All The Things She Said 05.22.03
Posted by Claire Flynn Boyle on 05.22.2003
I'm back, did you miss me?
“Someone wrote into the Guardian and said all you have to do is split up your band, bugger off for two years, and you’ll be welcomed back in a blaze of good feeling. The reply from the editor said we had split up and he’d pay 50000 pounds for us to reform. Someone had to tell him he saw us performing at some club, and it was only a tenner to get in…”
Mark E Smith
Welcome to All The Things She Said, the column that says P-U-N-K-A, PUNKA, lo-fi songs are great…P-U-N-K-A…PUNKA…don’t you want to play…
I’m just in a Kenickie mood today. Do you ever have a best friend who just nags you and nags you to listen to something until you do and when you do you actually find out how wonderful it is? Well…er…I do have a friend like that. I guess no-one missed me, you know, being the square peg in the round hole here, and I was gonna come back and go “hey, from now on, it’s all indie news, all the time! How about Coldplay! What a band! Clocks isn’t boring! Oh no! It’s fab” but you know, you makes your choices in life, and thus, you stick to them!
Now, sports wise, and I appreciate this is a very, very narrow demographic…Martin O’Neill, what the FUCK were you doing playing Rab Douglas? Magnus Hedman is the reserve? You KNOW that Douglas has suspect handling, he’s not the guy you want in a major European final. And WHY in the name of sweet Jesus were we defending in the first half? I don’t get it. That’s not the way we play. We play attacking football. That said, I’m proud of all the boys (bar Douglas) and hope that we win the league on Sunday (somehow!) and make a big assault on the Champions League next season. And to the board of CFC, get the cash out…you’ve made a fortune from the sale of the new jumper alone!
And that’s BEFORE I even start on Melbourne and Shane Woewodin…and also, goodbye Buffy The Vampire Slayer. You were the greatest TV show ever, ever, EVER made, but sadly, your star decided she’d rather make shit movies, so you know, that’s the way it goes. I hope the Spike starring “new” Buffy totally kicks arse until SMG begs to come back. Oh well, that’s just me…
Scrag fight, scrag fight, but with one boy…
MARIAH CAREY has blasted tough-talking rapper EMINEM as “a little girl” for threatening to use her voice messages on a record.
Em claims to have slushy words that Mariah left on his phone when they dated last year and says he will sample them on a single.
But Mariah hit back: “I don’t think he should do that because it will get him in a bit of trouble with my lawyers.
“If he is thinking of using a voicemail I left a year ago it is crazy.
“It feels like he is engaging in a catfight with me. It’s like dealing with a girlfriend in seventh grade.
“It’s like fighting with a little girl. It’s childish.”
Mariah Carey then went on to tell Eminem if he liked her, just to pull her pigtails to let her know…
I went away…
I did go away for a bit, it’s true. Now the reasons for this wouldn’t interest anyone except perhaps a stalker (I haven’t got one) but I feel like I should make a bit of a speech. Times change. People change. It’s not you, it’s me. You know, sometimes people need space to find themselves. I guess what I’m trying to say is that although I love you, and part of me always will, it’s time for something else…
TATU, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to let you go…
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some good times. Remember how our relationship started, with your silly video where you had a wank in a bath? Remember the first time I heard All The Things She Said and freaked out? Remember how much I wanted you to win Eurovision? Maybe you still will…I don’t know how to say this…I’ve found someone else. Someone better. Yes, there’s a better band than you guys. Besides, we couldn’t go on like we were…that whole Red Square thing was just not good, ya know…don’t take it badly…I’m proud of you guys, I hope you’ll understand…besides, you’ll always have the title of this column…
So the replacements of TATU as the official band of this column? Girls Aloud…more of whom at a later date…it’s bad taste to talk about your new relationship so soon after the old one ends…
Timing is everything…
The human condition: NO matter how good your intentions are, if you are on top there will always be some jerk or mean-spirited soul who will try to bring you down.~~ - Michael Jackson
It’s been a really bad week, domestic terror wise. I don’t quite get you guys and your colour coded warnings to the nation (I obviously understand the concept of code red et al, just not what’s the worst warning…crimson?) but you know, I know that orange is bad. So with the inevitable bad timing, Michael Jackson burst into the office of US politician Elton Gallegly, holing up his deputy with a bit of a problem. Yes MJ, it’s a time of heightened political tension, so you just go storming in to peoples offices in a Spiderman mask. And the problem of the nation that Jackson wanted addressed? Well…the lack of fast food restaurants in his local area sillies! After Jackson was told the town's only eatery was a Subway sandwich shop, the disappointed singer said he loved food from the Taco Bell chain. The 44-year-old then pulled his disguise off and apologised for disturbing the office. Good for him. I’m actually starting to really like him. He’s very punk rock with his stupidity. Besides, I’m more interested in aspects of this story/report like he did this event in Solvang, about 140 miles north of Los Angeles, a quaint village that bills itself as "the Danish capital of America". Righto. And I checked Mr Elton so called law maker Gallegly’s official website at this point in webspace and while I found lots and lots about the military and all his awards, I found NOTHING on the burning issue in the mind of Michael Jackson. Frankly, what’s the point of politicians if they don’t have a fast food policy! The sooner this clown gets voted out, the better!
My Dad…
My Dad would like to tell everyone how wonderful “United States Of Whatever” by Liam Lynch is. Thanks Dad.
The comeback…the comeback….
'My friend works for this radio network company and I don't know if its true or not...but he said that when he went to this meeting with the radio networks where they listen and go over new singers and songs and radio stuff...that's where Britney's new single came up...when her new single is released, it will be debuted as a new singer and new title, and people will call in and saying whether they liked it or didn't, voting to keep playing it or shelf it. she's doing this to see if people like it because it's good not because she's Britney and if they dislike it...it's not because she's Britney...and this should happen within the next 2 weeks in CA, NY, FL...his info is pretty trust worthy so heads up...Britney will personally be listen to peoples thoughts and comments because sources say her sound has had a big change and she wants to see how people react.'
Courtesy of the fabulous WorldOfBritney.com. You see what you, the purchasing public are making this poor girl do. You’ll all come back of course…oh yes, you’ll all come back…the comeback is on…oh yes…the comeback is on…
The intense humming of evil…
I made a promise to myself a while ago. I said I wouldn’t bag out Avril anymore. The reason was that…well…it became all too easy. Then…this happened…
Look out, Norah Jones — Fred Durst seems to be jonesing to perform with today's top-charting female pop stars.
His latest conquest? Ms. Avril Lavigne.
Durst and Lavigne chatted and became friends backstage at the "mtvICON: Metallica" taping (see "Avril, Snoop Dogg, Lisa Marie Presley Bow Down To Metallica"), and on Thursday Avril invited the Limp Bizkit front man to sing onstage with her during "Complicated." Durst sported an "I (heart) Avril" shirt, and after he sang, Avril climbed on Fred's back for the rest of the song, a spokesperson at Lavigne's label said. They were joined by Gob singer/guitarist Theo Goutzinakis and two members of the audience.
In January, Durst made nice with Britney Spears, after which the pop princess asked him to produce some material for her upcoming record (see "Britney Spears And Fred Durst Shack Up ... In The Studio, At Least"). It's unclear whether any of those tracks will make her next record.
However, Dust’s appearance with Avril could make her next album, a live record due September 9. Lavigne has recorded and filmed several shows over the past few months, according to her publicist, and when Lavigne drops her live disc she'll also release a concert DVD, which will likely include interview and backstage footage.
Kill me…kill me now…this is most evil thing I’ve ever heard. Worse than the Paddle Pop Lion from Nickelback duetting with Tito Santana…worse than Cartoons…worse than Creed…worse than Pearl Jam…no actually, nothing is worse than Pearl Jam…Wishlist is the most evil song ever, ever and ever…
Still, it’s still very, very evil this news…and since when can Freddie spell Complicated…”Why you have to go and make things so Complicated…to let me get my nookie bitch! Yeehah!”
I need a lie down…
Idol Idle
Yes American Idol finished, with the guy beating the other guy in a big guy love fest. To be honest, I’ve been only interested in two aspects of American Idol. Firstly, my beloved and mighty Paula Abdul is a judge, and secondly the wonderful moment where Cowell slagged off Lionel Ritchie (damn straight!) but come on, singing the evil “Flying Without Wings” by Westlife? Far better to remember the joyous new movie From Justin To Kelly (which stars American Idol Series 1 stars Justin and Kelly), which tragically ignored my suggestion to reprise the plot of Weekend At Bernie’s, and which now features a super flash website, and the plot seems to be a standard boring love story with songs and stuff, which is a real shame. Now if they produce a film called From Clay to Ruben…I am SO there…
Our Celebrity Guest
Hi, I’m St Anger, patron saint of the “rawk”. I’d like to complain that, as patron saint of the “rawk”, I wasn’t consulted by Metallica as to whether they could name their album after me. I gave them a career in the rawk you know, and I invented the mullet and the black T-Shirt to give them a job you know, so the least I should get it is a phone call you know! Until I used my saintly powers to help them they didn’t know what the Sandman was going to do! I think he was going to the beach or something! It was ME through the power of the rawk who told them to make him ENTER. Do you know how hard it is to get to be a Saint when you are always bloody angry. Why do you think I embrace the rawk? Huh? Do you think it’s easy up here next to St Francis of sodding Assisi, going on about the sick animals of the world, or St Thomas of Aquinas talking about getting blinded on the road to Damascus…and that wasn’t even him! He just likes the story! It’s so pop and ballady up here, where’s the RAWK! You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry damn it! I’m so pissed off right now, I’m going to do something very angry…right now…(sound of crashing furniture…)
Er…we seem to have lost St Anger there…but…er…thanks for your contribution…
Well like an understocked herb salesman, I’ve run out of oregano…sorry…I’ve run out of thyme…see it’s a joke…er…why did I come back again?
