Music: A to Z 11:27:09: X, Y and Z are for… (the End is Here)
Posted by Chris Crowing on 11.27.2009
…the X-Factor (including Girls Aloud, Kelly Clarkson, Will Young and more), Yusuf Islam and finally ZZ Top & Frank Zappa with an additional rant on Mosh Pit Etiquette
This weeks was a toughie because as we reach the end of the alphabet, the noteworthy bands tend to thin out. I was going to bend the rules and talk about Static-X (who should properly be filed under S, for silly hair) until I realized that I didn't have anything to say apart from ‘entertaining if second rate nu-metal band, cool hair' – but I remember the collaboration with them, Linkin Park and some producers, under the X-ecutioners moniker which was fun, so...
… instead I decided to talk about the X Factor, and the reality-TV-search-for-a-music-star phenomenon in general.
For Y, my first thought was to talk about Yes, but yet again, there isn't that much to say. Instead I went for one of the most recognisable and respected singer/songwriters of the last fifty years, the esteemed Yusuf Islam, who you might now better as Cat Stevens.
Lastly for the letter Z, as if I was going for an awesome triple word score on Scrabble, I plumped for a mash-up between the iconic ZZ Top and the eccentric Frank Zappa. Doubtless I'll think of someone worthier as soon as I submit this but hey that's editorial journalism…
Mosh Pit Etiquette
I've been to a LOT of gigs this year, and I've noticed that quite irrespective of the band onstage, my enjoyment can be greatly enhanced or destroyed by the nature of the crowd.
At Metallica, Skunk Anansie and Alice in Chains an old-school rock crowd has made me feel secure, knowing that even should I fall in the pit, I'll be picked up and sent on my way, but at 36 Crazyfists and Slipknot a younger, more arrogant and aggressive crowd, made me less than comfortable in trusting my wellbeing to the communal joy of violent movement.
At Orbital, a crowd who was just there to hear the music and dance, made it great fun but at the Prodigy a crowd full of thugs completely destroyed my enjoyment of what was an excellent show.
Now, I'm no old man, and I have no issue with the injuries that can occur at shows, and I've borne hard-won pit scars for weeks afterwards and had no complaints. My problem comes from that fact that there seems to be a generation going to gigs who have no respect, no due care for their fellow gig goer, and seem to think the rock show is all about getting wasted and hurting people. This will not suffice.
Some basic rules will improve gigs for everyone.
1- Act unto others as you would like them to act to you. For example, do not kick people, burn them with cigarettes, ping a girls bra etc.
2- Do not push people into the pit who don't want to go. It isn't fair or funny.
3- Do not have your own personal pit outside the main ones - people stand at the back to calmly watch the show and take a breather, not to get knocked over by an idiot who is scared to brave the real pit.
4- If someone goes down, help them up - next time it could be you.
5- Do not take a drink into the pit - a spilt pint is a slippery pint.
6- Do not, under any circumstances engage in 'hardcore dancing' - it is the bitchiest, most arrogant thing I've ever seen and makes you look like a retarded monkey. Spinning around flailing your elbows and aiming spin kicks is not hard or manly, it is not an expression of your desire for personal space, it is just a way to try and hurt people around you while minimizing the risk of getting hurt yourself.
Trust me (and ALL my friends feel the same) if I'm in a pit and some little prick elbows me in the head or spin kicks me in this way (accidents are accidents though, and quite excusable), it will become my personal mission to put you down, and a rugby tackle into a spinning pit as a truly righteous judgement.
7- Do NOT lean on the people around you - placing hands on a smaller person's shoulders is a very mean thing to do.
8- Do not crowd surf wearing a wallet chain - I am amazed that there has never yet been a notorious fatality or serious injury when someone gets this looped around their neck.
9- If someone wants out, help them out. It's just polite, and if someone faints or gets hurt, there is every chance they will be seriously hurt and/or the gig will be stopped or even cancelled. Nobody wants either of those things.
10- Treat girls at gigs with respect. If they are in the pit, they can probably take care of themselves. That said, groping girls in the press should be repaid with a severe beating.
11- Don't stand in the middle of a Wall of Death and dare people to take you out. You only deserve what will happen to you
12- Don't be a bitch if you get hurt by participating in a pit, wall of death etc. It's to be expected, is part of the game, and it is the sign of TRUE manliness (or whatever girls in the pit want to call it) to take such injuries with good grace, rather than trying to dropkick or glass someone who stumbled into you. It is only proper to take offense if someone has broken one of the above rules, and acted like a dick deliberately setting out to case harm etc but there is a level of acceptable violence/damage in the pit. That's why it's the PIT!
Basically, DON'T BE A DICK. I tend to notice that most of the bad behaviour at gigs comes from insecure guys who want to prove their manliness, either by causing harm to those smaller than them, or rampaging around on the fringes where they won't get hurt but they can act like the hard man at the rock show.
Fuck them. I love watching bands, and I love surrendering to the flow of the pit, and walking home a bit bruised (or sometimes worse) but I can't stand these smug, whiny bitches who try to pull the whole thing down.
It really damages my calm, and I hope you all feel the same.
* Please note, all 'Best...' designations are merely this writer's opinion, and stand as a recommendation for new fans, rather than an attempt to make a definitive statement. I'll likely change my mind by next week anyway.
the X Factor… (well reality TV music shows in general
The talent contest has always been with us. I'm pretty sure that cavemen used to stand on a rock and perform tribal bellows for the appraisal of their peers and become ‘grunter of the year.' Sadly, little has changed.
Television has been used from the very start to promote the new musical acts of the day – who can forget the Beatle's legendary appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show, the Monkees own TV show and up to the modern day the way S Club 7 had their own show and the likes of Cradle of Filth, Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons turned to TV for some extra exposure, with varying degrees of success.
The two ideas had to come together with a vengeance, and they did with the advent of Popstars, leading to Pop Idol, leading to Popstars: the Rivals, leading to Fame Academy, the X-Factor and American Idol and a thousand variations of the theme worldwide, like P-Diddy's Starmaker.
My regular readers will know that I tend to be VERY hard on disposable, manufactured pop music and with good reason. I'm going to get this rant out of the way first…
I feel that music for the sake of sales, especially secondary sales such as selling merchandise, magazines, phone calls or whatever is a horrid evil, to be reviled, despised and stamped out. In my world view, music should be done for personal fulfilment first, the entertainment of others second, and coming a distant THIRD is music as a commercial enterprise.
Of course many wannabe pop-stars would say that they seek fame (note: they seek FAME, not musical expression) FOR personal fulfilment, as if this is any kind of justification. In my eyes it's an admission of a terrible hole inside yourself leading to a craving to fill that void with the fake, fickle and empty adulation of others. That said, as a musician myself I desperately want what any successful band has – to see the crowd lapping up your music and loving it, singing every word back at you.
For me, fame is an unwanted side effect of success, for those who would be POP stars, fame is the only desired end result and they do not care if their songs are shallow, devoid of craft and emotion etc. etc.
You get my point.
On the flip side, there is always the tenuous possibility that a genuine, passionate talent who has not made it because of whatever reason (lack of opportunity, just being overlooked) can break through one of these shows, and gain some well deserved recognition. As a rule, I prefer to believe that for all the dross that happens in the charts, the talent and passion will out – perhaps not to the stadium level, but if you have talent and passion, you will play anyway, wherever you can and be contended.
So, while I should hate the whole enterprise of reality TV music talent shows, I find myself sucked into the X Factor every single year and as such cannot condemn the whole phenomenon out of hand. The fact that some very acceptable acts have come out of these shows only makes this resolve stronger, so in order to give fair ear to every aspect I'll split those acts who I can remember who've issued from this phenomenon into three easy groups, cribbing from one of 411's flagship programmes.
Please note, the majority of these acts come from British reality TV shows, as I'm only tenuously aware of what goes on American TV, unless folks are hitting each other...
the Right
- while I might not be the biggest fan of these artists, they have either managed to impress me with their ability, quality of songs (whether that is down to the artist or their production team – this IS pop music after all) and a sense that they genuinely like music.
Girls Aloud
Probably the most successful reality TV show alumni so far easily outpacing their co-winners from Popstars: the Rivals, and while they are image-first, disposable pop music, they have managed to craft a series of hit singles with enough interesting ‘tronic beats and capable vocals that they don't make my fingers itch.
From debut single "Sound of the Underground" through decent tracks like "No Good Advice" and "Biology" to the utter silliness of "Something Kind Oh" and "Can't Speak French" they are probably one of the least offensive pop acts on the go today.
Add to that their incipient solo success, with Cheryl Cole already a cross-media darling through her stint as a judge on the X Factor, the fact that Nadine and Kimberley are very talented singers who must be a tad green that the less impressive but more marketable Cole has beaten them to a solo release and Sarah and Nicola are both branching out (into acting and cosmetics respectively) and they are the very picture of success in this format.
Will Young
I remember being really happy that Will Young won the first series of Pop Idol, because I hated Gareth Gates with a passion. However, it was also because he was clearly a talented and passionate singer with a few degrees more interest in the craft and presentation of his work than most wannabe pop-stars display.
After his contractually obligated series of cheese-pop releases ("Evergreen", "The Long and Winding Road"), Will's career has shown a noticeable upswing with a series of quality singles (especially "Leave Right Now" and "Your Game") and from his second album Friday's Child onwards I've liked pretty much everything he's done.
He has also embarked on an acting career with some success, and I have a creeping feeling that he'll do VERY well in musical theatre - I can just see him as Billy Flynn in Chicago...
Kelly Clarkson
(I think) the first American Idol has always impressed me. Not the best singer, but she delivers every note with passion, energy and character which is worth a thousand of the interchangeable bloodless, dead eyed divas who keep cropping up these days especially in these shows.
The fact that when she decided to break away from her manufactured pop origins, she decided to work with one of my favourite songwriters (Ben Moody) was always going to be a credit, and I've always really liked "Since U Been Gone."
The fact that she was told to re-record one of her records (I can't remember which, but I think it was Breakaway) as her pop management thought it unsuitable, but she stuck to her guns, and became a bigger star as a result. There is a lesson in that for all starry eyed kids who end up singing soulless crap, cause they've been told it's good for their career...
Lemar
Despite coming third on the first series of Fame Academy, Lemar has been easily the most successful graduate of that show. Following the show, he took a year out to prepare his record resulting in a strong album, which garnered success in the UK charts and 'earned' him a Brit award (for all that is worth.)
His work and worth has continued to rise, and he has become one of the smoothest and pleasing to the ears voices in the British Urban Pop scene.
Leona Lewis
Ok, this lady is probably the biggest success to come from the X Factor and perhaps even the entire genre of reality TV show graduates.
While Leona's stunning voice is enough to engender wonder, her key aspect is that she comes across as a real person.
Too many diva's blessed with a four-octave range, and an ability to hit and hold a top C end up become arrogant, otherworldly bitches (Carey, Houston - I'm looking at you) and/or end up 'singing to their voice' rather than 'singing to the song.'
Leona's voice retains human character instead of mechanical perfection and is all the warmer and more appealing for that. Even without that, her international success over two records is undoubted and her soon-to-go-on-sale world tour will doubtless sell out within hours.
It's nice to see a humble, talented girl getting this kind of break...
the wRong
- these artists either failed utterly at the opportunity given to them, and/or have become the personification of bland, manufactured, soulless pop.
Gareth Gates
The manufactured sob-story from the first edition of Pop Idol. I was never impressed with Gareth Gates voice, thought his conveniently disappearing, reappearing stutter was a callous mechanism to pull votes and he always came across as the kind of kid who would smile sweetly at teacher, then turn and bully someone further down the social ladder. Yes, that's an irrational personal dislike, but he's not done anything in years, so I feel karma has won out...
One True Voice
The male winners of Popstars: the Rivals were decimated by Girls Aloud in their chart battle. For some reason, Louis Walsh thought that a super-bland male melody vocal group could beat out the streetwise dance pop that Girls Aloud produced - fail. That is perhaps unfair on One True Voice, who were all good singers, but their management led them to be the blandest, most uninteresting band possible (of course, Walsh has had tremendous success with this formula with the hated Westlife) and their beating at Girls Aloud's hands was so severe they dissolved almost immediately...
Steve Brookstein
The winner of the first season of the X Factor should have been a triumph that an 'older' act could win, given that Brookstein was 35 when he won the show. However, despite the success of his debut album and single, a second single was never released and he was dropped by Song BMG after refusing to do a second album full of covers. Brookstein's later independent efforts have failed to set the heather on fire.
I feel a bit bad putting him in the wRong grouping, given that his lack of continued success comes from his desire to rebel against the 'rinse, recycle, repeat' pop model. Ho hum...
Hear'say
The act that started it all, the winners of the original Popstars. Their success was assured in the short term, although the group swiftly imploded following Kym Marsh leaving the group with a series of poorly received releases and botched marketing moves. To be fair, they were bland and terrible while they did exist, and looked very lopsided as an act from a visual perspective, especially once Marsh was replaced with Johnny Shentall...
puRgatory
- these artists showed potential worth, then failed to capitalise on it.
David Sneddon
The winner of season one of Fame Academy his debut single and record did well, then he packed in being a pop star to become a song writer. As a rule, I approve - you get handsomely paid to play and write music, and don't have to deal with crap like fame. That said, the show WAS called Fame Academy...
Alexandra Burke
The winner of last year's X-Factor comes across as the cut-price Leona Lewis, and seems to have decided it's best to escape the comparison by producing second rate urban pop. It's a waste of her lovely voice, and previously classy demeanour to suddenly be doing songs I could sing and wearing street skank outfits.
JLS
Runners up in last year's X-Factor, I was impressed by JLS' showing on the show, their tight harmonies, and humble personalities. They have proven successful with their tour for next year a sell out already and their singles "Beat Again" and "Everybody in Love" hitting the top of the UK charts. They are only in puRgatory because I feel they could do better than super bland r'nb.
Alex Parks
The winner of Fame Academy season 2, impressed me on the show with her soulful voice, and tendency to convey the melancholy and hope well in her voice.
Her material never had the anticipated success and her second album Honesty charted at 24 in the UK charts when her debut Introduction charted at 5. With 650'000 or so sales, it's no bad career but I'd hoped for a sustained career for her. Of course, she's still young (three years younger than myself) and could surface again. I hope so...
Liberty X
Formed from the losers in the final ten for Popstars, Liberty X ended up being more fun, and more successful than the winners Hear'say. With an edgier 'adult' sound compared to Hear'say's kiddie friendly approach, the singles "Doin' it" and "Just a Little" were some of the sharper pop music from their time period. However it didn't last, and the band failed to make any real lasting impact..
Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)
While his brand of laid back acoustic easy-listening has become easy prey for the cover-happy manufactured pop bands of recent years, I have long loved Cat Stevens and his restrained, soulful brand of acoustic music remains a lesson and inspiration to me.
His early albums (as Cat Stevens) are classics of the genre, especially Tea for the Tillerman being sublime examples of restraint and songwriting craft. The influence of these records can be heard in the work of artists as diverse as Radiohead, Coheed and Cambra (listen to "Wake Up" and tell my Claudio isn't a huge Cat Stevens fan) and Paul Weller.
His brave honesty regarding his religious conversion and name change has my respect, and he was one of the few sane voices following the 9/11 attacks, even playing at the Concert for New York City.
In recent years he has returned to the spotlight, promoting his excellent Roadsinger record with high profile TV shows. It's good to have you back, these kids need taught how to sing again...
Frank Zappa
What can I say about Frank Zappa that doesn't sound like mindless hyperbole. Ah hell, here it comes...
One of the most prolific, influential, interesting and talented musicians ever Zappa's exacting standards, eclectic taste and output, anti-authoritarian stance, irreverence and intelligence mark him as one of the most important figures in the development of alternative music.
put simply, if there was no Zappa, there would be no Tool, no Red Hot Chilli Peppers, no Alice Cooper, no Black Sabbath, no System of a Down... you get the picture.
I'll admit, I've never listened to Zappa in a focussed enough way to give genuine criticism (more in small batches or as background music), but what I have listened to tells me that he is a musician and visionary who I do not have the right or the language to critique as it deserves. He is also a mad crazy bastard with some of the most laugh-out-loud funny and what-the-frack-did-he-just-say lyrics ever committed to tape.
His statement when called to testify before the US Senate on the subject of the Parents Music Resource Centre is a classic...
"The PMRC proposal is an ill-conceived piece of nonsense which fails to deliver any real benefits to children, infringes the civil liberties of people who are not children, and promises to keep the courts busy for years dealing with the interpretational and enforcemental problems inherent in the proposal's design. It is my understanding that, in law, First Amendment issues are decided with a preference for the least restrictive alternative. In this context, the PMRC's demands are the equivalent of treating dandruff by decapitation ... The establishment of a rating system, voluntary or otherwise, opens the door to an endless parade of moral quality control programs based on things certain Christians do not like. What if the next bunch of Washington wives demands a large yellow "J" on all material written or performed by Jews, in order to save helpless children from exposure to concealed Zionist doctrine?"
Bravo sir. You did great work, and are sorely missed. We need more of your kind.
ZZ Top
Let me be frank at the close. I'm not a big fan ZZ Top, but I simply couldn't finish an A to Z of Music without paying small homage to a band who's name has not one but TWO Z's at the start.
One of the most iconic rock bands of the last century, ZZ top have serious credentials as blues players (Billy Gibbons is one of THE greatest blues guitarists to walk the face of the earth in my not-so-humble opinion) but have also shown the nous to update their sound as time moved on.
One of the few blues/rock bands to incorporate electronic elements, their use of click tracks and electronic instruments on Eliminator and Afterburner set them ahead of the game. They are also well known for a distinctive, overdrive guitar tone which many modern acts have tried and failed to replicate.
They are also one of the bands to first realise the potential of MTV, with their distinctive image (BIG beards, and their cherry red Ford hotrod) pushed "Gimme All Your Lovin'" and "Legs" to the top of the charts.
Never a personal favourite, but I need to pay homage to ZZ Top's skill, legacy and the sheer achievement of being a seventies rock band who still have the same line-up. That takes some doing...
Onto your comments, and first up BLACK tries to reassure me with I think EVERYBODY thinks "Super Charger Heaven" is called Devil Man, but thats ok, the fucking song rocks.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one to have laboured under that misapprehension. That said, it's one of many - for instance I'm sure that the lyrics at the end of Tool's "Stinkfist" are NOT - 'Lie, cheat, steal / I'll break, something' - but I still love that song...
Next up, dave says Whitesnake FTW!!! ...
Do I really need to respond to that?
Regular contributor skinead_bufty had this to say You know even though I've enjoyed pretty much every White Stripes song I've heard I've never bothered to get one of their albums, that should really change. You should also look up Jack and Meg in Coffee and Cigarettes there's also a great scene in that film with Iggy Pop and Tom Waits.
Hey wait a freakin minute. No Tom Waits?! Go listen to (Looking For) The Heart of Saturday Night, Jockey Full of Bourbon, Alice and Franks Wild Years you naughty Crow you! Go now!
Frank settled down out in the valley and hung his wild years on the nail he drove through his wife's forehead......
Despite many people's passionate testimonials, including some of my dearest and most respected friends, I have yet to really get into Tom Waits. I can hear the quality, but I just haven't found any traction for loving him, yet...
...but with that lyrical snippet you've fed me, you just KNOW I'll be investigating further.
and lastly Sailor castigated me with No Wolfmother, but there's Westlife...
WTF
I included Westlife so I could have a good old rant about how much I hated them, and why. It's not like I was saying they were GOOD.
Wolfmother on the other hand are to me, just another indie-rock band with one semi-memorable single. If there is more to them, then please gimme a quick run-down on their qualities and I'll maybe give them a better listen.
That said, their only notable single was entertaining, and in the name of placating you...
That's all for this week, thanks for reading and I'll see you next week for the resurrection of 'As the Crow Flies' where I'll offer up some little-known gems for your delectation!
Well thats it, the end of the alphabet. Its been an interesting set of articles Mr Crow, I'm expecting my curiosity to be peaked again in the future.
Frank Zappa hated most of his fans you know. He could not stand any kind of hippy or drug culture at all and thats who ended up being his biggest fans. I'm sure there a column in that idea somewhere.........
Posted By: skinead_bufty (Guest) on November 29, 2009 at 07:07 PM
