411 Music Fact Or Fiction 12.03.09: Rihanna, Oasis, Doherty, Boyle, Ashlee/Jessica, Bizkit!

Posted by Ben Czajkowski on 12.03.2009

Is Rihanna encouraging girls to send their boyfriend naked pics a good thing? Did Peter Doherty mean to offend Germany with Nazi stuff? Is Susan Boyle having the biggest album of 2009 really that surprising? Do you wanna see Ashlee and Jessica Simpson fail? Should Oasis carry on? Will a new Limp Bizkit album be a success? 411Music's Mitch Michael's and Ben Czajkowski duke it out in a rematch from Thanksgiving!

Welcome to 411Music Fact or Fiction!

If there's one thing we learned last week it is that Mitch Michaels and I have several differences when it comes to how we approach current music news. And who would we rather lick gravy off off…Anyway, we're back again this week, Mitch and me, to duke out a fresh set of questions. And duke we do!

Alright, let's do this!

READY?! FIGHT!!

Round 1
Question: Pete Doherty never meant to offend anyone in Germany. (Read 1) (Read 2)
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. Of course Peter Doherty meant to offend the audience; any idiot can see that. He was probably high as fuck or drunk out of his coked out British skull. Maybe a combination of both. Who knows? Either way, you don't go out onto a German stage and start singing their national anthem, first verse and all, without knowing a little about it. Proof is in the fact that his father was a British officer who was stationed on Germany. Odds are, Peter picked it up somewhere.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. The thing I used to like about Pete Doherty is that the guy did not give a fuck.  I mean, seriously.  He was investigated for fucking MURDERING a guy, and he's still out there making music.  Doherty is also a big time war buff.  It's obvious from his father's military past and some of his known interests.  So how would he know the German national anthem without knowing that the first verse was a no-no in Germany.  Now, was that verse really that offensive?  Not to me - let the German's think their country is above all other lands.  I feel the same way about the US - it's patriotism.  But whatever - they don't like it and he knew it.  It's Pete Doherty, you should expect that.  But to see the guy back pedaling (through a publicist) and saying he didn't know?  I thought you were better than that, Pete.
Score Card: 0 for 1

Round 2
Question: Susan Boyle having the biggest sales week of the year is the biggest surprise of 2009.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. There were plenty of solid albums that came out this year from big ticket bands and artists. Setting some records selling so many copies, Boyle really has become a huge flash in the music industry's pan. I can almost hear the label piranhas licking their lips over such a juicy meal ticket. Just proof that sex doesn't always have to sell. An album of covers selling this well is good; their established songs: "Amazing Grace", "How Great Thou Art," and even "Silent Night." What a perfect family album for grandma's stocking stuffer. And is that… "Cry Me A River?" Holy shit. The real proof is really going to be if she can sell an album of her own material. Guess we'll find out in a couple years.
Mitch Michaels: FACT . I wish I could say I wasn't surprised, but even after the record hit stores and blew up in the UK, I still kinda thought it might not hit so hard here.  It's not the fact that Susan Boyle is ugly (but boy howdy is she).  The fact that she's got an advertising machine behind her like "Britain's Got Talent" ensured her moderate success.  But still - an album full of pop standard covers hitting the pinnacle of success?  Is it the 60's again?
Score Card: 1 for 2

Round 3
Question: You want Jessica and Ashlee Simpson to fail.
Ben Czajkowski: FICTION. Why would I want people who have already failed to fail even more? These two haven't accomplished anything notable with their lives. So I can't say, "I want to see them fail." Because, as far as I'm concerned, barnacles on the ass of the Society Fail Whale aren't even worth talking about. No idea why they haven't died off yet.
Mitch Michaels: FACT. Joe Simpson - I do not want your daughters to fail in a personal way.  But I do want to see people who are successful fall on their face.  It's my human side.  Still, I could give a fuck about Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, who somehow became more popular by being knocked up by the faggy bass player of a second rate pop/rock band.  She could win an Oscar and I wouldn't give a shit about those B cups and her demon spawn.  However, I do NOT want to see Jessica Simpson fail, because she's only famous for being blonde and exceedingly hot.  She's never had a giant hit, never been in a giant TV show, never done anything but wore a bikini and fucked a quarterback.  But we love her for that because she's got a great rack.  And failure would mean losing that great rack.  Time will eventually take it from us - it's inevitable.  But I want to keep it in the spotlight as long as we can.
Score Card: 1 for 3

Round 4
Question: Rihanna encouraging girls to send naked pics to their boyfriends is good for everyone.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. Call me the odd man out here, but it makes me kind of sad that sending pics of yourself naked is now a typical part of dating.  Maybe I'm just jealous - I didn't get a naked pic of Ms. Michaels until we'd been married for seven years.  But it's more than that - I guess I'm old school, but I remember getting to see chicks naked as a hard thing to do.  Now it's just another way that teenage girls have to get attention.  Just another way we've lost the beauty and intrigue that is woman.  That may sound weird coming from a guy that just devoted a paragraph to Jessica Simpson's tits, but the truth is that she sells her body.  Every girl doesn't need to do that.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT . Loss of beauty and intrigue? Yeah right. Women are a fucking enigma wrapped in a conundrum with a side of batshit-crazy. They could be covered in ranch dressing and sucking on an eggplant sensually and we'd still find them intriguing and beautiful. Sending naked pics, if you're over 18, is a perfectly fine thing to do, in my opinion. What else is MMS for? Those bathroom-mirror pics or above-the-head-looking-down shot are commonplace now, and they offer so much more than those fucking pay-for-porn sites. Just be careful who you send them to. There are vengeful exes who will post you on ex-girlfriend-naked blogs or amateur porn sites with a black bar across your face.
Score Card: 1 for 4

Round 5
Question: Liam Gallagher carrying on as Oasis is the right thing to do.
Mitch Michaels: FACT. Usually when someone integral leaves a band, it's a tough call if that band should continue.  In this case, I don't think it is.  Despite the fact that Noel wrote the songs, Liam's voice is what we think of when we think of Oasis, so it's not like the SOUND will change.  The band just needs to work harder on writing or maybe bring in some outside songwriters.  Besides, Noel left THEM, not the other way around.  It's not like we're fucking with something important here - Oasis hasn't released an album that anyone anticipated since Be Here Now over a decade ago.  If anything, seeing how the band fares without Noel will probably generate more interest in the band's next album than anything they could have done with him.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. I don't know if it is the right thing to do, but it is the sensible thing to do. Oasis is an established group, especially overseas, and all of the controversy and feuding will probably only help to fuel sales a bit. Plus, when the next album flops and Noel's solo album tanks, they'll be back together in less time it takes you to trim your pubes. Then they'll be all "I missed you!" and things will be euphoric all over again for them. Plus, they're brothers; they'll work their shit out.
Score Card: 2 for 5

Round 6
Question: The new Limp Bizkit album will be a huge success.
Mitch Michaels: FICTION. I'm not a Limp Bizkit hater.  The band knew how to pound out a radio hit, and that line-up is back.  However, that was the 90's.  There were a lot of bands that could kick ass ten years ago who can barely get arrested now.  Despite their massive differences, the template for this Limp Bizkit comeback is Creed.  Huge hits in the 90's, long hiatus, obnoxious frontmen...more alike than you'd think, huh?  But look at how Creed's big comeback went - the band couldn't sell seats or get radioplay to save their life.  It's with no great happiness that I say Fred Durst and the guys will have to climb a similar mountain.  And that's the unquestionable truth.
Ben Czajkowski: FACT. It's extremely hard to say that this album will be great. The optimist in me wants it to be, though. I really enjoyed The Unquestionable Truth: Part 1, despite its brevity. Logically, though, over the last five-plus years, plenty has changed. Durst has gotten married, done some film work, and had some life experiences. Borland put out a solid record with Black Light Burns. Worked with Manson. Had a feud with Manson. And I'm sure the other members have done stuff, too. This won't be 1999 and "Faith" or "Break Stuff" or lyrics about assholes. Okay, maybe about assholes. But the red cap needs to make a reappearance; the music scene needs its bad boys back. The image has become soft. Bring on the Bizkit, I say! I'm willing to put my opinions aside for this one. So, in my optimism, I am going to say: success.
Score Card: 2 for 6

Anything you agree with? Disagree with? Sound off in the comment section.

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week!