411 Music Fact Or Fiction 11.26.09: Eminem, Michael Jackson, Britney/Amy, Busta, Miley, Adam Lambert!

Posted by Ben Czajkowski on 11.26.2009

Who would you rather lick gravy off of: Bald Britney Spears or Boob-Enhanced Amy Winehouse? Is Eminem delaying his new album a good thing? Are you thankful for Michael Jackson's contribution to music? Or the Adam Lambert kiss on the AMAs? 411's Ben Czajkowski and Mitch Michaels debate these topics and more in the latest edition of 411 Music Fact or Fiction!

Welcome to 411Music Fact or Fiction! Another awesome day in the 411Mania Towers. I'm your host, Ben Czajkowksi.

I am joined by the esteemed Mitch Michaels. Again. He and I are debating this week's question set. Again. Whooooo! It's a good one, too, folks.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you American folks.

Alright, let's do this!

READY?! FIGHT!!

Round 1

Question: The delay of Eminem's Relapse 2 means that he's going back in the studio to make it even better.

Ben Czajkowski: FACT.

Eh, what's a small delay until 2010 for someone who JUST put out his first album in a few years? Yeah, Relapse had some decent tracks, but some of them were just awful. And the accent that he's using to rap? I hope he loses that fast. From what I hear, Relapse 2 didn't involve any Dre beats. So, if he's back in there, using some Dre stuff, sure, I'm okay with the delay. Plus, maybe this will open the door for Dre to get some of his own shit onto the market. Then they could tour together! That would be a dream come true...So, bottom line: he's making it better. I mean, just listen to how awful the included track is.

Mitch Michaels: FICTION.

I think Eminem just spoke too soon thinking he'd have a new album to release, especially considering that DJ Hero comp is being promoted now too.  I think Em is definitely in the lab retooling here and there, but I think that the delay was simply a matter of promising something you couldn't deliver.  On the plus side, it gave a logical reason to reissue an album that JUST CAME OUT and have people buy it again.

Score Card: 0 for 1

Round 2
Question: Even if the music industry is "dying like cancer is killing it," a new Busta Rhymes' Chemo isn't going to heal it.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. Yeah, Busta Rhymes isn't fixing shit. If anything, he's a heart complication on top of the cancer more than he is the cure. It's good that he has a positive spin to it, but let's face it, it probably isn't going to do well. Can't say I'm sorry about it. The only thing that is going to fix the music industry is a government bailout.
Mitch Michaels: FACT . I'm not a Busta hater, but the fact is that the guy is far on the other side of his sell-by date.  Back On My B.S. barely made a blip and has yet to sell half as many copies as the commercially relevant rap stars do in their first week. Busta is just using a hot button issue - the change in music sales - to promote his own album, the same way Nas moved copies of Hip-Hop Is Dead without actually doing anything to fix it with his album.  The Chemo will be nothing more than a catchy title of an album that failed to perform. Look for Busta's next joint - Hospice - to drop in 2011.
Score Card: 1 for 2

Round 3
Question: It's a shame Miley Cyrus wasn't in that tragic bus accident, dead or otherwise.
Ben Czajkowski: FICTION. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with fiction on this one, too. If she had been on there, and she had died or would have been hurt, the media would have fucking run with it for weeks and months to come. Then there would be Disney specials, movies, tributes, legal battles… Wait, this is starting to sound really familiar. Like I've lived through it before and didn't particularly enjoy it the first time.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. And never grow up into the fine, legal, mess of a piece of ass we know she'll turn out to be?  Wait till we finally see her naked before you put a death wish on her, Ben!
Score Card: 2 for 3

Round 4
Question: You're thankful for the music and genius that Michael Jackson imparted on us before his death.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. Fuck it, guy's been dead since June.  On the day after, I did the obligatory download of The Essential Michael Jackson.  I listened for a little bit thinking, yeah, he really was a pop genius.  Then "Ben" creeped me out.  Then "Bad" just started to make me laugh.  Then I remembered why I didn't dig that dated sounding shit to begin with.  Michael Jackson was a great dancer, great entertainer.  But others have done it since and they'll keep doing it in the future. Thriller was an amazing album, but there will be others made.  And those guys might not even be pedos.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT . Wow, I feel like I touched a nerve there on Mitch. Or maybe he's just tired of posting news about MJ. Regardless, Michael Jackson is the premier entertainer of a LIFETIME! He's the Beatles of this generation, taken from us too soon. His ability to out-perform, out-create, and out-master any other pop-wanna be has proven that. Michael Jackson is proof that you don't have to look like Justin Timberfuck to sell records; there is such thing as talent.
Score Card: 2 for 4

Round 5
Question: You are thankful for that Adam Lambert kiss at the AMAs. Eat your heart out, Madonna and Britney. (Read 1)(Read 2)
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. Fuck that - like any hetero guy who's telling the truth, it made me wanna puke.  But whatever.  My favorite part is how Lambert is completely refusing to understand why you can't simulate a blowjob on network television - gay or otherwise.  Think about it - Brit and Madonna gave us a lame kiss.  Brit danced with a snake.  What rocker has gotten their dick sucked??? Fucking nobody.  Sure, we've got the air humping dance moves, the barely there outfits, but Americans have always drawn the line at oral - that's for late night Cinemax and the internet when the wife's in bed, thank you very much. Adam Lambert can eat shit and die.  He'll just sell a bajillion copies of his album along the way.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. Wow, it looks like my counterpart is a repressed homo and a flaming asshole for that response. It's okay for two girls to kiss (woooo) but when two guys do it, holy shit; it's the end of the fucking world. You know, shit happens, and this is just fodder for what has been a really sultry record release season, since September. Sometimes, stunts happen, planned or not. If you're appalled by two dudes kissing, then you need to really reflect on why something like that bothers you. And don't say, "because the Bible says so!" The Bible also says you shouldn't eat certain types of food you love and not to cut your hair. YOU CAN'T BE SELECTIVE ON WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO PREACH!
Score Card: 2 for 5

Round 6
Question: You would rather lick Thanksgiving gravy off crazy, bald Britney's head than off of Amy Winehouse's awesome new rack.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. I am just sitting here amazed that this question is essentially "which would you rather lick gravy off of".  Bald Britney kind of creeped me out - I need some hair to pull after all.  Amy is nasty, but if those nice big new boobs were covered in gravy, I'd be all in - who cares if the last little bit would taste a little like crack and her ex-husband's very recent jizz?  The real question is whose ass I'd rather eat mashed potatoes off of - Shakira or Beyonce?
Ben Czajkowski: FACT . I'm going to have to go with Britney on this one. A bald woman is definitely less appalling than anything about Amy Winehouse. Maybe because I have that diaper image of her stuck in my head. Or the image of Eminem making out with her in one of his videos. Regardless, at least Britney is hot, bald or not. She might be a little skanky, but her head runs less of a risk of giving me an STD as I'm licking that hot gravy...
Score Card: 2 for 6

Anything you agree with? Disagree with? Sound off in the comment section.

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week!