Quick ‘n’ Dirty News: 10.23.09

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 10.23.2009

R.I.P. Kanye West & Other Celebrity Deaths, Nas, Akon, Lil Wayne & Courtney Love have all got legal troubles, Britney’s backside, Lindsay & Amy’s dad’s and more! Plus, Songs for Torture, chart news and Rihanna is our Piece of the Week!

Good Friday to you my little bitches! Mitch Michaels back at you for yet another week of the beautiful and absurd, the Quick ‘n' Dirty News.

As you're reading this, I'm getting ready to hit up mtvU's Ulalume Festival in Columbia, MD tonight. I'm not a huge fan of AFI or Paramore, but all you need to get me there are the following three words – Halloween Costume Contest. A coed friendly line-up (Kid Cudi and Asher Roth are supporting, as well as Dead By Sunrise) combined with the excuse to dress slutty for prizes - the mind races. I'll try to take pics for you next week.

As always, make sure to follow us on Twitter (Mitch, 411mania, 411 Music) or Facebook (Mitch, 411mania). Why? Because Twitter is more important than TV now.

Now, let's get to it. It's quick, it's dirty, it's news.

Let's go…



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

The music world was…stunned? Confused? Disbelieving? Whatever. The music world was left with something to talk about this week when a story began making the rounds on the internet that Kanye West had been killed in a car wreck. Here's the original story:

A bizarre car crash in Los Angeles involving two luxury cars early this morning rapper Kanye West dead, a second injured, a third arrested for gross vehicular manslaughter and a fourth person was detained by police.

A Los Angeles Police Department officer who witnessed the wreck and saw a red Ferrari and a white Porsche "spinning out of control" on Jamboree Road between Bison Avenue and East Bluff Drive ., Los Angeles Lt. Scott Fox said. The Ferrari "hit the curb and then collided with a pole." The Porsche came to a stop at the scene for a few seconds and then sped away, Fox said.

"It was terrible. It was extensive damage to the vehicle," Fox said, adding that the Ferrari appeared to have split in half.

A woman in the Ferrari was ejected during the accident and taken to a hospital, where she was in stable condition, Fox said. He said police have not determined which one was driving and which one was the passenger.

Police located the Porsche on Bison Avenue just west of Jamboree Road shortly afterward and saw a man and a woman walking away from the car.

"The vehicle had moderate damage and appeared to be consistent with the car involved in the accident on Jamboree," Fox said. "They determined that the male had been driving the Porsche, and he was arrested" for gross vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated, he said.

The speed limit on that stretch of road is 50 mph.

The story began to make its way to people's email inboxes, which had distraught fans running to Google for more info and to their Twitters to post "RIP Kanye" messages.

As you have probably heard, the story wasn't true – just your run of the mill "this celebrity has died" hoax. I kind of find it refreshing that the whole thing started as an email hoax. Is it the 1990's again?

As for the story itself, I appreciate how the person who wrote it focused all of the details on the crash, only mentioning Kanye's name once with no further details. Most hilariously, the police witness seems to be more concerned with the Ferrari than the crash – "It was terrible. It was extensive damage to the vehicle." Someone call JP Prag – we've got a Hidden Highlight!

The lack of any further mention of Kanye (despite noting the speed limit) and a few spelling errors are enough to make this look suspicious, but apparently KAnye lovers aren't the smartest in the bunch. With the mass Kanye West Died searches and RIP Kanye tweets, the topic became a hot one and the news that the whole thing was a hoax actually blew up into real news.

So much so that Kanye's girlfriend Amber Rose even commented on how mean-spirited the thing was. Via Twitter of course.

So we have two lessons from this story. Number one – despite his canceled tour and VMA foolishness, Kanye West is still a hot topic. No press is bad press, and this little "scare" might actually have people glad that Kanye is still around to do something else stupid.

Number two – it's easier now than ever to spread misinformation, even if the misinformation is poorly written and easily disproved. Hell, look at balloon boy.

So, if you've got a giant hard on for making your own news, the world is you oyster right now. Why not try to at least make that shit believable though. Here are five stories you can crib straight from me – a real media newsman!

SAMPLE CELEBRITY DEATH HOAXES – FEEL FREE TO CIRCULATE!

Aerosmith Singer Steven Tyler Dies From Brain Damage - Steven Tyler, the longtime vocalist for Hall of Fame rock band Aerosmith, has died suddenly at the age of 61 due to complications from a recent fall.

Tyler was found unresponsive in his home by relatives, wearing a silk robe and surrounded by scented oils. Paramedics pronounced him dead at the scene.

Tyler was performing with Aerosmith at a concert in Sturgis, SD on August 5th when he fell from the stage. He was rushed to the hospital via helicopter afterwards. In later days, he was reported to have broken his shoulder.

Tyler was sent home to recover, while Aerosmith's tour was canceled. It appears now that doctors failed to diagnose significant swelling on the brain also caused by the fall. Because Tyler had not been in contact with his bandmates since August, none of them were able to observe his slow mental deterioration. Various prostitutes and delivery personnel who did visit Tyler in his final days said his communication was limited to guttural scat sounds, but they thought he was just doing his normal "Aerosmith thing". As for the decline in his physical appearance, witnesses comment that they just "knew he was really old".

Steven Tyler is survived by a really hot daughter and a fat one.

Pop Diva Lady GaGa Murdered In Apparent Hate Crime - Stefanie Germanotta, a 23-year old performer known to music fans as Lady GaGa, was found brutally beaten in a New York City hotel room late last night, the victim of an apparent hate crime.

Germanotta's body was found tied to a hotel bed and nude from the waste down. Police were contacted by nearby hotel guests after hearing loud male screaming from the room.

An unemployed area man has been taken into custody. Police say he is currently their key suspect. When asked for comment, the unidentified man hysterically responded, "It just couldn't be true, but I just had to know."

Lady GaGa's career took off recently with #1 hits like "Poker Face" and "Just Dance". Police fear that a conviction is unlikely, as the crime scene has already been contaminated by a horde of paparazzi.

Rapper Matisyahu Killed In Auto Accident By Mel Gibson - Matthew Miller, the 30-year old Hasidic Jewish rapper known as Matisyahu, was struck and killed by an automobile yesterday evening in Los Angeles. The driver of the car has been identified as actor/director Mel Gibson.

Police report that Miller was crossing the street at a relatively empty intersection. Oncoming traffic was stopped by a red light. Gibson pulled up to the light in his Lexus LS 430 and waited. Unfortunately, before Miller made it to the opposite street corner, Gibson accelerated quickly, striking Miller and knocking him to the ground. Police do not believe the impact killed the rapper, but Gibson then stopped and backed up to "see if anyone was hurt", running over Miller in the process.

Gibson passed a breathalyzer test on the scene and commented, "You know the drill – moment of insanity."

Matisyahu had a Top 40 hit in 2006 with "King Without A Crown".

Amy Winehouse Dead At 26 - Singer Amy Winehouse has died at the age of 26. Her father Mitch Winehouse found her unresponsive in her bed early this morning with an empty jar of mayonnaise.

Winehouse is a multi-platinum recording artist whose last album, Back To Black, won the Grammy for Album of the Year in 2007. She is best known for her hit song "Rehab".

Paramedics and police were slow to get to the scene, where Amy was eventually pronounced dead. No autopsy is planned. Authorities commented, "It's gotta be from drugs, right? Why waste time."

Like I said, feel free to pass these along to your friends – maybe you can get a Twitter trending topic too!

And now some quick hits…

Nas is in trouble with the IRS after forgetting to pay his taxes in 2006 in 2007. It just goes to show you – if you don't file taxes for two years, filing the next year can only lead to bad things.

Another singer being dogged by the IRS is Courtney Love. Perhaps that's why she couldn't pay her maid services bill. A judge ruled she owed Elite Maids over $3,000 when Love didn't show up in court. I guess cleaning brain matter out of a sun room costs more than you'd think.

More legal stuff - Akon's baby mama is suing him for unpaid child support. The woman says she's trying to serve him with papers and may take an ad out in the LA Times as a way of serving him publicly. Akon was interviewed by TMZ and said he isn't hard to find – his schedule is on the internet. It's funny how people are never around when they owe you money.

Vegas is slowly reversing its "washed up" image. First they had Celine Dion, now they're getting Garth Brooks. Garth will be doing FIVE YEARS worth of weekends at the Wynn. He'll have a private jet fly him from his home in Oklahoma to Vegas every Friday and then back on Sunday. When asked for comment, he was too busy counting his money.

DMX was scheduled to work a charity concert last week, but pissed off organizers when he showed up 90 minutes after he was set to hit the stage. Security wouldn't allow him in at first and then his mic was turned off so he couldn't perform. What do you expect when you're dealing with DMX? I think the promoters are the dicks here – OK, the guy showed up late. But the people came to see the dude rap. And it's for charity. At least be fair to the people who hung around for an hour and a half thinking he might still show up.

Adam Lambert announced the gay album title for his new album this week.

Tour dates have finally been announced for Guns N' Roses - in Canada. In case you're wondering, yes, Axl Rose is now just fucking with us.

Britney Spears breasts are so mesmerizing that she had to somehow shrink them this week just so her ass could get some attention. It worked!


After her dad said he was going to kidnap her to help her get her head on straight, Lindsay Lohan has filed a restraining order against him. Stay away from any Metallica concerts Lindsay!

Seriously though, you guys are fucking animals. What was with all those comments on the Metallica/missing girl story? It's not like she was at an Insane Clown Posse show.

Speaking of dads, according to Mitch Winehouse, Amy Winehouse has been off drugs for a year. Let me check the 411 Music News archives – NOPE!

Chris Brown has been making the rounds this week, doing a proper amount of posturing and apologizing to try and get people back on his side. He's promoting a club tour. Ladies with teeth marks on their arms get in half price.

Back to legal stuff, it looks like Lil Wayne is royally fucked. The guy is up on weapon charges in NYC and weapon and drug charges in Arizona. The New York trial is going on this week. The prosecution were moving forward with a DNA test, but now it looks like Wayne is pleading guilty. He's now facing a year and a half in jail. A little word of advice Weezy – inmates hate a shy bitch.

And finally, it looks like Jessica Simpson has hooked up with actor Gerard Butler. See, this just shows the pecking order. Katy Perry, a hot chick with big hits but flavor of the month, winds up with a goofball like Russell Brand, while Jessica Simpson, a no-hit wonder with staying power, gets a hunk of man like Leonidas. What does this prove? That Jessica is a world class piece of ass! A true national treasure.

---

An interesting battle this week. I've never found Kanye's girlfriend Amber Rose that sexy, but she was looking pretty classy this week. We're pitting Amber's legs against Shakira's ass, as the hot Latina danced it up on SNL over the weekend.




Tough call – too much clothing. You guys know me though – those are some sweet legs, but I can't get past the bald dome. Shakira's ass anyday, please!

What do you think?

Torture Songs
Interesting story that we didn't pick up on 411, but bands like R.E.M. and Pearl Jam are demanding to know if their songs were used as part of interrogation tactics (or torture, if you're left leaning) at Guantanamo Bay. I'm not sure what they'll do if they WERE used (try to score some money for airplay?), but it is something neat to know.

Anyway, with that in mind, here are…

Mitch's Top 10 Torture Songs
1	Los Del Rio	"Macarena"
2	John Mayer	"Your Body Is A Wonderland"
3	Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder	"Ebony & Ivory"
4	John Lennon	"Imagine"
5	USA For Africa	"We Are The World"
6	Miley Cyrus	Any song
7	Journey	"Open Arms"
8	Rednex	"Cotton Eyed Joe"
9	Cher	"Believe"
10	Colbie Caillat	"Bubbly"

QUICK ‘n' DIRTY CHART NEWS

NEW RELEASES FOR OCTOBER 20, 2009

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY

Michael Jackson's This Is It - Talk about savvy. This compilation (which features two versions of one new song) should for all intents and purposes be useless, if only because the whole world went out and bought Number Ones when Michael Jackson died. And Number Ones shares SEVERAL of the same songs with Number Ones - half the album. With "This Is It" not exactly setting the world on fire (people were excited to hear it, but not too keen to hear it again it seems), This Is It needs a little more than just Michael's hits. So what did they do? They frontloaded the album with tracks that aren't on Number Ones. So you go down the list and go, oh, I guess I don't have most of these. There's also a four song bonus disc that features three demos (two of those songs are on the first disc) and, yuck, a spoken word track called "Planet Earth". But will it sell? You betcha.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE

Ouch, did I fuck up last week. I underestimated the power of Oprah, as Michael Bublé moved another 200k+ to hold on to the top spot. New Moon barely moved half that. Now, I could say New Moon got bumped up a few days, so it was a short sell for it – but who am I kidding. Thom Yorke solo and Death Cab for cutie are no match for the O. Elsewhere, Flaming Lips scored #8, and Mario flew under my radar and topped out at #9. Bob Dylan underperformed, proving people aren't ready to think about Christmas before Halloween. Christmas In The Heart bowed at – ouch - #23.

The question this week – can anything stop Bublé? Probably not. I guess Tim McGraw has the best shot – and the dude has four #1 albums under his belt – but it doesn't help that he pissed off his label with that whole Greatest Hits, Vol. 3 debacle. Bublé #1 for a third week (meaning I'll have to use that weird e symbol again) and Flight of the Conchords should also score their second Top 10.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY

Creed – Full Circle: Now hear me out. I have never been able to listen to more than three Creed songs in a row, but I'm really interested to see what the band has to offer after the reunion. I don't think fans or radio will be onboard, but maybe Creed can catch fire again if the album is actually good.

Train - Save Me, San Francisco: I can't be the only person out there who still likes Train. Sure, "Drops Of Jupiter" is kind of schmaltzy, but these guys have made some really solid A/C rock in their tenure. Also notable is that the original band is back together on this album for the first time since 2003.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

BILLBOARD #1 SINGLES
CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP/OVERALL
HOT 100	Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – "Down"	16
RADIO SONGS	Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – "Down"	13
POP SONGS	Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – "Down"	13
HEATSEEKERS SONGS	Ke$ha - "TiK ToK"	4
DIGITAL
DIGITAL SONGS	Britney Spears – "3"	2
RINGTONES	Drake feat. Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem – Forever	5
R&B/HIP-HOP
R&B/HIP-HOP SONGS	Maxwell – "Pretty Wings"	25
RAP SONGS	Jay-Z, Rihanna & Kanye West - "Run This Town"	13
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Keith Urban – "Only You Can Love Me This Way"	16
ROCK
ROCK SONGS	Alice In Chains – "Check My Brain"	10
ALTERNATIVE SONGS	Muse – "Uprising"	11
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Taylor Swift – "You Belong With Me"	14
ADULT POP SONGS	Kings Of Leon – "Use Somebody"	25
CHRISTIAN
CHRISTIAN SONGS	tobyMac – "City On Our Knees"	10
GOSPEL SONGS	BeBe & CeCe Winans – "Close To You"	23
DANCE
DANCE/CLUB PLAY SONGS	Agnes - "Release Me"	9
JAZZ
JAZZ SONGS	Jesse J – "Tropical Rain"	15
LATIN
LATIN SONGS	David Bisbal – "Esclavo De Sus Besos"	6
REGIONAL MEXICAN SONGS	Espinoza Paz - "Lo Intentamos"	27
LATIN POP SONGS	Shakira – "Loba"	16
TROPICAL SONGS	Aventura – "Su Veneno"	10
INTERNATIONAL
EUROPEAN HOT 100	Robbie Williams - "Bodies"	N/A
JAPAN HOT 100	Bz - "My Lonely Town"	N/A
UNITED KINGDOM SONGS	Alexandra Burke feat. Flo Rida – "Bad Boys"	N/A
GERMANY SONGS	Robbie Williams - "Bodies"	N/A
FRANCE SONGS	Jenna Lee - "J'aimerais Tellement"	N/A
CANADIAN HOT 100	David Guetta feat. Akon – "Sexy Chick"	12
WEB
iLIKE LIBRARIES	The Black Eyed Peas – "I Gotta Feeling"	19
iLIKE PROFILES	The Black Eyed Peas – "I Gotta Feeling"	13
LALA.COM	Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne – "Down"	11
AOL RADIO	Taylor Swift – "You Belong With Me"	19
YAHOO AUDIO	Taylor Swift – "You Belong With Me"	14

	Mitch's Picks

Well, after hiding under the porch like a whipped dog for a few months, it seems like Rihanna's big comeback is officially on. She released her new single, "Russian Roulette" this week and people were talking more about the cover than the song – and with good reason: she's naked and wrapped in barbed wire. Talk about smart marketing! So for that tasty treat, we're making Rihanna our sexy and sharp Piece of the Week. Enjoy!

THE END

That's all for this week. Make sure to comment on what you liked, didn't like, etc. Till next week, keep your ears to the ground.