Wake Up, Time To Rock 11.29.05
Posted by Tollah on 11.29.2005
More on Justin Hawkins, an interview with Metallica, and why Punk sucks.
Hey T-Fanz! Welcome to my first ever 411 masterpiece! Yep, that's right, this is my greatest column yet. It will be bloody amazing, a blockbuster that will pump you up and leave you gasping for breath as you beg for mercy.
Avril News
As everyone knows, Tollah is madly in love with his beloved future girlfriend, Avril Lavigne. She is the most beautiful girl ever and perfect in every way.
Avril looks poised to jump into a successful modelling career - she's signed with Ford Models and according to Models.com, "she already has the blue chip editorials piling up."
Credit: avrilbandaids.com
Wow, the most beautiful girl ever would be a great model? Gee, you think? What an exclusive.
Belgian magazine 'Joepie' ran a small blurb in their last edition on Avril and Deryck attending a recent U2 concert in LA. According to the piece, Avril started to cry and had to be consoled by Deryck after the show.
Credit: avrilbandaids.com
What a bastard. He forces her to go to a U2 show?!? Asshole. I'd cry too.
A Justin Hawkins Rant
Omg, Justin Hawkins is fast becoming the best ranter in rock today! This feud with Coldplay is epic.
The Darkness have attacked Coldplay's Chris Martin over his involvement with the Make Trade Fair campaign. Singer Justin Hawkins has also slammed Martin's contribution to the Band Aid 20 single "Do They Know It's Christmas?" last year.
Speaking about the Coldplay frontman's charity work, Hawkins said: "This 'make fairs safe' stuff he does gets on my nerves. It's all just a bit cheap."
He then went on to have another dig at Martin saying: "During Band Aid, Chris swanned in, stayed for about 20 minutes... we were there for two days and worked our behinds off."
Hawkins told The Sun, "He obviously didn't care. I got the sense he was just doing it to raise his profile."
Former Darkness bassist Frankie Poullain, who was sacked from the group in May, has also come under fire, with Hawkins branding him as "talentless".
"We all know the truth about Frankie -- he's talentless," he said. "We're still talking about the settlement but he'll always claim more than he's due. He sectioned himself off from the group. Then, when he was sacked, he believed it was role to be devil's advocate. He's vain and paranoid."
Credit: ultimate-guitar.com
Yeah, the Darkness's basslines were simple "follow the riff" stuff. And Frankie was an annoying tryhard douche with a gay moustache.
Bono's Ego
U2 frontman Bono has proclaimed that he'd rather be remembered for his music than his activism. He said the following in an interview at CBS' "60 Minutes", that aired Sunday:
"I think my work the activism will be forgotten. And I hope it will. Because I hope those problems will have gone away".
Since 1999, Bono has helped persuade Republicans and Democrats, presidents and lawmakers, to provide millions to help end the scourge of AIDS, eliminate poverty in Africa and forgive Third World debt, reports ABC News.
The Irish rocker also predicted that his music will still be around in 100 years, explaining that his songs occupy "an emotional terrain that didn't exist before our group did."
And Bono said he has no intention of slowing down. He noted that people in rock 'n roll burn out at age 40, and said he wanted to see if his band could continue making "extraordinary" music.
"You know I'm still hungry," said the 45-year-old winner of 14 Grammy awards. "I still want a lot out of music."
In other news, U2 have announced the first dates of their ongoing Vertigo tour for 2006, including their first Australasian shows in eight years. The "Vertigo 06" tour will also take in shows around Mexico, South America and Japan.
Dates for the Australasian dates are as follows (tickets go on sale on December 5):
03/17 - Auckland Ericsson Stadium
03/21 - Brisbane Queensland Sports & Athletics Centre
03/24 - Melbourne Telstra Dome
03/28 - Adelaide AAMI Stadium
03/31 - Sydney Telstra Stadium
Credit: ultimate-guitar.com
Sweet, they're not coming to Perth. And the only thing "extraordinary" about U2's music is how extraordinarily gay it is! LMAO.
Jack White Is A Nutcase
Following his criticism of his band's "spoilt" fans, Jack White has praised the UK as their tour comes to an end. White, still referring to himself as III Quid, claims the duo are beginning to miss the USA and its "hundred grand candy bars", according to Xfm Online.
In a message on the band's website, White explained, "Penny Farthing [Meg White] and I took a walk today, around the island, and breathed fresh air. We're running out of things to do in the world, running out of places to play, and running out of air for our lungs. Feeling good as ever though.
"Penny and I miss America, did you know? Maybe Penny should be Miss America? We miss the Grand Canyon, the Grand Tetons, and hundred grand candy bars.
"Penny and I are sad that we have to take a break soon," he added. "It takes so long to play the whole world doesn't it? Why haven't we played in India? Why haven't we played more in Indiana? What is indie? What is mainstream? Is it sane to play mainly on the plains or only to the lonely?"
Speaking about the live versions of single 'The Denial Twist', which have been recorded at every show on their current tour and are available to download, White commented,
"We've been thinking too, we've been handing out CDs to download 'The Denial Twist'. Every night we do it different see, for kicks and newtons. We have done seven different versions of 'The Denial Twist' so far this trip. If you weren't fortunate enough to get one handed to you, you can get it this week I think. No one tells me anything though, so consult your local congressman.
"We are happier now than ever Penny and I, these trips have lit up our faces, all around the world. From Kansas, to Canada, from Mexico to Manchester. We're even stopping in Iceland to play on the way home. How about that?
"Never thought that would happen. Then again, I never thought I'd hear 'Seven Nation Army' played on the bagpipes. Though, I still haven't. Plenty to look forward to and I'm well chuffed.
"III Quid."
In other news, Fuse 100% White Stripes show will premiere Monday, November 21, at 2:30pm ET. To find fuse on your cable system visit fuse.tv. The show repeats:
11/21, 9pm ET
11/22, 1am ET
11/23, 2:30pm ET
11/24, 5:30pm ET
11/26, 9:30pm ET
11/27, 4am ET
11/27, 2pm ET
11/27, 9pm ET
11/30, 2:30pm ET
"The Denial Twist" will be featured on Fuse's Daily Download on November 23 at 6:00pm. Then, as previously reported, WS will appear on The Daily Show on December 1, on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on December 2. "Walking With a Ghost" holiday maxi single will hit stores on December 6."
Credit: ultimate-guitar.com
Penny Farthing? Hahahaha. The White Stripes should have their own TV show.
The T-Recommended Album of the Week: Slash's Snakepit - Ain't Life Grand
When Guns N' Roses were working on the follow up to 'The Spaghetti Incident', Slash presented a bunch of tracks to Axl which got rejected. Slash decided to take the songs for himself and work on a side project, which became called Slash's Snakepit. They released their debut 'It's Five O'Clock Somewhere' in 1995. Two years later, frustrated by Axl's ego and need to control everything, and preferring to play a classic rock style based on the likes of AC/DC and Aerosmith to Axl's growing interest in industrial music, Slash left GnR. In 1999, the Snakepit reformed with a new members, including former Warrant and Ratt guitarist Kerri Kelli. In the following year the Snakepit's second album, 'Ain't Life Grand', was released.
This is, in my opinion, the best hard rock record of the 00s, beating out Muse's 'Absolution' and Tool's 'Lateralus', as well as anything from the Foo Fighters, Audioslave and Wolfmother's recent debut album. Singer Rod Jackson ain't no Axl, but he suits this style of music brilliantly and with some of the most masculine vocals I've ever heard. Slash is great as ever with his solos, but it's his riffs and songwriting which real steal the show here, with some supremely crafted hard rock gems. "Been There Lately" kicks off the album lick a punch in the face. "Just Like Anything" is a catchy tune about sleazy Hollywood life. "Shine" is the best song on the CD. "Mean Bone" is hard-hitting hate filled track about bitches who walk all over you. "Serial Killer" is a tune I would have expected to hear from Space rather than Slash's Snakepit, but it works, and features possibly the best solo on the album. The title track is another highlight, an old-school swingin' track which is just really cool.
It is also worth noting that this album pisses all over Velvet Revolver's 'Contraband'.
The T-411: 9.5/10
The Tollah Toplist
This week, the T-Bomber's most controversial Toplist ever: Top 8 Reasons Why Punk Sucks!!
8. The refusal to develop as a genre
This is gonna piss a few punk fans off, but it's true: pop-punk, hardcore, emo and all that stuff are part of the punk genre. They are. Not all punk can sound like the Ramones or the Clash, genres have to develop. Many punk fans who like the classic style won't admit that pop-punk and emo are part of their genre, but they are, and not accepting that genres develop and change is a backwards attitude. Look at metal. Metal started off as simply a sub-genre of rock, but has developed so much since the 70s that today it is seen as a seperate genre to rock, and one with many sub-genres of it's own such as power metal, doom metal, black metal etc. They don't all get along. Thrash metal fans may see power metal fans as nerds, for example, or classic metal followers may write off doom metal fans as lame goths - however, they still accept that their styles of music are part of the metal genre. Punk fans don't. There is a ridiculously huge underground/internet scene for emo/scene/hardcore or whatever, so much so that I would say punk is now a genre seperate to rock - however, fans of the old-school style of punk refuse to accept it what is nothing but closed-mindedness.
7. Clothing/hairstyles
Punks always have ridiculously stupid or gay styles, right from the huge purple mohawks of the olden days to today's little emo fucks in their tight shirts and ugly pants. You don't see fans of other styles of music dressing so ridiculously (you could argue goths, but goths listen to music based on their lifestyles, whereas punks live lifestyles based on their music).
6. The instrumentation
If the songwriting, vocals or lyrics were any good, the crap instrumentation could be forgiven. Unfortunately for punk, that's not the case, so you have a genre full of losers who can't play for shit.
5. Pop-Punk
Pop-Punk is horrid. Fortunately it seems to be dying off now - unfortunately, emo is replacing it. More on that lately. Suffice to say that Good Charlotte, Blink 182, Simple Plan, Sum 41 and Yellowcard are the most horrible influences on the music genre, and young rock fans, in the last 5 years.
4. The vocals
There is absolutely no excuse for punk singers. There is no reason at all that they should all want to sound the same. Americans don't have cockney accents and shouldn't sing with them. Pop-Punk is even worse. They all sound like that snot-nosed little bitches. Why does no-one in this genre want to sing or play well? Is trying to be a talented musician so foreign to these bands?
3. Green Day
Enough fucking Green Day already. They're not particularly bad, but they're not particularly good either.
2. The lyrics
There are two types of lyrics in punk. Liberal/anti-conservative/anti-america lyrics for old school punk bands, and whiney high-school lyrics for new ones. Both are shit. I don't want to hear about your completely unoriginal political views, no matter how fashionable they may be, and making songs about them is just lame. Write some love ballads, kthx.
1. Little emo fucks
I can't even be bothered ranting about these little turds. I hate them so much. I'll just say this - some emo chicks have ridiculous numbers of pictures of emo guys making out on their profiles on various profile websites, making this the gayest style of music ever.
The T-Interview: Metallica
Golly, do I have a treat for all my T-Fanz this week or what?!? I managed to score an interview with all 4 members of Metallica. Instead of editing it down into a proper 'interview style', I have decided to leave it in it's raw form as the chatroom transcript where I got to meet and talk to the guys. Enjoy!
tbomber enters the room
tbomber: Hey guys, great to meet you all.
theulrichmachine: i told him about it, he should be here soon
tbomber: Well let's get started anyway. First question: Lars, after all your recent crusades against Kazaa and file-sharing and the like, I am surprised you would agree to this. Is the fight against the Internet finally over?
theulrichmachine: omg, it is. i luv the internet. i get to meet all of metallicas fans, i luv those guys, i owe them my heart
kirkie: lolz i love u guys
jaymztallica: lol dont stand behind me kirk
kirkie: lolz
jaymztallica: lol fag
theulrichmachine: lol
rtrujillo enters the room
theulrichmachine: whats everyones myspace?
jaymztallica: www.myspace.com/metallijaymz
theulrichmachine: www.myspace.com/larsissocool
kirkie: omgz guyz, what is this?
rtrujillo: hey ne fine girls in here press 69 or pm me
theulrichmachine:its a really cool website where u can meet metallica friends and stuff
tbomber: Hey Rob.
kirkie: kewllllllll
rtrujillo: hey asl
kirkie: 41/m/America
theulrichmachine: 44/m/America
tbomber: Rob, as the newest member of the band it must be difficult following in the footsteps of Metallica's former bass players.
jaymztallica: 44/m/metallica!!!!! Lol
theulrichmachine: lol
rtrujillo: wot
jaymztallica: what bass players
theulrichmachine: jeff newstead and that one who died
jaymztallica: oh yeah
rtrujillo: ne ladies wanna see my 12 inch cock pm me or press 69
kirkie leaves
theulrichmachine: lol this is an interview rob, my friend!
metallicagirl6969 enters the room
tbomber: Wow, what an eloquent answer. James, rumours have been flying around about you working on a solo album. Is there any truth to that?
metallicagirl6969: heyz lolz.. any sexy metallica bass players wanna send me pictures of their cock?
theulrichmachine: lol
theulrichmachine: haha i bet thats kirk
metallicagirl6969: nuh uh ;)
rtrujillo: hey sexy ill send u pics hang on
metallicagirl6969: k
theulrichmachine: lol rob thats kirk
rtrujillo: wot
rtrujillo: hang on sexy ill email them
jaymztallica: yeah i have been working on a country album it should be good. im working on a title for it. i am considering "...And Country For All" or "Ride The Cowboy"
metallicagirl6969: thx
metallicagirl6969 leaves
kirkie enters the room
theulrichmachine: lol that was u kirk
kirkie: no it wasnt lolz
theulrichmachine: what wasnt?
kirkie: that metallicagirl chick
theulrichmachine: how do u know about that chick when u werent here
kirkie: uhhh... lolz... u guyz... =)
tbomber: Okay fellas, thanks for a great interview. Good luck for the future!
tbomber leaves
Tollah's Big Day Out Thoughts
Well, the 2nd Big Day Out announcement has been made and it was pretty lacklustre. The full lineup for Perth looks a little something like this:
The White Stripes, Iggy & the Stooges , Franz Ferdinand , Kings Of Leon , The Mars Volta , Soulwax, AFI , 2 Many DJs , Sleater-Kinney , The Magic Numbers , The Living End, Gerling, Dei Hamo , Magic Dirt, Cut Copy, End Of Fashion, Faker, The Grates, Youth Group, Wolf & Cub, Mudvayne , The Go! Team, The Subways , Mylo (Scotland), James Murphy , The Greenhornes , M.I.A., Shihad , Wolfmother, Kid Kenobi, Shureshock, Hilltop Hoods, Cog, Beasts Of Bourbon, Sonicanimation, Sarah Blasko, Airbourne, Ajax, Jason Midro, The Presets, Snowman, Kill Devil Hills, The Avenues, Saritah, Stars Don't Fall, Antistatic, Red Jezebel, The Dirty Secrets, The Fault, Em Dee
Not too bad. Count me in for the Stripes, the Stooges, the Mars Volta, Wolfmother and Sarah Blasko. Should be a very good day provided there are no timetable clashes.
Mailbag
Good column, but I gotta call you on a major oversight to your list of top 20 piano songs.
Clearly you're going for hard rock, but you leave out a major omission in that genre--understandably so because they never got the major radio play that other bands have. Savatage was and is a killer band and they have a number of great piano-based tunes such as Gutter Ballet, Believe, as well as some piano-only songs such as A Little Too Far and Heal My Soul. If you're into hard rock/heavy metal, check out this band now.
Besides that, there was a major, more popular omission. How can you have great rocking piano songs and not include Billy Joel? I'm not talking about his 80's synth era, but the 70's stuff, which was awesome. At the very least, Piano Man should be at or near the top of any list of piano songs.
I shall honour my first ever fan mail by downloading each song mentioned and rating them out of 10 in my next column. Stay tuned!
Plugs
Jared McGuckin continues his string of quality columns with one about bands he doesn't 'get'. I don't 'get' Queens of the Stone Age, the Doors or the Velvet Underground.
Ian Wright writes his last ever column for 411. Fare ye well, Ian... fare ye well.
Brandon Ratliff is the new co-editor for 411Music. Congratulations Rattie!
Juggalos Jones is a wikked wikked klown... ICP are awful.
Melchor interviews Hatebreed. I saw them at Big Day Out last year and thought they were terrible. 2-Ball liked you guys, though.
Dusty Godwin talks about the Sex Pistols' greatest album. Punk sucks.. didn't we already discuss this?
Last but not least, Shane Viars selects a discography of Operation Ivy. I always read this guy's name as Shane Vicars.
