Quick n Dirty Music News: 07.31.09
Posted by Mitch Michaels on 12.31.1969
The five big Michael Jackson stories and why that creep isnt #1, how long before the Tony Romo booty call to Jessica Simpson, when will Britney be free, Amy Winehouse is a freak, Marilyn Manson is a good man, Katy Perrys new obsession, is American Idol fixed and more! Plus, the best of 2007, chart news and Pixie Lott is our barely legal Piece of the Week!
Hey hey HEY Mitch f'ing Michaels back again with the Friday flagship the ultimate destination for tunes and bikinis the Quick n' Dirty News. With me as always is the Fishbone to my Mighty Mighty Bosstones, the mesmerizing Brittany Haskins.
Just the usual plugs to open with
Follow all us motherfuckers on Twitter (Mitch, Brittany, 411 Music) or Facebook (Mitch, Britt, 411mania. There are a bunch of other 411 zone specific Twitter pages that are really good too, especially games. Check out links on the left side of the page somewhere. Just scroll.
No contests to plug this week, but we just gave away an autographed copy of the new Killswitch Engage CD, which is pretty damn cool. Make sure to keep your eyes glued to 411 when these contests are over, they are OVER.
But enough of that. It's quick! It's dirty! It's news!
Another week, another QnD. How's it goin, folks? I always wake up way too late on Thursdays and have to rush the QnD, so forgive me if it progressively gets worse every week. It's been a really busy weekend; I saw the Neon Trees in Hollywood on Sunday, No Doubt on Monday, got stoned with Doug Benson on Tuesday, and have to write about this week so you little freaks can read about it because apparently my life is so much more interesting than yours .ok, not really. Enough about my pathetic existence, let's get on with the news, so we can both learn about people who actually do have more interesting lives than us!
Does anyone remember Ju'Not Joyner? No? Well he was a contestant on "American Idol". This guy:
Well it looks like he is a little bitter about not winning' A.I. and this is what he has to say about it:
"It's a fixed thing if I ever saw one They pay for our lawyers to negotiate against their lawyer (which is BS)..They make us COLLECTIVELY choose the lawyer, then they act like it's in our best interest. Craziest stuff I've ever seen. I have a son to feed. I HAD to ask questions and know what I was signing. Plus I write my own songs and I needed to know details...Some folks were like, 'Just shut up and sign on the dotted line.' I know better than that...I wasn't complaining...I was asking basic legal questions. There's a huge difference between the two"
So he signed the contract anyway. He's not done yet though:
"I definitely believed that affected my time on the show. They didn't like the fact that I wouldn't sign 'just anything' and that other contestants were coming asking me questions. So I think they ousted me the first chance they could get...Even if I didn't get in on votes...how did I not get picked for the Wild Card show when I received comments from the 'judges' that were better than most of the contestants who were picked for the Wild Card show?"
I am a judge for a talent contest, and let me tell you, if we give you good feedback, its because we dug deep into our brains to say something that you won't get offended by. But wait, there's more!
"The producers know who they want and they slant it to reflect that. They fix it in a way that makes you surprised but it's still manipulated," he typed. "Think about it...ADAM, ADAM, ADAM, then...Kris....SURPRISE SMITHCHES!!!!...What I mean is that people think AI is a talent show," he elaborated. "No. It's a reality show with writers!! We're all actors. All these shows have writers that guide the public opinion. The Hills, Real World. All of them...Do you think a billion-dollar enterprise is subject to the whim of the public?"
What is a smitch. So it's a fixed show? I had no idea! I wonder what took him so long to make this information known to the public! Hell, if he hadn't said anything, I would probably watch the show next season. Oh wait, I never watch the show to begin with so I think I'll be OK. For those of you who are surprised by this, get your head out of your ass and watch some real TV like "Family Guy" or "Metalocolypse"...I should have been born a man.
What do Charles Manson and Phil Spector have in common? They're in the same prison! Not only that, but Manson wrote Spector a note in hopes to make music together. In the note Manson called Spector the "greatest producer who ever lived".
They will be making a split called "I didn't actually kill anyone..well, one of us did" it's going to be great. Look for it on iTunes late next year.
Katy Perry is still a dumb bitch, showing off her new fake tattoo in tribute to Josh Groban. Unfortunately it's misspelled as "Josh Grobin" :
I hope soon, she gets a real tattoo that is misspelled. "I killed a girl and I liked it". Oops.
Kid Rock is trying to be relevant again by bashing on Twitter:
"It's gay. If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I'm going to tell them, 'Twitter this shit, motherfucker.'"
Sounds like he had a Twitter but nobody wanted to follow him
"I don't have anything to say, and what I have to say is not relevant. Anything that is relevant, I'm going to bottle it up and the squeeze it onto a record somewhere."
His next album will be called "the lost tweets"
Amy Winehouse isn't only a freak in the public eye, but also in the sack! One of Amy's ex-boyfriends, Alex Claire, told The Daily Star that Winehouse liked having sex in risky places and that she loved it when they were caught.
"We were kicked out because we were getting it on in the back row," he explained. "Amy was astride me and we were warned a couple of times. Being told off got her going even more."
Claire also said that Winehouse would often beg him to tie her up. Another ex-lover, Alex Haines, said Winehouse was "addicted" to sex. So she just gets addicted to everything apparently. She should be tied up regardless if she's having sex or walking down the street.
I was going to write about Marilyn Manson, but I don't want to get killed.
Kerry King of Slayer (who lives about 10 minutes away from me) is not a big fan of Killswitch Engage. He was interviewed by Music Radar and answered a reader's question about the time when Slayer kicked Killswitch Engage out of one of its tours.
"We actually didn't get able to. I tried. Because I'd never seen 'em live, and then I saw them live at some, I don't know, maybe at Kerrang! Awards over in Europe. And I'm just offended by the silliness that goes on on stage [on the part of] the guitar player [Adam Dutkiewicz]. He puts his foot in his mouth all the time and he says stupid shit, and I just didn't think that side show should be on my stage. So I pulled the plug on the spot, but on that particular Jägermeister tour, we didn't have any product and they did, so Jäger kind of insisted, and I went... They're all friends of mine, so I said, 'Ok, I'll deal with it.' Still don't like it."
Them be fightin words! But you really can't fuck with Slayer. They're the shit.
I saw Neon Trees at Cinespace the other day and I was blown away. I thought they were going to blow ass, but they were great. So go check them out because you will be pleasantly surprised. My review and interview with them will be up today hopefully, so look for it!
And of course don't miss me on online radio at flashrock.com to listen to me talk even more shit about anything and everything.
Peace, Love and Aural Sex!
Michael Jackson news continues to dominate the music world this week. It's a little bothersome, but really there are like five spin-off stories that came from Michael Jackson dying, and none have been resolved. Let's go blow by
I just have to stop for a minute here and take you into my mind. When I write the QnD, I like to listen to the artists I'm writing about. So a few minutes ago, I dialed up Essential Michael Jackson on my iPod. I just have to say this "Ben" is a FUCKED UP SONG. Some pre-teen sounding kid singing to a bad 70's pop instrumentation about a GUY. But it's about a rat. It's so fucking tender. I truly can't stand it. It's like something they'd play at a dead kid's funeral. Honest to God, go listen to "Ben" and forget it went #1 and was nominated for an Academy Award. It's fucked up.
Anyway, blow-by-blow on the five Michael Jackson stories.
First you have Michael Jackson's Money. When Michael died, reports had him still owing somewhere close to our national deficit. That kind of made sense from the news we'd heard about Michael over the past several years, with the lawsuits and the weirdness. Turns out, Michael is still worth quite a bit. In fact, the conservators of his estate announced this week that they currently have about $500 million pooled together with plenty more to come. And that's BEFORE they start truly capitalizing on his death. Right now, they're just letting the old products move. Just wait it won't be long until Jackson is dancing with Celine Dion on "American Idol". Betcha.
The sad thing is this, and I really know I'm making a big jump here. Michael Jackson was a really closed off guy. Who knows what people were telling him about his money. If he read the news like we do, he'd think he was in pretty dire straits. What if that's the whole reason Michael couldn't sleep? Anyone over 18 knows that bills can keep you up at night. Imagine having millions of dollars in debt on your mind? Not to mention all of the unspeakable things he'd done to children and the screams he had to suppress in his mind.
And speaking of children, spin-off story number two is what will happen with Michael Jacksons's Children? That story seems to be wrapping up a little this week. Word came out late Thursday that Michael's ex-wife Debbie Rowe apparently scored enough dough in her original deal with Michael for the kids and will in fact NOT dispute custody with Michael's mother. Debbie really wants to fight this image of being a gold digger after word leaked she got a GIANT sum to give up full custody of the kids in their 1999 divorce.
I would have just loved to be there when she met with little Prince Michael and Paris after Michael died. "Who is that lady again?"
Unfortunately, shit-stirrer supreme Joe Jackson (Michael's abusive father) has now put the word out that Michael has a fourth child aspiring singer Omer Bhatti, who practically grew up at the Neverland Ranch where he was referred to as "Little Michael". This is odd, since reports are that Omer's family lived on the Ranch too. Then again, I'm sure this has something to do with signing Omer to Ranch Records, right Joe?
And speaking of music, that brings us to our third story - Michael Jackson's Music. Believe it or not, people are still choosing to remember Jackson through his recorded works, and it's still making a major impact. According to SoundScan, Michael Jackson's Number Ones was once again the top selling album of the week, moving 150,000 copies. That's up nearly 50% over Demi Lovato, who topped the Billboard 200 this week.
This would be a good place to talk about the reason Number Ones isn't on top of the Billboard 200, which is considered the most important album chart in the industry.
According to the rules set up by Billboard, an album is no longer eligible for the Billboard 200 after it has been out for eighteen months AND has fallen past the #100 position. An album can also remain on in the Billboard 200 after this period, but it must include a single that is climbing the charts.
This rule has actually only been in effect since the beginning of 2008 before that date, the limit was two years. The part that gives an album with a single climbing the charts exemption was added in 2000. The part about falling past the #100 spot was added in 1993.
The key issue here is what is considered a current release and what is considered catalog. In today's market, albums older than 18 months are considered catalog. Before 2008, it was two years old. Either way, Michael Jackson's Number Ones was released in November of 2003, debuting at #13 and sinking pretty quickly past #100. There was a single released the R. Kelly penned "One More Chance" but that one topped out at #83 on the Hot 100 (it was, in fact, Michael Jackson's last official single).
So there are the rules but some people are still crying, BULLSHIT! Michael Jackson is the real #1! Well, Billboard recognizes that, actually, in both the Comprehensive Album and Top Pop Catalog Albums charts. And that's the real point Michael Jackson's Number Ones is almost six years old. It's a catalog album!
The thing fans need to remember is that Billboard is an authority, first and foremost, for those inside the music industry. It's a trade magazine first and the Billboard charts are an important industry tool. Record labels want to promote new product first and foremost, so they look to the Billboard 200 as their guide to what's working, what's moving, what's hot. Catalog albums are promoted (or not) in an entirely different way not to mention that catalog album sales normally represent a smaller chunk of the bottom line for a record company.
In fact, the 18-month rule wasn't an arbitrary change by Billboard back in 2008 it was driven by the music industry because they didn't think it was beneficial to deal with albums that were two years old.
So don't go around claiming there's a conspiracy because Michael Jackson isn't topping the Billboard 200 today. If Number Ones had been that immediately vital, it would have topped the charts back in 2003. And it's not even that good of a collection when you consider Essential and HIStory.
Anyway, onto more fun stuff story number four: What Killed Michael Jackson? This week the story has actually become WHO killed Michael Jackson, as the LAPD is going hardcore after Michael's doctor Conrad Murray, who they believed gave Michael the dose of propofol that may have killed him. Of course, no one is for sure about that one, as toxicology tests have been delayed AGAIN.
But Dr. Murray's home has now been raided, and police say he is the sole suspect in a manslaughter case. Personal details surfacing about the good doctor aren't promising, either. Turns out Murray was in a SHIT LOAD of debt before he hooked up with Michael a few months ago. A man in that situation, pulling in an estimated $150,000 a month, would surely be apt to compromise and, I don't know, give somebody drugs they don't need? Nevermind the fact that now people are saying Michael was dead a couple of hours before Murray had someone call 911.
Still, those toxicology tests are gonna be the nail in the coffin for Dr. Murray. He'd better hope the lab's propofol readers are on the fritz again.
And then, the final story, and the one we've been enjoying for over a decade now, is The Weirdness of Michael Jackson. Don't believe Al Sharpton this guy was fucked six ways from Sunday.
A policeman who was on the scene on the day Michael died says they found him in bed with a child-sized porcelain doll wearing a dress. He said the place was hotter than a sauna and a complete mess, with handwritten notes all over Michael's room that read "Children are sweet" and "Children are innocent". Why do I imagine "Ben" playing low over some old record player as this was happening?
And finally, filed under weirdness, the guy who was the executive producer on Michael Jackson's ill-fated 1984 Pepsi commercial apparently kept some of Michael's burned hair and is now having it made into diamonds.
A lot of people would hear that statement and ask, how the fuck do you turn hair into diamonds? My question, though, is how fucking GHOULISH do you have to be to keep Michael Jackson's burnt hair for 25 years, waiting for the perfect opportunity to sell it?
Who witnesses a man catch on fire and then says, oh, there's some smoking hair on the floor, I'd better SAVE THAT. Even in 1984, this whole fucking world was filled with creeps.
OK, enough of that. What else is going on in the music world this week?
Billy Joel was forced to cancel a couple of dates with Elton John in New York because he has the flu. And when I say dates, I mean tour dates, not dates as in Joel and John are a romantic homosexual couple. Joel's doctor said he needed 72 hours of rest. Hey Billy, you're 60-years old and now even God is telling you to shut the hell up. RETIRE!
Foreigner will release their next album exclusively through Wal-Mart since that worked so well for AC/DC and Journey. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart executives were left smacking their heads when they figured out all the songs they liked by Foreigner were actually by either Styx or Boston.
Britney Spears's dad says he will file court papers to end his conservatorship over her once the final leg of her "Circus" tour ends. The next day, the "Circus" tour was extended until the end of 2011, at which point Britney will turn 30 and no longer be commercially viable.
Tony Romo has reportedly informed security around his home that ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson is no longer allowed in the house. This is going to lead to a pretty messy situation when Tony drunk dials Jessica for a booty call after the Cowboys drop their season opener to Tampa Bay in September.
THERE WAS NO JESSICA SIMPSON CURSE! TONY ROMO IS A CHOKE ARTIST!
Some erotic phone messages left by Madonna for her ex-boyfriend in the 90s are now being auctioned off by said boyfriend and are expected to fetch $40,000. It will become known as the fourth most expensive three minutes of jerking off of all-time.
Avril Lavigne is getting "stripped down" for her new album. Pervs.
Amy Winehouse was making some news this week, as she's dating actress Mischa Barton's ex. I can understand this guy likes fucked up girls, but 2009 Amy is just a little too far on the crack whore side of "hot mess" for my tastes.
Speaking of Amy, a couple of ex-boyfriends have come out to say she loved sex in public places as much as she loves crack.
But you know who DOESN'T love crack? Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson is a good man. Marilyn Manson is a great musician. Marilyn Manson is a talented artist. Marilyn Manson's personal life, while none of my business, is assuredly completely normal. Marilyn Manson is healthy. Marilyn Manson is a good man.
Kid Rock hates Twitter. To be fair, Kid Rock's whole trailer park is still using Prodigy.
And finally, Katy Perry. Oh man. I can't get through this without crying. Here, just have a look.
FUCK YOU JOSH GROBAN!
You've taken Katy Perry's heart AND ruined her perfect chest.
2007
Still combing the best songs and albums from the years since I was born. Check out the QnD archives at the bottom of the page if you're interested in my takes on 1979-2006.
Mitch's Top 10 Singles of 2007
1
The White Stripes
"Icky Thump"
2
Garth Brooks
"More Than A Memory"
3
Foo Fighters
"The Pretender"
4
Kanye West
"Can't Tell Me Nothing"
5
Grinderman
"No Pussy Blues"
6
Paolo Nutini
"New Shoes"
7
Rihanna feat. Jay-Z
"Umbrella"
8
James Blunt
"1973"
9
Queens Of The Stone Age
"Make It Wit Chu"
10
John Mayer Trio
"Who Did You Think I Was"
Mitch's Top 10 Albums of 2007
1
Jason Isbell
Sirens Of The Ditch
2
The White Stripes
Icky Thump
3
Foo Fighters
Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
4
Kanye West
Graduation
5
Chris Knight
The Trailer Tapes
6
T.I.
T.I. Vs T.I.P.
7
Jay-Z
American Gangster
8
Kid Rock
Rock N Roll Jesus
9
Radiohead
In Rainbows
10
Collective Soul
Afterwords
QUICK n' DIRTY CHART NEWS
NEW RELEASES FOR AUGUST 4, 2009
WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY
K'Jon - I Get Around - Kind of a light release week, and K'Jon is the only guy that has any decent chart hits ("On The Ocean"), so I guess we'll go with him. Not much to add there.
WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE
Well, last week we wondered if Demi Lovato would be able to outsell Daughtry. Turns out she could. I figured on Daughtry pulling around 120k, but I was pretty off, as their album fell under the 100,000 mark in its second week. Lovato pulled just over 100 (107k), so she grabs a #1 hit. The only other Top 10 debut this week was Jordin Sparks' second album, as expected, which wound up moving less than half the amount her debut album did in its first week. Ouch.
Next week should be a battle between Fabolous and Ashley Tisdale and, after having a week to think about it, I'm gonna guess Ashley will eek out the win. Michael Jackson will likely continue to post the biggest numbers (sans Top 10 love), but Ashley and Fab should be the only Top 10 debuts unless I'm seriously underestimating the popularity of Kristinia DeBarge.
WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY
Modest Mouse No One's First, And You're Next: I love Modest Mouse album titles. I have really been digging this band lately. The only thing you know for sure about a Modest Mouse CD is that it will be interesting. Hopefully this one will be on the good side of interesting. Indie kids rejoice!
Hank III & Assjack - Assjack: FINALLY. Hank III's punk side comes out with the long-awaited debut album by his metalcore band Assjack. Hank III fans have been waiting forever for this one. Now go fuck you.
WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?
Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:
BILLBOARD #1 SINGLES
CHART
SINGLE
WEEKS
POP/OVERALL
HOT 100
The Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
7
RADIO SONGS
Drake "Best I Ever Had"
12
POP SONGS
Katy Perry "Waking Up In Vegas"
14
HEATSEEKERS SONGS
LMFAO "I'm In Miami Trick"
4
DIGITAL
DIGITAL SONGS
The Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
7
RINGTONES
Drake "Best I Ever Had"
16
R&B/HIP-HOP
R&B/HIP-HOP SONGS
Drake "Best I Ever Had"
15
RAP SONGS
Drake "Best I Ever Had"
14
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS
Billy Currington "People Are Crazy"
21
ROCK
ROCK SONGS
Linkin Park "New Divide"
8
ALTERNATIVE SONGS
Linkin Park "New Divide"
10
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
ADULT CONTEMPORARY SONGS
Miley Cyrus "The Climb"
20
CHRISTIAN
CHRISTIAN SONGS
Phillips, Craig & Dean "Revelation Song"
13
GOSPEL SONGS
Mary Mary feat. Kierra "KiKi" Sheard "God In Me"
26
DANCE
DANCE/CLUB PLAY SONGS
Erika Jayne "Give You Everything"
10
JAZZ
JAZZ SONGS
Walter Beasley "Steady As She Goes"
28
LATIN
LATIN SONGS
Espinoza Paz "Lo Intentamos"
14
REGIONAL MEXICAN SONGS
Espinoza Paz "Lo Intentamos"
15
LATIN POP SONGS
Paulina Rubio " Causa Y Efecto"
15
TROPICAL SONGS
Luis Enrique " Yo No Se Manana"
15
INTERNATIONAL
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES
Pitbull "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)"
7
JAPAN HOT 100
Exile "Fireworks"
N/A
UNITED KINGDOM SONGS
JLS "Beat Again"
2
GERMANY SONGS
Emiliana Torrini "Jungle Drum"
3
FRANCE SONGS
Pitbull "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)"
8
CANADIAN HOT 100
The Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
7
WEB
iLIKE LIBRARIES
The Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
7
iLIKE PROFILES
Michael Jackson "Thriller"
5
LALA.COM
The Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
3
AOL RADIO
Shinedown "Second Chance"
2
YAHOO AUDIO
Kid Kudi "Day N' Nite"
N/A
Mitch's Picks
Brittany's Picks
1. John Lee Hooker "House Rent Boogie"
1. Kings of Leon - "Use Somebody"
2. The Ting Tings "That's Not My Name"
2. Mickey Avalon - "Fuckin' Em All"
3. Dorrough "Ice Cream Paint Job"
3. Journey - "Who's Crying Now"
18-year old (drool) singing sensation Pixie Lott was out this week doing what she does best singing and flashing her panties. This tantalizing look into her London Bridge area, we're making Pixie our Quick n' Dirty Piece of the Week!
THE END
That's all for this week. Make sure to comment on what you liked, didn't like, etc. Till next week, keep your ears to the ground.
