Under the Scalpel 08.27.09: Alice In Chains, JLS

Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 08.27.2009

Alice In Chains makes a triumphant return, JLS steps out of a 20 year coma, and take a look at the scorecard of this year's worst reviewed songs so far. These heavily biased reviews are brought to you by the sometimes humorous, always heartless guitarist of the hard rock band A Simple Complex.

"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. Download three free tracks that will rock your panties off at www.asimplecomplex.com

Alice in Chains – A Looking In View
Rock Veterans Make Triumphant Return



When Layne Staley, lead vocalist of Alice In Chains, died in 2002 from a long-rumored drug habit, I told people with confidence that filling his shoes would not only be impossible, but sacrilegious.

However, after hearing William DuVall's vocal performance in "A Looking In View," I stand corrected. "View" blasts forth with the band's signature sound, the groundbreaking minor-key harmonies and eerie chord progressions that inspired allmusic.com to call them "the definitive heavy metal band of the early '90s."

Although their style has been borrowed, photocopied, reproduced, and mass-produced many times by others over the last 15 years, AIC has returned to prove that they can still do it better than any other band, bar none.

The most surprising element of this song is how well DuVall fits into the lineup. This evolved over eight years of touring with AIC guitarist Jerry Cantrell, first as the frontman of the opening act that supported Cantrell's solo project, and later as the new frontman for the reunited AIC.

Jamming backstage at shows led AIC to eventually agree that they should begin recording again. And what I've heard so far of their new music is incredible. I am truly amazed at how the material stays true to the band's established style – not stale or rehashed.

The track's lyrics are, of course, dark and full of anguish. The song's protagonist laments being unable to help a person who is stuck in a bad situation.

"Crawling on your skin, discomfort,
Makes you break and run, stumble fall,
A looking in view, too long on the outside,
Desperate plans make sense in a low life…
It's why you never tell me whatever's on your mind."

Cantrell explained, "The song basically speaks to any number of things that keep you balled up inside. A cell of our own making with an unlocked door that we choose to remain in. Focusing our attention inward instead of reaching out to a much larger world. I think this is common to us all. It's funny how hard we fight to hang on to a bone we can't pull through a hole in the fence, or how difficult it is to put down the bag of bricks and move on."

Or how tough it is to stop chasing that dragon?

Despite the announcement that there is a different track on the band's upcoming album dedicated to their original singer, I can't help but wonder if this song too is about Staley.

Musically, the track stands up to the quality of classic AIC. Drummer Sean Kinney sarcastically told Reuters, "I know people are blown away that we really sound like ourselves." I know it sounds silly, but that's exactly how I feel.

To complement the song, the band released a music video on their site, and it is one of the best music videos I've seen in years. The storylines are gripping, the cinematography is excellent, and including full-frontal nudity didn't hurt either. Be sure to watch it… after the kids go to bed.

"View" fits well with the band's earlier catalog and makes a fine addition to any hard rock music collection. And I'm not just saying this because not giving this song a glowing review could have me joining the band's original singer. Despite knowing that my band's bass player would undoubtedly gut me like a fish with a rusty saw blade for giving less than five stars to an AIC song, it was not a factor in how the track achieved such a high rating.

Rating: ***** (5 out of 5)
If You Like: 10 Years, A Perfect Circle, Breaking Benjamin, Katatonia, Tool

JLS – Beat Again
New (Millennium) Jack Swing



With the release of their debut single last month, the 2008 The X-Factor (Britain's American Idol) runners-up Marvin Hume, Jonathan Gill, Oritse Williams and Aston Merrygold of JLS burst onto the international music scene.

By borrowing the outdated electronic rhythms and expired dance moves of the early-to-mid-90s, "Beat Again" debuted at #1 on the UK Singles Chart last month and stayed there for two weeks. It sold over 100,000 copies, making it the biggest selling first week debut single of 2009 in the UK.

Epic Records seems to be riding the retro-craze wave that has brought success to such American teen idols as Zac Ephron and Joe Jonas – either that or the record company's producers, directors, set designers, costume designers, and choreographers have been in a coma for 20 years like the break-dancing main character in the film "Kickin' It Old School," and agree that "parachute pants are timeless."

The whole package – music video and single – could have easily been delivered via time machine from the year 1991.

The music video, which only exaggerates the song's retro feel, is set in an abandoned warehouse lit only by suspended neon lights.

Marvin Hume, the group's Danny Wood, wears the male equivalent of a gathered blouse. Jonathan Gill, looking a lot like Carlton Banks, dons a pullover vest and bow tie. Oritse Williams displays a frilly neck accessory, looking like a runway model. Aston Merrygold sports a suggestively-unbuttoned casual uniform shirt, exposing much of his chiseled, hairless chest.

From the song's opening line, the members of JLS embark upon an exhausting routine of synchronized dance moves that rival "Rico Suave" and "Ice Ice Baby." The Alf, the Cabbage Patch, the Robot, the Running Man, the Roger Rabbit, the Smurf, the Snake, Pop Locking, Voguing... It's all in there.

They spend the duration of the video prancing around as if they were the Backstreet Boys rehearsing a performance of Rent. Within seconds, I'm frozen in my seat like a deer in headlights, mouth agape in disbelief, telling myself to double-check that the song and video were indeed created in 2009.

The lads pepper their performance of expired fad dances with somewhat-original, uber-corny choreographed sequences. For example, at one point three of the dancers lay on the floor, leaving Hume to stand alone. As Hume lifts his hand above each member, they lift their leg. Then as he points at each member and their leg goes back down.

I sit speechless with one eyebrow raised, and one side of my upper lip curled into a disgusted sneer so tall that Billy Idol would have stood and applauded had he been there.

"It's actually my favorite bit of the video," Hume boasted to Popjustice.com.

The icing on this cheesecake, however, is the song's signature dance move: All of the lads grip their fists with their other hand, and then open and close them to mimic a beating heart. They simultaneously pump their chests in and out.

By this time, I am laughing out loud.

"I think it's quite cool," Hume said of the move.

There are also plenty of hokey boy-band moves stolen from the early 1990s thrown in for good measure: An exaggerated wink, a puppy-eyed stare, a pelvic thrust, some crotch grabs and a little gratuitous shirt-lifting.

When Marvin was asked if he was concerned about being labeled as shirt lifters, British slang for homosexuals, he opted to respond with, "It wouldn't be the first time."

That could explain the group's reaction to a recent incident in Aberdeen, Scotland.

"We were walking down Aberdeen high street and we got chased by a load of girls. We ran away," Merrygold told the Daily Record, recalling the horror. "[We] turned a corner and thought we were okay, then we turned around another corner and there was even more of them... It's scary."

Mobbed by chicks? Gee, what a nightmare.

It was shortly after reading about the group's terrifying experience in Aberdeen that I learned what JLS stands for: Jack the Lad Swing. I shan't expound on my initial interpretation of this. Suffice to say, I had mistakenly assumed the word "Jack" was a verb. Upon further investigation, however, I discovered that "Jack the Lad" is a British idiom for an over-confident, self-serving rascal, a.k.a. a guy who thinks he's "all that." So basically, if someone has a "Jack the Lad Swing," to put it more modern terms, they have a swagger.

Thinking about it later, I realized that the phrase "Jack the Lad Swing" is very similar to the type of music these boys are trying to revive: New Jack Swing – a style of music that became popular in the early 1990s by combining soul, hip hop, rap, pop, bad fashion, and well-groomed facial hair. If you were lucky enough to miss the New Jack Swing craze in the 1990s, you've likely seen the Justin Timberlake/Lonely Island parody of it in their song (and music video) "Dick In A Box."

Fortunately, the music of "Beat Again" is not quite as outdated as its video. While still borrowing its overall electronic-soul-meets-pop feel from the early 1990s, the song reminded me instantly of Akon. As soon as the track started, I was immediately singing the Kardinal Offishall/Akon song "Dangerous" over JLS's stolen melody: "I'm noticin' you, noticin' me..."

The lyrics amount to putting a gigantic guilt trip on an ex-girlfriend, relentlessly insisting there is only one way to save this pitiful soul from certain death: to start dating him again.

"Damn!" exclaims Williams, "The doctor's just finished telling me, 'There's no time.' Losing you could be the end of me."

Hume boldly poses the question, "If I died, would you come to my funeral? Would you cry? Would you feel some regret that we didn't try?"

Must it come down to this? Date me or be responsible for killing me? Doctor's orders.

When Gill takes the mic, he humbly begs, "I need love CPR because it's getting so cold. I need you back again or else I'll never mend."

Merrygold insists she'll be scarred for life if she refuses to take him back. "Would it always haunt you, baby, that you missed your chance to save me?"

The lads gang up in the song's chorus, pleading, "Let's just get back together. We should've never broke up. They're telling me that my heart won't beat again."

Man, some guys just can't scrape up a shred of pride… nor creativity.

As I type this, I have no doubt that record labels are avidly scouring the scene for more Color Me Badd, Boyz II Men, and Babyface wannabes. Combine the success of this single with the current craze for retro music. Then factor in the recent return of Michael Jackson to every music chart on the planet. It doesn't take a psychic to predict that 2009 will mark the triumphant return of New Jack Swing, driving droves of upbeat, lovesick crooners back onto mainstream media outlets across the globe.

Shoot me now.

Rating: * (1 out of 5)
If You Like: Akon, Babyface, Bobby Brown, Boyz II Men, Color Me Badd, Keith Sweat, Shai

2009 Scorecard Update - This Year's Worst Songs So Far

1 star reviews:

50 Cent – I Get It In
Aqua – Back to the 80s
Britney Spears – If You Seek Amy
Cam'ron featuring Byrd Lady & Skitzo – Cookies-N-Apple Juice
Chris Cornell – Part Of Me
Green Day – 21 Guns
GS Boyz – Stanky Legg
H-Town – Call Me Mister Pac-Man
Jay Z featuring Foxy Brown – Ain't No Nigga
JLS – Beat Again
K.I.G – Head, Shoulders, Kneez & Toez
Lady Gaga – Love Game
Lil Kim, T-Pain, Charlie Wilson – Download
Musiq Soulchild – So Beautiful
Nipsy Hussle – Hussle In The House
Plain White T's – 1, 2, 3, 4
Safetysuit – Stay
Saliva – How Could You
Slayer – Psychopathy Red
Slim Thug – I Run
Soulja Boy Tell Em – Turn My Swag On
U2 – Magnificent
Young Money – Every Girl

0 star reviews:

Seether – Careless Whisper
Young Jeezy & Nas – My President