The Singles Guy 09.13.09: I'm Back

Posted by Jacob Crogie on 09.13.2009

It's the column that reviews the weeks singles and give you completely unqualified opinions which you then label EPIC FAIL~! and such. This week is highlighted by 3OH!3 ft. Katy Perry and David Guetta ft. Akon, if that isn't enough to make you want to read how about naked pictures of Katy Perry herself?

FOOLED YOU.

AND I'mmmmmm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Moved into London, and if you are in the area and want to meet a real live interwebs celebrity (I'm quoted on Wikipedia bitches.) drop me a line! Anyways...as usual I am tinkering with format giving you only the best songs of each genre while smashing the ever loving hell out of one track! Let's get this stuff up and on the up shall we? Welcome back, get ready...aaaaaaannnnndddddd. go.


Hot 100


3OH!3 ft. Katy Perry- "Starstrukk"

BAM. SWERVE. Love these guys and their infectious brand of proto-dance for the whiteboys. This is dance that us white boys can get our groove on to. Who can forget "Don't Trust Me" which was easily the song of my summer? Hopefully adding Katy Perry to this one may give them the boost they need to shake off the one-hit wonder label...can anybody name another song of theirs? Have you ever heard it on the radio...? Didn't think so. Back to the track which contains an absolutely infectious beat and phenomenal synth work. The whistling, although catchy at first begins to wear on me, although it was a nice add. The hook is incredibly catchy and almost demands the listener to memorize and repeat "L-O-V-E is just another word I never learned to pronounce". It's all about getting drunk and chasing after girls, what isn't to love about it. I imagine we will soon hear this blaring from clubs across the land and with good reason, it is one of the catchiest dance tracks of the year.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4.5/5

Like It? Listen To This: "Good Girls Go Bad"- Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester

Check These Out Too: "War" - Sean Kingston ft. Lil' Wayne
"Replay" - Iyaz





Rock


Weezer- "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To"

I honestly don't know if I have heard a better Weezer song this side of "Say It Ain't So". This is when Rivers is at his finest, the doublespeak in the title and chorus are phenomenal as is the rather simple, yet effective, chord progression. The lyrics are great as they usually are in all Weezer songs, however, what seperates this from "Greatest Man Who Ever Lived" which I loathed, Weezer is playing within their artistic boundaries and have produced a phenomenal pop-punk track that will surely fly up the charts. You have to tap your feet along with the beat in this track, a very infectious track which should have been released in June or July. They have wrote an amazing power-pop piece that will appeal to fans of the Jonas Brothers and old school Weezer alike. I am willing to go all out and call this song a future number 1...on the Billboard Hot 100, or at least a top 10, only the second of their career.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 5/5

Like It? Listen To This: "Summer Girl"- Stereos

Check These Out Too: "Alive Again" - Champion
"Overcome" - Creed





Dance


David Guetta ft Akon- "Sexy Bitch"

Akon continues to amaze me, track after track this guy brings the party. I have always been a fan of David Guetta, I find his beats and synth work to deviate from track to track unlike some of the other big name guys who stick with a single sound...looking at you Benassi. This song is completely infectious from the get go and makes me want to stand up and make a fool of myself! There is only one way to listen to this track, and that is as loud and bass heavy as possible. It appears Guetta is going to be making big waves and is going completely mainstream, he deserves a big Billboard smash and Akon may have just given him one. Throw this on and get ready to dance like mad!

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4/5

Like It? Listen To This: "Baby When The Lights Go Out"- David Guetta

Check These Out Too: "She Wolf" - Shakira
"Love Songs (Bimbo Jones Mix)" - Anjulie





Country


Brooks & Dunn ft. Billy Gibbons- "Honky Tonk Stomp"

These guys just announced that they are going their separate ways and trust me the country world will miss them. On this track they get the help of the legendary Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top and the results are good but not great. This is basically a slightly heavier version of "Boot Scootin' Boogie", and is a solid track in general but doesn't offer anything phenomenal save for three music legends kicking up some dust. Nice little guitar solo, and incredibly generic lyrics make this song good enough to listen to, but don't offer up alot of replay value. I doubt that I will ever listen to this song following the next 3 months. For those three months though, it will do just fine.

Like It? Listen To This: "Boot Scootin' Boogie"- Brooks & Dunn

Check These Out Too: "Fifteen" - Taylor Swift
"Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum





Canadian Content


Billy Talent- "Devil On My Shoulder"

This boys always bring the rock to the Canadian masses with lyrics that sound deep and bass lines that actually are deep. This song is no different, anyone who listens to their lyrics can hear the clear connection to arena rock bands such as Motley Crue and The Scorpions. To me, they are just like them, extremely talented musically with little to offer lyrically except metaphors worthy of the some teenage girls English class binder. Don't take me the wrong way, I love them, amazing bass work throughout with the best guitar solos this side of Wolfmother. They may just be the best Canadian band out there right now...at least the most successful. If you like rock at all, pick up this track...actually, pick up their entire discography.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 3.5/5

Like It? Listen To This: "Rusted From The Rain"- Billy Talent

Check These Out Too: "Ballad of Hugo Chavez" - Arkells
"Break" - Three Days Grace




SONG OF THE WEEK!


The Gaslight Anthem- "Great Expectations"

My favorite Springsteen fans! These Jersey boys sure know music, and know how to give a fitting tribute yet still have their own sound. This song embodies everything that music should be, with flying guitars and drums that seem to drive you along to some kind of great American nowhere. Lyrics that sound like they may have come right off of "Born To Run" provide the spark for an extremely uptempo and all around catchy track that I cannot turn away from. I very, very badly want to see these guys succeed to prove that there is still a place for rock like this, Kings of Leon may just be the start of a move towards this type of rock and I for one could not be happier. Do yourself a favor, get this track!

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 5/5

Like It? Listen To This: "Thunder Road"- Bruce Springsteen




worst SONG OF THE WEEK!


U2- "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"

This is quite possibly the worst U2 song ever, made even more clear by the fact my roommate likes it. I'm not sure whether its the lame elevator music or quite possibly the pathetic socialist inspired lyrics. This is honestly the most depressing song I have ever heard, I was expecting something awesome with the title, boy was I sorely disappointed. The time has come to put these guys out to pasture, this entire album blows.

The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0/5

Fuck Universal btw.



The Jacob Crogie Seal of Awesomeness


Tricky & Cust- "Saugeen Anthem"

Party hardy in the Zoo boys and girls! SAUUUUGEEEEEEEN! SAUUUGGGEEEEEN!





So that's it for another week, be sure to tune in same time next week when we get all the latest and the greatest plus all the crap that everyone else likes...


Until next week, keep your pimphand strong and your rawkfist in the air!