Under the Scalpel 08.13.09: Eminem, Weird Al, A-Ha, Mims, Pet Shop Boys, Twista and More

Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 08.13.2009

Learn the entire history of the Eminem and Mariah Carey saga, Weird Al elevates Charles Nelson Reilly to Chuck Norris status, A-Ha still exists, Pet Shop Boys march out the beefcake, Twista's woman has a severe Electra Complex and much more. These heavily biased reviews are brought to you by the sometimes humorous, always heartless guitarist of the hard rock band A Simple Complex.

"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. Download three free tracks that will rock your panties off at www.asimplecomplex.com

Eminem – The Warning
Modern Day Diss Record Pulls No Punches



LL Cool J battled Kool Moe Doe. Two Live Crew spoke out against their many critics with each installment of their "I Ain't Bullshittin'" series. NWA and Ice Cube attacked each other in their songs after splitting ways, then Dr. Dre and Eazy-E attacked each other as solo artists after NWA broke up.

Ah, there's nothing like a one-sided, slanderous diss record to spark controversy, create speculation over potentially-true dirty laundry, and make a lot of jaws drop. The on-going feud between Eminem and Mariah Carey is no exception.

The story goes something like this: In 2002, Em confirmed reports that his relationship with Carey the previous year was more than just business. Carey responded by saying that the two never dated.

That same year, Em released the song "Superman" in which he rapped, "What [are] you trying to be? My new wife? What, you Mariah? ... I can't be your superman." He also dropped a bombshell in the song's lyrics – he claims that he had sex with her.

Later that year, Carey replied with a song named "Clown" where she sang, "You should've never intimated we were lovers when you know very well we never even touched each other... You're no superhero." On her 2003 tour, whenever the song "Clown" was performed, a dancer in a blonde wig and Detroit Pistons jersey was puppeteered by two men on stilts.

Em answered this by playing a clip of Carey's song "We Belong Together" on his 2005 tour, followed by an alleged clip from one of Carey's voicemails where the diva says, "I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife. Why won't you see me? Why won't you call me? You're not calling me." Then Em would pretend to vomit, which happens to be the introduction to his song about lovesickness titled "Puke." Carey was reportedly furious about this stunt and responded with, "I knew him, I hung out with him a few times, but nothing sexual occurred."

In 2006, Em reiterated, "Yes, me and Mariah did have a relationship for about a good six or seven months. But it didn't work... The fact that she denied we ever had something, that's bad." In his 2006 song "Jimmy Crack Corn," Em referred to Mariah as a liar.

For the next few years, things appeared to calm down. In 2008, Carey dated actor/rapper Nick Cannon. Em worked on his own upcoming album Relapse.

In 2009, shortly after Carey and Cannon announced that they married, Em released Relapse featuring the song "Bagpipes from Baghdad." In this track, Em once again stirred up the age-old controversy, claiming in jest that he wanted Carey back. He called Cannon a "punk" and threatened to kick him in the "sack of junk." He then said Cannon is a "prick" and wished him "luck with the fucking whore."

Carey retaliated. In the music video for her song "Obsessed," a pathetic-looking, hoodie-wearing, love-struck rapper is portrayed as a freak helplessly consumed with Carey. She sings, "Why [are] you so obsessed with me? ... Lyin' that you're sexing me... Finally found a girl that you couldn't impress… You're delusional."

That was the last straw. Despite Carey's insistence that "all the speculation about who I'm playing in the video [is] not accurate," Em fired back... and he fired hard. From out of nowhere, he released, "The Warning," a track that lashes out with more TMI than a Vampirefreaks profile.

Em asks, "I'm obsessed now? Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee?" Then he lays into Carey, calling her every name in the book while complaining that she "made me put up with her psycho ass over 6 months – and only spread her legs to let me hit once." He adds, "Surely you don't want me to talk about how I nutted early 'cuz I ejaculated prematurely and bust all over your belly. And you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel, your stomach's curling."

Wow, it's almost like being there.

Throughout the song, Em makes every effort possible to anger Cannon. "Nick, is that your wife? Well, tell her to shut her mouth, then I'll leave her alone." He also insults Carey to rile Cannon up. "Oh did I say whore, Nick? I meant a liar too."

This is no warning shot. It's a decapitation.

Musically, this song is just one Dr. Dre loop repeated the entire time simply as a vehicle for the song's message. It's nothing amazing, but it's good enough to serve its purpose of giving Em a beat to spit this tirade over. Those who have heard any of Em's many random freestyles will be familiar with this formula.

Although it would be unwise for them to do so, I sure hope Carey and Cannon strike back. This battle is too good to end here. "[Did] it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?" Em threatens, "Call my bluff and I'll release every fucking thing I got including the voicemails right before you flipped your top."

Yeah, bring it on! And pass the popcorn!

Rating: ***** (5 out of 5)
If You Like: I hate to say it, but the only other rap group I can think of that makes diss records this vulgar is… Insane Clown Posse

Weird Al – CNR
The (Very Exaggerated) Life Of Reilly



Who can eat coal and crap diamonds? Who won the Tour de France with two flat tires and a missing chain? Who figured out cold fusion but never shared his work? Charles Nelson Reilly. That's who.

For those of you unfamiliar with Reilly, he was a comedic Broadway, Hollywood, and television actor who passed away two years ago. He is most remembered for making subtly off-color remarks as a flamboyant game show panelist on "Match Game" and "Hollywood Squares."

His wild, colorful suits were only overshadowed by his trademark gigantic glasses and ascot ties. He was about as threatening as Gilbert Gottfried and as aggressive as Paul Simon.

In other words, he was no Chuck Norris. Or was he?

In the latest song from his Internet Leaks collection, Weird Al chronicles a few of his 'personal experiences' with Reilly, including accounts of watching him eat a Volkswagen whole and make "sweet, sweet love to a manatee."

He goes on to say that Reilly was a ninja warrior, a master of disguise, able to melt people's brains with lasers that shot out of his eyes, and the most unbelievable claim: he had his own line at the DMV (a line probably borrowed from the Chuck Norris Facts Internet meme).

Although Reilly is no longer with us, his 'accomplishments' have been recreated by the computer gurus at Jib Jab for all to witness. Jib Jab is best known for their Monty Python-esque animated video "This Land Is Your Land," featuring caricatures of George W. Bush and John Kerry arguing over why each should be the next President of the United States.

When it comes to shock value, the video for "CNR" surpasses "Weasel Stomping Day," Al's 2006 collaboration with the creators of Robot Chicken. In "CNR," a cut-out representation of Reilly, shown in collage-style animation, rips out another person's heart, eats a person and car, spanks another man (Gene Rayburn) while riding on his back, and has sex with a marine animal in front of a group of awestruck children. Definitely a PG-13 feature.

The music is a parody of the lo-fi, alternative rock sound of White Stripes, a band best known for their #1 Modern Rock singles "Seven Nation Army" and "Icky Thump." Though "CNR" isn't an exact copy of any one particular White Stripes song, it comes closest to "Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground."

As usual, Al slugs this one out of the park. So, if you aren't squeamish when it comes to the comedic animation of a bloody, beating heart ripped from a man's chest or a cat being fired from a cannon, watch the video, buy the track, and learn why "you just don't mess around with CNR."

Rating: ***** (5 out of 5)
If You Like: MC Lars, White Stripes

The Six Pack: A half-dozen quick song reviews in an easy-to-carry cooler!

A-Ha – Foot Of The Mountain
Even though they haven't been on Billboard's US Hot 100 since 1986, A-Ha has had a very successful career overseas. They've had 22 songs appear on Norway Singles Top 20 chart over the last 24 years. Vocalist Morten Harket comes off like a higher-pitched Morrissey (including the "frog in the throat" singing style) or a lower-pitched John Ondrasik (Five For Fighting) as he muses about building a home with (presumably) his loved one at the foot of a mountain to get some peace. A-Ha's music in this track is much more organic than their synth-pop days of yesteryear. This song is filled with loads of strummed acoustic guitar, and reminds me a lot of the Mike And The Mechanics hits "All I Need Is A Miracle" and "Silent Running." Not bad, but nothing to write home about.

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: Arid, Five For Fighting, Mike And The Mechanics, Morrissey

Mims featuring Letoya Luckett – Love Rollercoaster
After hearing him blather on about, "I'm hot 'cuz I'm fly. You ain't 'cuz you're not," a couple of years ago, I assumed that Mims had absolutely nothing intelligent to say. Fortunately, with his latest single, he has proved me wrong. "Love Rollercoaster" isn't particularly profound, but it at least shares some emotion as Mims and Letoya Luckett each spill their guts about their on-again/off-again relationship. Luckett says her man loves his music more than her, but Mims claims that he does it to keep her "in that new shit" (presumably nice cars, jewelry, clothes, and so on) and is tired of her mood swings, calling her "Sybil." The music is a fairly standard modern-day R&B jam featuring thumping bass drums hits, some claps, some snaps, and a couple retro sound effects from the early 1980s. "Love Rollercoaster" spent nine weeks on Billboard's R&B/Hip-Hop Songs charts this summer, peaking at #78. I found it somewhat enjoyable.

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: Mike Jones, Paul Wall, TI

OneRepublic with Sara Bareilles – Come Home
In describing what I think of "Come Home," I feel a bit like Dom Deluise as Emperor Nero in History Of The World Part 1 after being given an alabaster bathing basin. "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice." This song aims to be heartfelt and moving, but does so in a very "covered ground" kind of way. Pretty piano playing is backed with lyrics that are not unique, clever, or particularly interesting. OneRepublic vocalist Ryan Tedder basically just keeps pleading for his loved one to "come home." Sure, there is a hint of a "my loved one is overseas serving in military" feel, but he never comes right out and says it. Hmm... perhaps Tedder, a graduate of Oral Roberts University, is actually referring to God finally calling Roberts home? Boy, we can only hope!

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: Coldplay, Five For Fighting, Fray, Maroon 5

Our Lady Peace – All You Did Was Save My Life
Depressed boy meets girl, lives happily after ever. Our Lady Peace vocalist Raine Maida uses just about every cliche he can scrounge as he tells the age-old story of meeting someone who, simply by making eye contact, pulls him from the brink of suicide. "You looked at me as I walked in the room. Like the red sea, you split me open," he wails, "I owe every breath to you. Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life." The track's music is just as run-of-the-mill as its lyrics – an upbeat, kinda-hard-rockin' ballad that's predictable, unremarkable, and as vanilla as modern power ballads get. If "bad boy" hard rockers spilling their hearts out gets you hot and bothered, go ahead and eat this up. Otherwise, don't bother. "All You Did" is currently #27 on the Canadian Hot 100, but the US has yet to really embrace this song. Probably still too busy with Daughtry's bad-boy-sap-fest "No Surprise" to notice.

Rating: ** (2 out of 5)
If You Like: 3 Doors Down, Daughtry, Hinder, Nickelback

Pet Shop Boys – Love Etc.
It's been 25 years since Pet Shop Boys scored their first #1 on Billboard's Hot Dance Club Play chart. This year they've done it for the ninth time with "Love Etc.," the lead single from their tenth album Yes. "Love Etc" feels like a cross between retro 80s synthpop (imagine that) and a Broadway musical showtune (yeah, imagine that too). A virtual 'chorus line' of beefcake singers shout the first few words of each, well... chorus line, then lead vocalist Neil Tennant finishes each line with his trademark wispy, monotone singing voice. Together, they deliver a message about how people don't need to be a "big bucks Hollywood star," drive a "super car," or have "power and wealth" to find love because "love is for free." He does add, however, that it helps "to be beautiful." Replace this track's synthesizers with a brass section and replace Tennant with Liza Minelli... Presto! This song is up for a Tony Award. While some may fancy this style of music, personally, I don't swing that way.

Rating: ** (2 out of 5)
If You Like: Cut Copy, Erasure, Naked Eyes, New Order, Scissor Sisters

Twista featuring Erika Shevon – Wetter (Calling You Daddy)
Erika Shevon begs, "I'm calling you daddy. Can you be my daddy? I need a daddy. Won't you be my daddy? Come and make it rain down on me." Disturbing. Twista raps, "If you want me to get it wet in other ways then I'm-a have to beat it up... I ain't stopping 'til you wet up the covers because I gotta keep on fucking 'til I see a lot of white stuff." That is not a picture I needed painted for me. In "Wetter," Twista's flow is tight, Erika Shevon sings well, and the music is all right – if you can dig a slow jam with way too many bass drum hits in it. But the lyrics are too crude for the mood and establish too strong of an Electra Complex for my liking. "Wetter" is currently the #3 rap song in the country according to Billboard.

Rating: ** (2 out of 5)
If You Like: Ginuwine, Jodeci, Pleasure P, Usher (all mixed with some 2 Live Crew)