The 411 Week In Review 07.17.05: July 10th – July 16th, 2005
Posted by Tim Johnson on 07.17.2005
The Week in Review, and you
Once again, I’d like to start by giving props to the writers of 411 Music and the entire site in general. Every week, I start by checking out Monday Morning Metal and continue reading the good stuff from Jeff Modzelewski, Ian Wright, Phil Watts, Jr, Stephen Feher, Ryan Latimer, and a whole score of writers I’m forgetting to mention.
This is a great place for news and opinions on everything we’re all interested in.
Now I’d like to ask for your help.
Every week when I sit down to do this, I have to wade through all the headlines myself. This can be a chore from time to time.
Especially when my softball tournament starts at 7:00am and it’s now 2:44 and I still haven’t slept.
If you see something in the news that you’d like mentioned here, I’d be happy to deliver my take on it and give you all due credit. After all, this site wouldn’t be what it is if it weren’t for all the dedicated readers.
So if anything catches your eye, feel free to send it my way. That way I won’t have to start my column with some weak ass story about Brad Pitt going to the hospital.
MOVIES/TV
1) Brad Pitt recovering
Leading man Brad Pitt was released from hospital on Wednesday and is recovering at his Los Angeles home after being diagnosed with viral meningitis.
Is “viral meningitis” code for “genital herpes?”
He is supposedly giving it to Angelina Jolie on a daily basis these days. And she’s had more pole than the Olympic Vaulting team. Hell, just knowing that Billy Bob Thornton has been there would be enough to keep me away.
Seriously though, with all the crazy stuff going on in the world today, it never ceases to amaze me that Brad Pitt having flu like symptoms still makes front page headlines.
This is why I want your headlines. There’s got to be better stuff out there to talk about, and apparently I’m missing it. RATING: 2
MUSIC
1) Eminem to retire
According to reports, rap guru Eminem will be hanging up the mic this fall and retire from recording and touring.
Eminem is reportedly looking to start a family with backup dancer Kevin Federline. The rap star is rumored to be 2 months pregnant and will be taking an extended, if not permanent leave of absence to raise their child in the suburbs of Louisiana.
Well, maybe not, but this does all sound a tad familiar.
Em’s popularity is on a slow decline and he already has more money than he can spend. However, I wouldn’t rule this out as being a publicity stunt. What better way to attract attention to yourself than to announce your retirement? Ask KISS.
I’m sure he will be back out on tour to support his greatest hits record in about eight months. Though he’ll probably replace Peter Criss with Eric Singer.
See, it’s all blending together to me again.
The fact is, nobody ever retires. Nobody not named Cat Stevens.
Problem is, Eminem is this generation’s MC Hammer. He better not turn away from what he has before it’s too late to return.
You don’t see people lining up around the block for Young MC’s comeback tour.
RATING: 5
WRESTLING
1) Matt Hardy returns
Matt (AKA Beefy) Hardy returned on Raw and proved that whole thing between Lita and The Feces was a work.
He attacked Edge during his match with Kane and was even able to grab a mic and start talking trash at both of them before he was "apprehended" by security.
Then on his website, he still tried to maintain the whole thing was a shoot.
I'm on the fence on this one.
Either the entire thing was planned out months in advance, or else Edge really did climb on Lita and Beefy sold out and went back to the WWE in spite of it all.
If the first scenario is true, I'll give props to Vince for creating the most elaborate work in history.
When Lesnar was rumored to be quitting man rolling to try out for the NFL, we all thought it was a storyline. And that turned out to be real.
So, when the whole Feces and Lita thing broke, I didn't really suspect the legitimacy of it. Especially knowing how Lita enjoys the occasional "golden shower" from lower-mid carders.
Now Beefy returned and attacked Edge in a shoot situation.
I might have bought it if he would have run in during a less appropriate time, and he wouldn't have called Man Jaw by her stage name.
But I'm more inclined to believe the Dumas/Copeland thing really did happen and Hardy returned to set up a Summer Slam match in order to pay his electric bill.
And that further proves that Vince is “El Diablo.”
Whatever it is, I hope they drop the "shoot" scenario soon now that it's completely obvious it's a work.
And it's nice to see that Matt Hardy has been on a strict diet of Big Mac's and Whoppers during his hiatus.
RATING: 8.5
SPORTS
1) Pac Man Jones arrested
Tennessee Titans top draft pick Adam "Pac-Man" Jones surrendered to police on charges of assault and felony vandalism stemming from a fight at a nightclub in Nashville, Tenn.
I don’t know what NFL owners look at when they make their draft decisions.
Sure the speed, strength, and agility stuff is all important. But if you’re going to select a player who was a scumbag in college, you have to expect him to be a bigger scumbag in the pros.
Take Kellen Winslow for example.
He was trouble in college, and he’s been a great disappointment so far in the NFL. From holding out of his first training camp, to ending his rookie season in his second game. Now he’s managed to end his second season on his motorcycle.
Most bad guys in college don’t turn out like Randy Moss. They turn out like Art Schlichter.
In fact, I’m not surprised Pac Man Jones already got arrested.
I’m just surprised he didn’t go to Ohio State.
RATING: 5
Well, if I hit the rack now, I may still get 2-3 hours of sleep. I’m sure my performance on the field tomorrow will be less than stellar. And I’m pitching too.
But it’s always better to be the pitcher than the catcher.
Just ask Scott Peterson.
*Rimshot*
Send your headlines to the link below, or directly to timmyj411@yahoo.com
Until next time…..
Don’t know where we’re going; just know where we’ve been.
