411 Music Ten Deep 2.05.10: Top Ten Fictional Bands

Posted by Andrew Moll on 02.05.2010

From Spinal Tap to Dethklok and from Stillwater to Wyld Stallyns, check out the list of the Top Ten Fictional Bands in this week's edition of 411 Music Ten Deep!


(Disclaimer: All opinions are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of 411 Music and its staff.)


Hello and welcome to the twenty-eight edition of 411 Music Ten Deep as we recover from the craptastic night known as the Grammy Awards. I'm not sure who decided the winners of these things but I can tell you they're not particularly bright. Nothing against Taylor Swift, but there's no way that was even close to being the best album of the year, despite probably being the best out of the five that were nominated. As for the performances, I'm sure I would have enjoyed Drake, Eminem and Lil Wayne's performance a lot more if CBS hadn't decided to bleep out every other word. All in all, though it was something that happened on television, and that's about all that can be said. Before we move onto today's column, though, let's look at the feedback to last week's Top Ten Double Albums.





Well I guess i'm not surprised that this schlameel didn't list one hip hop double album in his list. Wu-Tang Forever couldn't even get an honorable mention? Are you from the Baby Boomer Generation or something?
Posted By: Boner in Sweat Pants (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 01:43 AM

The problem I have with Wu-Tang Forever and also All Eyez on Me and Life After Death is that they all play into the problems I have a lot of recent hip-hop albums in that they're just too long. A lot of the time they're just packed with too many useless skits, but my overall feeling is those albums could all use a bit of editing to become even better than they are.

where's the wall?
Posted By: Guest#4120 (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 01:37 AM

This list is absolutely and completely invalid because there isn't a single mention of The Wall--except as an honorable mention.
Posted By: Michael L (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 12:50 AM

Yeah, no Wall? Are you serious?
Posted By: Anthony (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 01:53 AM

I've never been a huge Pink Floyd fan, so unlike some people I don't worship at their altar. (Not that any of you do, I'm just making a general point.) I know by the end of this Feedback section I'll sound like a broken record, but it would be much better to me as single album with only the best stuff left.

Regarding this weeks subject. You do realize music was made after 1985 right?

How about some diversification - 2pac All Eyez on Me, Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie, Outkast - Musicboxx, Bunch of options with Rush, Soundgarden - Superunknown.

Are you seriously saying not one hip-hop album has made any impact or influence as lets say Godspeed.

And last but def not least the Zep with Physical Graffiti. Maybe you should be the one who stops hugging the Beatles nuts and recognize they arent among the best in everything.

Honestly you should put a disclaimer at the beginning of your column saying

TOP 10 - MUSIC BY WHITE ARTISTS FROM 1960-1980 GIVE OR TAKE 5 YEARS.
Posted By: Beatles suck, give me the Zep (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 06:25 AM

Yes, because Led Zeppelin weren't white and didn't record in between 1960 and 1985.

Simply put, the White Album made the list and Physical Graffiti didn't because I think the White Album is better. Easy as that. Contraty to popular belief, the goal is to get the list as close as possible to what I think and not make it fit into some narrative or something. Believe me, I could make these things as obscure as humanly possible but not only would it drive people away, but it wouldn't be accurate or representative of my tastes. The same goes if I made a lilst that was just repeating a list anybody else could give of stuff everybody knows.

I could be wrong, but I think I remember hearing in a Minutemen documentary, that the creation of Double Nickels on the Dime, especially the name, was in response to Zen Arcade. At any rate, it is awesome to see them both make the list. The rest of the picks are great too!
Posted By: henry chinaski (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 12:41 PM

According to Michael Azerrad's excellent book Our Band Could Be Your Life, it was a response to the news that the Huskers had just recorded Zen Arcade, so they pumped outmore songs and made their own double album. The name is actually meant to make fun of Sammy Hagar who positioned himself as a bad ass rock star because he refused to drive the speed limit; so the Minutemen would be the sqaures that stayed right at 55.

OH, I forgot to mention this album in my last comment.. Have you heard Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' "Lyre of Orpheus/ Abattoir Blues"? That is a great great double album.
Posted By: Guest#2394 (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 04:36 PM

I haven't heard it in awhile, actually and forgot about it when making the list. I do love me some Nick Cave, though.

Where is NIN's The Fragile? That deserves a nod too, if only an honorable mention.
Posted By: NIN fan (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 12:43 PM

Sorry, but as with many of the albums that got mentioned, it should be dited down into one great album and not two equally good albums



Top Ten Fictional Bands



The Oscars are just around the corner, so I'm planning on having some movie-related lists this week as we approach the big show. Not every week, I don't think, but there will still be some cool stuff. This week we focus on fictional bands that despite not necessarily being real, still know how to make an impact. In fact with some of these bands the music itself ended up being very real and also very, very good. As always, though, before we get to that we must first get to this week's honorable mentions:


Some Honorable Mentions: The Archies; The Be Sharps; Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution; Dudez-a-Plenti; Faith + 1; The Folksmen; The Lone Rangers; Otis Day and the Knights; Steel Dragon




10. Citizen Dick


Cameron Crowe's 1992 movie Singles featured a number of songs from the just-emerging Seattle scene, as Pearl Jam, Mudhoney, Alice in Chains and Soundgarden all contributed to the movie's soundtrack. But the movie itself documented the rise of an unheralded group known as Citizen Dick. Alright, so the band plays a secondary role to the main story that concerns the romantic lives of a group of Seattle twenty-somethings, but that doesn't keep their brief time together on screen from revealing a young band ready to rock Portland and any other city willing to play home to their new brand of rock and roll.





With lead singer Cliff Poncier leading the way and backed by Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard and drummer Eddie Vedder (all of them apparently moonlighting from their regular gig as members of Pearl Jam), Citizen Dick were apparently huge in Europe, Belgium specifically, as they expanded past the "Seattle sound." Unfortunately, as their peers were becoming he rock stars, Citizen Dick never hit it big with classic tracks like "Touch Me, I'm Dick" but Singles immortalized a certain moment in time when the face of rock and roll was changing and let a little known band like this get their just due in history.





9. Soggy Bottom Boys


Everett, Pete and Delmar escaped from a chain gang one day in order to retrieve a treasure that Everett once hid before his incarceration. This set off a series of events that coincidentally resemble the story of Homer's The Odyssey, which I'm sure never crossed the mind of Joel and Ethan Coen when they were making O Brother, Where Art Thou? One thing that never happened in The Odyssey was the recording of what would become a hit song while helping the soundtrack win a Grammy Award for Best Album of the year. After coming across a young blues guitarist named Tommy Johnson, who sold his soul to the devil in order to become a great musician, the three men join Johnson in a recording studio.





What happened next was instant magic as the group recorded a version of "Man of Constant Sorrow," a folk standard originally recorded in 1913 by Dick Burnett. Initially planned as a way to make some quick cash, the song eventually becomes a massive hit. Not only that, but after a rousing surprise performance, the governor of Mississippi pardons the men and publicly endorses the band. Helping expose his opponent as a white supremacist may have helped their case, but there's no doubt that "Man of Constant Sorrow" enabled the men to become free. Many decades later the song's video would become a hit and win multiple awards, giving it a deserved second life.





8. The Rutles


The names Ron, Dirk, Stig and Barry roll easily off the tongue of every fan of rock music. In 1963, by the time they had nineteen of the top twenty singles in UK Singles Chart, Rutlemania was taking over the world and so began the greatest creative and commercial run in the history of popular music. From A Hard Day's Rut to Ouch! Sgt. Rutter's Only Dart's Club Band to Tragical History Tour to Let It Rut, nobody could compare to the Rutles. Sure, many bands tried, including a similarly named band that also hailed from the Rutles' native Liverpool.





Numerous people have documented the popularity and cultural dominance of the band, with a documentary that aired on both NBC and the BBC in 1976 doing the best job of showing just how great and influential the Rutles were. It expertly details the band's rise to fame and all their triumphant and infamous moments, from selling out Che Stadium in New York to Ron claiming the Rutles were bigger than a then-unknown Rod Stewart their increasing dependence on drinking tea to the lawsuits that helped tear the band apart which culminated in Stig O'Hara accidentally suing himself. Retrospectives and reunion appearances have followed in the years since as more and more young rock fans become aware of the importance and greatness of the Rutles.





7. The Wonders


The Wonders, or Oneders as they were originally known, are a cautionary tale in the world of rock and roll as they achieved instant stardom but couldn't handle the pressures of fame almost as soon as they got there. The group, with Jimmy Mattingly on lead vocals, Lenny on guitar and an unnamed bass player had a spiffy little ballad called "That Thing You Do," but needed a drummer for an upcoming battle of the bands. Enter Guy Patterson, a local drummer of some notoriety that was more of a jazz drummer, but agreed to join the group for a one-time gig. Unfortunately when it came time to perform, Guy's adrenaline got the better of him and his up-tempo drumming turned the ballad into a danceable hit that wins the contest. Things only build from there as the song became an area hit, getting the attention of Tom Hanks who agrees to sign the band to his Play-Tone record label.





As the band began playing across the country, "That Thing You Do" started to fly up the Billboard charts. Fame, women, movie roles and attention all came quickly to the Wonders, but the young men weren't equipped to handle the pressure and responsibility. Band tensions began to emerge and take over the band as they prepared for their first appearance on national television. That would signal the end of the band and they would be lost to history, just another one-hit wonder with a instantly catchy song. Fortunately that song is still great every time you hear it and it's very likely the Wonders would have had more hits just as good if they had been able to stay together.





6. Dethklok


Billions of Dethklok fans have helped make the band the world's greatest cultural force in addition to being one of its best metal bands. They have become so proficient and popular that they have the seventh largest economy in the world, a feat that I'm pretty sure hasn't been matched by any other band. Something like that allows the band to do pretty much whatever they please, whenever they please and since they have their own police force, they're sure not to ever face the repercussions of their actions. So even if they leave a trail of destruction and dead bodies behind them, nobody seems to mind and nobody is held responsible. In fact, all these actions just seem to make people love Dethklok more.





That kind of fame can lead to stunning devotion from its fans who will do anything for the band, including buying any product they may endorse and even killing the governor of Florida for crossing lead singer Nathan Explosion. Dethklok's popularity has shown no signs of waning despite the hopes of the Tribunal, but the more people seem to go against Dethklok, the more popular they become. They have become arguably the most powerful entity of any kind in the world and have used that power for seemingly no good whatsoever and while simple things prove to be troublesome, nobody is better at going on stage and just melting people's faces off, sometimes literally.





5. The Commitments


In the early 1990's, there was a bit of a renaissance of great American soul in the legacy of Aretha Franklin, James Brown and more. It's not surprising that great music like that returns to prominence, but the fact that it started to come back in Ireland does seem a bit surprising to me, at least. But that's what happened when manager Jimmy Rabbitte put together a modern Irish soul group; he auditions a number of musicians and eventually comes upon his full lineup. All the members are white and only one of them was an established musician, but that doesn't stop the band from trying to accomplish their goal of reaching the same heights as their idols.





One of the goals of the band is to meet and impress one of those idols, Wilson Pickett and as we see, their version of "Mustang Sally" certainly appears as if it could impress anybody. Unfortunately they just miss their chance as Pickett shows up at their show just after the band has broken up. As is the case with many bands real and fictional, egos got in the way of the band's success and they never ended up fulfilling their promise. That doesn't diminish what the Commitments accomplished because there was a magic in their performances as they captured the spirit of great soul music through and through.





4. Wyld Stallyns


A lot of bands can make great records, make a lot of money, play a lot of concerts, get a lot of women and even profess to try and change the world. But there's only one band that can actually save the world, and that's Wyld Stallyns, a group initially made up of two high school slackers known as Bill and Ted, who will grow up to make the music that is the center of the Utopian society of the future. As unlikely as that sounds, it apparently is true so the two guys needs to make sure they pass history class in order to remain together and keep the band going. Wacky hijinks involving George Carlin, time-travelling phone booths, Socrates, Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln and a number of other historical figures follow with the end result being Bill and Ted acing their report, passing the class and being well on their way to saving the world.





Things would only get crazier for the band as they would later have to deal with evil robot versions of themselves, a game with Death, an alien that can multiply good robot versions of themselves and more oddball stuff. If any band can survive all that, they certainly deserve be the leaders of the future. As the end credits of Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey show us, every conceivable move the two make impacts the world in some massive way. That kind of power doesn't come along very often but thankfully Bill and Ted would improve drastically as musicians and make sure the future is safe in their hands.





3. Stillwater


Stillwater was on the brink of breaking through to the mainstream when Rolling Stone sent a fifteen year old aspiring journalist to cover the band's 1973 tour of America. What happens over the course of Almost Famous details the hope and potential of rock and roll as Stillwater seeks to achieve their dreams while that young journalist starts to become a man. Armed with songs like "You Had to be There" and the instantly awesome "Fever Dog," it's clear to see why Stillwater were about to see massive success. On the other hand, they do have to deal with many issues along the way, from inter band squabbles to near electrocution to the influence of a slimy new manager.





At the heart of many of the band's issues is the relationship between guitarist Russell Hammond and singer Jeff Beebe; it becomes clearer that despite Beebe's status as the front man, it's Hammond that is the star as the band's new t-shirt prominently features him and not the rest of the band. But as with many of the problems the band deals with in the movie, the band sticks together and eventually finds themselves on the cover of Rolling Stone. Unfortunately for them, the story details every bad and indecent thing that happens over the course of the story and they end up denying the whole thing. Thankfully Hammond would see the light thanks to Penny Lane and would make things right. So the band ended up on the cover, became big stars and even made things right in the end, just the way it should be.





2. Eddie and the Cruisers


Before there was Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band there was Eddie and the Cruisers, the original working class New Jersey band that hit it big in the mid 1960s. Working on their craft in Jersey clubs the band, which recently added a new keyboard player to round out their lineup, began to really find their groove as lead singer Eddie Wilson improved as a songwriter. The group's first album Tender Years was a huge hit thanks to the great single "On the Dark Side." But as the band's popularity grew, so did the problem with Wilson. Eddie has a real rebellious streak at heart and has trouble doing what people tell him, which is fine for palyaing rock and roll but not always great for being in a rock and roll band.





After his record label rejected the dark sophomore effort A Season in Hell, Wilson's car crashed and he was never seen again, disappearing along with the master tapes to that second album. Years later, as a television special is being done on Wilson and the Cruisers, those master tapes are finally discovered and released, with Wilson's singular musical vision finally being released and being appreciated for the genius that it was. As the end of the movie Eddie and the Cruisers hints and the sequel Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives explicitly tells us, Eddie Wilson would eventually return and attempt to reclaim his spot as a rock legend. No matter what, though, it was Wilson who paved the way for all the great bar rockers to come over the years.





1. Spinal Tap


Despite numerous breakups, name changes, negative reviews, and drummers, Spinal Tap have persevered for five decades, becoming arguably the preeminent band in all of metal. Their epochal film This is Spinal Tap details the tough life of a rock and roll band and all the ups and downs they go through. Whether it's getting lost on the way to the stage, being upstaged by a puppet show, humiliated by a dancing dwarf, flummoxed by simple geometry or dealing with accusations of being sexist, or "sexy," we get to see Spinal Tap as the people that they are and not just eh rock gods we know them to be. The film allows us to see the Spinal Tap we never knew, willing to show themselves to the world through their wonderful stage show and their off stage lives; and we even get to witness their wonderful equipment like guitars we're not allowed to look at and amplifiers that go to eleven.





As everybody knows, Spinal Tap began in the 1960s as The Originals and then the New Originals before becoming the Thamesmen and hitting it big with "Gimme Some Money." The band would then become Spinal Tao and make the flower power anthem "Listen to the Flower People" before finding their true calling as a metal band. Classic albums like Intravenus de Milo, Rock ‘n Roll Creation, Shark Sandwich, Smell the Glove, Break Like the Wind and more would follow as Spinal Tap became one of rock's most beloved acts, especially in Japan where they remain hugely popular. Spinal Tap have proven over the years that nothing, not exploding drummers or tiny pieces of bread or bizarre gardening accidents, will be able to stop them. There has never been and never will be a band quite like Spinal Tap.


That'll do it for this week folks, thanks for reading. If you have any questions, comments or concerns feel free to let me know, and make sure to leave your own lists in the comments. I'll see you all next week. And if you're out on your bike tonight, do wear white.