Queen, Primus, Revolting Cocks, and summer singles for your stand-in pleasure
The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.
I won’t suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted. Surrender to nothing, I'll give up what I started. Hey there and thanks for checking in. I’m Michael Melchor, Music Zone Editor and resident fill-in guy. Jeff got a little tied up (I don’t know how literal that is as I don’t keep up with the man’s personal life) this week and asked me to step in, so here we are.
If you’re used to Jeff’s format, I’ll apologize now because you won’t be seeing that here. See, I know it’s a sign of respect to stick to the regular columnist’s format, and I have nothing but the absolute utmost respect for Jeff. However, if I have to challenge myself that much while carrying a case of the Florida Summer Flu, I run the risk of exposing myself as the hack that I may truly be. Therefore, we stick to the format I used to use when I did this on a regular basis.
With that in mind...
Okay, This Is Boring – What Else Is There To Read?
...I’m already changing it up. Instead of picking out one piece from each zone (which is getting nearly impossible to do), I’m focusing on one subject here. Anyone who’s not a fan of wrestling can feel free can skip to the next header.
The Matt Hardy story is looking like one that’s being done well, but right now Matt, Adam, AND Amy can kiss my ass. There’s a bigger story going on that shows just how ignorant, paranoid, and outright scared we’ve become.
Last night at WWE’s Great American Bash (ironic, all things considered), the character of Mohammed Hassan made his final appearance on television. For those not familiar, this was the Arab-American character who could have been something really great but, instead, wound up being a hollow caricature that garnered a little too much heat. For more explanation of the situation and my opinions on how great Hassan could have been if WWE weren’t stuck on stereotypes and the rest of the viewers weren’t stuck on paranoia and laziness, feel free to read a rare appearance by me in the Wrestling Zone (and also at Sean Carless’s site, The Wrestling Fan).
My very good friend Ryan Boman had some words about the character this week, albeit in a completely different vein. He and I talked about it over the weekend and pretty much agreed with each other’s opinions while lamenting the entire mess in the first place. Ryan is offended by the idea that they pulled the stunt in the first place (completely understandable) and is of the opinion that Vince treated Hassan like a partial circumcision – either go all the way or fucking forget it (thanks, Robin Williams).
Or, as Steve (via e-mail) put it, I only wonder what happened to the supposed grapefruits that VKM claims to have? Good question.
Over in Movies, Richard Teasdale shares some of the same opinion I do and goes as far as to offer UPN his own “Jackass Of The Week” award. The man makes the very valid point that they were so offended that they decided to let the angle air on the same day as the first (lethal) London bombings with only a Parental Discretion warning. All the Pedistal Standers can jump in Vince McMahon’s shit all they want, but UPN is as much to blame for anything that aired on July 7 because they let it fly. Only now, they get to look like the good guys by telling Vince to take Hassan off their network, and that move alone has absolved them of most of the blame. At least, that’s how those sitting on their high horse see it, online or in the mainstream media. Rubes.
And finally, James Thomlison’s Byte This Report featured several comments to James via e-mail and from the Wrestling Zone writers, including my epilogue to the Double Impact piece. Some of the reactions were of the knee-jerk type I’d just bemoaned, and some were of a smarter school of thought. My thoughts on that line of comments is that it’s evident to tell the thinkers from those who are too scared or lazy.
And that’s about it. There’ll probably be some other comments today regarding last night’s match, but that’s about it. I still think that Vince would make me (and probably a few others happy) if he merely shuttled Hassan back to Raw and carried on with the original premise of the character (being a proud American that’s a victim of racism). It can still be salvaged and become a hot button topic for more than shock value. Alas, the chickenshits in power seem to have won again. So much for free thinking. For that, mater, so much for thinking, period.
I used to trust the media
To tell me the truth, tell us the truth
But now I've seen the payoffs
Everywhere I look
Who do you trust when everyone's a crook?
And doesn’t that make a great segue back to the matter at hand...
All The News That’s Fit To Post
Been a slow week, in all actuality. Between that and the desire not to step on anyone’s toes, there’s a little bit to cover here, so we’ll start with some news that does my heart good.
· The Blistering Newsletter reports that there’s a new top dog over in Britain. Queen has overtaken The Beatles on the number of weeks spent on the sales charts.
The research done by the crew behind The Book of British Hit Singles & Albums states that Queen has lodged 1,322 (!!) weeks on the UK album charts overall, while The Beatles are 29 behind with 1,293.
Now, being my favorite band EVER, I have to laud the boys on a job well done (not including that leech currently touring with them, Paul Rogers). I won’t sit here and rub it in the Beatles’ noses though – well, at least the two that have passed on. Harrison and especially Lennon wrote some of the best songs on this planet at ANY time, and that’s something I can’t callously overlook.
However, I can gladly give Paul McCartney the middle finger with no guilt whatsoever. If it weren’t for he and U2 shattering download records with the version of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” that opened Live 8, his usefulness would have been long past. Given that the old, boring blowhard DEMANDED to open AND close Live 8 despite being a dinosaur on par with the Rolling Stones should speak for itself about how highly he thinks of himself to this day. Personally, I would have hung myself from the shower curtain rod after this year’s Super Bowl performance bored the shit out of millions of people.
On the heels of the DVD release of their reunion tour, Hallucino-Genetics, Les Claypool is hooking back up with Larry LaLonde and Tim “Herb” Alexander to record a new Primus album.
No offense to Brian “Brain” Mantia, but this is the Primus we all know and love. I’m dying to hear what they come up with AND to see them live. My buddy Jay was lucky enough to see them in Orlando (lucky bastard) and let me know the show was fucking great.
Damn, I hope I get to finally find out. Having NEVER seen Primus live, I’d give just about anything to go if they come ‘round here one more time. And no, none of you sickos can have my wife. I said, “just about anything”.
· Word from The NME Newsletter is that Coldplay’s Chris Martin denies that Coldplay is as huge as everyone thinks they are.
After a UK tour that included headlining spots at Glastonbury and a prime spot at Live 8 in Hyde Park, Martin had this to admit:
Well, in all honesty, these concerts have been too big. We listened to advice that we probably shouldn’t have because everything we’ve done has been designed to be played in, like Earl’s Court or whatever. So we’ve done Crystal Palace and everything and we’ve got through it because the fans have been incredible. But we’re not really a stadium band.
To dispel what I can see coming form a mile away, I didn’t put this bit here just to dog on Coldplay. Truth is, I haven’t heard a lot of them and from the little I have, they’re neither here nor there. Their music is good, but it really inspires no great feeling either way. Really, they inspire no great feeling at all.
In fact, they fit the description of what I call:
Prozac Music (PRO-Zak MYEW-zik) n. A type of music defined by no extreme changes, no extreme emotion, or no real anything. Music that plods along at a steady, medium pace marked by no defining characteristics other than its lack of defining characteristics. Music that maintains an artificial response of happiness or sadness in someone brought about by the monotony of the music in question. See: Dave Matthews Band; Coldplay.
Once again, this is a case of the Hype Machine working overtime. Coldplay is a competent band, but they’re not nearly ready to take over the world like several media outlets have claimed. Same with groups like System Of A Down, no matter HOW many of their fanboys bombard my e-mail inbox with “OMGUSUK Pathetik reviewr how culd u not like the best band EVAR LOLOMG2005~!!” And for the record, I’ll drop that bit as soon as I stop getting the e-mails that sound exactly like that.
Simply put, use your own judgment. If you like something because it suits your tastes, that’s great. More power to you. If you like something because everyone else does and you’re trying to sponge some sort of culture instead of thinking and deciding for yourself, then do us a favor and follow Kurt Cobain’s lead, please. And make sure you get your entire head or face in front of the shotgun before you pull the trigger.
· Our last real piece here (toldja this was a slow week) comes again from The Blistering newsletter. Fear Factory’s new single, “Moment of Impact”, can be downloaded at Roadrunner Records UK. Yes, I already have and yes, I dig the hell out of it – but now I’m getting ahead of myself. More on this song and quite a few more in the last segment.
On The Road Again
· The Blistering Newsletter informs me that the rumors are true: Ministry is heading back on the road in May of next year.
Their support act? THE REVOLTING COCKS.
Aw, hell. This makes me happier than one of those Queer Eye fashion designers in a maximum security federal prison. This has been teased for a while – like, a year or 2 if memory serves me right. (I remember covering it in an early edition of Double M, but I’m too lazy and hopped-up on Sudafed to look it up right now.)
Now we have an official announcement – AND a lineup: Al Jourgensen, Phil "Phildo" Owen (Skatenigs), John Monte (M.O.D., Mind Funk, Dragpipe), Mike Scaccia (Rigor Mortis, Ministry) and Mark Baker (ex-Fear, Hellions, Shadow Reichenstein).
THAT looks like an excellent lineup. On the road with Ministry, that should be one hell of a show.
· The only other big upcoming tour news here is that HIM will be hitting the road in support of their new effort, Dark Light. Out with them will be Finch and Skindred.
Now, I don’t know much about Finch at all, but I CAN say...Skindred? Weird.
Now, you caught the “raga-metal” description...as in “reggae/punk/metal”. HIM being much more in a Goth vein, and this immediately looks like an odd pairing indeed. Hope it works for them. I’ll go to see Skindred, but I’ll be glad to check out more of HIM, as what I’ve heard I’ve liked. Seems like the perfect excuse to me.
Reasons to Rejoice
Aside from all of the tours and new albums, this month has been a time for advance singles for albums coming out in the fall. Leave it to the music industry to get the buzz going on now in the hopes that we actually spend money, right?
In all honesty, though (and at the risk of gimmick infringement), there are quite a few that have me more than ready for the albums they belong to.
In some kind of order, but even I’m unsure as to what that would be:
30 Seconds To Mars, “Attack” – this one is a sweeping epic in the grand hard-charging neo-wave tradition that 30 Seconds does damned well. I’ve been looking forward to more of Jared Leto’s crew since their first album, and now it’s finally here.
By the time you read this, I should be feverishly following up with their PR people about scoring a review copy and an interview for the site. This is one I’m busting my ass for not because it’ll fit the audience (which it still will), but because I’m a big fan. Pure and simple.
Chimaira, “Noting Remains” – Good LORD! By the sounds of this, Chimaira is done fucking around. Not that they were to begin with, mind you, but this is just vicious. And tight. And powerful. If their new album sounds like this from start to end, I’ll be on it like the proverbial stank on sheeit.
Distrubed, “Guarded” – Our man in Amsterdam, Grimy Acosta, seems to think that this sounds like everything else they’ve done with no growth shown whatsoever. Me, I can hear the line walked between their first album and Believe. I haven’t heard the new single yet (the official one), but I like the rhythm of this one. Sounds like a train that’s going to have a damned hard time slowing down.
Fear Factory, “Moment Of Impact” – Classic Fear Factory. This song grabs you by the nuts with one hand and beats you like Joe Jackson used to do to his kids with the other. I still don’t get where people say that the band has lost a step since Cazares’ departure, because I just plain don’t hear it, especially with this kind of fire still lit under their asses.
Kanye West, “Diamonds From Sierra Leone” – Now, I don’t care for the falsetto, faggy-sounding “for evah-evah-EVAH-EVAH-etc.” hook in the chorus of this song. With that out of the way, I’ll share some of the notes from the Live 8 concert that were to be used for a column that never happened (but at least I can get some use out of them somehow):
Michael Melchor, meet Kanye West. Kanye, Mike. You 2 get acquainted. Not paying much attention to Hip Hop much anymore (with it being 99.44% the same boring shit), I’d overlooked this guy and then got turned off at his notions of his ego and arrogance. After hearing and seeing this, I may have to give him an honest look. He’s fresher and better at wordplay than almost anybody I’ve heard in a long time. The attitude may be earned here. I’ll have to listen to his first album to get a better idea, but now I’m rather interested in Kanye as opposed to just writing him off.
Depeche Mode, “Precious” – Wow. This is a beauty and despair all its own. I’m VERY happy that Gahan and Gore were able to get over their latest spat and get back to making music like this. I have to love Depeche Mode for only improving on their sound each time out and tempering it with maturity. Bear in mind as you hear it that this is an open letter from Martin Gore to his kids. Amazing stuff.
I haven’t done this with the other ones because a quick Google search will reveal their locations, but this one is a lot harder to find, so I’ll point you here. Do yourself the favor and go get it.
Based on all of this, there’s an excellent crop of music out there to be had in the fall. Me, I’m gonna be busy busting ass to get my hands on all of it.
And, as always, the name and visage of Lee Ann Melchor is on the list of Reasons To Rejoice indefinitely.
Happy Trails
And that’ll wrap it up for me here. Hope you enjoyed this little detour for your Mondays. For me, it was a nice little bit of nostalgia. I miss doing this regularly, but who has the time? Of course, if you thought it sucked, take heart in the fact that Jeff will be back next week with his brand of brilliance.
L8. Thanks again for reading.
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Be sure to visit EdWolf for all of your (non-video) gaming needs, Rehab Radio for some good surfing music, and The Wrestling Fan for a good chuckle or two.
