Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 02.12.10

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 02.12.2010

Idol Chatter featuring the whole Stern thing and Ellen in the big chair, John Mayer’s hood pass, the Michael Jackson manslaughter trial, Lil Wayne’s teeth, Lindsay’s gf smacks her bitch up and more! Plus, Kara DioGuardi vs. Sarah Harding in Battle of the Babes, a Valentine’s Day playlist sure to get you laid, chart news and the Piece of the Week celebrates Black History Month!

Holy fuck if it ain't good to be back. I've gotten snow upon snow since we last got Quick ‘n' Dirty, and I'm really hoping this weekend will be different. I'd complain about shoveling and all that, but I pay a motherfucker to plow my driveway cause THAT's how I roll.

Anyway, you didn't come to hear me jibber jabber about the weather (but if you did, there you go). So let's get to some site happenings:

Another great week over at 411 Music Fact or Fiction, with veterans Dan Marsicano and Michael Melchor going at it. Neither of them like MGMT as much as I do, but both agree LiL Wayne ain't gonna be behind bars long.

Second, we've got yet another great, Motley Crue related contest going on, promoting Nikki Sixx's new radio show. I haven't gotten a chance to check it out yet, but it started this week. If you want some great listening and reading material, click here to enter.

Third, the lovely Ms. Jeannie Michaels put together a really great interview with OneRepublic frontman Ryan Tedder this weekend. Check it out here. Some very interesting observations about today's mainstream music scene in there.

Fourth, I branched out a little this week and took on Trace Aber over at 411 Games Fact or Fiction. Click over there to see if I made it look like I knew what I was talking about.

And, as always, make sure to follow us on Twitter (Mitch, 411mania, 411 Music) or Facebook (Mitch, 411mania). How else will you know how many times I nailed your girlfriend over Valentine's Day weekend?

Now, let's get to it. It's quick, it's dirty, it's news.

Let's go…



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

A lot of big things going on in the music world this week. I'm gonna kick off with Ellen DeGeneres making her debut as fourth judge over on "American Idol" –

Though, technically, since she's replacing Paula, doesn't that automatically make her the second judge? Or did Randy and Kara get promoted up a notch when Paula left. Something to think about.

I know it's not "cool" to watch "American Idol". I know every snobby music writer has to preface any Idol Chatter with "I don't watch the show, but…". Well fuck you, I have watched every episode this season. Except this week.

The snow has pretty much interrupted my life, so this week's "Idol" episodes are still sitting on my DVR. It's Hollywood Week, which is my favorite part of the show, because I love to watch young people's dreams be crushed. I mean, sure, you can say that it's the same format every year – people forget the words, one group fights, one group has a bitch that goes to another group, somebody cries on stage, etc etc etc.

But I don't care – I love watching people be told they aren't good enough and I've liked it for nine seasons now.

Anyway, I have watched a few minutes here and there and took note of one thing – Ellen sure doesn't say much. And since we all know "American Idol" is a show made by the people who edit footage together, that means they may not have wanted her to say much.

I could just shrug this off and reserve judgment for after I watch the episodes, but it appears I'm not alone.

Fellow judge (third or fourth, depending on how you look at it) Kara DioGuardi was interviewed this week. She didn't say much, but she did give us a tidbit about Ellen. She said she thought DeGeneres was "great" and that, because of editing, we hadn't really gotten a taste of how much ability she really has as a judge.

Reading between the lines, Kara has noticed Ellen didn't get a lot of talky time on her premiere either. Of course, we'll find out one way or the other once the show goes live. I kind of hope it is just nervousness on Ellen's part, actually. I'd hate to think their purposely tanking her to keep her out of next season already. The last thing "Idol" needs is GLAAD on their ass.

Except Ryan Seacrest, of course.


Gayest show on TV, I tells ya.

Fortunately, Kara had a little more to say about rumors that Howard Stern would be taking over for Simon Cowell next season. Kara pretty much stated that she didn't think Stern would work because he has absolutely no musical background.

While I agree that you DO need someone who knows commercial music like Simon, I don't think that's why Howard Stern wouldn't work. I think he'd be a brilliant piece of stunt casting, but in the end, Stern is just too shocking for a saccharine show like "American Idol". While Simon Cowell is "mean", Howard Stern is nasty. "Idol" appeals to the masses because it's so tame - sure, we all like to laugh at the fruits during the auditions, but once it gets serious, there aren't many people taking chances. And that's what America likes. They like "Ribbon In The Sky" and all that bullshit.

25 million or so people watch "American Idol" every episode. About 1.2 million people listen to Howard every week (usually only around a few hundred thousand per show). That's a big difference there. How many of those do you think intersect? And how much will Idol have to pay someone like Stern, who's already ridiculously overpaid over on satellite radio?

Of course, Fox has come out and said that, despite the rumor mill, they haven't even begun to think about Simon's replacement. That means that any name you hear right now is either someone else's idea or just someone lobbying for themselves. Perfect example is Madonna's manager – nobody was calling the guy to judge "Idol". It became a rumor he was favored because he WANTS them to call him. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing was going on with Howard. Good way to get your name out there, huh?

Anyway, I'll keep watching to see how Hollywood Week shakes out, and then after the first few eliminations, I'll be back to not giving a shit.

---

Oh John Mayer, you fucking idiot douchebag. You ran your mouth so much that you've finally – FINALLY – put your foot in it.

How do I hate thee, John Mayer? Let me count the ways. You sing like a pussy. Your first albums sucked. You bang hot actresses and talk about how you'd rather jerk off to Twitter. You think you're funny. And you've been making such good music lately that you've forced me to like you. Shitbag.

I'm sure you all know the story, but let's take you into it. John Mayer is promoting his latest album, Battle Studies. John Mayer's Battles Studies is not doing that well compared to his last album. Sure, it's been certified gold, but Continuum went double platinum. Being savvy, Mayer knows he's going to have to do some more promotion to give this album some extra oomph.

So he's been out there doing interviews – business as usual. But Mayer has come to the conclusion that, if he says weird things, people will talk about him. And if people talk about you, they buy your album. So a few weeks ago he said something about how he isn't good with relationships (despite banging several hot celebs) and would rather sit on his laptop and Twitter. This got a lot of press. So then in another interview (with Rolling Stone), he made some statements about looking at pictures of sexy guys online. That got some more press.

At this point, John Mayer thinks he's found the best way to success that doesn't involve Kanye dissing you or Chris Brown beating your ass. So, in an interview with Playboy that came out this week, when asked if black women throw themselves at him, John gave us this jewel:

"I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."

OK – I didn't see anything wrong with him not thinking black girls are attractive. I don't like Indian girls that much (not Native American, mind you, they're fucking hot) – that doesn't make me a racist. What happened, though, is Mayer tried to say it in a funny way. And you know what? He did, kind of. Bringing up David Duke and white supremacy is edgy, but it's worth a chuckle. If he'd made a white hood for his helmet head, that would have made it classic, but oh well – maybe next time.


Unfortunately, Mayer didn't stop there. See, the whole "black women throwing themselves at him" question stems from a discussion about how black people supposedly love John Mayer. This discussion led Mayer to say that he had a "hood pass", which I guess is sort of like Honorary Brother. Of course, John went on to observe:

"It's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n*gger pass."

Call it a n*gger pass?

Call it a n*gger pass?

Call it a n*gger pass?

Call it a n*gger pass?

(My little tribute to Jay Bower, wherever he may be tonight.)

I mentioned Kanye West and Chris Brown above. This may rank right up there as the Top 3 dumbest things a celebrity musician has done this decade. Maybe century, pending on all those Lil Wayne kids turn out.

I'm not one of those people who cry racism without reason. And I still don't see this as overt racism, because I don't think John Mayer's a racist. He's just a douche. A major douche. Like I said above, Mayer was trying to be funny. Dude thinks he's a comedian to go along with being an awesome guitar player, songwriter and Twitterer. Arrogant prick. Is he from Pittsburgh?

But a WHITE guy doesn't drop the N-BOMB when he's trying to be funny. Well, he might, but he doesn't do it in public. Not if he plans on showing up to work the next morning. It's not racist, it's fucking ignorant. Even the most moronic, racist white supremacist redneck inbred motherfucker knows that we don't get to say n*gger. We just don't. It's that way and it won't ever change, no matter how many generations of Obamas rule the country.

All the cries of racism over this – well, they're just not correct, but you're not going to see me coming to Mayer's defense. He deserves every bit of this. He wanted to be too hip for the room, now he's getting thrown out of the room.

Of course, he's already Tweeted a million apologies, and a video is making the rounds of the guy making a big apology while on stage. Mandatory, seeing as how the dude's got a bunch of black people in his band.

Further proof he's not racist. Plus, how can you love the motherfucking blues and be racist?!?

I think Mayer will be forgiven for this, probably quickly. But I'm glad he got his slap on the wrist. Just because you showed up on an episode of "Chappelle's Show" doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever you want. Actually, I guess he DOESN'T have a hood pass.

---

A few quick hits and I'm out…

The whole Dr. Conrad Murray/Michael Jackson thing is boring me. I get that there's going to be a trial and, most likely, Murray will be sentenced. He'll do a few years for being a really unethical doctor and never practice medicine again. It's a formality, and so is Dr. Conrad Murray. Michael Jackson had a SHITLOAD of money and he wanted drugs. Anyone with an Rx pad could have been Dr. Murray. Michael was going to take drugs and die no matter what. Only way this interests me is if it had been Dr. Phil.

Kid Cudi has officially apologized to the dude he punched at a concert last year. Kid said he was drunk and is now offering the guy a free trip to NYC to hang out. I don't know about you, but if some guy I don't know punches me in the face for no reason, then takes months to apologize for it, he's the last motherfucker I wanna hang out with. Unless there are theater tickets involved!

Breaking news!!!! Britney Spears was riding in a new car this week.


UNBELIEVABLE!

Lil Wayne gets to be free a few more weeks, thanks to the need for dental surgery. Turns out the guy got a bad grill, and the judge is letting him get it taken care of before getting locked up for a few months. Little does the judge know that this is part of an elaborate scheme to help Weezy chew through metal bars.

And finally, friends say that Samantha Ronson has a history of physically abusing Lindsay Lohan. So not only does Samantha get to live the dream of fucking Lindsay, she also gets to smack her when she's acting stupid. Seems like Samantha should be better than Zyprexa when it comes to evening Lindsay out.

---

This week, it was Sarah Harding MANIA, as the chick was showing up in a bikini more than…I don't know, a girl on the Swedish bikini team. Fuck it, I'm tired. She goes one on one with aforementioned "American Idol" judge Kara DioGuardi who – good God almighty! – did Maxim.




You guys know I think Kara is foxy as hell, ever since that whole bikini thing last year. These Maxim pics are kind of reserved, but I just have something when it comes to brunettes over blondes. Sarah definitely has the goods, but this time of night, I'm thinkin' fourth judge.

What do you think?

Valentine's Day Mix-Tape
This week over at 411 Music Top 5, they did a Top 5 Love Songs theme. I didn't get to participate, but I definitely liked the idea. When it comes to Valentine's Day – and you're a guy – there is only one end goal. Getting to that goal is possibly easiest on February 14th, but closing the deal is still far from guaranteed. Every little detail counts, from the color of your shirt to the length of your pubes to the scent of your car freshener. With all of that to worry about, I'm giving you one less thing by handing out these handy dandy V-Day mixtape that is sure to have the panties dropping by Track 7 if you've got the right moves.

Mitch's Valentine's Day Playlist
1	"Have I Told You Lately?"	Van Morrison
2	"You And Me"	Lifehouse
3	"Let's Stay Together"	Al Green
4	"Let's Get It On"	Marvin Gaye
5	"I Put A Spell On You"	Screamin' Jay Hawkins
6	"This Ain't A Love Song"	Bon Jovi
7	"Wicked Game"	Chris Isaak
8	"Nice & Slow"	Usher
9	"Justify My Love"	Madonna
10	"Wonderful Tonight"	Eric Clapton

QUICK ‘n' DIRTY CHART NEWS
NEW RELEASES FOR FEBRUARY 16, 2010

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY

Helping Haiti - Everybody Hurts Single - Another example of how shrewd Simon Cowell is. The whole Haiti thing is dying down, so Simon took the opportunity of this VERY dead week to put out his big charity single, a cover of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts". The song choice is a little odd, but I'm looking forward to this one WAY more than the "We Are The World" remake. It's an easy download, a familiar song and Susan Boyle is on it – this well sell.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE

As expected, Lady Antebellum continued to dominate this week, moving 200k+ on the back of an awesome sales week, a #1 country single and a well-received Grammy performance. Lil Wayne fell, but his sales were still higher than anticipated – he pulled around 175k to get to #2. Also, as expected, Nick Jonas and his Administration and Rob Zombie both got some top 10 love this week, coming in at #3 and #8. Nick's CD only sold around 82,000 – kind of hard to believe with the giant sales this group was getting not two years ago. Grammy buzz ruled the rest of the Top 10. Most notably, Zac Brown Band's album jumped up to #10, breaking the Top 10 for the first time. Taylor Swift popped back up at #7, but Beyonce stalled at #14.

Next week is already being called a winner for Sade. The band is looking to move in the 400k range to grab their first #1 since 1986. Holy fuck! Jaheim, Josh Turner, tobyMac and Celtic Thunder are all looking to score too. What the hell happened to that Valentine's Day soundtrack!

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY

Santana - Supernatural: Legacy Edition: I don't know why I've had such a hard on for this album lately. It's hard to believe this thing was out ten years ago. And if anyone says "Smooth" doesn't hold up, slap them in their stupid fucking face. "Smooth" rocks. This 2-disc reissue has a whole disc of extras, which includes 8 new tracks. Dave Matthews and Eric Clapton show up there. This motherfucker helped Santana win a record-setting eight Grammys in one night! You think you're better than that? You think this was all just a stunt – pairing a washed up guitar virtuoso with the hot artists of the day? Eight Grammys! What the fuck do you know???

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

BILLBOARD #1 SINGLES
CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP/OVERALL
HOT 100	Ke$ha – "TiK ToK"	18
RADIO SONGS	Ke$ha – "TiK ToK"	16
POP SONGS	Ke$ha – "TiK ToK"	17
HEATSEEKERS SONGS	B.o.B. feat. Bruno Mars - "Nothin' On U"	3
DIGITAL
DIGITAL SONGS	The Black Eyed Peas – "Imma Be"	8
RINGTONES	Young Money feat. Lloyd – "Bedrock"	8
R&B/HIP-HOP
R&B/HIP-HOP SONGS	Melanie Fiona – "It Kills Me"	25
RAP SONGS	Young Money feat. Lloyd - "BedRock"	13
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Josh Turner – "Why Don't We Just Dance"	25
ROCK
ROCK SONGS	Three Days Grace – "Break"	23
ALTERNATIVE SONGS	Phoenix – "1901"	31
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Colbie Caillat – "Fallin' For You"	27
ADULT POP SONGS	Train – "Hey, Soul Sister"	25
CHRISTIAN
CHRISTIAN SONGS	Kutless – "What Faith Can Do"	21
GOSPEL SONGS	Fred Hammond feat. John P. Kee – "They That Wait"	34
DANCE
DANCE/CLUB PLAY SONGS	Rihanna – "Russian Roulette"	7
JAZZ
JAZZ SONGS	Sade – "Soldier Of Love"	9
LATIN
LATIN SONGS	Aventura – "Dile Al Amor"	12
REGIONAL MEXICAN SONGS	Banda Los Recoditos - " Ando Bien Pedo"	8
LATIN POP SONGS	Carlos Baute Con Marta Sanchez - "Colgando En Tus Manos"	13
TROPICAL SONGS	Aventura – "Dile Al Amor"	24
INTERNATIONAL
CANADIAN HOT 100	Taylor Swift – "Today Was A Fairytale"	1
WEB
iLIKE LIBRARIES	Lady GaGa – "Bad Romance"	15
iLIKE PROFILES	Lady GaGa – "Bad Romance"	13
LALA.COM	Ke$ha – "TiK ToK"	13
AOL RADIO	Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift – "Two Is Better Than One"	9
YAHOO AUDIO	Owl City - "Fireflies"	16

	Mitch's Picks
	Neil Young – "From Hank To Hendrix (Unplugged)"
	Corrine Bailey Rae – "Closer"
	Santana feat. Rob Thomas – "Smooth"

Every guy has his right to an opinion, but John Mayer is really missing out by not giving the darker skinned ladies a shot. In honor of Mayer's fuck ups and bad taste – well, at least we don't have to worry about him stealing these girls from us – and, hell, in honor of Black History Month, check out our Pieces of the Week!

THE END

That's all for this week. Make sure to comment on what you liked, didn't like, etc. Till next week, keep your ears to the ground.