s leading electronic retailer, and Island Def Jam Records announce that multi-platinum rock band Bon Jovi will make an unprecedented live appearance on QVC on SATURDAY, APRIL 12 (8:00-9:00 p.m. ET) from its sold-out Bounce Tour concert in San Jose, CA. Additionally, QVC will make available a Bon Jovi Limited Tour Edition Bounce CD & DVD/VHS Package (Item #E17800) featuring previously unreleased performance footage, which will be available only on QVC (www.qvc.com). This unique event will be Bon Jovi’s first and only live televised performance from its Bounce Tour. Segments of the band’s live performance will be broadcast nationally on QVC between 11:30 p.m.-midnight and 12:30-1:00 a.m. ET.
Sadly you’ve missed it by now, but that is Bon Jovi, once the uber-mulleted hipsters of the world playing live on the shopping channel QVC. So in between selling diamonds that aren’t really diamonds, and dolls that look really creepy, the original “sleep when I’m dead” band partied hard with no sense of shame! When you fall in the world….
Popbitch highlight of the week
This has nothing to do with music, but it made me laugh for some stupid reason…
The new Harry Potter film contains a scene where Harry's owl has to fly around the interior of Hogwarts.
Unfortunately, the candle-lit castle was not the easiest place for an owl to navigate. Two owls flew into the candles and burned to death.
Each time this happened, the children were ushered out of the room while a replacement was found. Then they were brought back in, shown the owl and told "look, he's fine!"
Given I HATE Harry Potter, this just made me laugh. Sometimes, no further comment is needed!
The kids need love Martin…
The Michael Jackson television frenzy isn't over.
Jackson, who delivered millions of viewers to ABC, NBC and Fox during the February ratings sweeps, will be the subject of a two-hour Fox special to kick off the next sweeps period.
The program, with the working title "Michael Jackson's Private Home Movies," will offer a peek into the pop star's private home movie collection, Fox said.
The April 24 show will provide "unprecedented access to thousands of hours of never-before-seen footage revealing his real life, family and friends," the network said.
A wave of Jackson programming hit the networks for February sweeps, one of several periods of intense ratings measurement used to help set advertising rates.
A "Dateline NBC" special on Jackson's changing face drew more than 14 million viewers, while an interview with Jackson by British journalist Martin Bashir attracted an audience of 27 million to ABC.
Jackson, displeased with the Bashir program, gave his side of the story on a Fox special that drew 14 million viewers. Brad Lachman, who produced the Fox special, also is producing the home movies show.
OK, OK, OK…er…how can I put this? Michael Jackson’s Private Home Movies…hmmm….I’m tipping they need to carefully select the videos that aren’t labelled sleep over, or “The Kids Need Love”…
The Napanee Citizen Of The Year
You’d be REALLY surprised to know that Avril Lavigne was this week named Napanee Citizen Of The Year. Much as I hate Avril, it’s not like she had heaps of competition is it? Sounds like a party like…
A hard-working businessman and a determined singer were honoured by the Chamber of Commerce at their annual awards dinner.
Mike Stevens, owner-operator of the newly expanded Country Traditions Frozen Food Outlet on Advance Avenue received the Business of the Year Award while rocker Avril Lavigne was selected as Citizen of the Year at presentations held Wednesday night held at the Selby Community Hall.
Stevens, said he plans on cutting down his work schedule a little, from 85 hours to about 70 a week.
"I have worked so hard to get where I am, it's hard to turn it off," he said, after receiving the award.
Stevens spent thousands of hours drawing up plans and co-ordinating the expansion of his business earlier this spring.
"Things are coming along pretty well, We are on the right track, business is brisk," he said.
The 31-year-old businessman said he likes going to work every day. Stevens describes it as a work habit.
"That's the whole thing, I enjoy what I do very much. It's like a habit and it's hard to break."
He did hint that he might try to squeeze in a few golf games this summer.
And that really is the most amazing frozen food outlet this side of Advance Avenue. In fact, Mike was good enough to sponsor this week’s column! Well he never REALLY replied to my e-mail as he was on the golf course. I’d like to declare myself Richmond Citizen of the year though, along with the guy who runs the Deli counter at my local Coles supermarket. It’s, like, an honour!
Just cos!
There is NOTHING going on at all, and I’ve been very sick, so to finish off this week I thought I’d recap what a French man told me about the war. It’s a bit political, but still…
George Bush…he’s a man
George Bush…he’s a man
George Bush…he’s a man
George Bush…he’s a man with a plan…
Fantastic. I feel like we’ve really got to the nub of the war problem. Like I said, try getting 2000 words out of this week, and you’ve got a major headache! So that’s all I can think of, and now I’ve hit the send button like a good little company girl, something big is gonna happen! I can feel it! Until next week my sweet rabbits, a heartfelt adieu!
