Under the Scalpel 06.25.09: Young Money, Anouk and Acoustic Rock Songs You Need To Own
Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 06.25.2009
Young Money proves to be the result of five overrated rappers failing to be witty, skillful, or interesting, Anouk rakes bimbos, cheaters and part-time parents over the coals, plus 20 hand-picked upbeat acoustic tracks to kickstart any stale playlist. Brought to you by the sometimes humorous, always heartless guitarist from the hard rock band A Simple Complex.
"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. Download three free tracks that will rock your panties off at www.asimplecomplex.com
Young Money – Every Girl
A Not-So Super Group
In researching exactly who or what Young Money is, I had to do something no person should ever have to endure. I was forced to read Lil Wayne interviews.
Reading an interview with Wayne is a lot like listening to him rap: not much of it makes sense, he thinks the world is revolving around him, and he has no idea how stupid he sounds to the average person. Knowing I'm about to sift through Wayne's absurd, egocentric "logic" for facts creates a feeling best likened to realizing that you just dropped your Rolex into the depths of a port-a-potty.
After rummaging through paragraph after paragraph about how Wayne lives "in a different world with different laws" (where only he and Presidents like Franklin and Reagan exist), how white people can't sing (except for Robin Thicke), and how his hometown of New Orleans is the "murder capital" (actually, Chicago is), I was eventually able to decipher who and what Young Money is.
Wayne releases a new song about as often as I sit on a toilet – often with the same results – and continues to receive numerous industry awards, experience unbridled commercial success, and live a life that includes benefits that come part and parcel with being a music celebrity.
One of those benefits is founding a record label, which he named Young Money. Then Wayne formed a supergroup – and I use that term loosely – with the acts that have been signed to the label, and gave the group the same name.
"Every Girl," is the first single released under this moniker. It features Wayne and his labelmates taking turns at somewhat explaining why they'd like to have sex with every female on the planet.
The music of this track consists primarily of an ethereal, Casiotone-inspired, orchestral score that drifts softly over far too many distracting, synthetic bass drum hits and a faux-snare that sounds like an aluminum foil turkey tray being hit with a wooden spoon.
Though this track attempts to mimic the ambience of a tender ballad, its bawdy lyrics instantly kill any romantic quality the tune tries to establish. Spitting his typical stream of nonsense, Wayne, sounding like a constipated Prince as usual, leaps out of the gate by comparing a girl's private parts to filet mignon.
He then moves quickly into an asinine wordplay with the term "dope" that only a man who dropped out of school at the age of 14 could be proud of.
"I got that dope dick,
Now come here, let me dope you,
You gon' be a dope fiend,
Your friends should call you dopey."
He goes on to say, "My sex game is stupid. My head is the dumbest. I promise. I should be hooked on phonics." While Wayne's attempt at rhyming "dumbest" and "phonics" leaves much to be desired, it's nice to hear Wayne finally confess to the obvious.
The next Young Money artist to grab the mic is Drake, a man recently referred to by Billboard as "possibly the most sought-after artist in hip-hop." I found his verse to be fairly unimpressive with one exception. His opening lines tell an entertaining story of a girl trying to stuff herself into a pair of jeans.
"She be jumpin' up and down trying to fit that ass in," he cracks. "Took her half an hour just to get that belt to fasten."
Two more MC's from the Young Money roster, Jae Millz and Gudda Gudda, share the next verse, both failing miserably at being clever and choosing words that rhyme.
Millz rhymes "diva" with "skeezer." Then he rhymes "Wilt" with "milf." He also spends most of his time rattling off an unimaginative list of the types of women that he wants to have sex with, which includes models, singers, actresses, college girls, strippers, married women... Yeah, we get it. We got it every time the tiresome line, "I just want to fuck every girl in the world," was repeated in the chorus. That statement didn't need to be qualified.
Gudda doesn't do much better in the second half of this verse as he rhymes "Puerto Rican" with "deep in." He then adds his personal ineptitude to the song, delivering the unclever line, "I'm about to get my Bill Clinton on, and Hillary can Rodham too."
Mack Maine, the president of the Young Money label, contributes the most disturbing lyric as he closes out the song. After claiming that he doesn't discriminate, he brags about exchanging "V cards with the retards."
Unless there is a third definition of "V card" that I'm not aware of, this lyric either translates into taking the virginity of the mentally challenged, or the less likely option of trading contact information via Microsoft Outlook with them. After listening to Mack's sophomoric rapping, my gut tells me that he probably can't tell Microsoft Outlook from Pac-Man.
"Every Girl" is the product of five overrated rappers failing to be witty, skillful, or interesting. Don't bother with this junk.
If You Like: GS Boyz, Lil Wayne, Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em
Rating: * (1 out of 5)
Anouk – Modern World
Kids These Days…
I'm not at the age where I rant about politics and demand that small children stay off of my lawn, but there's one surefire way to make me pull my slacks up to my rib cage and shake my index finger violently: a discussion about what I refer to as today's "fast-food society."
I call it such because there seems to be an overwhelming amount of people these days who can't be bothered to get some lean meat out of the freezer, defrost it, grill it, cook some vegetables, fill a glass with water, and eat a healthy meal.
Instead, each day they hit the drive-thru for some hockey-puck burgers, mechanically separated chicken nuggets, deep-fried greasy potatoes, and a zillion-ounce, mineral-depleting soda and claim, "Yeah I ate dinner." While technically this is true, I'm always tempted to ask, "Did you really feed your body the nutrition it needs to keep you alive and well?"
This concept travels beyond food. At times, it seems Generation Y is largely made up of people who feel that when they do something poorly, or completely wrong, technically they've still "done it" and therefore deserve a medal and tickertape parade.
Perfect examples of this are those who live the lifestyle of "Yeah, I raise my kids. I see 'em every other weekend, as long as the weather's not fit for golfing," or "I've been married for ten years. And I've only been caught cheating twice."
These people may feel that since they possess paperwork that certifies them as a "father" and "husband," these titles have therefore been earned. Excuse me if I don't hand out any trophies.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I recently discovered Dutch singer Anouk's latest album, released late 2007. In listening to this album, I discovered that she, too, is apparently disgusted with this half-baked mindset so prevalent in society today.
Her song "Modern World," which stayed on the Dutch Top 40 Chart for 19 weeks last year, takes a number of solid potshots at those who revel in narcissism and infidelity while taking a half-assed approach to responsibilities in their lives.
In this track, Anouk first aims her sardonic discourse at shallow vanity, informing bimbos across the globe that there's one thing cosmetic surgery can't fix, and that's an empty head.
Crazy way to get your kicks, shoot the silicone in your lips,
If your figure makes you sad, they suck the fat right off your back,
Make up your mind about your tits, girls, they can puff 'em up so no bra will fit, girls,
There's only one thing they can't fix, no, I won't let you be misled,
And that's the hole in your head, can't do nothin' 'bout that!
Next, she addresses married philanderers who, after putting their woman "on a pedestal," spend their time fantasizing about, and chasing after, other women. "You have a purpose in your life besides cheating on the wife," she declares, "For fuck's sake, show some sense."
Lastly, Anouk scolds the world's part-time mothers who put pursuing an extravagant lifestyle ahead of raising their children, asserting, "You take them home to a nanny. Buy off your guilt with toys and candy. But all the money that you work for, girls, you can't compare it to love."
Anouk's gives a top-notch vocal performance in this song, taunting listeners with her caustic banter. In each verse, she lays back in the cut with a relaxed, yet stinging, antagonism. But as each chorus begins, her voice transitions into an intense, bluesy wailing that conjures the spirit of Janis Joplin. Those already familiar with Anouk know that she has an incredible voice loaded with soul and passion. This song is a prime example of what she is capable of when placed in front of a microphone.
The music has a slick 1970s soul-rock vibe, complete with organ fills, a bluesy, walking bass line, and trippy guitar leads that capture the classic feel of a rock era defined by Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, et al. Yet, it also adds a modern feel heard in harder-edged tracks from today's female rockers like Melissa Etheridge and The Indigo Girls.
If you enjoy smooth, soulful rock songs with passionate vocals and pungent commentary, this track is a keeper. For the rest of you shmucks and airheads who think artists like Lady Gaga and Fergie are deep and passionate singer-songwriters, get the hell off my lawn!
If You Like: Concrete Blonde, Janis Joplin, Melissa Etheridge, Patti Smith
Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
Let Me Be Your DJ: Acoustic Rock
Are you sick of the same ten CDs floating around on your car's passenger seat? Look no further than "Let Me Be Your DJ" to instantly provide you with some fresh tracks, all pre-screened by yours truly and certified as worthy of adding to your playlist.
This week, if you like a good upbeat song that features acoustic guitar, you won't need to sift through a million crappy songs just to discover 20 good ones. Here is all you need to get over an hour of tunes from the last few years that feature those fantastic bronze strings!
16 Down - The Day That I Met You
Adam Ezra Group - Katie
Cage The Elephant - Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
Citizen Cope - Bullet And A Target
Counting Crows - When I Dream Of Michelangelo
Flogging Molly - The Wanderlust (Acoustic Version)
Fountains of Wayne - Hey Julie
Gus Black - Trillion Things
Jack Johnson - Upside Down
John Butler Trio - Better Than
Kazzer - Rikki-Dawn
Kid Rock - Amen
Matt Nathanson - Come On Get Higher
Mayan Factor - Recon
Raine Maida - Yellow Brick Road
Rehab - Sittin' At A Bar
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Tommy Lee - Good Times
VAST - Sunday I'll Be Gone
Ziggy Marley - Love Is My Religion (Acoustic Version)
