Annals Of The Ayatollah 11.02.05
Posted by Tollah on 11.02.2005
Avril Lavigne, GnR, top guitarists, and an interview with Bono!
Hey T-Fanz! And welcome to the T-Meister's first ever 411 column. I know that 99% of you will already who I am, but for the two or three of you who haven't heard of the T-Bomber, I figured the best way to introduce myself was via some quotes from other 411 alumni!
"Tollah is quite possibly the finest 411 forumer of all time. I owe my life to him." - Big Mike Watters, 411 Fan Forum Administrator.
"How would I describe the T-Bomber? Honest to a T!" - Ashish, 411Mania King.
"I've never met anyone quite like the T-Maestro before. You know when he's there because you feel it deep within your heart, and you acknowledge the truth within your soul. All men aspire to be Tollah." - Larry Csonka, writer of a billion columns.
"Tollah is just fucking magnificient." - Melchor, 411 Columnist.
"Me and the T-Bomber go way back, and I'm not just saying that to try and sound cool! I'm serious. If anyone messes with Tollah, I'll destroy them." - The Rock.
Avril News
As everyone knows, Tollah is madly in love with his beloved future girlfriend, Avril Lavigne. She is the most beautiful girl ever and perfect in every way.
Avril's male fan ratio is likely to get a lot higher after Avril showed up to a book premier last night looking drop dead bloody gorgeous. The premier was held to launch fashion icon and cosmetics exec Iman's new book "The Beauty of Color" - a beauty guidebook that celebrates diversity.
Credit: avrilbandaids.com
Yeah, that's the biggest Avril news of the week. She needs to hurry up and release a live DVD.
Guns N' Roses News
As everyone knows, GnR are the T-Bomber's favourite band.
The second Guns N' Roses' "greatest hits" collection, aptly entitled "Greatest Hits Vol. 2", is tentatively scheduled for release on December 6 via Geffen. However, a Universal Music Norway source has told the Guns N' Roses fan site Here Today... Gone To Hell! that the album is actually due in March 2006. No further details are currently available.
Guns N' Roses' "Greatest Hits" has sold 2.45 million copies in the United States (according to Nielsen SoundScan) since its March 2004 release.
Guns N' Roses singer Axl Rose and fellow original members Slash and Duff McKagan tried to block "Greatest Hits"'s release by arguing in a lawsuit that Geffen Records was putting out the CD without their input. Geffen officials countered that they wouldn't have released the album if Rose had delivered the long-promised album "Chinese Democracy", which has been in the works for more than 10 years.
Credit: Blabbermouth.net
Well, that makes the last GnR Greatest Hits album look a bit less lame. The tracklisting was pathetic. Almost half of it was covers. And no Estranged aka. The Greatest Song Ever? Blasphemy.
VELVET REVOLVER guitarist Slash (ex-GUNS N' ROSES) joined QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS on stage at the Hollywood Bowl Saturday night (Oct. 22) for a rendition of the BAD COMPANY classic "Can't Get Enough".
QUEEN + PAUL RODGERS have six dates scheduled in Japan in late October/early November, including a two-night stint (Oct. 26-27) at the 25,000-capacity Saitama Arena in Tokyo. The group are planning an extensive North American tour for next year.
QUEEN did a very successful European tour earlier this year, which was captured on the recent live album "Return of the Champions".
In addition to the live album, a "Return of the Champions" DVD is also on the way.
Credit: Blabbermouth.net
Paul Rodgers is getting a lot of stick for this Queen stuff, but he's a good vocalist in my opinion. Nothing like Freddie, though. Meat Loaf would have been the perfect frontman for a Queen re-union.
The ever mysterious guitarist/theme park manager Buckethead has opened the doors to his famed Bucketheadland once again, and this time, he has asked his friends to help him provide thrills and chills to his guests. Produced by Serj Tankian of System of a Down, Enter The Chicken, the latest musical attraction by Buckethead & Friends takes riders aboard since its release on October 25.
As the arcane story goes, Bucketheadland was opened back in 1989 as a refuge for himself and the chickens that had raised him in a coup from an early age. To keep the chickens entertained, Buckethead learned to play the guitar while growing up, but as the mystifying story unfolds, a string of harrowing experiences and mistreatment from the farmers on-site drove the masked axeman to burn down the coup and flee with his feathered friends to a new sanctuary. That safe haven, Bucketheadland grew into a world where both dreams and nightmares intertwined into a creative force that drove the guitarist to channel that energy into some of the most unique and innovative music to ever be created.
Over the past 16 years, Buckethead has not only managed his theme park, but has also had time to exercise his love of guitar playing and music by traveling all over the world playing in front of audiences and has recorded over 13 records. Most of his discography is as a solo artist, but he has also contributed in bands like Guns N' Roses, the Deli Creeps, Praxis, Giant Robot, El Stew and Cobra Strike.
Throughout 2004, Buckethead was writing and recording the musical tracks that would comprise the titles for Enter The Chicken with engineer and programmer Dan Monti. In early summer of 2004, when he felt that he had a solid stable of innovative songs, Buckethead approached Tankian with the tracks and asked if he would be interested in releasing them through his own Serjical Strike Records. The singer and label owner not only agreed to release the record, but also offered to produce it.
What makes Enter The Chicken unique among all other Buckethead albums is the contribution of different singers throughout the body of work. Both producer and guitarist recruited some of today's brightest musical talents to lend their voice including Saul Williams, Efrem Schulz (Death By Stereo), Maura Davis (Denali, Bella Lea), Azam Ali (Vas, Niyaz), Bad Acid Trip, Maximum Bob (Deli Creeps), Gigi, Shana Halligan and Ani Maldjian. Even Tankian himself lends his vocals on the album. When all was said and done, a total of 11 different vocalists specializing in musical styles ranging from opera, metal, rap, indie rock, grindcore, world and everything in between found their way onto Enter The Chicken.
This variety of intonation is complimented by Buckthead's array of genre bending guitar playing and songwriting that infuses his trademark frenetic picking and robotic riffage with hypnotic and vividly rich atmospheric elements creating a balance and link between beauty and the beast. Tracks like "Botnus" featuring Efrem Schulz and "Funbus" featuring Bad Acid Trip storm out of the gates with hellish fury letting up for only a few bars to allow the listener a quick breath, while the exquisitely ethereal track "Coma" featuring Azam Ali languidly arises within the album's sequence with sophisticated elegance and grace. These distinguishing characteristics are present throughout the album, making Enter The Chicken an 11-track musical odyssey that is filled with sonic twists, turns and loops that provide listeners with a unique musical voyage that Tankian refers to as "the most diverse rock record this year".
Credit: ultimate-guitar.com
That was more of a review than a news post, ultimate-guitar.com. Anyway, I never knew that chicken story. I wonder if it's true!!!!
I also didn't know the dude had so many albums or had been around so long. I might have to check some of this shit out and post a review of it in one of my future columns. If his work is shit I'll start calling him 'Fuckethead'!! Hahahaha!
The T-Reccomended Album of the Week: Crucified Barbara - In Distortion We Trust
Crucified Barbara are not only the most rocking dirty hard-rock band since hair metal died out in the wake of grunge, but they're also one of the hottest all-girl bands on the planet. Check out their pictures at www.crucifiedbarbara.com.
The Swedish (I think) bitches rock in the same vein as Guns N' Roses, Motley Crue, Skid Row etc. It's a return to sleazy, grimey rock 'n' roll that is sadly missing among the gay ass indie/garage/punk shit that dominates today's rock scene. They even have cool fake names likr "Mia Coldheart" and "Klara Force". Fuck yeah! If you wanna check them out before picking up In Distortion We Trust , listen to 'Losing the Game', 'Going Down' and 'Rock 'n' Roll Bachelor'.
The T-411: 7.5/10
Top 10 List of the Week
Everyone loves a good Top 10 List! Since there has been some debate on the subject in the 411 Forums this week, here are Tollah's Top 10 Guitarists Ever:
10. Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi)
Isn't particularly amazing but there are some great hair metal riffs on Slippery When Wet, and he can bust out a blistering short-but-sweet solo when he wants. Richie's liberal use of artificial harmonics endears him to the T-Bomber.
Listen to: Wanted Dead Or Alive, In & Out of Love
9. Dave "Snake" Sabo (Skid Row)
A pretty good all-rounder. Like Sambora in that he's not technically magnificient but has some great riffs and uses lots of harmonics. Not the fastest soloist but is great at picking out a tune.
Listen to: 18 And Life, Quicksand Jesus, I Remember You
8. Prince
Prince can fucking wail the shit out of his guitar when he wants. It's a shame he never went fully rock.
Listen to: Shhh, When Doves Cry, Purple Rain
7. Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple, Rainbow, Blackmore's Night)
One of the most influential guitar players ever. Pretty much created the hard rock scene of the 70s along with Jimmy Page. Showed his versatility by going from riff machine with Deep Purple to beautiful classical melodies in Blackmore's Night.
Listen to: Highway Star, Speed King, Smoke on the Water
6. Jimi Hendrix
Do I really need to say anything about Hendrix? Well, I suppose a few people will see him as a bit low on the list, but it's my list and I'll put him where I want. Great guitarist.
Listen to: Voodoo Child, Red House, Hey Joe
5. Steve Vai
I could never sit and listen to one of Steve Vai's boring ass solo CDs, but his work with various 80s acts like David Lee Roth and Whitesnake is great and his live act is amazing. I highly reccomend going to a Vai show.
Listen to: Bad Horsie, For The Love Of A God
4. Brian May (Queen)
Seriously underrated player who can pick out a tune better than anyone in my opinion. Quite possible held down by being in Queen who are more of a pop band than a rock band.
Listen to: Killer Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, Hammer to Fall
3. Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin)
Brilliantly versatile guitarist who could play pretty much any style. From the blues-rock of I to helping create the hard rock genre with his riffs on II, to the folk stuff on III, Page is equally at home behind an electric or an acoustic guitar.
Listen to: Dazed and Confused, Since I've Been Loving You, Over the Hill and Far Away
2. Slash (Guns N' Roses, Slash's Snakepit, Velvet Revolver)
No bias here! =) Slash is way underrated. He can solo like nobody's business and has come up with some classic riffs, but his versatility is often overlooked. Listen to the lovely middle-section of Estranged, or the classical guitar in Double Talkin' Jive, or the psychedelic mayhem of The Garden. His work in Slash's Snakepit is also criminally underrated (or perhaps merely criminally underplayed).
Listen to: Estranged, November Rain, Coma, Breakdown, Sweet Child O' Mine
1. Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen)
The Ultimate All-Round Hard Rock Guitarist, methinks. EVH can bust out a great riff, interspizzled with slick harmonics and snazzy licks, and then burst into a soaring solo. When he played 'Eruption', Eddie raised the bar for guitarists everywhere, bringing the art of tapping to a whole new level. Truly an amazingly talented player!
Listen to: Eruption, Hot For Teacher, Panama, You Really Got Me, Dreams, Jump (!)
The T-Interview: Bono of U2
OMG, what a scoop! The T-Bomber's first ever column and he scores an interview with one of the world's biggest rock stars, Boner of U2. After a huge year for the band, Bono sits down and reflects on 2005, as well as discussing his plans for the future.
Tollah: You recently met with George Bush at the White House for a discussion on global issues. That must have been a great opportunity.
Bono: Well yes, it was an amazing opportunity. It's not every day you get to meet the most powerful man on the planet. But to be fair, George took it in his stride. He didn't seem to be too phased by Bono: God's Son. I'm throwing a punch, and the fist belongs to people who can't be in the room, whose rage, whose anger, whose hurt I represent.
T: Didn't you say the exact same thing before your meeting with Bush?
B: Yeah. It sounds cool..
T: The meeting with Bush represents yet another step taken this year towards debt relief in third world countries. According to a recent press statement you made, the work you are doing for poverty is nothing short of superhuman. What motivates you?
B: Injustice. Inequality. Compassion. And those adverts you see on TV with all the skinny Africans. That is not a world that Bono wishes to live in, so I use the divine powers, given to me by my God on the Day of Awakening, to attempt to change things and set things right.
T: Live 8 was a tremendous success - at least for a couple of weeks. Since then, though, the awareness of poverty has seemed to have dropped back to normal. It looks like Live 8 did more for the bands who played there than for poor Africans. Do you still maintain that a music festival was the right way to go about solving the world's problems?
B: Did you seen Bono of U2 and Paul McCartney singing Bono's Lonely Hearts Club Band? You did? And yet you still ask that ridiuclous question? Yeah, I thought that would shut you up.
T: Well actually, it hasn't shut me up...
B: I thought that would shut you up.
T: Okay. Your new album has enjoyed excellent sales, mainly based on the song 'Vertigo'. Are you proud of your success?
B: What I'm proud of is creating one of the best songs ever. There is no doubt that Vertigo is easily the best track any band has released since 'One'. Those two songs, along with 'Stairway to Heaven', 'Bohemian Rhapsody', and 'Strawberry Fields Forever', will go down as changing music... forever.
T: To be honest with you Bono, I don't think many people would agree with you about Vertigo being one of the 5 greatest songs ever.
B: Are you Bono of U2? No, didn't think so. Somehow I think Bono of U2's opinion is more valid than yours. When was the last time you made poverty history?
T: You haven't made poverty history.
B: That's where you're wrong. This year I took 11 African children from their homes to my mansion in LA to be my slaves. They will work for food and water. Do you know how much food and water a free African child would get in exchange for that freedom? I'll tell you: slightly less.
T: Well that set me straight. Bono of U2, you truly are a great man.
B: I know.
Tollah's Big Day Out Thoughts
The first bands for Australia's biggest yearly musical festival have been announced! Let's have a look at who's playing:
First announcement: The White Stripes (USA), Iggy & The Stooges (USA), Franz Ferdinand (Scotland), Kings of Leon (USA), The Mars Volta (USA), Soulwax, AFI (USA), 2 Many DJs (Belgium), Sleater-Kinney (USA), The Magic Numbers (UK), The Living End, Gerling, Dei Hamo (NZ), Magic Dirt, Cut Copy, End of Fashion, Faker, The Grates, Youth Group, Wolf & Cub
Well I'll be going to see the Stripes, the Stooges and the Mars Volta. I've seen White Stripes and Volta before and both are fantastic live. Stooges should be great. I might check out Franz Ferdinand and End of Fashion, depending on the timetable. Not a bad lineup, but way too Triple J/NME biased, similar to how last year's was too nu-metal. They should be striving for a great mixture like the 2004 lineup.
Plugs
Read everything in 411Music and anything elsewhere on the site by JD Dunn. Don't read anything by Steve Murrey.
End of column
Well T-Fanz, that's it for the T-Meister's first ever 411 column! Hopefully I'll come up with a few more features over time. Maybe I'll throw in a few Avril pictures. You can't get better than that.
